Checking in, checking on

Hey Watch Party followers! Now before you start throwing your TV remotes at me, let me explain my absence. See, what had happened was I took a trip home to Arkansas to see my nieces graduate from high school. The two weeks I was away just happened to be the end of the Spring TV season. I watched every finale: "Glee", "Survivor" (Yay, Sandra!), "Grey's Anatomy" (Whoa, crazy Columbine shooter guy!) ... I saw them all. But there wasn't a long enough break in the action for me to write about anything I was watching.

That was May. Fast forward to the summer months when TV is nothing but reality, and my reality is nothing but fantasy. I usually use the summer to catch up on my reading ("Game Change," anyone?), but this summer I thought I'd give dating a whirl. And you know what I've discovered? It eats up a lot of my TV-watching time. It also takes a lot of patience to date a guy who doesn't have cable and his 152,000-inch TV comes with only 10 channels. *Placing remote to temple, pulling trigger* So what does a person with no cable do when they visit a person who has over 200 channels? They surf, of course. We barely get through 5 minutes of one show before he's moved on to the next. And who watches those video channels, anyway? My remote never goes higher than the Encore movie channel!

In any case, he'll be around for awhile which means I have to find a way to balance having a social life with continuing the Watch Party. Oh, no ... no. I don't have a solution right now! I'm working on it. But here are some thoughts on what I have been watching this summer:

"Big Brother" (CBS): The show comes on multiple times a week which means multiple times for ramped up drama. Aside from the lame "saboteur" twist, the show has produced plenty of humor and drama. Who knew the "Kosher King," meek little Andrew, would leave a wake of victims with his vengeful exit speech? Seeing Kristen and Hayden squirm over their reveal showmance was priceless. And producers, can you please tell Rachel to tone it down in the Diary Room? Her "excited voice" is as bad as that dye job. I'm rooting for Britney! The show airs on Sundays, Wednesdays and Thursdays.

"Top Chef: D.C." (Bravo, Wed., 9:00): Why do the judges keep rewarding Angelo for his Asian dishes? To me it shows that that's the only thing he knows how to cook. And shouldn't a top chef have more than soy sauce and sushi under his apron? I'm just sayin'!

"Project Runway" (Lifetime, Thurs., 9:00): Has anyone been paying attention to the commercials for this season? Let's just say they look more like advertisements for a Lifetime movie than a sewing show. The show promised a huge twist, but it failed to deliver. They made it seem as if multiple people would be cut in the first episode when all they did was dump the wrong person for a guy who basically made a Snuggie. The bigger twist is that the show is 90 minutes this season, meaning they won't be replaying it the same night like they usually do. Do us a favor, Lifetime! Save that extra 30 minutes and give us more shots of the actual garments. I don't care to see the designers' faces when their model takes the runway. Oh, and please loose the dark backdrop. You can barely see the clothes if the material is anything other than white. Or is it just me?

"So You Think You Can Dance" (FOX, Wed. & Thurs.): In an effort to revamp the show, the network has taken my favorite summer staple and made a mockery of it. When I first heard they were doing an all-star season, I was excited to see some of the best contestants compete again. But all they did was bring back 3 people I actually remember and a gang of dancers who were voted off their seasons early. I didn't watch the audition rounds so I have no attachment to any of the contestants. The one guy I was pulling for (ballet dancer Alex) was sidelined by an injury just one week after he performed a smokin' hot hip-hop number along side Season 4's tWitch Boss (yes, that's how he spells it). Watch the performance here.

I'll try to do a better job of checking in more often. But I'll leave you with this little nugget in the meantime. Be easy, TV Watch Party crew!

Bait and switch

My sisters think it's crazy for me to blog while I'm on vacation, especially given all the other things I could be doing besides watching TV. (They have never quite understood my love for all things television). I have only watched about 3 hours of TV in the past 5 days, which for me would be the equivalent of trying to quit smoking cold turkey. But I couldn't let Thursday go by without giving some quick thoughts on "Survivor" (CBS, Thurs., 8:00).

First of all, the episode was nothing more than a glorified Sprint commercial. I guess I was supposed to be looking at how cool the phone was but all I kept thinking was how dirty their hands were while they were handling that shiny phone.

Secondly, I've had just about all I can stand out of Russell. When he called the girls "unappreciative little bitches" after Jerri didn't invite him along on the reward win, I wanted to punch him in the face. I wonder if he talks about his wife and daughters like that when he doesn't get his way. I'm pretty sure it will be him, Sandra and Parvati in the final 3. I'm pulling for Sandra, but I know Parvati has got the game in the bag.

Lastly, that immunity challenge reminded me of the game they played many seasons ago there the castaways had to stand in some weird Chinese contraption holding coins between their fingers. It looked really painful and I don't know that I could've held that position for 17 minutes. Pause it: But I'm certain I could've lasted longer than Colby's 15 seconds. Give that guy a V-8 and send him home.

Parvati wins immunity, foiling Russell's plan to backdoor her out of the game. He immediately sets his sights on Rupert, after giving Colby and Rupert his word that he was with them until the finals. Rupert and Colby vote to get rid of Sandra, who calmly plays the hidden idol. Rupert is shut down and gives the others the stink eye on his way out.

Tune in Sunday at 8 for the finale and reunion show. I can't wait to see Russell lose again. Although, I fear he may shoot himself if he doesn't get the title this time around.

Sour grapes

I was convicted this week after a coworker (and TV Watch Party attendee) told me that they miss my "Amazing Race" updates because that was their way to keep up with the show. I've taken notes on every episode, but for some reason, I haven't felt compelled to write about it ... until now. It's finale night!

"The Amazing Race" (CBS, 8:00): After last week's elimination of the detectives, I told my Watch Party cohort Mary that I would be OK with Don't Ask, Won't Tell (Dan and Jordan) winning the race if 8 Seconds (cowboys Jet and Cord) didn't come in first. Cut to me a week later completely pissed that the cowboys didn't win. Pause it: I could've dragged out the suspense until the end by giving you a play-by-play of what went down, but at this point it doesn't even matter. The real story is whether or not Dan and Jordan cheated their way into first and if the Sexy Lezzies' finish-line tirade ruined the show. *Checking 'yes' box on the survey*

At the start of the leg, the teams are told to hop a 6,000 mile flight to San Francisco. The teams are all even because the ticket counter doesn't open until 10:45 the next morning. Rewind: That really sucked because Don't Ask, Won't Tell were about 4 hours behind the cowboys. Now this is where it gets dicey: While Jet and Cord slept in line at the ticket counter, Dan and Jordan cut in front of them. The normally calm cowboys were rightly ticked off. "If they wanna drop the gloves, they can drop the gloves," Jet says. Once on the plane, Dan talks a flight attendant into letting them move to empty seats in first class.

There is a lot of buzz about whether moving to first class is cheating, but the rules of the race say you must BUY tickets in coach, but if you are moved or given seats in first or business class, that's OK. As for the cutting in line, that was just effed up. It's one thing to jockey for first place by trying to get tickets on a tight flight, but what Dan and Jordan did was just poor sportsmanship. Yes, they are competing for a million dollars, but what's great about "The Amazing Race" is that teams (for the most part) keep it clean (sort of). Maybe I'm just salty because the cowboys were so nice to the other teams. Good Karma should've been their cab driver on this leg.

For a last leg, the challenges weren't that hard: a 120-foot vertical climb, navigating a virtual world and solving a memory puzzle about eliminations. The virtual world was the most entertaining, only because of the way Cord was yelling out fake instructions while Dan was giving Jordan directions. "Do a back flip!" "Sashay!" "Ballet move!" I had to watch it twice because we were laughing so hard.

Where are Fred and Velma, you ask? They got stuck with an Asian cab driver who didn't understand them yelling at him and each other. "I want to punch you in the face," Caite lovingly yells at Brent. They never could catch up and ended up coming in third behind the cowboys.

At the finish line, the Lezzies are the only team that doesn't clap when Brent and Caite arrive at the check in. Pause it: Shame on usually-super-nice Phil for instigating Carol and Brandy, who are obviously still smarting about being U-Turned. "I don't want to hear 'sorry' from you. You purposely whacked us," Brandy screams. Talk about Debbie Downer! Not only did they have horrible attitudes on the race, but they proved what bitches they are by ruining what should've been a congratulatory moment for those who actually finished the race. Good for Caite for defusing the situation by not letting Brandy have the last word. "I'm the one standing here and not you." Touche.

