Only a few days left in the Winter Olympics. Two things I have learned from these games: Speedskater Shani Davis is sort of a jerk and the two-man luge has to be one of the most homo-erotic events I have ever seen. Let's wrap this up, NBC. Time to get back to the real stuff, like ...
"Survivor" (CBS, Thurs., 8:00): Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we get rid of the strong players and leave all the girls behind. In a story as old as Adam and Eve, the women of "Survivor" continue to lead the male castaways out of the Garden of Eden and into a torch-snuffing pit of humiliation. Resident black widow Parvati, left, has left a wake of men in her path. For some reason, men find her incredibly charming and she doesn't mind using her "assets" to get what she wants. But more about her later.
After the Heroes return from Tribal Council, Tom tells James he could've been a little more gentle in his tone with the ousted Stephenie. "I just wanna win," James says. J.T. pulls Tom aside and offers an apology for breaking his promise and stabbing him in the back by siding with his other alliance. And poor, poor Colby is letting his moral compass get the best of him. He thinks the game is bringing out qualities in him that he wasn't ready for this time around.
The next morning, all is quiet around the Heroes beach. Rupert secretly wished for rain because it would force them all to spend time together in the shelter. Instead, they are all off doing their own thing around camp. Luckily, some wayward chickens make their way into their camp and the guys all join together in catching them. Pause it: Nothing brings people together like fried chicken. Seriously. OK, maybe pizza. Tom proves he's still got the midas touch when he catches one with his quick hands. Rewind: Remember how he caught that baby shark on his season using his bare hands and his psychic powers?
With two straight wins under their belts, the Villains are still riding high. Boston Rob makes a very astute observation when he tells us that the way to figure out alliances is by watching to see who sleeps next to whom at night. Of course, who better to know than B-Rob. He is, after all, the guy who lost to his future wife Ambuh. Jerri is snuggled up next to Coach while Parvati is putting the moves on Russell. Pause it: Now I'm not one to gossip (much) but if I'm not mistaken, Russell has a wife and four kids. Why is he rubbing up on Parv like he's trying to build a fire on her arm? But it back in the sling, buddy. Coach, who somehow is the voice of reason, can see how people are mesmerized by Parv's charm and warns Russell to be careful with how the tribe perceives his relationship with her. Russell, on the other hand, is too preoccupied with proving that B-Rob isn't running the Villains' camp. He resorts to his "mind-control" tactics and hides the tribe's machete. He reasons that people will go crazy and it will cause dissension among the castaways.
At the immunity/reward challenge, it's a round of Sumo-style mud jousting, with the first team to eight points winning another safety along with luxury items from home, a week's worth of rice and coffee. Pause it: These people aren't brushing their teeth and you want to mix that with coffee breath? Good Lord!! The match-ups are pretty even, but there were some who didn't stand a chance against their opponents (James and Randy? Really?) Candice took Parvati down in a scrappy battle while Jerri basically threw herself in the mud running from Cirie. Coach thought he had the upper hand on Rupert, but was called for a do-over after using his arm to push Rupert from the podium. If you listened to James yelling from the sidelines, you knew the Heroes came to work out some aggression. "Get yo ass up!" he yells at Coach. "Whoop her ass!" he instructs Cirie. The Heroes rout the Villains, 8-0, giving them their first immunity win.
Back at camp, the Villains quickly begin tossing names around. Randy, right, is the o
bvious choice. He's the oldest player in the game and has no real alliances with anyone. But Randy knows that the girls will run the game if they don't eliminate the biggest social threat: Parvati. Tyson and Coach both want her gone. "Fear has never controlled me; flirting has never controlled me," Coach tells her. Jerri also goes gunning for her after Parv tries to bully her into revealing her vote.
At Tribal Council, Probst asks how much past relationships come into play when multiple players have been in the game multiple times. Most of the tribe is concern that Parvati has friends on the Heroes team, but B-Rob points out the advantage of going into the merge with someone who knows the other team. Others point out that Parv is also a previous winner. None of that seems to matter much though, as they all vote Randy out of the game. He shows his anger by tossing his team buff into the flames on his way out. BOOYAH!
Turn that up: Funniest line of the night goes to Jeff Probst. After calling a do-over in the Rupert/Coach match up, Coach gives him the finger and Probst tells him to "Take that anger and point it to the pirate, not me." Runner-up goes to Tyson. After losing to the Heroes, he says, " I guess they all ate steroid sandwiches ... I worried for their sanity."
