Watch this, tape that - Thursday

If you're loving this season of "Survivor," raise your hand! I thought so. Me too. Here's what's on:

8:00
Watch this: "Survivor" (CBS). Parvati is poised to take over this game now that she and Russell are on the outs.
Tape that: "Bones" (FOX). A quick tutorial is in order for Booth and Bones after two bodies are found in a cabin in the woods.
Also on: "Flash Forward" (ABC).

9:00
Watch this: "CSI:" (CBS). A mother is suspected in the disappearance of her family three years earlier.
Tape that: "Grey's Anatomy" (ABC). It's a repeat. A 700-pound patient arrives at Seattle Grace with numerous medical problems.
Also on: "The Office" (NBC).

10:00
Watch this: "Private Practice" (ABC). A frail Will returns and Naomi begs her other boyfriend to try his experimental ALS treatment on him.

Watch this, tape that - Wednesday

Happy Hump Day! Here are some shows to get you over the hurdle:

8:00
Watch this: "America's Next Top Model" (CW). The models visit the set of "The Lord of the Rings." I'm sure there will be some modeling, too.
Also on: "Lie to Me" (FOX). It's a repeat, but be prepared for fresh episodes to come soon.

9:00
Watch this: "Modern Family" (ABC). Gloria surprises Jay with a birthday trip to Hawaii, but somehow the rest of the family tags along.
Tape that: "Criminal Minds" (ABC). A killer commits suicide and leaves behind a clue identifying a person he kidnapped that could still be alive.

10:00
Watch this: "Law & Order: SVU" (NBC). A pregnant rape victim runs away from the hospital.
Tape that: "CSI: NY" (CBS). The team probes hardcore fighting after a slab of concrete starts bleeding.
Catch it on second run: "Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat 2" (MTV).

Watch this, tape that - Tuesday

I am officially disappointed in "Glee." The last two episodes have left me scratching my head and closing my ears. Here's what's on:

8:00
Watch this: "The Biggest Loser" (NBC). 2 hours. It's makeover night! The contestants get new looks and a $1,000 shopping spree.
Also on: "American Idol" (FOX). "Dancing With the Stars" (ABC). Results show.

9:00
Watch this: "Lost" (ABC). Jack starts to question Locke Monster's motives after he's asked to do a tough task.
Tape that: "Glee" (FOX). Will responds to rumors that are spreading around the school about the glee kids.

10:00
Watch this: "Parenthood" (NBC). I am LOVING this show! Now that Crosby and Jasmine have hooked up, they've got some 'splainin' to do to Jabbar.
Tape that: "The Good Wife" (CBS). Peter may go back to jail after his monitor goes off when he leaves the apartment to chase after Alicia.
See it online: "V" (ABC). "The Hills" (MTV).

Watch this, tape that - Monday

As my vacation approaches, I'm trying to determine what to do about the blog while I'm away. I'm going to try to do my best to check in every now and again, but I'll be with family and we all know how hit-or-miss that can be. Here's your Monday daily dose:

8:00
Watch this: "Dancing With the Stars" (ABC). Is anyone still watching now that Kate Gosselin is gone? I didn't really think so.

9:00
Watch this: "Gossip Girl" (CW). Serena's dad continues to cause trouble for Rufus and Lily.
Tape that: "American Experience" (PBS). The show examines the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. in "Roads to Memphis," which tracks James Earl Ray's cross-country odyssey.
See it online: "24" (FOX). Jack is still hell-bent on revenge for Renee's death.

10:00
Watch this: "CSI: Miami" (CBS). A jewelry heist results in murder and during the investigation, evidence is stolen from the lab.

I flip, you flop

I've been struggling for the last few weeks. I'm about to go on vacation for 2 weeks and I feel like I'm trying to cram a month's worth of work into 7 days. I'll do my best to get back on a more regular blog schedule, but as of late I'm barely averaging 4 hours of sleep a night ... and that's a good night! But I won't leave you hanging on Thursdays. Let's talk about the debauchery that's going on in Samoa. But a quick shout-out to my buddy Michael! Get well soon!