Even though the cowboys didn't win, at least they left with some class and their integrity in tact, unlike Dan and Jordan, who successfully lived out his life-long dream of running the race, but will now carry the name "Team I Wanted the Cowboys To Win."

Some parting thoughts: If I ever hear the words "C'mon, bro!" again, I will fly to Rhode Island to beat Dan and Jordan with an ugly stick; I find it very ironic that the teams left Shanghai for California and everyone ended up Asian cab drivers.

CHANNEL SURFING
If you get some free time, check out last week's episode of "Medium" (cbs.com). It was quite the mix of time travel and ghost whispering. A fascinating show, indeed.

There's no crying in "Survivor"

What are the chances that as I prepare to go on vacation, I start coming down with something? I think my body senses that rest is right around the corner and is ready to start the vacation before it's actually time. Add that to the guilt I'm feeling for not blogging about "The Amazing Race" and you've got yourself a sickly scribe. For those of you who follow the show, it's 8 Seconds, Don't Ask, Won't Tell and Fred and Velma in the finals. The last leg wraps up in San Francisco on Sunday. Here's a quick recap of ...

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): Last season, I had a love/hate relationship with Russell. In the beginning I hated him, but by the end of the game I loved the way he was able to manipulate people into doing whatever he wanted. This season? Not so much. It's strictly hate/hate. I hate the way he tries to control women. I hate the way he insults anyone with a face. I hate the way he cockily thinks he's running the show when, in reality, it's Parvati who is outwitting circles around him.

After Candice foolishly voted with the Villains at last the Tribal Council, Rupert and Colby return to camp with a plethora of adjectives to describe her. "Colby and I are on a sinking ship," Rupert says. "There are no other Heroes." His nice-cup finally runneth over and he calls Russell out for being a liar and swearing on his kids' life. "Rupert, I'm a Villain ... I'm here to make your life hell," Russell yells.

When the castaways show up for the challenge, Jeff Probst informs them that it's an immunity challenge. Pause it: It looked like some sort of torture device. Our defense department should take note. The players must stand on an uncomfortable perch, holding up one arm which is attached to a bucket full of colored water. Both Rupert and Parv played the game once before, with Parv winning after lasting for six hours. Probst warns them that he'll be tempting them with food items throughout the challenge. After one minute in, he comes out with a covered tray. Both Sandra and Russell immediately agree to step down before he even reveals the item. Luckily for them it was milk and cookies and not some sort of Samoan delicacy or fish eyes or goat's feet. Another 20 minutes goes by and Colby steps down for doughnuts and coffee. One by one they all step down, leaving Rupert and Parvati to battle for immunity. Rupert and his broken toe (and what looks like the same bandage he's been wearing since day one) can't get comfortable on the perch and falls off after an 70 minutes. Parvati wins immunity.

Before the tribe departs, Probst reads a clue to another hidden immunity idol for everyone to hear. Rewind: I wonder if he did that because of the Danielle/Amanda scuffle last week where the rules were blurry about who owns the clue once it's found. When they get back to camp, everyone scatters to find the "burning bush" the clue spoke of. Pause it: How funny was it that Sandra was actually looking for a bush that was consumed by fire. This is Samoa sweetie, not Israel. Sandra does end up finding the idol and smartly stashes it under a rock to go back and read later. Rupert, knowing his time is almost up, decides to pretend he found the idol. He stuffs a rock in his pants pocket and returns to camp.

When Russell sees the bulge in Rupert's pocket (tee hee) he assumes that Rup has found the idol. "I know what a hidden idol looks like," he says. (Apparently it looks like a rock in your pocket). Russell tells his Villains that they must flush out the idol by splitting the votes between Rupert and Colby. They both opt for writing down Candice's name, which is funny because unbeknownst to Russell, Parv and the Pips want to get rid of Candice, too.

At Tribal Council, Probst probes Candice about her decision to flip to the Villains' side. She reasons that Amanda was next to go no matter how she voted. Colby tells her he's not buying her excuses and wants her to woman up about the real reason she jumped ship. She admits that she did it to advance herself in the game. After the votes are cast, Probst asks if anyone is going to play an idol. Rupert touches his pocket as if he's happy to see it, but alas, he has no idol. After a tight vote, Candice is voted out. Pause it: The Villains rode her hard and hung her up wet. In her parting words, she says, "Karma is a bitch sometimes." No truer words, girl. No truer words.

The castaways return to camp and Russell is furious again. His plan to split the votes was overruled by Parv and now he sees that he's not in control of the game anymore.

The second immunity challenge, is a puzzle race course. The first people to finish each round advances to the next one. The first round is a table maze and Rupert quickly finishes. Useless Colby brings up the rear while Sandra, Russell, Parv and Danielle join Rupert in the next round - a climbing wall. The players are given four pegs to use to get up the wall, but Russ practically runs up the almost-vertical spread. He moves ahead with Rupert and Parvati. The final round is a sliding puzzle. It looks like Rupert is about to escape the chopping block, but Russ comes from behind for the win. Dejected, Rupert says, "The lie of a rock in my pocket is not gonna save me tonight."

When the Villains discuss who they want gone, Parvati stresses that Rupert has to go next. She says that they are still five strong and they have plenty of time to worry about turning on each other. Russell, on the other hand, is worried about the weird bisexual current that's flowing between Parv and Danielle. He says it's supposed to be him and Parvati as a team, not her and Danielle. He wants to break up the happy couple and devises a plan to have them turn on each other. He tells each girl that the other wants to take her out of the game. What he didn't anticipate was Parvati challenging his information. She insists on talking to Danielle to get to the bottom of things. "If you do that, you're out of this game," Russ threatens. Parv counters with, "Don't tell me I can't have a conversation with anyone."

Once the girls talk, they realize that Russ's paranoia is getting the better of him. And now that the ladies know he lied, he's determined to eliminate Danielle. Getting rid of her will insure that Parvati will "stick to him like glue." Parv and Dani need Jerri's vote to make sure their plan to vote off Rupert goes down. She promises that she's sticking to the plan. Pause it: I'm at a loss as to why they didn't see this was a sign to blindside Russell.

This time at Tribal, Probst asks Rupert who's running the show. He says it's Parvati and Russell

who are in control of the game. It seems as if that answer stung Danielle a bit and she counters with the Villains make decisions together. Probst continues to needle Danielle about how things are going around camp. She tries to maintain the "one-big-happy-family" facade, but it crumbles when Jerri admits that camp was a little rowdy. Dani suggests it was just a misunderstanding and that everything is fine. Pause it: Did anyone notice how Danielle looked like Parvati's shadow, saying everything that Parv said 2 seconds after she said it. It was like Tribal Council was in Surround Sound. Danielle gets emotionally over Russell's distrust and starts sobbing. "We've been an alliance since the beginning," she cries. She says she's exhausted and the game is taking everything out of her. She then continues to seal her own fate when she reveals that she's closer to Parvati than Russell is. Cut to Parvati shaking her head and Dani's bonehead move. She basically turned her cards over for everyone to see. While Danielle is digging her grave, Russell is preparing her coffin - he whispers to Jerri to write down Dani's name. She complies and just like that, Danielle is done.

Again I have to ask: What is wrong with the castaways this season? I'm certain that Parvati has bathed in some magical potion that makes everyone fall for her charms. Why else would these people keep falling for her the way they do. The way Danielle was sobbing you would think she had some sort of girl crush on Parv. And Russell. Poor Russell. How devastated is he going to be when he loses this game for a second time? So much for that "Dumb ass girl alliance" comment. Like Candice said, karma is a bitch sometimes.

I flip, you flop

I've been struggling for the last few weeks. I'm about to go on vacation for 2 weeks and I feel like I'm trying to cram a month's worth of work into 7 days. I'll do my best to get back on a more regular blog schedule, but as of late I'm barely averaging 4 hours of sleep a night ... and that's a good night! But I won't leave you hanging on Thursdays. Let's talk about the debauchery that's going on in Samoa. But a quick shout-out to my buddy Michael! Get well soon!