CHANNEL SURFING
"Survivor" (CBS, Thurs., 8:00): Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we get rid of the strong players and leave all the girls behind. In a story as old as Adam and Eve, the women of "Survivor" continue to lead the male castaways out of the Garden of Eden and into a torch-snuffing pit of humiliation. Resident black widow Parvati, left, has left a wake of men in her path. For some reason, men find her incredibly charming and she doesn't mind using her "assets" to get what she wants. But more about her later.After the Heroes return from Tribal Council, Tom tells James he could've been a little more gentle in his tone with the ousted Stephenie. "I just wanna win," James says. J.T. pulls Tom aside and offers an apology for breaking his promise and stabbing him in the back by siding with his other alliance. And poor, poor Colby is letting his moral compass get the best of him. He thinks the game is bringing out qualities in him that he wasn't ready for this time around.
The next morning, all is quiet around the Heroes beach. Rupert secretly wished for rain because it would force them all to spend time together in the shelter. Instead, they are all off doing their own thing around camp. Luckily, some wayward chickens make their way into their camp and the guys all join together in catching them. Pause it: Nothing brings people together like fried chicken. Seriously. OK, maybe pizza. Tom proves he's still got the midas touch when he catches one with his quick hands. Rewind: Remember how he caught that baby shark on his season using his bare hands and his psychic powers?
With two straight wins under their belts, the Villains are still riding high. Boston Rob makes a very astute observation when he tells us that the way to figure out alliances is by watching to see who sleeps next to whom at night. Of course, who better to know than B-Rob. He is, after all, the guy who lost to his future wife Ambuh. Jerri is snuggled up next to Coach while Parvati is putting the moves on Russell. Pause it: Now I'm not one to gossip (much) but if I'm not mistaken, Russell has a wife and four kids. Why is he rubbing up on Parv like he's trying to build a fire on her arm? But it back in the sling, buddy. Coach, who somehow is the voice of reason, can see how people are mesmerized by Parv's charm and warns Russell to be careful with how the tribe perceives his relationship with her. Russell, on the other hand, is too preoccupied with proving that B-Rob isn't running the Villains' camp. He resorts to his "mind-control" tactics and hides the tribe's machete. He reasons that people will go crazy and it will cause dissension among the castaways.
At the immunity/reward challenge, it's a round of Sumo-style mud jousting, with the first team to eight points winning another safety along with luxury items from home, a week's worth of rice and coffee. Pause it: These people aren't brushing their teeth and you want to mix that with coffee breath? Good Lord!! The match-ups are pretty even, but there were some who didn't stand a chance against their opponents (James and Randy? Really?) Candice took Parvati down in a scrappy battle while Jerri basically threw herself in the mud running from Cirie. Coach thought he had the upper hand on Rupert, but was called for a do-over after using his arm to push Rupert from the podium. If you listened to James yelling from the sidelines, you knew the Heroes came to work out some aggression. "Get yo ass up!" he yells at Coach. "Whoop her ass!" he instructs Cirie. The Heroes rout the Villains, 8-0, giving them their first immunity win.
Back at camp, the Villains quickly begin tossing names around. Randy, right, is the o
bvious choice. He's the oldest player in the game and has no real alliances with anyone. But Randy knows that the girls will run the game if they don't eliminate the biggest social threat: Parvati. Tyson and Coach both want her gone. "Fear has never controlled me; flirting has never controlled me," Coach tells her. Jerri also goes gunning for her after Parv tries to bully her into revealing her vote.At Tribal Council, Probst asks how much past relationships come into play when multiple players have been in the game multiple times. Most of the tribe is concern that Parvati has friends on the Heroes team, but B-Rob points out the advantage of going into the merge with someone who knows the other team. Others point out that Parv is also a previous winner. None of that seems to matter much though, as they all vote Randy out of the game. He shows his anger by tossing his team buff into the flames on his way out. BOOYAH!
Turn that up: Funniest line of the night goes to Jeff Probst. After calling a do-over in the Rupert/Coach match up, Coach gives him the finger and Probst tells him to "Take that anger and point it to the pirate, not me." Runner-up goes to Tyson. After losing to the Heroes, he says, " I guess they all ate steroid sandwiches ... I worried for their sanity."
CHANNEL SURFING
- Stephen Colbert's "Vancouverage" of the Winter Olympics via "The Colbert Report" (Comedy Central) was freaking awesome! Having the Colbert Nation sponsor the USA Olympic Speedskating team was pure genius and provided him with some of his best material since his trip to Iraq for "Operation Iraqi Stephen".
- After these messages: Apparently Jimmy Johnson heard me laughing through his ExtenZe commercial because no sooner than I finished typing about how he should be embarrassed did he come out with a counter spot saying he's not ashamed to be promoting a male-enhancement pill.
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