Checking in, checking on

Hey Watch Party followers! Now before you start throwing your TV remotes at me, let me explain my absence. See, what had happened was I took a trip home to Arkansas to see my nieces graduate from high school. The two weeks I was away just happened to be the end of the Spring TV season. I watched every finale: "Glee", "Survivor" (Yay, Sandra!), "Grey's Anatomy" (Whoa, crazy Columbine shooter guy!) ... I saw them all. But there wasn't a long enough break in the action for me to write about anything I was watching.

That was May. Fast forward to the summer months when TV is nothing but reality, and my reality is nothing but fantasy. I usually use the summer to catch up on my reading ("Game Change," anyone?), but this summer I thought I'd give dating a whirl. And you know what I've discovered? It eats up a lot of my TV-watching time. It also takes a lot of patience to date a guy who doesn't have cable and his 152,000-inch TV comes with only 10 channels. *Placing remote to temple, pulling trigger* So what does a person with no cable do when they visit a person who has over 200 channels? They surf, of course. We barely get through 5 minutes of one show before he's moved on to the next. And who watches those video channels, anyway? My remote never goes higher than the Encore movie channel!

In any case, he'll be around for awhile which means I have to find a way to balance having a social life with continuing the Watch Party. Oh, no ... no. I don't have a solution right now! I'm working on it. But here are some thoughts on what I have been watching this summer:

"Big Brother" (CBS): The show comes on multiple times a week which means multiple times for ramped up drama. Aside from the lame "saboteur" twist, the show has produced plenty of humor and drama. Who knew the "Kosher King," meek little Andrew, would leave a wake of victims with his vengeful exit speech? Seeing Kristen and Hayden squirm over their reveal showmance was priceless. And producers, can you please tell Rachel to tone it down in the Diary Room? Her "excited voice" is as bad as that dye job. I'm rooting for Britney! The show airs on Sundays, Wednesdays and Thursdays.

"Top Chef: D.C." (Bravo, Wed., 9:00): Why do the judges keep rewarding Angelo for his Asian dishes? To me it shows that that's the only thing he knows how to cook. And shouldn't a top chef have more than soy sauce and sushi under his apron? I'm just sayin'!

"Project Runway" (Lifetime, Thurs., 9:00): Has anyone been paying attention to the commercials for this season? Let's just say they look more like advertisements for a Lifetime movie than a sewing show. The show promised a huge twist, but it failed to deliver. They made it seem as if multiple people would be cut in the first episode when all they did was dump the wrong person for a guy who basically made a Snuggie. The bigger twist is that the show is 90 minutes this season, meaning they won't be replaying it the same night like they usually do. Do us a favor, Lifetime! Save that extra 30 minutes and give us more shots of the actual garments. I don't care to see the designers' faces when their model takes the runway. Oh, and please loose the dark backdrop. You can barely see the clothes if the material is anything other than white. Or is it just me?

"So You Think You Can Dance" (FOX, Wed. & Thurs.): In an effort to revamp the show, the network has taken my favorite summer staple and made a mockery of it. When I first heard they were doing an all-star season, I was excited to see some of the best contestants compete again. But all they did was bring back 3 people I actually remember and a gang of dancers who were voted off their seasons early. I didn't watch the audition rounds so I have no attachment to any of the contestants. The one guy I was pulling for (ballet dancer Alex) was sidelined by an injury just one week after he performed a smokin' hot hip-hop number along side Season 4's tWitch Boss (yes, that's how he spells it). Watch the performance here.

I'll try to do a better job of checking in more often. But I'll leave you with this little nugget in the meantime. Be easy, TV Watch Party crew!

I'm embarrassed for you

It seems as if my this has turned into a "Survivor" blog with a little filler here and there. I still love TV, it's just that nothing gets me more excited than this show. I really thought "Glee" was going to get my mojo pumping, but I find myself disappointed with the new direction it's going. But more about that later. Let's get down to the business of ...