"Survivor" (CBS, Thurs., 8:00): Good lawd, there's a lot of confusion going on! My head was spinning after watching all the flipping and flopping. It was like watching two wealthy parents battling for custody of a kid neither of them really want. They just don't want to pay the child support. The "kids" in question are Sandra and Candice, the swing votes. By the time it was over, one castaway had abandoned her tribe and the one who made "Survivor" history was sent packing. Here's what went down:

After returning from Tribal Council, Russell is furious at Parvati about keeping her idol a secret. "It pisses me off that you didn't tell me," he rants. Parv, on the other hand, is secretly pleased, saying she wants Russell to be scared. Pause it: And after the move she made last week, he should be. Someone finally pushed Rupert's "on" button - he finally realizes that getting Sandra to flip is the Heroes' only chance to stay in the game. If only he had turned that switch on a week earlier. Russell, being the all-knowing soothsayer that he wishes he were, tells Candice she needs to get on board with the Villains. He predicts that Candy will follow his orders saying it doesn't matter what Sandra wants to do now that Candice is flipping.

At the reward challenge, it's "Survivor" shuffleboard. The players are divided into three teams of three. The team whose puck lands closest to the X wins a trip away from camp to see a screening of the movie "Treasure Island." Pause it: Wouldn't if have been more fitting for them to watch "Lord of the Flies?" Believing there's going to be a clue to another hidden idol, Parvati thinks it's pivotal for a Villain to win. For awhile it looks as if she's going to get her wish when Russell's puck is the only one to land near the X. It's down to Colby's last shot and he nails it, allowing himself, Amanda and Danielle to share in the reward. Pause it: I find it hilarious that the once strong and dominant Colby wins at a game of shuffleboard. Hey Colbster, your age is showing!

The three arrive at the reward house and Amanda has her eyes peeled for the idol. No, seriously. It was like her eyelids were pinned back and she couldn't blink because she was looking so hard. She doesn't find the clue, but as the trio are lying in bed watching the movie, Danielle spots the rolled-up paper in the bowl of popcorn and quickly tosses it underneath the bed. But Amanda notices that she dropped something and moves over to Dani's side of the bed hoping to find out what it is. She sees the clue on the floor, grabs it and stuffs it down her pants. Danielle freaks out and demands that Amanda give it back. A mini girl fight ensues with Danielle crying to Colby like a little beeyotch and Amanda pleading with her puppy dog eyes for him to back her up.

This is the first time in this game where Amanda was being aggressive. She was holding on to that clue like it was the last piece of chicken. Cirie would've been proud ... for about 10 seconds. Danielle is still crying to Colby that Amanda took her clue and to make her give it back. "I didn't even see what happened. I was watching 'Treasure Island,'" the doofus says. Colby tells Amanda she should return the clue to Danielle, WHICH SHE DOES, thereby proving two things: 1. Amanda cannot think for herself and 2. why Colby is losing at this game. He's such an idiot.

When they get back to camp, Russ and Parv start grilling Danielle about finding the idol. She tells them she did, but also adds some special effects saying she wrestled Amanda to the ground and ripped the clue from her hands. Pause it: That's pretty close to what happened if you leave out the part about Colby telling Amanda to give it back and Amanda handing it to her like Colby was her daddy. Russell volunteers to help Dani find the idol, unbeknownst to her that Russell is "the king of hidden immunity idols." He finds it within minutes of reading the clue and stashes it in his pocket. He later shares the news with Candice who agrees to hop on the Villains' train. Meanwhile, Sandra tells Colby she's ready to jump ship and join the Heroes, but only if they agree to vote out Russell. Colby is convinced Danielle has the idol, so getting rid of Russ shouldn't be a problem. They just have to keep him from winning immunity.

It's the build-a-10-foot-tall-house-of-cards-for-immunity challenge. Russell is off to a great start after building a base that could withstand a suicide bomber. Jerri is his only competition, putting together an flimsy, but steady tower. They're neck and neck at nine and a half feet until Russ can't get his last two tiles to hold. Jerri wins her very first immunity challenge by mere seconds.

Back at camp, the castaways start throwing names around. Russell wants Amanda gone. The Heroes want to show Russell or Parvati the door. The Heroes have a solid plan to write Russell's name down until Candice runs back and tells him their entire plan and pushes Sandra in front of the proverbial bus. Russ tries to threaten Sandra about jumping ship, and Colby says if their plan doesn't work then they'll know Candice spilled the beans.

At Tribal Council, Sandra tells Probst that she knows she's on the outside of the Villains and that she's frustrated with her alliance. Russell starts listing everybody's role within the alliance and leaves Sandra's name out. When Probst calls him out on it, he admits "she's just there." The Heroes set there plan in motion by announcing they think Danielle has the idol knowing full well she doesn't. Pause it: The last three Councils have had my heart beating out of my chest. I felt like I needed an IV drip as the votes were being read.

Right before Probst reads the votes, Russell plays his idol but it's all for naught. Amanda is voted out, ending her run as the person who's spent the most days playing the game of "Survivor" and opening the door for Parvati to break her record. It's the first time she's ever had her torch snuffed. As Amanda is making her exit, Danielle and Parv start ragging Russell telling him he wasted an idol and was nervous for nothing.

Sandra is like Cirie, but much more outspoken. She's playing the best mental game out of everyone, thinking 2 steps ahead of the others. Her downfall? She doesn't have Parvati charm. I predict she'll be sitting between Parv and Russell in the end. They have to bring Russ along cause everyone hates him. He thinks he's playing a great strategic game, but he's met his match in Parvati and Sandra.

Based on the previews it looks like the King and Queen might be headed to divorce court since Russell's leadership skills don't mesh with Parv's need to cut people off at the knees. And let me just say that Courtney is the funniest castaway ever to sit on the jury.

I'm embarrassed for you

It seems as if my this has turned into a "Survivor" blog with a little filler here and there. I still love TV, it's just that nothing gets me more excited than this show. I really thought "Glee" was going to get my mojo pumping, but I find myself disappointed with the new direction it's going. But more about that later. Let's get down to the business of ...

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): Lord, Lord, Lord. This was one for the history books. I do believe that this will go down as the Tribal Council in all of "Survivor". There was drama, humor, intrigue and heartbreak. But mostly, one player emerged as one of the smartest players of all time.

Now that the Villains have gotten rid of stick figure Courtney, the numbers are even between both tribes. The Heroes find a locked chest with a note attached saying company will be arriving soon, while the Villains have the key to open it. They are super excited - especially one-woman alliance Sandra - about the merge and pack up their camp to move to the Heroes' beach. Russell thinks he's the only one in the game with a hidden immunity idol and has no idea that Parvati has one of her own. She says the idols put her and Russell in the King and Queen position, but the Queen doesn't have to tell the King about her plans of a coup. Poor J.T. still thinks that after the Villains' Tribal Council, Parvati is gone and there are no more idols left in the game.

Upon arrival at their new camp, the castaways are told to drop their buffs and come up with a new tribe name. They eventually come up with "Yin Yang", throwing out "Hillains" and Jerri's suggestion of "All Villains". Pause it: I was thinking something more along the lines of "Puppets". It's obvious that the Heroes aren't happy to see Parv is still in the game. She whines to Danielle about feeling the cold shoulder. "I'm offended by how these Heroes are treating me. They don’t know it yet, but they’re about to be picked off one by one," Parvati threatens.

Meanwhile, Russell is spinning an intricate tall to Rupert and J.T. about why Parv is still in the game. He assures them that he's on their side, telling them "Just let this happen." Pause it: If only J.T. had a crystal ball ... and a brain. J.T. thinks Russ is a good ol' country boy. He has no inkling that Russ has turned him into a big doofus on national television. "Hook, line and sinker," Russ says, obviously pleased with himself. "This is going to be way easier than I thought."

Sandra later tries to warn Rupert that Russell and Parvati are trying to pull the buff over their eyes. "Russell’s the kingpin and Parvati’s the second in command," she says. It finally dawns on Rupert that the Heroes might be getting played in the worst possible way. “This is where the game gets crazy,” he marvels. But when Rupert goes to share Sandra's warning with the rest of the Heroes, they accuse him of being paranoid ... and sweating too much.

