Bait and switch

My sisters think it's crazy for me to blog while I'm on vacation, especially given all the other things I could be doing besides watching TV. (They have never quite understood my love for all things television). I have only watched about 3 hours of TV in the past 5 days, which for me would be the equivalent of trying to quit smoking cold turkey. But I couldn't let Thursday go by without giving some quick thoughts on "Survivor" (CBS, Thurs., 8:00).

First of all, the episode was nothing more than a glorified Sprint commercial. I guess I was supposed to be looking at how cool the phone was but all I kept thinking was how dirty their hands were while they were handling that shiny phone.

Secondly, I've had just about all I can stand out of Russell. When he called the girls "unappreciative little bitches" after Jerri didn't invite him along on the reward win, I wanted to punch him in the face. I wonder if he talks about his wife and daughters like that when he doesn't get his way. I'm pretty sure it will be him, Sandra and Parvati in the final 3. I'm pulling for Sandra, but I know Parvati has got the game in the bag.

Lastly, that immunity challenge reminded me of the game they played many seasons ago there the castaways had to stand in some weird Chinese contraption holding coins between their fingers. It looked really painful and I don't know that I could've held that position for 17 minutes. Pause it: But I'm certain I could've lasted longer than Colby's 15 seconds. Give that guy a V-8 and send him home.

Parvati wins immunity, foiling Russell's plan to backdoor her out of the game. He immediately sets his sights on Rupert, after giving Colby and Rupert his word that he was with them until the finals. Rupert and Colby vote to get rid of Sandra, who calmly plays the hidden idol. Rupert is shut down and gives the others the stink eye on his way out.

Tune in Sunday at 8 for the finale and reunion show. I can't wait to see Russell lose again. Although, I fear he may shoot himself if he doesn't get the title this time around.

There's no crying in "Survivor"

What are the chances that as I prepare to go on vacation, I start coming down with something? I think my body senses that rest is right around the corner and is ready to start the vacation before it's actually time. Add that to the guilt I'm feeling for not blogging about "The Amazing Race" and you've got yourself a sickly scribe. For those of you who follow the show, it's 8 Seconds, Don't Ask, Won't Tell and Fred and Velma in the finals. The last leg wraps up in San Francisco on Sunday. Here's a quick recap of ...

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): Last season, I had a love/hate relationship with Russell. In the beginning I hated him, but by the end of the game I loved the way he was able to manipulate people into doing whatever he wanted. This season? Not so much. It's strictly hate/hate. I hate the way he tries to control women. I hate the way he insults anyone with a face. I hate the way he cockily thinks he's running the show when, in reality, it's Parvati who is outwitting circles around him.

After Candice foolishly voted with the Villains at last the Tribal Council, Rupert and Colby return to camp with a plethora of adjectives to describe her. "Colby and I are on a sinking ship," Rupert says. "There are no other Heroes." His nice-cup finally runneth over and he calls Russell out for being a liar and swearing on his kids' life. "Rupert, I'm a Villain ... I'm here to make your life hell," Russell yells.

When the castaways show up for the challenge, Jeff Probst informs them that it's an immunity challenge. Pause it: It looked like some sort of torture device. Our defense department should take note. The players must stand on an uncomfortable perch, holding up one arm which is attached to a bucket full of colored water. Both Rupert and Parv played the game once before, with Parv winning after lasting for six hours. Probst warns them that he'll be tempting them with food items throughout the challenge. After one minute in, he comes out with a covered tray. Both Sandra and Russell immediately agree to step down before he even reveals the item. Luckily for them it was milk and cookies and not some sort of Samoan delicacy or fish eyes or goat's feet. Another 20 minutes goes by and Colby steps down for doughnuts and coffee. One by one they all step down, leaving Rupert and Parvati to battle for immunity. Rupert and his broken toe (and what looks like the same bandage he's been wearing since day one) can't get comfortable on the perch and falls off after an 70 minutes. Parvati wins immunity.

Before the tribe departs, Probst reads a clue to another hidden immunity idol for everyone to hear. Rewind: I wonder if he did that because of the Danielle/Amanda scuffle last week where the rules were blurry about who owns the clue once it's found. When they get back to camp, everyone scatters to find the "burning bush" the clue spoke of. Pause it: How funny was it that Sandra was actually looking for a bush that was consumed by fire. This is Samoa sweetie, not Israel. Sandra does end up finding the idol and smartly stashes it under a rock to go back and read later. Rupert, knowing his time is almost up, decides to pretend he found the idol. He stuffs a rock in his pants pocket and returns to camp.

When Russell sees the bulge in Rupert's pocket (tee hee) he assumes that Rup has found the idol. "I know what a hidden idol looks like," he says. (Apparently it looks like a rock in your pocket). Russell tells his Villains that they must flush out the idol by splitting the votes between Rupert and Colby. They both opt for writing down Candice's name, which is funny because unbeknownst to Russell, Parv and the Pips want to get rid of Candice, too.

At Tribal Council, Probst probes Candice about her decision to flip to the Villains' side. She reasons that Amanda was next to go no matter how she voted. Colby tells her he's not buying her excuses and wants her to woman up about the real reason she jumped ship. She admits that she did it to advance herself in the game. After the votes are cast, Probst asks if anyone is going to play an idol. Rupert touches his pocket as if he's happy to see it, but alas, he has no idol. After a tight vote, Candice is voted out. Pause it: The Villains rode her hard and hung her up wet. In her parting words, she says, "Karma is a bitch sometimes." No truer words, girl. No truer words.

The castaways return to camp and Russell is furious again. His plan to split the votes was overruled by Parv and now he sees that he's not in control of the game anymore.

The second immunity challenge, is a puzzle race course. The first people to finish each round advances to the next one. The first round is a table maze and Rupert quickly finishes. Useless Colby brings up the rear while Sandra, Russell, Parv and Danielle join Rupert in the next round - a climbing wall. The players are given four pegs to use to get up the wall, but Russ practically runs up the almost-vertical spread. He moves ahead with Rupert and Parvati. The final round is a sliding puzzle. It looks like Rupert is about to escape the chopping block, but Russ comes from behind for the win. Dejected, Rupert says, "The lie of a rock in my pocket is not gonna save me tonight."

When the Villains discuss who they want gone, Parvati stresses that Rupert has to go next. She says that they are still five strong and they have plenty of time to worry about turning on each other. Russell, on the other hand, is worried about the weird bisexual current that's flowing between Parv and Danielle. He says it's supposed to be him and Parvati as a team, not her and Danielle. He wants to break up the happy couple and devises a plan to have them turn on each other. He tells each girl that the other wants to take her out of the game. What he didn't anticipate was Parvati challenging his information. She insists on talking to Danielle to get to the bottom of things. "If you do that, you're out of this game," Russ threatens. Parv counters with, "Don't tell me I can't have a conversation with anyone."

Once the girls talk, they realize that Russ's paranoia is getting the better of him. And now that the ladies know he lied, he's determined to eliminate Danielle. Getting rid of her will insure that Parvati will "stick to him like glue." Parv and Dani need Jerri's vote to make sure their plan to vote off Rupert goes down. She promises that she's sticking to the plan. Pause it: I'm at a loss as to why they didn't see this was a sign to blindside Russell.

This time at Tribal, Probst asks Rupert who's running the show. He says it's Parvati and Russell

who are in control of the game. It seems as if that answer stung Danielle a bit and she counters with the Villains make decisions together. Probst continues to needle Danielle about how things are going around camp. She tries to maintain the "one-big-happy-family" facade, but it crumbles when Jerri admits that camp was a little rowdy. Dani suggests it was just a misunderstanding and that everything is fine. Pause it: Did anyone notice how Danielle looked like Parvati's shadow, saying everything that Parv said 2 seconds after she said it. It was like Tribal Council was in Surround Sound. Danielle gets emotionally over Russell's distrust and starts sobbing. "We've been an alliance since the beginning," she cries. She says she's exhausted and the game is taking everything out of her. She then continues to seal her own fate when she reveals that she's closer to Parvati than Russell is. Cut to Parvati shaking her head and Dani's bonehead move. She basically turned her cards over for everyone to see. While Danielle is digging her grave, Russell is preparing her coffin - he whispers to Jerri to write down Dani's name. She complies and just like that, Danielle is done.