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): Lord, Lord, Lord. This was one for the history books. I do believe that this will go down as the Tribal Council in all of "Survivor". There was drama, humor, intrigue and heartbreak. But mostly, one player emerged as one of the smartest players of all time.

Now that the Villains have gotten rid of stick figure Courtney, the numbers are even between both tribes. The Heroes find a locked chest with a note attached saying company will be arriving soon, while the Villains have the key to open it. They are super excited - especially one-woman alliance Sandra - about the merge and pack up their camp to move to the Heroes' beach. Russell thinks he's the only one in the game with a hidden immunity idol and has no idea that Parvati has one of her own. She says the idols put her and Russell in the King and Queen position, but the Queen doesn't have to tell the King about her plans of a coup. Poor J.T. still thinks that after the Villains' Tribal Council, Parvati is gone and there are no more idols left in the game.

Upon arrival at their new camp, the castaways are told to drop their buffs and come up with a new tribe name. They eventually come up with "Yin Yang", throwing out "Hillains" and Jerri's suggestion of "All Villains". Pause it: I was thinking something more along the lines of "Puppets". It's obvious that the Heroes aren't happy to see Parv is still in the game. She whines to Danielle about feeling the cold shoulder. "I'm offended by how these Heroes are treating me. They don’t know it yet, but they’re about to be picked off one by one," Parvati threatens.

Meanwhile, Russell is spinning an intricate tall to Rupert and J.T. about why Parv is still in the game. He assures them that he's on their side, telling them "Just let this happen." Pause it: If only J.T. had a crystal ball ... and a brain. J.T. thinks Russ is a good ol' country boy. He has no inkling that Russ has turned him into a big doofus on national television. "Hook, line and sinker," Russ says, obviously pleased with himself. "This is going to be way easier than I thought."

Sandra later tries to warn Rupert that Russell and Parvati are trying to pull the buff over their eyes. "Russell’s the kingpin and Parvati’s the second in command," she says. It finally dawns on Rupert that the Heroes might be getting played in the worst possible way. “This is where the game gets crazy,” he marvels. But when Rupert goes to share Sandra's warning with the rest of the Heroes, they accuse him of being paranoid ... and sweating too much.

At the immunity challenge, it's every castaway for themselves in the first individual challenge: the pole hold - a last-man-standing endurance game. The contestants perch themselves on a pole with nothing but some tiny grooves to fit their feet into. J.T., Candice and Parvati have all played the game before with Candice lasting the longest. Both Colby and Sandra are the first ones to drop, followed by Rupert, Amanda and J.T. Parvati finds a new strategy by standing on the outside of her foot. She's in a zone and Candice realizes she's not going to outlast her. It's down to Parv and Danielle. Dani wants Parv to step off since she already has an idol. She does, and Danielle win the first individual immunity. Pause it: Did anyone notice how Dani's implant was looking a little melted. Gross!

It's scramble time back at the beach. Rupert wonders why Parvati stepped down if she thought she was going home. The Heroes devise a plan to flush out any possible idols by telling Russell that the Heroes are voting for Parvati, when in reality, they will be voting for either Sandra or Jerri to test Russell’s loyalty. Russell wants J.T. gone. He gives his idol to Parvati in hopes of saving her at Tribal Council. With both idols in her possession, Parvati is now the most powerful player in the game.

At Council, Yin Yang starts fighting about unripened bananas, reopening the debate about "banana etiquette". Rupert accuses the Villains - mainly Parvati and Danielle - of eating more than their share. Russell reminds them they are there to cut some fat and wants to get on with it. He says the vote will dictate the outcome of the game. Pause it: The jury (Coach and Courtney) read right through Russell's act. Too bad they couldn't do that when they were playing the game.