"Survivor" (CBS, Thurs., 8:00): Good lawd, there's a lot of confusion going on! My head was spinning after watching all the flipping and flopping. It was like watching two wealthy parents battling for custody of a kid neither of them really want. They just don't want to pay the child support. The "kids" in question are Sandra and Candice, the swing votes. By the time it was over, one castaway had abandoned her tribe and the one who made "Survivor" history was sent packing. Here's what went down:

After returning from Tribal Council, Russell is furious at Parvati about keeping her idol a secret. "It pisses me off that you didn't tell me," he rants. Parv, on the other hand, is secretly pleased, saying she wants Russell to be scared. Pause it: And after the move she made last week, he should be. Someone finally pushed Rupert's "on" button - he finally realizes that getting Sandra to flip is the Heroes' only chance to stay in the game. If only he had turned that switch on a week earlier. Russell, being the all-knowing soothsayer that he wishes he were, tells Candice she needs to get on board with the Villains. He predicts that Candy will follow his orders saying it doesn't matter what Sandra wants to do now that Candice is flipping.

At the reward challenge, it's "Survivor" shuffleboard. The players are divided into three teams of three. The team whose puck lands closest to the X wins a trip away from camp to see a screening of the movie "Treasure Island." Pause it: Wouldn't if have been more fitting for them to watch "Lord of the Flies?" Believing there's going to be a clue to another hidden idol, Parvati thinks it's pivotal for a Villain to win. For awhile it looks as if she's going to get her wish when Russell's puck is the only one to land near the X. It's down to Colby's last shot and he nails it, allowing himself, Amanda and Danielle to share in the reward. Pause it: I find it hilarious that the once strong and dominant Colby wins at a game of shuffleboard. Hey Colbster, your age is showing!

The three arrive at the reward house and Amanda has her eyes peeled for the idol. No, seriously. It was like her eyelids were pinned back and she couldn't blink because she was looking so hard. She doesn't find the clue, but as the trio are lying in bed watching the movie, Danielle spots the rolled-up paper in the bowl of popcorn and quickly tosses it underneath the bed. But Amanda notices that she dropped something and moves over to Dani's side of the bed hoping to find out what it is. She sees the clue on the floor, grabs it and stuffs it down her pants. Danielle freaks out and demands that Amanda give it back. A mini girl fight ensues with Danielle crying to Colby like a little beeyotch and Amanda pleading with her puppy dog eyes for him to back her up.

This is the first time in this game where Amanda was being aggressive. She was holding on to that clue like it was the last piece of chicken. Cirie would've been proud ... for about 10 seconds. Danielle is still crying to Colby that Amanda took her clue and to make her give it back. "I didn't even see what happened. I was watching 'Treasure Island,'" the doofus says. Colby tells Amanda she should return the clue to Danielle, WHICH SHE DOES, thereby proving two things: 1. Amanda cannot think for herself and 2. why Colby is losing at this game. He's such an idiot.

When they get back to camp, Russ and Parv start grilling Danielle about finding the idol. She tells them she did, but also adds some special effects saying she wrestled Amanda to the ground and ripped the clue from her hands. Pause it: That's pretty close to what happened if you leave out the part about Colby telling Amanda to give it back and Amanda handing it to her like Colby was her daddy. Russell volunteers to help Dani find the idol, unbeknownst to her that Russell is "the king of hidden immunity idols." He finds it within minutes of reading the clue and stashes it in his pocket. He later shares the news with Candice who agrees to hop on the Villains' train. Meanwhile, Sandra tells Colby she's ready to jump ship and join the Heroes, but only if they agree to vote out Russell. Colby is convinced Danielle has the idol, so getting rid of Russ shouldn't be a problem. They just have to keep him from winning immunity.

It's the build-a-10-foot-tall-house-of-cards-for-immunity challenge. Russell is off to a great start after building a base that could withstand a suicide bomber. Jerri is his only competition, putting together an flimsy, but steady tower. They're neck and neck at nine and a half feet until Russ can't get his last two tiles to hold. Jerri wins her very first immunity challenge by mere seconds.

Back at camp, the castaways start throwing names around. Russell wants Amanda gone. The Heroes want to show Russell or Parvati the door. The Heroes have a solid plan to write Russell's name down until Candice runs back and tells him their entire plan and pushes Sandra in front of the proverbial bus. Russ tries to threaten Sandra about jumping ship, and Colby says if their plan doesn't work then they'll know Candice spilled the beans.