Again I have to ask: What is wrong with the castaways this season? I'm certain that Parvati has bathed in some magical potion that makes everyone fall for her charms. Why else would these people keep falling for her the way they do. The way Danielle was sobbing you would think she had some sort of girl crush on Parv. And Russell. Poor Russell. How devastated is he going to be when he loses this game for a second time? So much for that "Dumb ass girl alliance" comment. Like Candice said, karma is a bitch sometimes.

I flip, you flop

I've been struggling for the last few weeks. I'm about to go on vacation for 2 weeks and I feel like I'm trying to cram a month's worth of work into 7 days. I'll do my best to get back on a more regular blog schedule, but as of late I'm barely averaging 4 hours of sleep a night ... and that's a good night! But I won't leave you hanging on Thursdays. Let's talk about the debauchery that's going on in Samoa. But a quick shout-out to my buddy Michael! Get well soon!

"Survivor" (CBS, Thurs., 8:00): Good lawd, there's a lot of confusion going on! My head was spinning after watching all the flipping and flopping. It was like watching two wealthy parents battling for custody of a kid neither of them really want. They just don't want to pay the child support. The "kids" in question are Sandra and Candice, the swing votes. By the time it was over, one castaway had abandoned her tribe and the one who made "Survivor" history was sent packing. Here's what went down:

After returning from Tribal Council, Russell is furious at Parvati about keeping her idol a secret. "It pisses me off that you didn't tell me," he rants. Parv, on the other hand, is secretly pleased, saying she wants Russell to be scared. Pause it: And after the move she made last week, he should be. Someone finally pushed Rupert's "on" button - he finally realizes that getting Sandra to flip is the Heroes' only chance to stay in the game. If only he had turned that switch on a week earlier. Russell, being the all-knowing soothsayer that he wishes he were, tells Candice she needs to get on board with the Villains. He predicts that Candy will follow his orders saying it doesn't matter what Sandra wants to do now that Candice is flipping.

At the reward challenge, it's "Survivor" shuffleboard. The players are divided into three teams of three. The team whose puck lands closest to the X wins a trip away from camp to see a screening of the movie "Treasure Island." Pause it: Wouldn't if have been more fitting for them to watch "Lord of the Flies?" Believing there's going to be a clue to another hidden idol, Parvati thinks it's pivotal for a Villain to win. For awhile it looks as if she's going to get her wish when Russell's puck is the only one to land near the X. It's down to Colby's last shot and he nails it, allowing himself, Amanda and Danielle to share in the reward. Pause it: I find it hilarious that the once strong and dominant Colby wins at a game of shuffleboard. Hey Colbster, your age is showing!

The three arrive at the reward house and Amanda has her eyes peeled for the idol. No, seriously. It was like her eyelids were pinned back and she couldn't blink because she was looking so hard. She doesn't find the clue, but as the trio are lying in bed watching the movie, Danielle spots the rolled-up paper in the bowl of popcorn and quickly tosses it underneath the bed. But Amanda notices that she dropped something and moves over to Dani's side of the bed hoping to find out what it is. She sees the clue on the floor, grabs it and stuffs it down her pants. Danielle freaks out and demands that Amanda give it back. A mini girl fight ensues with Danielle crying to Colby like a little beeyotch and Amanda pleading with her puppy dog eyes for him to back her up.

This is the first time in this game where Amanda was being aggressive. She was holding on to that clue like it was the last piece of chicken. Cirie would've been proud ... for about 10 seconds. Danielle is still crying to Colby that Amanda took her clue and to make her give it back. "I didn't even see what happened. I was watching 'Treasure Island,'" the doofus says. Colby tells Amanda she should return the clue to Danielle, WHICH SHE DOES, thereby proving two things: 1. Amanda cannot think for herself and 2. why Colby is losing at this game. He's such an idiot.

When they get back to camp, Russ and Parv start grilling Danielle about finding the idol. She tells them she did, but also adds some special effects saying she wrestled Amanda to the ground and ripped the clue from her hands. Pause it: That's pretty close to what happened if you leave out the part about Colby telling Amanda to give it back and Amanda handing it to her like Colby was her daddy. Russell volunteers to help Dani find the idol, unbeknownst to her that Russell is "the king of hidden immunity idols." He finds it within minutes of reading the clue and stashes it in his pocket. He later shares the news with Candice who agrees to hop on the Villains' train. Meanwhile, Sandra tells Colby she's ready to jump ship and join the Heroes, but only if they agree to vote out Russell. Colby is convinced Danielle has the idol, so getting rid of Russ shouldn't be a problem. They just have to keep him from winning immunity.

It's the build-a-10-foot-tall-house-of-cards-for-immunity challenge. Russell is off to a great start after building a base that could withstand a suicide bomber. Jerri is his only competition, putting together an flimsy, but steady tower. They're neck and neck at nine and a half feet until Russ can't get his last two tiles to hold. Jerri wins her very first immunity challenge by mere seconds.

Back at camp, the castaways start throwing names around. Russell wants Amanda gone. The Heroes want to show Russell or Parvati the door. The Heroes have a solid plan to write Russell's name down until Candice runs back and tells him their entire plan and pushes Sandra in front of the proverbial bus. Russ tries to threaten Sandra about jumping ship, and Colby says if their plan doesn't work then they'll know Candice spilled the beans.

At Tribal Council, Sandra tells Probst that she knows she's on the outside of the Villains and that she's frustrated with her alliance. Russell starts listing everybody's role within the alliance and leaves Sandra's name out. When Probst calls him out on it, he admits "she's just there." The Heroes set there plan in motion by announcing they think Danielle has the idol knowing full well she doesn't. Pause it: The last three Councils have had my heart beating out of my chest. I felt like I needed an IV drip as the votes were being read.

Right before Probst reads the votes, Russell plays his idol but it's all for naught. Amanda is voted out, ending her run as the person who's spent the most days playing the game of "Survivor" and opening the door for Parvati to break her record. It's the first time she's ever had her torch snuffed. As Amanda is making her exit, Danielle and Parv start ragging Russell telling him he wasted an idol and was nervous for nothing.

Sandra is like Cirie, but much more outspoken. She's playing the best mental game out of everyone, thinking 2 steps ahead of the others. Her downfall? She doesn't have Parvati charm. I predict she'll be sitting between Parv and Russell in the end. They have to bring Russ along cause everyone hates him. He thinks he's playing a great strategic game, but he's met his match in Parvati and Sandra.

Based on the previews it looks like the King and Queen might be headed to divorce court since Russell's leadership skills don't mesh with Parv's need to cut people off at the knees. And let me just say that Courtney is the funniest castaway ever to sit on the jury.

I'm embarrassed for you

It seems as if my this has turned into a "Survivor" blog with a little filler here and there. I still love TV, it's just that nothing gets me more excited than this show. I really thought "Glee" was going to get my mojo pumping, but I find myself disappointed with the new direction it's going. But more about that later. Let's get down to the business of ...

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): Lord, Lord, Lord. This was one for the history books. I do believe that this will go down as the Tribal Council in all of "Survivor". There was drama, humor, intrigue and heartbreak. But mostly, one player emerged as one of the smartest players of all time.