The Heroes cast their votes for Jerri, while the Villains all vote for J.T. Before the votes are read, Probst gives the usual spill about playing the hidden immunity idol and in a stunning twist, Parvati gives away BOTH idols to Sandra and Jerri. All votes cast for Jerri are void, leaving J.T. to go down in flames. Pause it: I was so embarrassed for him. *Forcing J.T. into an uncomfortable hug.* Russell is shell-shocked, whispering to Parvati, "You have some explaining to do."

J.T. took it like a man, but I would've loved to be sitting next to him at the Watch Party. I'm not a fan of Parvati, but she earned my respect tonight. And if she able to take Russell out of the game, I will cheer her on to the final three. At this point, I'm sure the Villains are going to want to keep Russell around cause it guarantees them five Hero votes from the jury. Parvati is going to be hard to beat, but if Sandra keeps playing her cards right, she'll be sitting next to her in the finals.

In case anyone was wondering, both Michael and Jackie are out of our "Survivor" pool. I still have Danielle on my team while Janet is going strong with Russell and Sandra. Here's the scorecard: (Members of the jury are the green failures)

CHANNEL SURFING

• Seattle's own Seth Aaron Henderson was crowned the winner of Season 7 of "Project Runway" (Lifetime, 10:00). Of course I know S.A. is really from Vancouver, Washington but only people who live there know you're not talking about Canada. Anyway, the judges thought S.A. knew how to "put on a show" and called his line "whimsical". It was a hard pill to swallow for Emilio Sosa, who won multiple challenges throughout the season. The judges loved his clothes but called a collection and not a complete fashion line. I hated Mila's collection, but then again, I've hated her aesthetic all season. All of the designers' clothes looked like something you'd find in Nordstrom. In past seasons, the finale runway show is full of drama and flowing gowns. I missed that. I mean, is it really runway couture if I'm not sitting on my couch wishing I had $10,000 for a pair of fitted slacks?
• Some passing thoughts about "Glee" (FOX, Tues., 9:00): I'm fairly sure I'm in the minority on this one, but that Madonna-themed episode? HATED IT. The cast performed seven songs. SEVEN! They barely had any dialogue. What I liked about the first half of the season was the backstories on all these complex characters. Now we get song after song and a revolving door of guest stars. A word to the writers: I know the show is an unstoppable pop-culture phenomenon, but stop trying to please the masses and get back to the basics.
  
• In parting, here's a funny line I heard on "The Office" (NBC, 9:00): "If it wasn't for secretaries, I wouldn't have a stepmom." - Andy, telling us the importance of celebrating Secretary's Day.
  

Say hello

Of course with the return of "Glee" I wanted to spend time really talking about the first fresh episode of the year, but with my new Wednesday work schedule, I'm racing the sun to get in bed. Here's a quick recap:

"Glee" (FOX, 9:28): The show sort of dropped the ball on the timeline aspect. Rachel and Finn are a couple now? And it's so serious, she made him a relationship calendar. Pause it: Rachel is totally one of my favorite characters, but that calendar idea was super scary. Seems like Finn didn't get the memo that they are dating and starts to question if he still has feelings for Quinn.

Mr. Schue warns the glee club about getting too complacent since winning sectionals. He challenges the group to reinvent themselves, starting with each one of them performing a song with "hello" in the title. Meanwhile, Coach Sue has blackmailed the school principal to get her job back as leader of the Cheerios and is still intent on taking down the glee club. Her first goal is to make Rachel so distraught over losing Finn that she quits the club. She enlists glee club Cheerios Brittany and Santana to seduce Finn away from Rachel.

Finn does end up dumping Rachel, but she doesn't take it lying down. She calls him out on his insecurities and ends up meeting (and falling for) Jessie St. James, the lead vocalist for a competing choir. The Finn, Kurt, Mercedes and Artie all try to warn Rachel that Jessie is probably playing her. They even threaten to kick her out of the club if she doesn't stop seeing him. She confronts Jessie about his motives, but they agree to continue seeing each other in secret.