At the immunity challenge, it's every castaway for themselves in the first individual challenge: the pole hold - a last-man-standing endurance game. The contestants perch themselves on a pole with nothing but some tiny grooves to fit their feet into. J.T., Candice and Parvati have all played the game before with Candice lasting the longest. Both Colby and Sandra are the first ones to drop, followed by Rupert, Amanda and J.T. Parvati finds a new strategy by standing on the outside of her foot. She's in a zone and Candice realizes she's not going to outlast her. It's down to Parv and Danielle. Dani wants Parv to step off since she already has an idol. She does, and Danielle win the first individual immunity. Pause it: Did anyone notice how Dani's implant was looking a little melted. Gross!

It's scramble time back at the beach. Rupert wonders why Parvati stepped down if she thought she was going home. The Heroes devise a plan to flush out any possible idols by telling Russell that the Heroes are voting for Parvati, when in reality, they will be voting for either Sandra or Jerri to test Russell’s loyalty. Russell wants J.T. gone. He gives his idol to Parvati in hopes of saving her at Tribal Council. With both idols in her possession, Parvati is now the most powerful player in the game.

At Council, Yin Yang starts fighting about unripened bananas, reopening the debate about "banana etiquette". Rupert accuses the Villains - mainly Parvati and Danielle - of eating more than their share. Russell reminds them they are there to cut some fat and wants to get on with it. He says the vote will dictate the outcome of the game. Pause it: The jury (Coach and Courtney) read right through Russell's act. Too bad they couldn't do that when they were playing the game.

The Heroes cast their votes for Jerri, while the Villains all vote for J.T. Before the votes are read, Probst gives the usual spill about playing the hidden immunity idol and in a stunning twist, Parvati gives away BOTH idols to Sandra and Jerri. All votes cast for Jerri are void, leaving J.T. to go down in flames. Pause it: I was so embarrassed for him. *Forcing J.T. into an uncomfortable hug.* Russell is shell-shocked, whispering to Parvati, "You have some explaining to do."

J.T. took it like a man, but I would've loved to be sitting next to him at the Watch Party. I'm not a fan of Parvati, but she earned my respect tonight. And if she able to take Russell out of the game, I will cheer her on to the final three. At this point, I'm sure the Villains are going to want to keep Russell around cause it guarantees them five Hero votes from the jury. Parvati is going to be hard to beat, but if Sandra keeps playing her cards right, she'll be sitting next to her in the finals.

In case anyone was wondering, both Michael and Jackie are out of our "Survivor" pool. I still have Danielle on my team while Janet is going strong with Russell and Sandra. Here's the scorecard: (Members of the jury are the green failures)

CHANNEL SURFING

• Seattle's own Seth Aaron Henderson was crowned the winner of Season 7 of "Project Runway" (Lifetime, 10:00). Of course I know S.A. is really from Vancouver, Washington but only people who live there know you're not talking about Canada. Anyway, the judges thought S.A. knew how to "put on a show" and called his line "whimsical". It was a hard pill to swallow for Emilio Sosa, who won multiple challenges throughout the season. The judges loved his clothes but called a collection and not a complete fashion line. I hated Mila's collection, but then again, I've hated her aesthetic all season. All of the designers' clothes looked like something you'd find in Nordstrom. In past seasons, the finale runway show is full of drama and flowing gowns. I missed that. I mean, is it really runway couture if I'm not sitting on my couch wishing I had $10,000 for a pair of fitted slacks?
• Some passing thoughts about "Glee" (FOX, Tues., 9:00): I'm fairly sure I'm in the minority on this one, but that Madonna-themed episode? HATED IT. The cast performed seven songs. SEVEN! They barely had any dialogue. What I liked about the first half of the season was the backstories on all these complex characters. Now we get song after song and a revolving door of guest stars. A word to the writers: I know the show is an unstoppable pop-culture phenomenon, but stop trying to please the masses and get back to the basics.
  
• In parting, here's a funny line I heard on "The Office" (NBC, 9:00): "If it wasn't for secretaries, I wouldn't have a stepmom." - Andy, telling us the importance of celebrating Secretary's Day.
  

Cirie wouldn't have let that happen

Wednesday night I was stricken with a headache from hell. It totally took me off my game. I left work early and slept from 7 p.m. until 12:30 Thursday afternoon. Yes, it hurt that bad. I woke up intermittently, catching snippets of "Criminal Minds" and "Ugly Betty," but the migraine got the best of me. Let's talk about ...

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): There have been many bonehead moves in the history of "Survivor": James getting voted out while holding 2 immunity idols; Ozzy getting voted out while holding an immunity idol (you see the pattern?). Well, J.T. topped them all when he gave the Heroes' hidden immunity idol to the man who least needed one. It was like he had a spare million dollars in his pocket decided to give it to Warren Buffett. And his tribemates just sat there and let it happen. Is that the bigger bonehead move ... that no one objected? I'm still shaking my head.

The Villains return from Tribal Council, and Jerri is worried that her alliance will turn on her after they sent Coach home without telling her. She asks Danielle if she's next on the chopping block, but both Dani and Russell reassure her that Courtney or Sandra will be the next to go.

The treemail instructs the tribes to rank their team members from strongest to weakest. This will determine who they go head-to-head with at the reward challenge, a game that was first played on "Survivor: Tocanins" and J.T. went on win. Pause it: It's the game that makes my feet cramp up just thinking about it, but what I remember most is how Coach got all drama queen at the end, collapsing like a Haitian house in an earthquake. The Villains decide to put all their women in the game because they're lighter and have smaller feet. The Heroes, on the other hand, have Rupert and his ego to contend with. He claims he's stronger than everyone in the game. Pause it: Um, yeah. I see how that's true, Rupert. That broken toe won't be a problem in a challenge where you're standing on a one-inch wide peg. The castaways must outlast their opponent and the first team to three points wins a feast courtesy of Outback Steakhouse. As the challenge gets underway, Jeff Probst announces that Amanda has spent 100 days playing "Survivor". The Villains' strategy pays off and they win reward.

At the feast, Parvati finds a clue to a hidden immunity idol in her napkin. She quickly stuffs it in her underwear (eww!) and later shows it to Danielle. Parv says she wants Danielle to feel tighter with her than she does with anyone else. “We’ll fill Russell in on a need-to-know basis, and right now Russell doesn’t need to know," Parv says. Jerri thinks it's "awesome" that the Heroes think they have an all-girl alliance going. "They have no idea what's going on over here."

Meanwhile, J.T. is at the Hero's beach filling in his tribe on his "brilliant" plan. Amanda thinks it's stupid because they don't know what's going on over there. (See Jerri's comment). He could be in with the girls for all we know,” Amanda reasons. Rewind: If Cirie were still in this game, she wouldn't have even allowed J.T. to get out the first sentence. AND, if Cirie were still in this game, Amanda wouldn't be whimpering in the jungle to Candice because Cirie would be telling her what to do. J.T. writes Russell a letter with instructions on how to use the idol (HA!) and who to vote off. He writes that the Villains should vote off Parvati then Russell can join in with the Heroes' alliance after the merge. "This is "Survivor" history," Colby concludes. Yes, dude, it is. And your whole tribe will be able to write their names on the Wall of Shame.

Parvati and Danielle get up early to go searching for the idol. After they find it, Parv says it gives her control of the game. She says Russell is "not the king of 'Survivor' ... I'm the queen."

The immunity challenge is another ropes obstacle course with a totem pole puzzle at the end. The Heroes get off to an early lead and Colby and Russell are running the last leg for their teams. This gives Colby the opportunity to tell Russell to get the idol from J.T. after the challenge is over. Pause it: No sooner than Colby makes that deal, the rain begins to fall. That's an omen if I ever saw one. The Heroes win immunity, setting the stage for J.T.'s stupidity to boomerang like bad karma. "I don't even have to find idols ... people are giving them to me. You don’t hand the enemy the idol, especially when his name is Russell Hantz,” Russell says.

The Heroes think they have done the impossible, but all they've done is give the Villains something to entertain themselves with. I hate Parvati, but even I got a kick out of her rendition of J.T.'s letter. It sounded like something you'd write in high school. "J.T. gave Russell his heart today, and Russell is just going to stab it a million times," Parv snickers. "I can't believe that kid won!"

Meanwhile, Courtney and Sandra have resigned themselves to their fate - one of them will be going home. Parvati wants to keep Courtney around because she thinks Court would be more loyal and she can keep her in check better than she can with Sandra. She sure Sandra will be the first one to flip after the merge.