Now that the Villains have gotten rid of stick figure Courtney, the numbers are even between both tribes. The Heroes find a locked chest with a note attached saying company will be arriving soon, while the Villains have the key to open it. They are super excited - especially one-woman alliance Sandra - about the merge and pack up their camp to move to the Heroes' beach. Russell thinks he's the only one in the game with a hidden immunity idol and has no idea that Parvati has one of her own. She says the idols put her and Russell in the King and Queen position, but the Queen doesn't have to tell the King about her plans of a coup. Poor J.T. still thinks that after the Villains' Tribal Council, Parvati is gone and there are no more idols left in the game.

Upon arrival at their new camp, the castaways are told to drop their buffs and come up with a new tribe name. They eventually come up with "Yin Yang", throwing out "Hillains" and Jerri's suggestion of "All Villains". Pause it: I was thinking something more along the lines of "Puppets". It's obvious that the Heroes aren't happy to see Parv is still in the game. She whines to Danielle about feeling the cold shoulder. "I'm offended by how these Heroes are treating me. They don’t know it yet, but they’re about to be picked off one by one," Parvati threatens.

Meanwhile, Russell is spinning an intricate tall to Rupert and J.T. about why Parv is still in the game. He assures them that he's on their side, telling them "Just let this happen." Pause it: If only J.T. had a crystal ball ... and a brain. J.T. thinks Russ is a good ol' country boy. He has no inkling that Russ has turned him into a big doofus on national television. "Hook, line and sinker," Russ says, obviously pleased with himself. "This is going to be way easier than I thought."

Sandra later tries to warn Rupert that Russell and Parvati are trying to pull the buff over their eyes. "Russell’s the kingpin and Parvati’s the second in command," she says. It finally dawns on Rupert that the Heroes might be getting played in the worst possible way. “This is where the game gets crazy,” he marvels. But when Rupert goes to share Sandra's warning with the rest of the Heroes, they accuse him of being paranoid ... and sweating too much.

At the immunity challenge, it's every castaway for themselves in the first individual challenge: the pole hold - a last-man-standing endurance game. The contestants perch themselves on a pole with nothing but some tiny grooves to fit their feet into. J.T., Candice and Parvati have all played the game before with Candice lasting the longest. Both Colby and Sandra are the first ones to drop, followed by Rupert, Amanda and J.T. Parvati finds a new strategy by standing on the outside of her foot. She's in a zone and Candice realizes she's not going to outlast her. It's down to Parv and Danielle. Dani wants Parv to step off since she already has an idol. She does, and Danielle win the first individual immunity. Pause it: Did anyone notice how Dani's implant was looking a little melted. Gross!

It's scramble time back at the beach. Rupert wonders why Parvati stepped down if she thought she was going home. The Heroes devise a plan to flush out any possible idols by telling Russell that the Heroes are voting for Parvati, when in reality, they will be voting for either Sandra or Jerri to test Russell’s loyalty. Russell wants J.T. gone. He gives his idol to Parvati in hopes of saving her at Tribal Council. With both idols in her possession, Parvati is now the most powerful player in the game.

At Council, Yin Yang starts fighting about unripened bananas, reopening the debate about "banana etiquette". Rupert accuses the Villains - mainly Parvati and Danielle - of eating more than their share. Russell reminds them they are there to cut some fat and wants to get on with it. He says the vote will dictate the outcome of the game. Pause it: The jury (Coach and Courtney) read right through Russell's act. Too bad they couldn't do that when they were playing the game.

The Heroes cast their votes for Jerri, while the Villains all vote for J.T. Before the votes are read, Probst gives the usual spill about playing the hidden immunity idol and in a stunning twist, Parvati gives away BOTH idols to Sandra and Jerri. All votes cast for Jerri are void, leaving J.T. to go down in flames. Pause it: I was so embarrassed for him. *Forcing J.T. into an uncomfortable hug.* Russell is shell-shocked, whispering to Parvati, "You have some explaining to do."

J.T. took it like a man, but I would've loved to be sitting next to him at the Watch Party. I'm not a fan of Parvati, but she earned my respect tonight. And if she able to take Russell out of the game, I will cheer her on to the final three. At this point, I'm sure the Villains are going to want to keep Russell around cause it guarantees them five Hero votes from the jury. Parvati is going to be hard to beat, but if Sandra keeps playing her cards right, she'll be sitting next to her in the finals.

In case anyone was wondering, both Michael and Jackie are out of our "Survivor" pool. I still have Danielle on my team while Janet is going strong with Russell and Sandra. Here's the scorecard: (Members of the jury are the green failures)

CHANNEL SURFING

• Seattle's own Seth Aaron Henderson was crowned the winner of Season 7 of "Project Runway" (Lifetime, 10:00). Of course I know S.A. is really from Vancouver, Washington but only people who live there know you're not talking about Canada. Anyway, the judges thought S.A. knew how to "put on a show" and called his line "whimsical". It was a hard pill to swallow for Emilio Sosa, who won multiple challenges throughout the season. The judges loved his clothes but called a collection and not a complete fashion line. I hated Mila's collection, but then again, I've hated her aesthetic all season. All of the designers' clothes looked like something you'd find in Nordstrom. In past seasons, the finale runway show is full of drama and flowing gowns. I missed that. I mean, is it really runway couture if I'm not sitting on my couch wishing I had $10,000 for a pair of fitted slacks?
• Some passing thoughts about "Glee" (FOX, Tues., 9:00): I'm fairly sure I'm in the minority on this one, but that Madonna-themed episode? HATED IT. The cast performed seven songs. SEVEN! They barely had any dialogue. What I liked about the first half of the season was the backstories on all these complex characters. Now we get song after song and a revolving door of guest stars. A word to the writers: I know the show is an unstoppable pop-culture phenomenon, but stop trying to please the masses and get back to the basics.
  
• In parting, here's a funny line I heard on "The Office" (NBC, 9:00): "If it wasn't for secretaries, I wouldn't have a stepmom." - Andy, telling us the importance of celebrating Secretary's Day.
  

Cirie wouldn't have let that happen

Wednesday night I was stricken with a headache from hell. It totally took me off my game. I left work early and slept from 7 p.m. until 12:30 Thursday afternoon. Yes, it hurt that bad. I woke up intermittently, catching snippets of "Criminal Minds" and "Ugly Betty," but the migraine got the best of me. Let's talk about ...

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): There have been many bonehead moves in the history of "Survivor": James getting voted out while holding 2 immunity idols; Ozzy getting voted out while holding an immunity idol (you see the pattern?). Well, J.T. topped them all when he gave the Heroes' hidden immunity idol to the man who least needed one. It was like he had a spare million dollars in his pocket decided to give it to Warren Buffett. And his tribemates just sat there and let it happen. Is that the bigger bonehead move ... that no one objected? I'm still shaking my head.

The Villains return from Tribal Council, and Jerri is worried that her alliance will turn on her after they sent Coach home without telling her. She asks Danielle if she's next on the chopping block, but both Dani and Russell reassure her that Courtney or Sandra will be the next to go.

The treemail instructs the tribes to rank their team members from strongest to weakest. This will determine who they go head-to-head with at the reward challenge, a game that was first played on "Survivor: Tocanins" and J.T. went on win. Pause it: It's the game that makes my feet cramp up just thinking about it, but what I remember most is how Coach got all drama queen at the end, collapsing like a Haitian house in an earthquake. The Villains decide to put all their women in the game because they're lighter and have smaller feet. The Heroes, on the other hand, have Rupert and his ego to contend with. He claims he's stronger than everyone in the game. Pause it: Um, yeah. I see how that's true, Rupert. That broken toe won't be a problem in a challenge where you're standing on a one-inch wide peg. The castaways must outlast their opponent and the first team to three points wins a feast courtesy of Outback Steakhouse. As the challenge gets underway, Jeff Probst announces that Amanda has spent 100 days playing "Survivor". The Villains' strategy pays off and they win reward.