At Tribal Council, Sandra tells Probst that she knows she's on the outside of the Villains and that she's frustrated with her alliance. Russell starts listing everybody's role within the alliance and leaves Sandra's name out. When Probst calls him out on it, he admits "she's just there." The Heroes set there plan in motion by announcing they think Danielle has the idol knowing full well she doesn't. Pause it: The last three Councils have had my heart beating out of my chest. I felt like I needed an IV drip as the votes were being read.

Right before Probst reads the votes, Russell plays his idol but it's all for naught. Amanda is voted out, ending her run as the person who's spent the most days playing the game of "Survivor" and opening the door for Parvati to break her record. It's the first time she's ever had her torch snuffed. As Amanda is making her exit, Danielle and Parv start ragging Russell telling him he wasted an idol and was nervous for nothing.

Sandra is like Cirie, but much more outspoken. She's playing the best mental game out of everyone, thinking 2 steps ahead of the others. Her downfall? She doesn't have Parvati charm. I predict she'll be sitting between Parv and Russell in the end. They have to bring Russ along cause everyone hates him. He thinks he's playing a great strategic game, but he's met his match in Parvati and Sandra.

Based on the previews it looks like the King and Queen might be headed to divorce court since Russell's leadership skills don't mesh with Parv's need to cut people off at the knees. And let me just say that Courtney is the funniest castaway ever to sit on the jury.

I'm embarrassed for you

It seems as if my this has turned into a "Survivor" blog with a little filler here and there. I still love TV, it's just that nothing gets me more excited than this show. I really thought "Glee" was going to get my mojo pumping, but I find myself disappointed with the new direction it's going. But more about that later. Let's get down to the business of ...

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): Lord, Lord, Lord. This was one for the history books. I do believe that this will go down as the Tribal Council in all of "Survivor". There was drama, humor, intrigue and heartbreak. But mostly, one player emerged as one of the smartest players of all time.

Now that the Villains have gotten rid of stick figure Courtney, the numbers are even between both tribes. The Heroes find a locked chest with a note attached saying company will be arriving soon, while the Villains have the key to open it. They are super excited - especially one-woman alliance Sandra - about the merge and pack up their camp to move to the Heroes' beach. Russell thinks he's the only one in the game with a hidden immunity idol and has no idea that Parvati has one of her own. She says the idols put her and Russell in the King and Queen position, but the Queen doesn't have to tell the King about her plans of a coup. Poor J.T. still thinks that after the Villains' Tribal Council, Parvati is gone and there are no more idols left in the game.

Upon arrival at their new camp, the castaways are told to drop their buffs and come up with a new tribe name. They eventually come up with "Yin Yang", throwing out "Hillains" and Jerri's suggestion of "All Villains". Pause it: I was thinking something more along the lines of "Puppets". It's obvious that the Heroes aren't happy to see Parv is still in the game. She whines to Danielle about feeling the cold shoulder. "I'm offended by how these Heroes are treating me. They don’t know it yet, but they’re about to be picked off one by one," Parvati threatens.

Meanwhile, Russell is spinning an intricate tall to Rupert and J.T. about why Parv is still in the game. He assures them that he's on their side, telling them "Just let this happen." Pause it: If only J.T. had a crystal ball ... and a brain. J.T. thinks Russ is a good ol' country boy. He has no inkling that Russ has turned him into a big doofus on national television. "Hook, line and sinker," Russ says, obviously pleased with himself. "This is going to be way easier than I thought."

Sandra later tries to warn Rupert that Russell and Parvati are trying to pull the buff over their eyes. "Russell’s the kingpin and Parvati’s the second in command," she says. It finally dawns on Rupert that the Heroes might be getting played in the worst possible way. “This is where the game gets crazy,” he marvels. But when Rupert goes to share Sandra's warning with the rest of the Heroes, they accuse him of being paranoid ... and sweating too much.

At the immunity challenge, it's every castaway for themselves in the first individual challenge: the pole hold - a last-man-standing endurance game. The contestants perch themselves on a pole with nothing but some tiny grooves to fit their feet into. J.T., Candice and Parvati have all played the game before with Candice lasting the longest. Both Colby and Sandra are the first ones to drop, followed by Rupert, Amanda and J.T. Parvati finds a new strategy by standing on the outside of her foot. She's in a zone and Candice realizes she's not going to outlast her. It's down to Parv and Danielle. Dani wants Parv to step off since she already has an idol. She does, and Danielle win the first individual immunity. Pause it: Did anyone notice how Dani's implant was looking a little melted. Gross!