At Tribal Council, Russell's alliance say they can't trust Sandra. Danielle makes the argument that Sandra can manipulate people, but all Dani does is make herself look like a complete idiot. She says Sandra was being controlled by B-Rob to which Sandra counters with Parvati is the boss of Dani. Then Parv pours alcohol on the wound by confirming yes, she is the boss of Danielle. Pause it: Are you kidding me, Danielle? You basically handed Parvati the lube and told her to take it.

Courtney lashes out at Jerri for joining forces with Russell just in time to save herself. "I didn't flip quick enough, I guess," Courtney snipes. "That's why me and Sandra are in trouble." It's too little, too late and Courtney becomes the second member of the jury.

Next week, the tribes merge and it looks like Parvati's instincts about Sandra will prove to be true. She'll be the first one to flip.

Where do you rank J.T.'s move among the dumbest moves in "Survivor" history? I'll give him a little leeway since they don't know Russell's history with hidden immunity idols, but it's still a dumb move to help your opponent by giving away something that could potentially get you to the Final 3.

Stupid wins because stupid does

I just finished watching the second episode of "Miami Medical" (CBS, Fri., 10:00) and you can totally tell it's produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, the same man who cranks out the "CSI" franchise. It's a good show, but nothing to change your viewing schedule for. In true Bruckheimer form, it's high on shocking plot twists with not much focus on the acting. *Staring at "CSI: Miami's" David Caruso* Here's what happened Sunday night:

"The Amazing Race" (CBS, 8:00): How impressive was last week's "worst-to-first" performance by Team 8 Seconds? I thought the Cowboys were done when they had to endure the Speed Bump penalty for coming in last on a non-elimination leg, but they proved why they are still in the race. Now we're down to the last five teams and I desperately want to see them in the Top 3.

8 Seconds is the first team to leave and are instructed to travel 400 miles to Singapore via a bus and train. When the teams open their clues, they learn they will encounter a U-turn somewhere in the leg. Team Fred and Velma (Brent and Caite), along with the Infective Detectives (Louie and Michael) immediately jump at the chance to use the power on the Sexy Lezzies. Neither team likes Carol or Brandy, left, and they try to get Don't Ask, Won't Tell (Dan and Jordan) to take a swig of their Haterade. Caite announces that she would "100% U-turn Carol and Brandy" because the couple acted mean towards her, adding she wouldn't "mind being the only girl left." Pause it: Raise your hand if you think Caite doesn't know how to calculate 100%.

All teams end up on the same sleeper train to Singapore. When they arrive at the station, the Lezzies try to push their way past the other teams, to no avail. Michael says, “They want to push their way through, try and bully their way through. Wrong crew to bully. Adds Brent, "Ladies get their way. Bitches don't." Once off the train, the teams race to find Allan Wu, hosts of "The Amazing Race Asia," for their next clue. When they get their clues, they discover there's a Fast Forward. The winner of the Fast Forward gets to skip all tasks and go straight to the Pit Stop. Don't Ask, Won't Tell head for it, while the other teams head for the Detour: pound the drums or pound the pavement.

When Dan and Jordan arrive at the Fast Forward, they learn they have to scale the world's tallest observation wheel. Jordan tells Dan, "So maybe now’s a good time to tell you that I’ve just discovered I have an intense fear of heights.” They manage to make it through the challenge and are the first to arrive at the Pit Stop. They win a pair of motorbikes to which they respond, "There is not chance we would ever step on that thing. Our mother would kill us."

Back at the Detour, all teams opt for pounding the drums until most of them realize they have no rhythm. Fred and Velma master the beat and head off to find their next clue while the Detectives, the Lezzies and 8 Seconds all struggle. The Dectectives try to go for the Fast Forward only to get there and see that Dan and Jordan are already doing it. They rush back to pound the pavement - selling ice cream to the locals - while the cowboys and the lesbians are getting beat by the beat. Meanwhile, the Infective Detectives conquer the ice cream challenge and head to the Road Block.

Back at the drum challenge, both the lezzies and the cowboys are about to give up but both teams finally master the performance. Carol and Brandy excitedly hurry to the next clue only to find they've been U-turned by Fred and Velma. "She's an idiot and she's on YouTube to prove it," Carol angrily exclaims. Pause it: Damn, this couple is in serious need of anger management, for real!

After completing a Road Block of counting the links of an enormous anchor chain, it's a race to the finish between the cowboys, the lesbians and the detectives. 8 Seconds manages to come in third behind Fred and Velma. "The closest thing we play to a musical instrument is the radio," Jet tells Phil about their struggles with the drum.

The Lezzies and the Detectives are in a footrace to the Pit Stop and for a split second I saw myself dissolving into a heap of anger at the thought of the Sexy Lezzies being saved by a non-elimination. But alas, my prayers are answered and the Lezzie are taken down by "Brent and Caite Gump". Carol sums up the leg perfectly: "Dumb did us in." That may be true, Lezzies, but dumb is still in the race and you guys are left with nothing but each other. Good luck with that, ladies. You Negative Nellies deserve each other.

The show takes a break next week for the Country Music Awards, so don't fret when you can't find it.

CHANNEL SURFING
Former girl-group singer Rozonda "Chilli" Thomas (from TLC) is looking for love, and I caught a snippet of her new show, "What Chilli Wants" (VH1, 10;00). All I can say is her dating requirements list is almost as long as mine. As she was saying them out loud (must love God, must not eat pork, must have washboard abs, don't drink or smoke, eh em ... well endowed), I felt a lot better about my little "must have all his teeth" requirement. Chilli's friend Missy Elliott even pointed out she'd have to date Jesus find anyone who'd measure up. "I'm gonna send a Disciple your way," she jokes. One requirement that really disturbed me was the "no more than two baby mommas" rule. Really? Just two, huh? Way to keep it classy, Chilli. Is that the standard I have to work with now? Whatever happened to tall, dark and handsome? Now I have to put a numerical limit on baby mommas? I throw up my hands and jut out my hip.

Great expectations

I had Thursday off so I actually got the chance to watch a lot of my favorite shows live. A rare treat for someone who watches 60% of my TV shows via the internet. Here's a recap:

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): The Villains have absolutely no clue who they are up against when dealing with Russell Hantz. It's unfortunate for that tribe that they didn't get to see his game play before they started filming this season. Otherwise, he would've been gone the first time the Villains were sent to Tribal Council. His desire to be the ultimate survivor has put his team in a hole they may not be able to dig themselves out of. He's controlling every move they make. And judging by the Heroes' assumption that B-Rob's demise was from an all-girl alliance, I'd say Russell is controlling that tribe as well.

The morning after Tribal Council, Danielle and Parvati are laughing about B-Rob's ouster. "I like blindsiding people," Danielle jokes. Jerri seems to be having a change of heart about her decision and Coach is still pissed that he's been forced into an alliance with Russell. "Are we going to the final five with him?" he asks Jerri. "Let's just see what happens," she says.

Over at the Heroes' camp, J.T. can't put off looking for the hidden immunity idol so he steals away to try to find it for himself. So much for keeping tribe unity and using it for the benefit of the group. He finds it and hastily tries to scamper out of the woods, but he ends up being spotted by Amanda and Candice. Pause it: Amanda is like a little kid who prevents you from hiding the Christmas presents in a good place. She's always around, always snooping, always listening in. "Good thing you walked up," Candice tells her.

The Villains are hoping for a merge when they get the clue to the next challenge, so they pack up their whole camp just in case Probst announces they are now one tribe. Pause it: When I say pack up the camp, I mean they PACK UP THE CAMP! They take down their shelter, grab the tackle box and the chickens and trot to the reward challenge looking like they just left Tent City. When the Heroes get their first look at the new Villains' tribe, Rupert (incorrectly) assumes that B-Rob's departure was at the hands of an all-female alliance. Russell gives J.T. a sad, puppy dog face and mouths the words "Help me", laying the groundwork for the Hero men to think he's running scared. The Villains think they'll be enjoying a pizza feast in celebration of a merge, Probst tells them to "drop their expectations" and get ready for the challenge: bowling, "Survivor" style.