At the feast, Parvati finds a clue to a hidden immunity idol in her napkin. She quickly stuffs it in her underwear (eww!) and later shows it to Danielle. Parv says she wants Danielle to feel tighter with her than she does with anyone else. “We’ll fill Russell in on a need-to-know basis, and right now Russell doesn’t need to know," Parv says. Jerri thinks it's "awesome" that the Heroes think they have an all-girl alliance going. "They have no idea what's going on over here."

Meanwhile, J.T. is at the Hero's beach filling in his tribe on his "brilliant" plan. Amanda thinks it's stupid because they don't know what's going on over there. (See Jerri's comment). He could be in with the girls for all we know,” Amanda reasons. Rewind: If Cirie were still in this game, she wouldn't have even allowed J.T. to get out the first sentence. AND, if Cirie were still in this game, Amanda wouldn't be whimpering in the jungle to Candice because Cirie would be telling her what to do. J.T. writes Russell a letter with instructions on how to use the idol (HA!) and who to vote off. He writes that the Villains should vote off Parvati then Russell can join in with the Heroes' alliance after the merge. "This is "Survivor" history," Colby concludes. Yes, dude, it is. And your whole tribe will be able to write their names on the Wall of Shame.

Parvati and Danielle get up early to go searching for the idol. After they find it, Parv says it gives her control of the game. She says Russell is "not the king of 'Survivor' ... I'm the queen."

The immunity challenge is another ropes obstacle course with a totem pole puzzle at the end. The Heroes get off to an early lead and Colby and Russell are running the last leg for their teams. This gives Colby the opportunity to tell Russell to get the idol from J.T. after the challenge is over. Pause it: No sooner than Colby makes that deal, the rain begins to fall. That's an omen if I ever saw one. The Heroes win immunity, setting the stage for J.T.'s stupidity to boomerang like bad karma. "I don't even have to find idols ... people are giving them to me. You don’t hand the enemy the idol, especially when his name is Russell Hantz,” Russell says.

The Heroes think they have done the impossible, but all they've done is give the Villains something to entertain themselves with. I hate Parvati, but even I got a kick out of her rendition of J.T.'s letter. It sounded like something you'd write in high school. "J.T. gave Russell his heart today, and Russell is just going to stab it a million times," Parv snickers. "I can't believe that kid won!"

Meanwhile, Courtney and Sandra have resigned themselves to their fate - one of them will be going home. Parvati wants to keep Courtney around because she thinks Court would be more loyal and she can keep her in check better than she can with Sandra. She sure Sandra will be the first one to flip after the merge.

At Tribal Council, Russell's alliance say they can't trust Sandra. Danielle makes the argument that Sandra can manipulate people, but all Dani does is make herself look like a complete idiot. She says Sandra was being controlled by B-Rob to which Sandra counters with Parvati is the boss of Dani. Then Parv pours alcohol on the wound by confirming yes, she is the boss of Danielle. Pause it: Are you kidding me, Danielle? You basically handed Parvati the lube and told her to take it.

Courtney lashes out at Jerri for joining forces with Russell just in time to save herself. "I didn't flip quick enough, I guess," Courtney snipes. "That's why me and Sandra are in trouble." It's too little, too late and Courtney becomes the second member of the jury.

Next week, the tribes merge and it looks like Parvati's instincts about Sandra will prove to be true. She'll be the first one to flip.

Where do you rank J.T.'s move among the dumbest moves in "Survivor" history? I'll give him a little leeway since they don't know Russell's history with hidden immunity idols, but it's still a dumb move to help your opponent by giving away something that could potentially get you to the Final 3.

Great expectations

I had Thursday off so I actually got the chance to watch a lot of my favorite shows live. A rare treat for someone who watches 60% of my TV shows via the internet. Here's a recap:

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): The Villains have absolutely no clue who they are up against when dealing with Russell Hantz. It's unfortunate for that tribe that they didn't get to see his game play before they started filming this season. Otherwise, he would've been gone the first time the Villains were sent to Tribal Council. His desire to be the ultimate survivor has put his team in a hole they may not be able to dig themselves out of. He's controlling every move they make. And judging by the Heroes' assumption that B-Rob's demise was from an all-girl alliance, I'd say Russell is controlling that tribe as well.

The morning after Tribal Council, Danielle and Parvati are laughing about B-Rob's ouster. "I like blindsiding people," Danielle jokes. Jerri seems to be having a change of heart about her decision and Coach is still pissed that he's been forced into an alliance with Russell. "Are we going to the final five with him?" he asks Jerri. "Let's just see what happens," she says.

Over at the Heroes' camp, J.T. can't put off looking for the hidden immunity idol so he steals away to try to find it for himself. So much for keeping tribe unity and using it for the benefit of the group. He finds it and hastily tries to scamper out of the woods, but he ends up being spotted by Amanda and Candice. Pause it: Amanda is like a little kid who prevents you from hiding the Christmas presents in a good place. She's always around, always snooping, always listening in. "Good thing you walked up," Candice tells her.

The Villains are hoping for a merge when they get the clue to the next challenge, so they pack up their whole camp just in case Probst announces they are now one tribe. Pause it: When I say pack up the camp, I mean they PACK UP THE CAMP! They take down their shelter, grab the tackle box and the chickens and trot to the reward challenge looking like they just left Tent City. When the Heroes get their first look at the new Villains' tribe, Rupert (incorrectly) assumes that B-Rob's departure was at the hands of an all-female alliance. Russell gives J.T. a sad, puppy dog face and mouths the words "Help me", laying the groundwork for the Hero men to think he's running scared. The Villains think they'll be enjoying a pizza feast in celebration of a merge, Probst tells them to "drop their expectations" and get ready for the challenge: bowling, "Survivor" style.

Two Villains must sit out of the challenge and Coach yells for Sandra, right, and Courtney. "I want to eat," he reasons for sitting out what he deems as the two weakest players. Heroes jump out to an early lead after J.T. knocks down 6 pins. The Villains are on a (gutter ball) roll, but finally manage to get on the board. With the score at 2-1, Coach goes up against Amanda, whose roll gives the Heroes their third-straight win. And not only do the Villains lose, but they also have to return to a broken down camp with no food. OUCH!

As the Heroes much on pizza and beer, they label themselves the "Fantastic 5". J.T. (again, incorrectly) surmises that Coach and Russell are sitting ducks on the Villains' tribe. Little do they know that Russell is pulling strings all over Samoa. The Villains are angry at Coach for making Sandra and Courtney sit out. Jerri says they need their strongest players in the game for the immunity challenge, and sitting out the weakest for the chance to score some food will be their downfall. Sandra quickly points out that it was Coach's decision, and they should be pointing fingers at him for the loss, not Courtney and her.

When they get a chance to talk alone, Sandra devises a plan to eliminate Coach. She tells Courtney that they should plant a seed of doubt in Russell that Coach is gunning for him. Sandra says that everyone is playing Russell's version of "Survivor" instead of playing the actual game. Pause it: And she's right. Russell has manipulated this game so much that they should change the name to "Surviving Russell". I rooted for him last season, but his arrogance this time around is more bitch than bully and I can't wait to see him go down.

At the immunity challenge, the teams are belted into pairs and must run an obstacle course in the mud. Basically, it's another way for the girls to lose their swimsuits. Amanda and Candice pair up against Russell and Sandra, and the girls smoke Russell's co-ed team. They don't even finish the course after Sandra can't squeeze herself underneath one of the fences. Coach takes down Rupert in a foot race during the second round, and in the final go, skinny minis Courtney and Parvati prove to be no match for the brawn of Colby and J.T. Heroes win immunity and Courtney hurts her ankle.

Russell is sure his alliance is getting rid of Coach. It looks like Sandra's plan to throw him under Russell's bus may be working until Danielle suggests they keep him around for challenges and dump the weaker Courtney instead. Unhappy that one of his minions would go against him, Russell storms off after Danielle tries to persuade him to rethink his vote. He says he sends home who he wants to send home.