I'm so happy "Glee" is back and there were numerous laugh-out-loud moments, but it's like FOX treated this as a throw-away episode in preparation for the big Madonna-themed show next week. I know getting access to her catalog is a big deal, but the promos are overkill. Now that "Glee" has become a phenomenon, I hope it doesn't lose it's edge.

Funny lines:

• Finn: "Sometimes I wish I could be more like Coach Tanaka. He pulled a Jessica Simpson - you know, lost his fiancé, gained 40 pounds, stopped showering, and everyone acts like that is totally normal."
• Coach Sue after chopping of a male student's long hair: "I'm going to donate this to the victims of Hurricane Katrina. They can use it to plug the holes in their trailers.
• Mr. Schue trying to inspire the group: "What do you guys say when you answer the phone?" Mercedes: "What up?" Artie: "Who this be?" Kurt: "No, she's dead. This is her son."
• Santana dissing Rachel's outfit to Brittany: "She looked like Pippy Longstocking, except Israeli."
  

Featured songs:
"Hello, I Love You" - The Doors
"Gives You Hell" - All American Rejects
"Hello" - Lionel Ritchie
"Highway to Hell" - AC/DC
"Hello Twelve, Hello Thirteen, Hello Love" - A Chorus Line
"Hello, Goodbye" - The Beatles

CHANNEL SURFING

• "Lost" (ABC, 9:00): Things we learned tonight: Michael is stuck on the island because he killed Libby and the whispering voices from the jungle are other spirits who can't move on. And that's about as much as my brain could follow.
• Suze Orman was on "The Biggest Loser" (NBC, 8:00) to guide the contestants to "financial health". She even predicted that Sunshine would win the season based on her FICO score. I'm sure that debt was supposed to be a metaphor for debt, but it felt more like a glorified promo for CNBC. Anyway, it was a night of big prizes as Michael wins $1,000 in a balancing competition, and Andrea and O'Neal both win cars. O'Neal promptly hands his key over to daughter Sunshine.At the weigh-in, Andrea and Sam (who didn't lose any weight at all) fall below the yellow line, but he manages to keep his spot on the ranch. Andrea is sent home in her new car. These people claim they aren't playing the game, but keeping around the guy who has lost all the weight he's going to lose is obviously game play.
  

After these messages: Has anyone out there tried "Hip Hop Abs?" My stomach does not look like that after I dance. It's more like a sweaty, dented keg. Shruggsies.

News Break - Clock stops on "24"

After 8 seasons, FOX is taking the batteries out of the ticking clock on "24" (Mon., 9:00). The network announced Friday that the action-packed real-time show starring Kiefer Sutherland as anti-terrorism agent Jack Bauer will come to an end on May 14, the show's season finale. Sutherland said in a statement that he was looking forward to creating a film version of "24". (Here's hoping they can come up with a fresher plot than this season). The show won an Emmy for outstanding drama series and for Sutherland as lead drama actor in 2006.

Premiering in November 2001, at the height of American fears of more terrorist attacks, “24” used an innovative real-time, split-screen format to tell interwoven storylines. Each episode covers one hour of the season’s 24-hour story arc. By the end of this season, “24” will have presented 194 episodes, making it one of television’s longest-running action shows.

Stand and deliver

Today was the first Tuesday in a long time that I had absolutely nothing to do. I was really lazy today and played couch potato for most of the afternoon watching repeats of "The Game" on BET and some movie on the Disney channel called "Jump In" about kids in a double-dutch jump rope competition. Mindless entertainment.

"16 and Pregnant" (MTV, 10:00): I almost feel guilty when I say that I'm glad this show is back because it's like I want to see girls stuck in a pregnant pickle. But the truth is this show is one of the most realistic portrayals of the consequences of unprotected sex. It's the best thing MTV has given us since "The Real World: Las Vegas". Season 2 kicks off with the story of Jenelle, a North Carolina teen whose alcoholic boyfriend is former model turned mooch.