Two Villains must sit out of the challenge and Coach yells for Sandra, right, and Courtney. "I want to eat," he reasons for sitting out what he deems as the two weakest players. Heroes jump out to an early lead after J.T. knocks down 6 pins. The Villains are on a (gutter ball) roll, but finally manage to get on the board. With the score at 2-1, Coach goes up against Amanda, whose roll gives the Heroes their third-straight win. And not only do the Villains lose, but they also have to return to a broken down camp with no food. OUCH!

As the Heroes much on pizza and beer, they label themselves the "Fantastic 5". J.T. (again, incorrectly) surmises that Coach and Russell are sitting ducks on the Villains' tribe. Little do they know that Russell is pulling strings all over Samoa. The Villains are angry at Coach for making Sandra and Courtney sit out. Jerri says they need their strongest players in the game for the immunity challenge, and sitting out the weakest for the chance to score some food will be their downfall. Sandra quickly points out that it was Coach's decision, and they should be pointing fingers at him for the loss, not Courtney and her.

When they get a chance to talk alone, Sandra devises a plan to eliminate Coach. She tells Courtney that they should plant a seed of doubt in Russell that Coach is gunning for him. Sandra says that everyone is playing Russell's version of "Survivor" instead of playing the actual game. Pause it: And she's right. Russell has manipulated this game so much that they should change the name to "Surviving Russell". I rooted for him last season, but his arrogance this time around is more bitch than bully and I can't wait to see him go down.

At the immunity challenge, the teams are belted into pairs and must run an obstacle course in the mud. Basically, it's another way for the girls to lose their swimsuits. Amanda and Candice pair up against Russell and Sandra, and the girls smoke Russell's co-ed team. They don't even finish the course after Sandra can't squeeze herself underneath one of the fences. Coach takes down Rupert in a foot race during the second round, and in the final go, skinny minis Courtney and Parvati prove to be no match for the brawn of Colby and J.T. Heroes win immunity and Courtney hurts her ankle.

Russell is sure his alliance is getting rid of Coach. It looks like Sandra's plan to throw him under Russell's bus may be working until Danielle suggests they keep him around for challenges and dump the weaker Courtney instead. Unhappy that one of his minions would go against him, Russell storms off after Danielle tries to persuade him to rethink his vote. He says he sends home who he wants to send home.

At Tribal Council, it seems as if Coach is unaware that he's on the chopping block, bragging that he encourages the tribe when they are down. Probst points out that Courtney has been made to sit out for a number of the challenges but she counters with "I'm a determined little bitch, and I'll put up with a lot of crap to get to the end."

Coach is voted out, and SURPRISE! He's the first member of the jury. Pause it: Now that's an interesting little twist! If they play it this way for the next few episodes - where the tribes remain separate but the jury fills up - it could make for some riveting Tribal Councils. Russell will definitely be sitting pretty once the Heroes see he's the only guy left. And judging from next week's preview, the Heroes are poised to make the most bone-headed decision in the history of "Survivor": giving Russell their immunity idol. If the girls could smarten up, now would be the time to put that all-female alliance into play and pick off the 4 remaining men one by one. I'm banking on Parvati or Sandra to steer that ship.

CHANNEL SURFING

• "16 & Pregnant" (MTV, Tues., 10:00): 17-year-old senior Leah, a popular high-school cheerleader, gets pregnant by Corey, her rebound guy after breaking up with her boyfriend of two and a half years. After Corey drives her home from a party, one thing leads to another which leads to them having sex in his truck, which ultimately leads to her getting pregnant with twin girls. That's TWO babies. At 17. Two. Leah and Corey try to give it a go, but in the end she ends up alone after constantly picking fights with Corey. She's left taking care of the babies and he moves back in with his parents. Talk about someone regretting their decision. In her closing video, Leah sums it up by saying her life is essentially not worth living because she made a stupid mistake. Hindsight is 20/20 ... and expensive.
  
• "Project Runway" (Lifetime, Thurs., 10:00): It's the final challenge that determines who will move on to Fashion Week and the designers must create a look inspired by the circus. Emilio, who's on a three-win high, has let his ego get the better of him and he's starting to look like a complete ass. Nevertheless, he earns a place in the final three along with Seth Aaron. Mila and Jay are forced into a tie-breaker and both designers will have to design a collection, but only one will show at Fashion Week. But we all know that's not true because 10 "Project Runway" designers got the chance to show at Bryant Park. But we won't go into that again.

Closing credits: Here's one last funny line from the twice-eliminated Anthony. After Tim Gunn questions his choice of color, Anthony says, "I thought all I needed to prepare for this show was my design books, but I'm gonna get me a dictionary just as soon as I get back to Georgia."
One last rant: Oprah, I appreciate your quest to make cars a "no phone zone," but putting people on the spot to sign your contract is like asking Whitney Houston to sing when she's fresh out of rehab: some people just aren't ready.

Resa's Rundown

I don't even know where to start. I really have no excuse for not blogging this week other than the fact that my work schedule has changed and I no longer have the time or energy to blog every night. I told myself that if I ever felt like this blog was keeping me from enjoying television then I wouldn't write. I'm not there yet, but sometimes I just want to enjoy mindless entertainment without the pressure of keeping notes. With that being said, I'll try to touch on some highlights from this week.

"Trauma" (NBC, Mon., 9:00): Once again, Nancy goes rogue and performs a risky procedure in the field. But this time it costs a young cheerleader her mobility when she's paralyzed from the neck down. Nancy's mentor and wannabe dad Joe suffers the consequences - he's fired as chief of surgery from the hospital after Nancy's real dad throws him under the bus.

"The Biggest Loser" (NBC, Tues., 8:00): I was so angry when Melissa, left, won her way back into the game last week, but I couldn't have been any more happy when she got her comeuppance for the third time! For the challenge, the first person to lose 2 percent of their body fat wins immunity. Melissa, the smallest player in the game, only needs to lose 4 lbs to win. But if they push the button to weigh in and miss their target, they are out of the competition. Bob warns Melissa not to lose sight of why she's on the ranch, but all she can focus on is game play. Sam ends up winning the challenge, dropping 10 lbs. in 4 days. After the rest of the contestants gang up on her during a swimming challenge, Melissa loses her second chance at immunity, and gets a one-pound disadvantage at the weigh in. She falls below the yellow line with Andrea and in her last ditch effort to stay in the game, tries to persuade them to keep her in the game because they can all beat her. It was a compelling argument but the losers didn't fall for it. They'd rather keep a harmonious house than have her negative, game-play energy infecting the house.

"The Good Wife" (CBS. Tues., 10:00): The show spins a different web as they tell the story from the perspective of the jury when a college student is accused of killing her roommate. I've been called for jury duty, but I've never served. This episode seemed like a very realistic portrayal of what might go down behind the closed doors of a deliberation room. Sadly, the accused girl copped a plea deal - 10 years for manslaughter - right before the jury came back to say she was found not guilty.

"Parenthood" (NBC, Tues., 10:00): The show got off to a slow start, but it's earned a spot on my do-not-miss list. Jason Katims, who serves as producer on one of my favorite shows ("Friday Night Lights") has definitely put his stamp on "Parenthood". It's poignant, it's raw and it's funny. "FNL" alum Minka Kelly guest stars as autistic Max's behavioral aide, Gaby. She's there to help the family cope with his asperger syndrome and mom Kristina feels the sting when Gaby is able to get Max to do things she's never been able to. Kristina's constant worry is also puts a strain on her marriage after she starts faking the big O during sex. Elsewhere, Crosby finally tells his parents that he's the father of a five-year-old boy and Sarah decides to go out with Amber's English teacher. I like this show because the family dynamic is so touching. It's nice to see a family on TV that actually loves and respects one another. If you haven't tuned in, do it soon before NBC pulls the plug on another great drama.

"South Park" (Comedy Central, Wed., 9:00): This had to be one of THE funniest (and true) episodes of all time! This spoof on the Facebook phenomenon has Kyle up in arms after his friends unfriend him because he friends a kid who has no friends. (Did you get that?) The whole thing just reinforces the idea that social networking is more about the networking part than it is about the social aspect. Here's a snippet from the show. The full episode can be viewed by clicking here.