At Tribal Council, it seems as if Coach is unaware that he's on the chopping block, bragging that he encourages the tribe when they are down. Probst points out that Courtney has been made to sit out for a number of the challenges but she counters with "I'm a determined little bitch, and I'll put up with a lot of crap to get to the end."

Coach is voted out, and SURPRISE! He's the first member of the jury. Pause it: Now that's an interesting little twist! If they play it this way for the next few episodes - where the tribes remain separate but the jury fills up - it could make for some riveting Tribal Councils. Russell will definitely be sitting pretty once the Heroes see he's the only guy left. And judging from next week's preview, the Heroes are poised to make the most bone-headed decision in the history of "Survivor": giving Russell their immunity idol. If the girls could smarten up, now would be the time to put that all-female alliance into play and pick off the 4 remaining men one by one. I'm banking on Parvati or Sandra to steer that ship.

CHANNEL SURFING

• "16 & Pregnant" (MTV, Tues., 10:00): 17-year-old senior Leah, a popular high-school cheerleader, gets pregnant by Corey, her rebound guy after breaking up with her boyfriend of two and a half years. After Corey drives her home from a party, one thing leads to another which leads to them having sex in his truck, which ultimately leads to her getting pregnant with twin girls. That's TWO babies. At 17. Two. Leah and Corey try to give it a go, but in the end she ends up alone after constantly picking fights with Corey. She's left taking care of the babies and he moves back in with his parents. Talk about someone regretting their decision. In her closing video, Leah sums it up by saying her life is essentially not worth living because she made a stupid mistake. Hindsight is 20/20 ... and expensive.
  
• "Project Runway" (Lifetime, Thurs., 10:00): It's the final challenge that determines who will move on to Fashion Week and the designers must create a look inspired by the circus. Emilio, who's on a three-win high, has let his ego get the better of him and he's starting to look like a complete ass. Nevertheless, he earns a place in the final three along with Seth Aaron. Mila and Jay are forced into a tie-breaker and both designers will have to design a collection, but only one will show at Fashion Week. But we all know that's not true because 10 "Project Runway" designers got the chance to show at Bryant Park. But we won't go into that again.

Closing credits: Here's one last funny line from the twice-eliminated Anthony. After Tim Gunn questions his choice of color, Anthony says, "I thought all I needed to prepare for this show was my design books, but I'm gonna get me a dictionary just as soon as I get back to Georgia."
One last rant: Oprah, I appreciate your quest to make cars a "no phone zone," but putting people on the spot to sign your contract is like asking Whitney Houston to sing when she's fresh out of rehab: some people just aren't ready.

Old School vs. New School

My lord, my lord! It was a battle for the ages tonight! Now, I don't really consider myself to be a competitive person, but I love to win. And someone in my "Survivor" betting pool went down tonight. Sorry, Jackie! I still have two picks left (Danielle and J.T.), along with Janet (Russell and Sandra). Michael is hanging all of his hopes on J.T. Here's hoping Danielle can stay under the radar long enough to make it to the merge. Here's what happened Thursday night:

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): It's Day 16 on Samoa and the castaways are not only restless, they are getting ruthless. After Tyson blindsided himself at the last Tribal Council, B-Rob can't figure out what went wrong. He's seething over the fact that Russell got the upper hand on him, but his brain is working overtime trying to figure out why Russ and his harem are so giddy. "It's 3 against 5," Rob rations. Tricky math, my friend. Tricky math.

Russell and Parvati are trying to reel Jerri into their alliance but she's noncommittal. Parv promises to take her to the final four, even after Jerri admits she's not fond of her. Parv thinks Jerri is jealous that Russell used his idol to save her, and Jerri has never had a man do that for her. Rewind: I got a mental flashback of Jerri chasing Colby around the Australian Outback like a needy puppy.

Over on the Heroes' beach, Rupert thinks it's time for Colby to step up, especially since they got rid of James on the hope that he'll deliver. "He's got something to prove today," Rupert says. Colby acknowledges that he's got to "put up or shut up" and I know he has to be pissing his pants with fear that he won't pull through.

It's a 3-on-3 water wrestling basketball game for reward. The winner gets a feast by a secluded waterfall. All eyes are on Colby to see if he can bring it and he most definitely does. He scores 2 of the 3 points needed to win and throws in an assist for Candace to score a point. "We dropped a hammer on the Villains," Colby says. Pause it: I don't know what was up with the Villains during this challenge. They spent so much time wrestling that they forgot they needed to score a basket. Colby says the win relieves some of the tension within the Heroes tribe and they can spend one day away from the game. No such luck because at the feast, Candace finds a clue to another hidden immunity idol. The group agrees to put the note aside and enjoy the day, but Amanda just can't wait. She reads the clue and the tribe agrees to look for the idol together then use it against the Villains after the merge. Colby says this solidifies them as a team because they are willing to work together for the good of the tribe.

Back at the Villains' camp, Russell is still trying to work his magic on Jerri and Coach. He promises to take them to the final 3 (I wonder how Parv and Danielle feel about that equation). Jerri says she's made her decision and she's joining their alliance, but she'll only go all in if Coach does too. Pause it: Wow, Jerri! You basically just told Coach to bend over and take it. He's none too happy about being pulled into an alliance without his permission and he lets Jerri know it. "I can't believe you just threw all your eggs into Russell's basket!" he says. Jerri reasons, "You can't be the good guy to everyone and win this game."

At the immunity challenge, it's an obstacle relay slash puzzle challenge. The Villains dominate the first few legs until ragdoll Courtney loses a ton of time because she's too scared to jump from the net. They lose their lead, opening the door for the Heroes to stage a comeback. Once again it comes down to the dreaded puzzle (which the Heroes are like, 0 and 36). It's B-Rob and Sandra for the Villains and J.T. and Amanda working to solve it for the Heroes. J.T. and Amanda stay calm and quiet, working together like a well oiled - and probably foul-smelling - machine. They win immunity for the first time in God knows when, prompting Russell to mumble, "We got whooped!"

It's scramble time for the Villains and Coach is the first to throw weakest link Courtney's name into the fire. Russell says it's time to weed off the weak: Courtney or Sandra - right in front of Courtney and Sandra. This is where the Old School vs. New School competition begins as B-Rob is astounded that someone would reveal their voting strategy in the presence of the people they are planning to vote for. That's not how it was done the first two times he played, but Russell has taken the game of Survivor to a whole new level; one on which most castaways can't compete. Rob still doesn't get that! Survivor is no longer about being the strongest, it's about who can control the most people. And while B-Rob proved he could outplay the Heroes, he forgot he needed to outwit his own team to get farther in the game.

It's obvious Rob and Russell are gunning for each other but Coach is the one who's caught in their crosshairs. Russell thinks he has the dragon slayer in his back pocket, while B-Rob says the best way to a man's vote is through his loyalty. His plan is to guilt Coach into voting his way by reminding him that his word is his bond. Rob plays him like a video game and Coach agrees to follow his lead. Russell has other plans for Coach's vote - he thinks it's time to blindside Rob. Coach tries to talk them into voting out Courtney, but folds under Russell's mind games. "I'm with you guys 100%." Pause it: That yellow-bellied coward isn't with anyone.

At Tribal Council, Coach says the Villains made a big mistake voting out Tyson, calling him the bridge that kept the three alliances in contact with each other. Rob chimes in by pointing out that people are more worried about keeping their alliances strong, the the greater good of the team. Coach practically begs for B-Rob and Russell to bury the hatchet, but Russell threatens with "If you're gunning for me, you're not going to get what you want."

Well, you don't always get what you want, Rob. In one of the fiercest rivalries in "Survivor" history, Boston Rob comes up on the losing end. He's voted out after Jerri sides with Russell and Coach casts his vote for Courtney. He goes to give Rob an exit hug, but Rob shoves him off calling him "a little man." At least he kept his word by not writing Rob's name down.