It's scramble time back at the beach. Rupert wonders why Parvati stepped down if she thought she was going home. The Heroes devise a plan to flush out any possible idols by telling Russell that the Heroes are voting for Parvati, when in reality, they will be voting for either Sandra or Jerri to test Russell’s loyalty. Russell wants J.T. gone. He gives his idol to Parvati in hopes of saving her at Tribal Council. With both idols in her possession, Parvati is now the most powerful player in the game.

At Council, Yin Yang starts fighting about unripened bananas, reopening the debate about "banana etiquette". Rupert accuses the Villains - mainly Parvati and Danielle - of eating more than their share. Russell reminds them they are there to cut some fat and wants to get on with it. He says the vote will dictate the outcome of the game. Pause it: The jury (Coach and Courtney) read right through Russell's act. Too bad they couldn't do that when they were playing the game.

The Heroes cast their votes for Jerri, while the Villains all vote for J.T. Before the votes are read, Probst gives the usual spill about playing the hidden immunity idol and in a stunning twist, Parvati gives away BOTH idols to Sandra and Jerri. All votes cast for Jerri are void, leaving J.T. to go down in flames. Pause it: I was so embarrassed for him. *Forcing J.T. into an uncomfortable hug.* Russell is shell-shocked, whispering to Parvati, "You have some explaining to do."

J.T. took it like a man, but I would've loved to be sitting next to him at the Watch Party. I'm not a fan of Parvati, but she earned my respect tonight. And if she able to take Russell out of the game, I will cheer her on to the final three. At this point, I'm sure the Villains are going to want to keep Russell around cause it guarantees them five Hero votes from the jury. Parvati is going to be hard to beat, but if Sandra keeps playing her cards right, she'll be sitting next to her in the finals.

In case anyone was wondering, both Michael and Jackie are out of our "Survivor" pool. I still have Danielle on my team while Janet is going strong with Russell and Sandra. Here's the scorecard: (Members of the jury are the green failures)

CHANNEL SURFING

• Seattle's own Seth Aaron Henderson was crowned the winner of Season 7 of "Project Runway" (Lifetime, 10:00). Of course I know S.A. is really from Vancouver, Washington but only people who live there know you're not talking about Canada. Anyway, the judges thought S.A. knew how to "put on a show" and called his line "whimsical". It was a hard pill to swallow for Emilio Sosa, who won multiple challenges throughout the season. The judges loved his clothes but called a collection and not a complete fashion line. I hated Mila's collection, but then again, I've hated her aesthetic all season. All of the designers' clothes looked like something you'd find in Nordstrom. In past seasons, the finale runway show is full of drama and flowing gowns. I missed that. I mean, is it really runway couture if I'm not sitting on my couch wishing I had $10,000 for a pair of fitted slacks?
• Some passing thoughts about "Glee" (FOX, Tues., 9:00): I'm fairly sure I'm in the minority on this one, but that Madonna-themed episode? HATED IT. The cast performed seven songs. SEVEN! They barely had any dialogue. What I liked about the first half of the season was the backstories on all these complex characters. Now we get song after song and a revolving door of guest stars. A word to the writers: I know the show is an unstoppable pop-culture phenomenon, but stop trying to please the masses and get back to the basics.
  
• In parting, here's a funny line I heard on "The Office" (NBC, 9:00): "If it wasn't for secretaries, I wouldn't have a stepmom." - Andy, telling us the importance of celebrating Secretary's Day.
  

Watch this, tape that - Thursday

Tonight makes up for this dull week of TV. Here's what's on:
8:00
Watch this: "Survivor" (CBS). It's the merge! Will the new tribe be able to see through Russell's game or will he continue to rule the roost?
Tape that: "Bones" (FOX). Human remains found inside a shark may be those of an aquarium's guest lecturer.
Also on: "Flash Forward" (ABC).

9:00
Watch this: "CSI:" (CBS). A student is murdered at the school where Catherine's daughter attends.
Tape that: "The Office" (NBC). It's Secretary's Day!
Also on: "Grey's Anatomy" (ABC). It's a repeat.

10:00
Watch this: "Project Runway" (Lifetime). Part 2 of the two-part season finale. The winner is announced. Emilio, see you in the winner's circle!