"Ugly Betty" (ABC, Wed., 10:00): It's Hilda's wedding day and Betty finds herself with old flame Henry as her +1 after she drunk dials him during her trip to Paris. He shows up with his kid in tow and announces that he's moving back to New York just as Betty is offered a job running her own magazine in Paris. She accepts the position, setting up next week's series finale. Also, Justin comes out of the closet at the wedding reception, and Daniel realizes he has feelings for Betty. It's going to be a sad goodbye. *Single tear falling*

Old School vs. New School

My lord, my lord! It was a battle for the ages tonight! Now, I don't really consider myself to be a competitive person, but I love to win. And someone in my "Survivor" betting pool went down tonight. Sorry, Jackie! I still have two picks left (Danielle and J.T.), along with Janet (Russell and Sandra). Michael is hanging all of his hopes on J.T. Here's hoping Danielle can stay under the radar long enough to make it to the merge. Here's what happened Thursday night:

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): It's Day 16 on Samoa and the castaways are not only restless, they are getting ruthless. After Tyson blindsided himself at the last Tribal Council, B-Rob can't figure out what went wrong. He's seething over the fact that Russell got the upper hand on him, but his brain is working overtime trying to figure out why Russ and his harem are so giddy. "It's 3 against 5," Rob rations. Tricky math, my friend. Tricky math.

Russell and Parvati are trying to reel Jerri into their alliance but she's noncommittal. Parv promises to take her to the final four, even after Jerri admits she's not fond of her. Parv thinks Jerri is jealous that Russell used his idol to save her, and Jerri has never had a man do that for her. Rewind: I got a mental flashback of Jerri chasing Colby around the Australian Outback like a needy puppy.

Over on the Heroes' beach, Rupert thinks it's time for Colby to step up, especially since they got rid of James on the hope that he'll deliver. "He's got something to prove today," Rupert says. Colby acknowledges that he's got to "put up or shut up" and I know he has to be pissing his pants with fear that he won't pull through.

It's a 3-on-3 water wrestling basketball game for reward. The winner gets a feast by a secluded waterfall. All eyes are on Colby to see if he can bring it and he most definitely does. He scores 2 of the 3 points needed to win and throws in an assist for Candace to score a point. "We dropped a hammer on the Villains," Colby says. Pause it: I don't know what was up with the Villains during this challenge. They spent so much time wrestling that they forgot they needed to score a basket. Colby says the win relieves some of the tension within the Heroes tribe and they can spend one day away from the game. No such luck because at the feast, Candace finds a clue to another hidden immunity idol. The group agrees to put the note aside and enjoy the day, but Amanda just can't wait. She reads the clue and the tribe agrees to look for the idol together then use it against the Villains after the merge. Colby says this solidifies them as a team because they are willing to work together for the good of the tribe.

Back at the Villains' camp, Russell is still trying to work his magic on Jerri and Coach. He promises to take them to the final 3 (I wonder how Parv and Danielle feel about that equation). Jerri says she's made her decision and she's joining their alliance, but she'll only go all in if Coach does too. Pause it: Wow, Jerri! You basically just told Coach to bend over and take it. He's none too happy about being pulled into an alliance without his permission and he lets Jerri know it. "I can't believe you just threw all your eggs into Russell's basket!" he says. Jerri reasons, "You can't be the good guy to everyone and win this game."

At the immunity challenge, it's an obstacle relay slash puzzle challenge. The Villains dominate the first few legs until ragdoll Courtney loses a ton of time because she's too scared to jump from the net. They lose their lead, opening the door for the Heroes to stage a comeback. Once again it comes down to the dreaded puzzle (which the Heroes are like, 0 and 36). It's B-Rob and Sandra for the Villains and J.T. and Amanda working to solve it for the Heroes. J.T. and Amanda stay calm and quiet, working together like a well oiled - and probably foul-smelling - machine. They win immunity for the first time in God knows when, prompting Russell to mumble, "We got whooped!"

It's scramble time for the Villains and Coach is the first to throw weakest link Courtney's name into the fire. Russell says it's time to weed off the weak: Courtney or Sandra - right in front of Courtney and Sandra. This is where the Old School vs. New School competition begins as B-Rob is astounded that someone would reveal their voting strategy in the presence of the people they are planning to vote for. That's not how it was done the first two times he played, but Russell has taken the game of Survivor to a whole new level; one on which most castaways can't compete. Rob still doesn't get that! Survivor is no longer about being the strongest, it's about who can control the most people. And while B-Rob proved he could outplay the Heroes, he forgot he needed to outwit his own team to get farther in the game.

It's obvious Rob and Russell are gunning for each other but Coach is the one who's caught in their crosshairs. Russell thinks he has the dragon slayer in his back pocket, while B-Rob says the best way to a man's vote is through his loyalty. His plan is to guilt Coach into voting his way by reminding him that his word is his bond. Rob plays him like a video game and Coach agrees to follow his lead. Russell has other plans for Coach's vote - he thinks it's time to blindside Rob. Coach tries to talk them into voting out Courtney, but folds under Russell's mind games. "I'm with you guys 100%." Pause it: That yellow-bellied coward isn't with anyone.

At Tribal Council, Coach says the Villains made a big mistake voting out Tyson, calling him the bridge that kept the three alliances in contact with each other. Rob chimes in by pointing out that people are more worried about keeping their alliances strong, the the greater good of the team. Coach practically begs for B-Rob and Russell to bury the hatchet, but Russell threatens with "If you're gunning for me, you're not going to get what you want."

Well, you don't always get what you want, Rob. In one of the fiercest rivalries in "Survivor" history, Boston Rob comes up on the losing end. He's voted out after Jerri sides with Russell and Coach casts his vote for Courtney. He goes to give Rob an exit hug, but Rob shoves him off calling him "a little man." At least he kept his word by not writing Rob's name down.

Do you think getting rid of Rob was good strategy, or will this be the move that causes the Villains to implode? Personally, I was kind of sad to see Rob go. It was cute watching him try to play the game like it was 2004, but we're in a day and age where Congressmen get rocks thrown through their windows for voting for a health-care bill. This ain't your daddy's "Survivor", it's Russell's.

Taking responsibility

I have spent the last 2 days doing absolutely nothing. NOTHING! It was my first real "weekend" in months. No volunteering at the school. No errands to run during the day. Just me sitting in bed until 1 p.m., going to the gym, then getting back in bed and sleeping until primetime TV starts. Here's a quick recap of Tuesday night ... and a few leftovers from Sunday and Monday.

"16 & Pregnant" (MTV, 10:00): Wow! The parents on this episode were as much to blame as the kids for this pregnancy and the focus is more about the baby daddy than the mother-to-be. Sixteen-year-old Nicole and her high-school dropout boyfriend Tyler are expecting a baby girl. He has a rocky relationship with his mom so he splits his time living at his grandma's and Nicole's house. Tyler was expelled from school when he was 13 and he's the type of guy who thinks he can make a career out of anything. Pause it: Really Tyler? A skateboarder? A mixed-martial artist? That's probably all he can be since he dropped out of school at 13. Dude, can you even read? Tyler promises he'll get his GED once the baby is born.

Nicole's friends have a hard time understanding why her mom is so supportive of her pregnancy. She reveals that she had another daughter die immediately after being born. Then her husband dies a year later when Nicole was only 2 years old. Pause it: Sounds like mom has some issues she needs to work out on the short couch. It's one thing to be supportive. It's another to try to use your pregnant teenager's baby to replace the one you lost.

At 7 months, Nicole starts having pains in her stomach - the night before her baby shower. She's rushed to the hospital and they give her drugs to stop her from going into early labor. They are released from the hospital just in time for the shower, where Tyler's estranged mom decides to show her face. She grumbles about the struggles she had after having Tyler at 17. She wanted him to be more responsible than she was. Pause it: Maybe if she wouldn't have kicked him out at 13, she could've taught him some of that responsibility she's talking about.

As Nicole's due date approaches, she tries to jump start her labor by using crazy home remedies: drinking castor oil, eating weird foods, and my personal fave - recklessly driving over speed bumps. She eventually goes into labor after Tyler suggests a game of pool would get the baby moving. Almost fourteen hours later, Nicole gives birth to 9 lb., 6 oz. Brooklyn Marie. The couple spends the first few months shuttling the baby between houses. Everytime they would wear out their welcome at one house they would move on to the next. Tyler's mom finally puts her foot down and tells them it's not good for baby Brooklyn to not have a permanent place to call home. In the end, Tyler's mom helps him get a job and he does go back to get his GED.