Do you think getting rid of Rob was good strategy, or will this be the move that causes the Villains to implode? Personally, I was kind of sad to see Rob go. It was cute watching him try to play the game like it was 2004, but we're in a day and age where Congressmen get rocks thrown through their windows for voting for a health-care bill. This ain't your daddy's "Survivor", it's Russell's.

My Superman sucks!

See, what had happened was ... I volunteer at a local high school, helping them put out their school newspaper. For the last 5 days, I have been up to my elbows in writing, editing and designing their paper! I haven't watched TV in 4 days!!!! YES, 4 days!!!! I'm still behind by about 3 hours on shows I watch, but I had to skip the Watch Parties so I could get some sleep. *Shaking my fists at Cleveland High School Newspaper Club!!!* Here's a recap of Wednesday night:

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): I almost forgot that during the NCAA Tournament that the show airs a day early, and they didn't skimp on the drama as we were hit with a double elimination.
After returning from Tribal Council, James asks Colby if he wants a hug. Now that Tom is gone, he's the last one standing in his little alliance. Candice says she had no choice but to vote for Tom for fear of calling attention to herself, while Amanda is secretly plotting her demise. At the Villains' beach, both Russell and B-Rob can't sleep so Russ approaches him to have a little conversation. B-Rob warns him that if he does indeed have the hidden idol, he should tightly hang on to it. "He's not playing with the amateurs anymore. He's playing with the big boys now," Rob says. Pause it: I read somewhere that filming for "Heroes vs. Villains" began right after "Samoa" ended so none of the contestants had seen Russell play. Otherwise, B-Rob would've been more careful with his choice of words about that hidden immunity idol. He has no clue who he's dealing with.

The castaways get a surprise announcement at the challenge: They'll be competing as individuals against their own tribemates for immunity, and both tribes will vote someone out at Council. The last person standing wins a hot dog feast for their tribe and gets to listen in other the other group's Tribal Council. The game is a rope obstacle course that Coach, J.T. and Tyson have all run before. (Tyson won the challenge the first time around). James showed that his bum leg wasn't much of a hindrance as he held a lead for most of the course. But it came down to J.T. and Candice at the end with Candice taking the immunity necklace. Rewind: Did anybody notice that the Heroes lost the coin toss, too? They couldn't win a game if they were playing against headless torsos. For the Villains, B-Rob, Tyson and Russell are even for most of the race, but of course, Rob pulls away for the win. For the final leg, it's Candice vs. Rob in a tri-level rope course. Candy looks tough to beat at first, but ultimately Rob prevails, winning the hot dog feast for the Villains.

After the competition, Colby realizes that Candice was only thing keeping him from going home because the other Heroes can't trust her. But her winning immunity leaves him in a vulnerable spot. He tells the tribe not to waste any time scrambling and vote him out. That way the Villains won't get any information about the Heroes and they can spend the rest of the day relaxing. He then retreats to the ocean where he spends the day floating and sulking. Pause it: Colby is totally having a hard go of it this time around. I know it's been 10 years since he's played the game, but damn ... he's useless. Even James points out that he came in last at the challenge, getting beat by a fat man and a cripple. "It's like my Superman sucks!" James tells him.

Amanda warns James that he's still got a target on his back and he needs to prove to the tribe that his injury isn't as bad as it looks. Oh, and stop stealing the bananas. She tells James there is a "banana etiquette" and that he should ask everyone if they want want one instead of taking three or four for himself. James later challenges J.T. to a race on the beach to prove he can run on his bum knee. A "Hero Olympics" of sort. James loses the race, but the tribe can see how badly he wants to be there, while Colby is basically resigned to his fate.

Back at the Villains' beach, the majority wants to get widow-maker Parvati out. Rob threatens Russell telling him "It's better to play with me than against me." Russell hates being bossed around and immediately runs to Parv, offering to give her his hidden immunity idol. Meanwhile, Rob has devised a plan to flush out the idol and send Parvati or Russell packing. They will split the votes three-to-three, forcing a tie-breaker vote. Either way, one of them will have to play the idol. Little does Rob know, Russ ain't no fool. He knows they can split the vote so he tells Tyson that he's voting with the bloc to get Parvati out. All the while, Russell, Parvati and Danielle are voting for Tyson to go.

At Tribal Council, the Heroes are forced to sit and watch as the Villains devour hot dogs and soda while Jeff Probst grills them about keeping James. He continues to point out that Colby doesn't have the same drive and stamina he had the first time around, this time comparing him to "Superman in a fat suit". Based on the vote, the Heroes decide they can't risk keeping James around hoping his knee will heal enough to help the tribe. He's once again taken out down by an injury. Pause it: I hope he uses his "Survivor" earnings to get some medical insurance. Sounds like it's time for James to have a yearly physical.

After the Heroes are done, the Villains take the Council stage. Sandra immediately calls Russell out on having the idol. He pretends to be surprised and continues to suggest that he doesn't have it. After the vote, he makes a grand production of playing the idol, but wait for it ... he presents it to Parvati instead. She plays the idol, making any votes against her null and void. For a minute there is a faint look of smug on B-Rob's face, but once Tyson's name is thrown into the mix, things don't look so good for his alliance. The vote is tied 2-2 and you can almost see Rob getting ready to give Russell a shove out the door, but the last vote has Tyson's name written on it. He fell for Russell's story about voting out Parv and switched his vote, setting up his own demise. It's a blindside for the "Survivor" history books.

B-Rob continues to impress me with his "back-to-the-basics" style of game play, but he's met his match in the equally duplicitous Russell, who will stop at nothing to be crowned sole survivor. Russell totally outwitted Rob, so it might be worth his wild to get over the whole "we-didn't-have-immunity-idols-when-I-played" crap and realize that this show has become a much more cutthroat competition. This ain't your daddy's "Survivor," buddy!

The tribe has spoken: WHY, WHY WHY does Amanda always look like she needs a Prozac IV drip full at Tribal Council? Has she not learned that those sad puppy-dog eyes do not work on this show? It's so freaking annoying!

CHANNEL SURFING

• If you are a hardcore "America's Next Top Model" fan, you would have recognized Cycle 11's Joslyn as one of the dates on "Millionaire Matchmaker" (Bravo, Wed., 10:00). And let me tell you, she was a lot more refined on this show than she ever was on "Top Model".
• Speaking of "Top Model" (CW, Wed., 8:00), Ren was dismissed after she admitted she was only there because her mom loved the show and as the family disappointment, she was getting more attention from her mother. She should've worked that out in therapy instead of national television.
• Some funnly lines overheard on "Ugly Betty" (ABC, Wed., 10:00): It's picture day at the Mode magazine office and Betty tells Marc, "I picked out a nice outfit," to which he tartly responds, "Aww, why didn't you wear it?" Later, Marc decides to "help" Betty's photo through some crafty work in Photoshop. "Marc, this looks nothing like me!" Betty exclaims. Marc: "You're welcome!" And finally, Betty gets her braces removed to which Wilhelmina barks, "Yes, yes, congratulations, Betty. Your smile will no longer induce seizures in children." I'm going to really miss the comedic timing on this show. They really know how to dish out the one-liners.
  

Keep your heroes close

How excited am I to learn that On Demand now features shows from NBC. The network used to charge to watch their shows, but now you can see "The Office", "Trauma" and "The Marriage Ref" within hours after they air. I guess that makes up for the whole Leno/Conan debacle. Now, check out what happened on ...

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): Wow! The Heroes really are turning out to be some of the most conniving players to ever walk the beaches of Samoa! Gone is that good-guy act that led scores of "Survivor" fans to vote these castaways back on the islands. It's been replaced with double-talk and backstabbing, with J.T. leading the pack.

