I flip, you flop

I've been struggling for the last few weeks. I'm about to go on vacation for 2 weeks and I feel like I'm trying to cram a month's worth of work into 7 days. I'll do my best to get back on a more regular blog schedule, but as of late I'm barely averaging 4 hours of sleep a night ... and that's a good night! But I won't leave you hanging on Thursdays. Let's talk about the debauchery that's going on in Samoa. But a quick shout-out to my buddy Michael! Get well soon!

"Survivor" (CBS, Thurs., 8:00): Good lawd, there's a lot of confusion going on! My head was spinning after watching all the flipping and flopping. It was like watching two wealthy parents battling for custody of a kid neither of them really want. They just don't want to pay the child support. The "kids" in question are Sandra and Candice, the swing votes. By the time it was over, one castaway had abandoned her tribe and the one who made "Survivor" history was sent packing. Here's what went down:

After returning from Tribal Council, Russell is furious at Parvati about keeping her idol a secret. "It pisses me off that you didn't tell me," he rants. Parv, on the other hand, is secretly pleased, saying she wants Russell to be scared. Pause it: And after the move she made last week, he should be. Someone finally pushed Rupert's "on" button - he finally realizes that getting Sandra to flip is the Heroes' only chance to stay in the game. If only he had turned that switch on a week earlier. Russell, being the all-knowing soothsayer that he wishes he were, tells Candice she needs to get on board with the Villains. He predicts that Candy will follow his orders saying it doesn't matter what Sandra wants to do now that Candice is flipping.

At the reward challenge, it's "Survivor" shuffleboard. The players are divided into three teams of three. The team whose puck lands closest to the X wins a trip away from camp to see a screening of the movie "Treasure Island." Pause it: Wouldn't if have been more fitting for them to watch "Lord of the Flies?" Believing there's going to be a clue to another hidden idol, Parvati thinks it's pivotal for a Villain to win. For awhile it looks as if she's going to get her wish when Russell's puck is the only one to land near the X. It's down to Colby's last shot and he nails it, allowing himself, Amanda and Danielle to share in the reward. Pause it: I find it hilarious that the once strong and dominant Colby wins at a game of shuffleboard. Hey Colbster, your age is showing!

The three arrive at the reward house and Amanda has her eyes peeled for the idol. No, seriously. It was like her eyelids were pinned back and she couldn't blink because she was looking so hard. She doesn't find the clue, but as the trio are lying in bed watching the movie, Danielle spots the rolled-up paper in the bowl of popcorn and quickly tosses it underneath the bed. But Amanda notices that she dropped something and moves over to Dani's side of the bed hoping to find out what it is. She sees the clue on the floor, grabs it and stuffs it down her pants. Danielle freaks out and demands that Amanda give it back. A mini girl fight ensues with Danielle crying to Colby like a little beeyotch and Amanda pleading with her puppy dog eyes for him to back her up.

This is the first time in this game where Amanda was being aggressive. She was holding on to that clue like it was the last piece of chicken. Cirie would've been proud ... for about 10 seconds. Danielle is still crying to Colby that Amanda took her clue and to make her give it back. "I didn't even see what happened. I was watching 'Treasure Island,'" the doofus says. Colby tells Amanda she should return the clue to Danielle, WHICH SHE DOES, thereby proving two things: 1. Amanda cannot think for herself and 2. why Colby is losing at this game. He's such an idiot.

When they get back to camp, Russ and Parv start grilling Danielle about finding the idol. She tells them she did, but also adds some special effects saying she wrestled Amanda to the ground and ripped the clue from her hands. Pause it: That's pretty close to what happened if you leave out the part about Colby telling Amanda to give it back and Amanda handing it to her like Colby was her daddy. Russell volunteers to help Dani find the idol, unbeknownst to her that Russell is "the king of hidden immunity idols." He finds it within minutes of reading the clue and stashes it in his pocket. He later shares the news with Candice who agrees to hop on the Villains' train. Meanwhile, Sandra tells Colby she's ready to jump ship and join the Heroes, but only if they agree to vote out Russell. Colby is convinced Danielle has the idol, so getting rid of Russ shouldn't be a problem. They just have to keep him from winning immunity.

It's the build-a-10-foot-tall-house-of-cards-for-immunity challenge. Russell is off to a great start after building a base that could withstand a suicide bomber. Jerri is his only competition, putting together an flimsy, but steady tower. They're neck and neck at nine and a half feet until Russ can't get his last two tiles to hold. Jerri wins her very first immunity challenge by mere seconds.

Back at camp, the castaways start throwing names around. Russell wants Amanda gone. The Heroes want to show Russell or Parvati the door. The Heroes have a solid plan to write Russell's name down until Candice runs back and tells him their entire plan and pushes Sandra in front of the proverbial bus. Russ tries to threaten Sandra about jumping ship, and Colby says if their plan doesn't work then they'll know Candice spilled the beans.

At Tribal Council, Sandra tells Probst that she knows she's on the outside of the Villains and that she's frustrated with her alliance. Russell starts listing everybody's role within the alliance and leaves Sandra's name out. When Probst calls him out on it, he admits "she's just there." The Heroes set there plan in motion by announcing they think Danielle has the idol knowing full well she doesn't. Pause it: The last three Councils have had my heart beating out of my chest. I felt like I needed an IV drip as the votes were being read.

Right before Probst reads the votes, Russell plays his idol but it's all for naught. Amanda is voted out, ending her run as the person who's spent the most days playing the game of "Survivor" and opening the door for Parvati to break her record. It's the first time she's ever had her torch snuffed. As Amanda is making her exit, Danielle and Parv start ragging Russell telling him he wasted an idol and was nervous for nothing.

Sandra is like Cirie, but much more outspoken. She's playing the best mental game out of everyone, thinking 2 steps ahead of the others. Her downfall? She doesn't have Parvati charm. I predict she'll be sitting between Parv and Russell in the end. They have to bring Russ along cause everyone hates him. He thinks he's playing a great strategic game, but he's met his match in Parvati and Sandra.

Based on the previews it looks like the King and Queen might be headed to divorce court since Russell's leadership skills don't mesh with Parv's need to cut people off at the knees. And let me just say that Courtney is the funniest castaway ever to sit on the jury.