Tune in next week as preggers teen Leah prepares to give birth to twins!

CHANNEL SURFING

• "Dancing With the Stars" (ABC, Tues., 8:00): In a shocking turn of events, Shannen Doherty is the first contestant voted off. I say shocking because hobbling, emotionless stick figure Kate Gosselin lives to dance another week and Old Man River astronaut guy is still in it, breathing machine and all. OK, so he's not on a breathing machine, but he's as old as John McCain, and that guy is like, 106. ABC knows where their bread is buttered: They gave the last 30 minutes of Monday's show to Pamela Anderson and Gosselin - guaranteed ratings boosters.
  
• "Lost" (ABC, Tues., 9:00): According to a reliable source, Sayid is a lost cause who is as soulless as my old gym sneakers. Now that the Locke Monster has stolen his innards, Sayid is out of the running to be an island protector. I suspect he'll be one of the major casualties that will start happening in the last few episodes.
• "The Amazing Race" (CBS, Sun., 8:00): Now that Team Showmance is out of the race, I'm pulling for 8 Seconds. Those cowboys gave me a scare this week as they came in last after running around Seychelles. Luckily it was a non-elimination leg and they are still in it. Unfortunately, so are the Sexy Lezzies. Team No Name snag their first win, but they lose their backpacks when they leave them at the Road Block. At least they have their passports and money.
  

My Superman sucks!

See, what had happened was ... I volunteer at a local high school, helping them put out their school newspaper. For the last 5 days, I have been up to my elbows in writing, editing and designing their paper! I haven't watched TV in 4 days!!!! YES, 4 days!!!! I'm still behind by about 3 hours on shows I watch, but I had to skip the Watch Parties so I could get some sleep. *Shaking my fists at Cleveland High School Newspaper Club!!!* Here's a recap of Wednesday night:

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): I almost forgot that during the NCAA Tournament that the show airs a day early, and they didn't skimp on the drama as we were hit with a double elimination.
After returning from Tribal Council, James asks Colby if he wants a hug. Now that Tom is gone, he's the last one standing in his little alliance. Candice says she had no choice but to vote for Tom for fear of calling attention to herself, while Amanda is secretly plotting her demise. At the Villains' beach, both Russell and B-Rob can't sleep so Russ approaches him to have a little conversation. B-Rob warns him that if he does indeed have the hidden idol, he should tightly hang on to it. "He's not playing with the amateurs anymore. He's playing with the big boys now," Rob says. Pause it: I read somewhere that filming for "Heroes vs. Villains" began right after "Samoa" ended so none of the contestants had seen Russell play. Otherwise, B-Rob would've been more careful with his choice of words about that hidden immunity idol. He has no clue who he's dealing with.

The castaways get a surprise announcement at the challenge: They'll be competing as individuals against their own tribemates for immunity, and both tribes will vote someone out at Council. The last person standing wins a hot dog feast for their tribe and gets to listen in other the other group's Tribal Council. The game is a rope obstacle course that Coach, J.T. and Tyson have all run before. (Tyson won the challenge the first time around). James showed that his bum leg wasn't much of a hindrance as he held a lead for most of the course. But it came down to J.T. and Candice at the end with Candice taking the immunity necklace. Rewind: Did anybody notice that the Heroes lost the coin toss, too? They couldn't win a game if they were playing against headless torsos. For the Villains, B-Rob, Tyson and Russell are even for most of the race, but of course, Rob pulls away for the win. For the final leg, it's Candice vs. Rob in a tri-level rope course. Candy looks tough to beat at first, but ultimately Rob prevails, winning the hot dog feast for the Villains.

After the competition, Colby realizes that Candice was only thing keeping him from going home because the other Heroes can't trust her. But her winning immunity leaves him in a vulnerable spot. He tells the tribe not to waste any time scrambling and vote him out. That way the Villains won't get any information about the Heroes and they can spend the rest of the day relaxing. He then retreats to the ocean where he spends the day floating and sulking. Pause it: Colby is totally having a hard go of it this time around. I know it's been 10 years since he's played the game, but damn ... he's useless. Even James points out that he came in last at the challenge, getting beat by a fat man and a cripple. "It's like my Superman sucks!" James tells him.

Amanda warns James that he's still got a target on his back and he needs to prove to the tribe that his injury isn't as bad as it looks. Oh, and stop stealing the bananas. She tells James there is a "banana etiquette" and that he should ask everyone if they want want one instead of taking three or four for himself. James later challenges J.T. to a race on the beach to prove he can run on his bum knee. A "Hero Olympics" of sort. James loses the race, but the tribe can see how badly he wants to be there, while Colby is basically resigned to his fate.

Back at the Villains' beach, the majority wants to get widow-maker Parvati out. Rob threatens Russell telling him "It's better to play with me than against me." Russell hates being bossed around and immediately runs to Parv, offering to give her his hidden immunity idol. Meanwhile, Rob has devised a plan to flush out the idol and send Parvati or Russell packing. They will split the votes three-to-three, forcing a tie-breaker vote. Either way, one of them will have to play the idol. Little does Rob know, Russ ain't no fool. He knows they can split the vote so he tells Tyson that he's voting with the bloc to get Parvati out. All the while, Russell, Parvati and Danielle are voting for Tyson to go.

At Tribal Council, the Heroes are forced to sit and watch as the Villains devour hot dogs and soda while Jeff Probst grills them about keeping James. He continues to point out that Colby doesn't have the same drive and stamina he had the first time around, this time comparing him to "Superman in a fat suit". Based on the vote, the Heroes decide they can't risk keeping James around hoping his knee will heal enough to help the tribe. He's once again taken out down by an injury. Pause it: I hope he uses his "Survivor" earnings to get some medical insurance. Sounds like it's time for James to have a yearly physical.

After the Heroes are done, the Villains take the Council stage. Sandra immediately calls Russell out on having the idol. He pretends to be surprised and continues to suggest that he doesn't have it. After the vote, he makes a grand production of playing the idol, but wait for it ... he presents it to Parvati instead. She plays the idol, making any votes against her null and void. For a minute there is a faint look of smug on B-Rob's face, but once Tyson's name is thrown into the mix, things don't look so good for his alliance. The vote is tied 2-2 and you can almost see Rob getting ready to give Russell a shove out the door, but the last vote has Tyson's name written on it. He fell for Russell's story about voting out Parv and switched his vote, setting up his own demise. It's a blindside for the "Survivor" history books.

B-Rob continues to impress me with his "back-to-the-basics" style of game play, but he's met his match in the equally duplicitous Russell, who will stop at nothing to be crowned sole survivor. Russell totally outwitted Rob, so it might be worth his wild to get over the whole "we-didn't-have-immunity-idols-when-I-played" crap and realize that this show has become a much more cutthroat competition. This ain't your daddy's "Survivor," buddy!

The tribe has spoken: WHY, WHY WHY does Amanda always look like she needs a Prozac IV drip full at Tribal Council? Has she not learned that those sad puppy-dog eyes do not work on this show? It's so freaking annoying!

CHANNEL SURFING

• If you are a hardcore "America's Next Top Model" fan, you would have recognized Cycle 11's Joslyn as one of the dates on "Millionaire Matchmaker" (Bravo, Wed., 10:00). And let me tell you, she was a lot more refined on this show than she ever was on "Top Model".
• Speaking of "Top Model" (CW, Wed., 8:00), Ren was dismissed after she admitted she was only there because her mom loved the show and as the family disappointment, she was getting more attention from her mother. She should've worked that out in therapy instead of national television.
• Some funnly lines overheard on "Ugly Betty" (ABC, Wed., 10:00): It's picture day at the Mode magazine office and Betty tells Marc, "I picked out a nice outfit," to which he tartly responds, "Aww, why didn't you wear it?" Later, Marc decides to "help" Betty's photo through some crafty work in Photoshop. "Marc, this looks nothing like me!" Betty exclaims. Marc: "You're welcome!" And finally, Betty gets her braces removed to which Wilhelmina barks, "Yes, yes, congratulations, Betty. Your smile will no longer induce seizures in children." I'm going to really miss the comedic timing on this show. They really know how to dish out the one-liners.