After voting off Cirie at Tribal Council, Colby calls J.T. his hero for voting with him and Tom. J.T. apologizes for his tricky move, but says his vote was cast for the good of the team, not for personal reasons. He swears to Amanda that he would never turn on her, but she claims she can see right through him. "If he wants to play this game, game on. Bring it on," she challenges. Over on the Villains' beach, Coach is leading his tribe in a session of "Dragon Slayer Chi" - a mixture of chanting, inflated ego and made up yoga movements. Everyone except Russell is participating. He's out looking for the hidden immunity idol, which he finds after two days of digging.

Things get more than a little heated at the Reward Challenge. It's a game of foot-dodge-basketball and the prize is a chocolate feast. Pause it: After not having any real food except fish and chicken for 10 days, eating pounds of chocolate doesn't sound appealing at all. (Unless I get to lick it off of James's abs). Jeff Probst offers the tribes a sample of the candy to whet their appetites, but the Heroes sternly refuse. Colby dismisses the plate and tells Probst he's ready to get to the competition. "I got the message, brother. We'll go when I'm ready!" he snaps at Colby. Rupert explains that they want to send the message that they are focused. They should've just eaten the chocolate. At the start of the challenge, James injures his knee and the medics get called in to assist him. He's pulled out of the game after he's unable to walk around on it. The battle continues to get rough as B-Rob and J.T. duke it out then later turns into a full-out brawl after J.T. body slams Coach and Rupert accidentally lobs Jerri into a pole. It looked like a scene out of WWE. The score is now tied and Jerri scores the final point, giving the Villains yet another win. James is given a splint for his knee and the Villains head off to enjoy their feast. Pause it: Can you really say they enjoyed it when most of them ended up with sugar headaches?

While his other teammates are swimming, Russell confides in Parvati that he's found the hidden idol. "Grab on to these coattails!" he tells her. "I don't ride coattails, baby," she replies. Russell brings Coach into his inner circle and being the gullible idiot that he is, bows down to "King Russell" and allows him to "knight" him. Coach says that he'd love to stay loyal to B-Rob, but appreciates Russell's trust in him.

Amanda is sulking around the Heroes' beach, weighing her options if James is taken out of the game. She really wants James to stay because he looks out for her. Rewind: In Cirie's exit interview with TV Guide, she reveals her disappointment in Amanda's game, saying she can't think for herself. Without Cirie or Parvati calling the shots, Amanda is as lost as the prodigal son. Lucky for her, James comes limping back to camp with his knee wrapped in bandages. The medics can't explain what's wrong with him and he does his best to convince the tribe he's fine. He says he's going to "make some lemonade out of his lemon knee." Candice isn't buying it calling James "dead weight."

At the Immunity Challenge, the castaways play a blind puzzle game where everyone on the course is blindfolded while one player sits on a perch calling out directions. Colby, B-Rob, Rupert and Jerri have all played this game before. James is the caller for the Heroes, Jerri for the Villains. James does a great job yelling out directions. The Heroes grab their puzzle pieces quickly and open up a huge lead over the Villains. But once again, the Heroes fail at the putting the puzzle together and the Villains win their 4th Immunity Challenge. Let the Heroes' finger pointing begin.

Upon return to camp, J.T. points out that it's established that the Villains "can beat them at everything except Sumo wrestling." James claims that Tom isn't contributing to the team and moves to get him voted out. Candice adamantly objects and thinks voting off James is their best bet. Rewind: J.T.'s game play is way more sneaky than it was the first time around and I'm not sure if I like it. What I loved about him in his season was that he was a down-home country boy with a friendly smile and southern charm. Now he looks and sounds like a used-car salesman. J.T. is playing both sides and all the tribe members are looking for his vote even though his loyalty is in question. "He's clearly just playing the hand that suits him today," Colby says.

At Tribal Council, Probst needles James: "My niece could beat you in a race right now." "No, she can't," James deadpans. Eventually, fingers start to point in Tom's direction after Rupert and James say Tom doesn't like to follow. Tom bites back by saying James's voting strategy is to shut up and do what he's told. James then challenges the tribe to vote him out if they think they can win with Tom. "We'll still be cool," he promises. After the final vote, it's mass over class as Tom torch is snuffed, proving James is more valuable with a bum leg t

I noticed that Candice ended up voting for Tom. I assume she was smart enough to realize she'd be next if she voted with Colby and Tom.

THE SCORECARD

CHANNEL SURFING

• "The Office" (NBC, 9:00): Jim returns from paternity leave to find that Dwight has converted his workstation into a "megadesk" - a huge desk built out of Jim, Pam and his desk. Jim returns the favor by building "quad desk", three (yes, three) desks stacked like a pyramid. Michael tries to impress Jo, the new owner of Dunder Mifflin, but it's warehouse worker Darrell who catches her eye with a fresh idea and is given his own office next to Michael's. I wonder if that means we'll get to see more of Darrell. I love the way he interacts with Michael.
• "Project Runway" (Lifetime, 10:00): The designers get to create a look based on the elements - earth, water, air and fire - that also incorporated a hairstyle to match. Jonathan wins with his interpretation of air through laughter. I understood his concept, but I didn't think the look was all that. Ben and Amy, one of my favorites, end up in the bottom two - both for bad construction. Amy has made some really great clothes but the outfit she came up with tonight was so strange that even Lady Gaga would call it weird. Ultimately, the judges forgave her "cat in a baby sling" garment and sent Ben packing for his ill-constructed pantsuit.
• On "Grey's Anatomy" (ABC, 9:00), Callie thinks she's finally in a stable relationship then learns that her pediatrician girlfriend doesn't want to have children. A pediatrician who doesn't want kids? How much does she hate her job?
  

Idol hands

So, yeah, I got a new car today. I actually got it on Monday but it was delivered today. It's my dream car and I've been fawning over this car for five years!!! This really has nothing to do with this blog, but I really wanted to share it with the Watch Party.

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): Upon the Villains' return to camp after Randy's dismissal, Coach is feeling like an outsider and seething about Sandra calling him out over his work ethic. "I did noble things out here and I look ignoble," he whines to Tyson. "Why can't anyone ever say anything good about me?" Pause it: The reason is because you've already spent nine days complimenting yourself, Confucius. Tyson advises him to tone it down around camp and lay off the campfire tales if he wants to fit in. "Nobody believes your stories," he says. The next morning, B-Rob tells Coach that he's got to trust that he's not on the outside. But Rob makes it clear that he's not there to play mommy to Coach's whining ways. "Pick your head up and act like a man!"

Over at the Heroes' beach, the team looks as if it's finally bonding. The tree mail instructs them to pick a reward from a catalog. Pause it: Since they are not paying me, I won't repeat the name of the store that the supplies are from, but here's a hint: the same store also outfits the houses on "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. The Heroes opt for a tackle box and a kitchen set while the Villains hope to improve their shelter with a tool kit and a tarp. The game is a slip-and-slide meets basketball competition. The players lather up with oil and slide down a piece of plastic, grabbing a numbered ball along the way. They then have to sink that ball into a small basket. First ball in wins the point. For the love of all that's holy, please PAUSE IT! Did you see James's chest all buttered up and shiny and muscular? WHEW!!! He looked like a piece of dark meat and all I needed was a napkin and a bottle of hot sauce.

Coach gets the Villains on the scoreboard early and it looks like it's going to be another rout until Amanda scores one for the Heroes. Rupert downs another basket to even the game so it all comes down to Tyson and Colby to decide the winner. Poor Colby must be really tired of eating humble pie because he comes up short ... again. Villains win reward.

Back on the Villain beach, everyone is standing around raiding the loot when Russell pulls out the knife from the tool kit. As the blade comes out of the pocket, a clue to a hidden immunity idol comes out. When asked what they should do about the idol, Sandra suggests that once it's found, they should throw it in the ocean. "Whoever gets it will be marked," she threatens. Russell, who found three idols without a clue last season doesn't agree and sets out to find this one. The others agree he's an idiot and that he's sealing his own fate. The Heroes find their clue hidden in the coffee beans and Tom and Colby know they need to find that idol to stay in the game. The whole camp scatters like roaches when the lights come on, with Tom being the lucky one to find it. He tucks it away in his sock but Amanda spies him doing so. She quickly informs the rest of the Heroes that Tom has the idol.

At the immunity challenge, the castaways get to play the same game that took out black Russell last season: the blindfolded giant ball maze. It's the only game in Survivor history that was never completed - it was stopped for medical to come in and save Russ. Tom is calling the shots for the Heroes while B-Rob leads the Villains. Rob proves to be quite the leader as he guides his team through the maze. The Villains eek out another win, sending the Heroes to Tribal Council for the third time. Let the jockeying begin!

Cirie says it's either Colby or Tom's night to go, especially since Tom has the idol. J.T. wants to put Candace on the chopping block, reasoning that her scrambling makes her a liability. Amanda joins forces with J.T. who's in an alliance with Tom who offers to give the idol away to prove his loyalty. Throw in James for good measure and you've got a 5 on 2 alliance. Amanda stupidly reports to Cirie that Tom is gunning for Candace, and Cirie - being the clever player that she is - explains how it's a bad move to keep Tom in the game. J.T. overhears the conversation and reports to Tom that Cirie is the true mastermind. And just like that, Cirie is on the chopping block next to Tom and Colby.

J.T. is in one too many alliances. He wants to keep the "good guys" in the game (whoever that is) but doing so would eventually put him in the crosshairs. "I know how everyone is voting ... except me," he says.

At Tribal Council, Probst grills Rupert after he says his vote will allow him to remain true to his word, even if it's a bonehead move. James admits he doesn't care who goes as long as he wins. He says that the social aspect of a game is a distraction and people should forget about that part until it's time to merge. After the vote, Tom plays his idol and Cirie gets the ax in the first blindside of the season. I thought she would've made it farther than this, but Tom totally outplayed her at a strategy she invented in this game: listening.

THE SCORECARD

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Because of the timing of how the show is filmed, I know that 10 designers from "Project Runway" (Lifetime, 10:00) showed at Bryant Park. So the question is do the contestants really need to aspire to win, or should their focus be on staying long enough to get to the top five, six or seven? Who cares about the money if you still get to show your collection at one of the biggest fashion shows in the country? Whatever ... in this episode, the designers had to create a look with materials found in a hardware store. They didn't even let them shop at Mood to get any fabric. Jay makes a stunning "leather" outfit out of garbage bags and duct tape and gets his second win. Emilio, who normally makes beautiful garments was uninspired by the challenge and sends a half-naked model down the runway. It was obvious he should've been the one to go. Instead, the judges dump Jesse for his metal cloud attached to an armor breastplate. Auf wiedersehen!

On "The Office" (NBC, 9:00), after five long seasons Jim and Pam became the proud parents of a baby girl named Cecilia Marie Halpert, 7 lbs., 2 oz, 18 in. Mother and daughter are doing fine.

The widow maker

Only a few days left in the Winter Olympics. Two things I have learned from these games: Speedskater Shani Davis is sort of a jerk and the two-man luge has to be one of the most homo-erotic events I have ever seen. Let's wrap this up, NBC. Time to get back to the real stuff, like ...

"Survivor" (CBS, Thurs., 8:00): Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we get rid of the strong players and leave all the girls behind. In a story as old as Adam and Eve, the women of "Survivor" continue to lead the male castaways out of the Garden of Eden and into a torch-snuffing pit of humiliation. Resident black widow Parvati, left, has left a wake of men in her path. For some reason, men find her incredibly charming and she doesn't mind using her "assets" to get what she wants. But more about her later.

After the Heroes return from Tribal Council, Tom tells James he could've been a little more gentle in his tone with the ousted Stephenie. "I just wanna win," James says. J.T. pulls Tom aside and offers an apology for breaking his promise and stabbing him in the back by siding with his other alliance. And poor, poor Colby is letting his moral compass get the best of him. He thinks the game is bringing out qualities in him that he wasn't ready for this time around.

The next morning, all is quiet around the Heroes beach. Rupert secretly wished for rain because it would force them all to spend time together in the shelter. Instead, they are all off doing their own thing around camp. Luckily, some wayward chickens make their way into their camp and the guys all join together in catching them. Pause it: Nothing brings people together like fried chicken. Seriously. OK, maybe pizza. Tom proves he's still got the midas touch when he catches one with his quick hands. Rewind: Remember how he caught that baby shark on his season using his bare hands and his psychic powers?

With two straight wins under their belts, the Villains are still riding high. Boston Rob makes a very astute observation when he tells us that the way to figure out alliances is by watching to see who sleeps next to whom at night. Of course, who better to know than B-Rob. He is, after all, the guy who lost to his future wife Ambuh. Jerri is snuggled up next to Coach while Parvati is putting the moves on Russell. Pause it: Now I'm not one to gossip (much) but if I'm not mistaken, Russell has a wife and four kids. Why is he rubbing up on Parv like he's trying to build a fire on her arm? But it back in the sling, buddy. Coach, who somehow is the voice of reason, can see how people are mesmerized by Parv's charm and warns Russell to be careful with how the tribe perceives his relationship with her. Russell, on the other hand, is too preoccupied with proving that B-Rob isn't running the Villains' camp. He resorts to his "mind-control" tactics and hides the tribe's machete. He reasons that people will go crazy and it will cause dissension among the castaways.

At the immunity/reward challenge, it's a round of Sumo-style mud jousting, with the first team to eight points winning another safety along with luxury items from home, a week's worth of rice and coffee. Pause it: These people aren't brushing their teeth and you want to mix that with coffee breath? Good Lord!! The match-ups are pretty even, but there were some who didn't stand a chance against their opponents (James and Randy? Really?) Candice took Parvati down in a scrappy battle while Jerri basically threw herself in the mud running from Cirie. Coach thought he had the upper hand on Rupert, but was called for a do-over after using his arm to push Rupert from the podium. If you listened to James yelling from the sidelines, you knew the Heroes came to work out some aggression. "Get yo ass up!" he yells at Coach. "Whoop her ass!" he instructs Cirie. The Heroes rout the Villains, 8-0, giving them their first immunity win.

Back at camp, the Villains quickly begin tossing names around. Randy, right, is the obvious choice. He's the oldest player in the game and has no real alliances with anyone. But Randy knows that the girls will run the game if they don't eliminate the biggest social threat: Parvati. Tyson and Coach both want her gone. "Fear has never controlled me; flirting has never controlled me," Coach tells her. Jerri also goes gunning for her after Parv tries to bully her into revealing her vote.

At Tribal Council, Probst asks how much past relationships come into play when multiple players have been in the game multiple times. Most of the tribe is concern that Parvati has friends on the Heroes team, but B-Rob points out the advantage of going into the merge with someone who knows the other team. Others point out that Parv is also a previous winner. None of that seems to matter much though, as they all vote Randy out of the game. He shows his anger by tossing his team buff into the flames on his way out. BOOYAH!

Turn that up: Funniest line of the night goes to Jeff Probst. After calling a do-over in the Rupert/Coach match up, Coach gives him the finger and Probst tells him to "Take that anger and point it to the pirate, not me." Runner-up goes to Tyson. After losing to the Heroes, he says, " I guess they all ate steroid sandwiches ... I worried for their sanity."

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• Stephen Colbert's "Vancouverage" of the Winter Olympics via "The Colbert Report" (Comedy Central) was freaking awesome! Having the Colbert Nation sponsor the USA Olympic Speedskating team was pure genius and provided him with some of his best material since his trip to Iraq for "Operation Iraqi Stephen".


• After these messages: Apparently Jimmy Johnson heard me laughing through his ExtenZe commercial because no sooner than I finished typing about how he should be embarrassed did he come out with a counter spot saying he's not ashamed to be promoting a male-enhancement pill.