Jenelle and Andrew have been in a long-distance relationship for three years. Mom Barbara hates the guy and lets him know he needs to step up. Andrew has no job, no driver's license and lives with his parents. Pause it: Yes, that is Andrew's picture in the dictionary next to the word 'deadbeat'. Jenelle thinks having a baby isn't going to be that hard. "It's going to be like dressing up a doll everyday." Pause it: And that's Jenelle's picture next to the word 'dunce'. Sure sweetie, your baby will look like a doll ... that pees and poops on cue.

After 12 hours of labor, Jenelle gives birth to a baby boy named Jace. Rewind: 'Jace' was on my short list of possible baby names, you know ... for when I have kids. Gotta find a husband but right now I'll settle for a man who has all his teeth. The two days she spent in the hospital were the first and last times Andrew saw his son. He spent the first week of Jace's life in jail on a DUI charge then decided his feelings for Jenelle had "dropped". She decides the best way to get over him is by hitting the party scene with her friends. Guess who's left cleaning up after baby Jace: that would be grandma Barbara, who is none too happy about being an at-the-ready babysitter.

Jenelle reminds me of Farrah during her "Teen Mom" days. She's woman enough to make a baby but not woman enough to take care of it. But unlike Farrah, Jenelle is more than happy to have her baby dropped off at daycare so she can focus on having a social life. What else is different from Jenelle? When her mom gets pissed, she make Jenelle take her baby out with her! Farrah's mom could've used some of Barbara's brass balls.

CHANNEL SURFING
"American Idol" (FOX, 8:00): Who knew there were so many ways to sing a Jason Mraz song? The judges gave seven wannabe stars a spot in the Top 24. Two of my early favorites, Michael Lynche and Todrick Hall made it through. You'll recall that Michael missed the birth of his first born on group day of Hollywood Week and Todrick performed with Fantasia in "The Color Purple". Unfortunately, Shelby Dressel, the girl with the facial deformity didn't make the cut. But it was Jessica Furney, also a Season 8 reject, who went damn near postal when the judges told her that Season 9 was a no-go as well. "Can you tell me what I did wrong?" she begged. "You didn't sing as well as the others," Simon retorts. Truth hurts.

"Lost" (ABC, 9:00) made my head hurt, but I have a theory about the numbers. Inside the cave, Fake Locke showed Sawyer a wall full of names with corresponding numbers in front - Hurley's unlucky lottery numbers (4-8-15-16-23-42). I think these numbers were the seat numbers for the Oceanic 6, the people who were rescued from the island (Jack, Kate, Sayid, Hurley, Sun and baby Aaron). Sawyer's name wasn't scratched out but he jumped from the helicopter before it crashed, giving Aaron a chance to be rescued. Locke's name wasn't scratched out and he wasn't a member of the Oceanic 6, so could his death be the sacrifice for Kate? Just a theory, but maybe Kate is the secret to the island, not Locke. Did anyone else catch that or am I starting to sound like Locke?

Let the games begin

The Olympics start Friday and NBC is not skimping on the Oly-themed shows. But we'll get to that later. I need a minute to finish gagging on all their "inspirational motivation". VOMITING!

"Lost" (ABC, 9:00): I finally figured out what they are doing this season. Aside from trying to give me a brain aneurysm, the writers are using a storytelling tactic called "flash-sideways". It's a season of "what ifs" vs. "what is" and the stories run parallel. Tonight's episode peel back the many layers of Kate and reveal how she and Claire would have crossed paths off the island.

After breaking free from the federal agent, Kate hijacks a cab with Claire in the backseat. Pause it: Obviously they are still in 2004 because there is no way a woman in handcuffs would get past airport security. *Montage of the shoe bomber, the underwear bomber and me sneaking my extra ounces of liquid onto the plane* On second thought ...

Ever since Claire disappeared on the island, Kate has been baby Aaron's second mom. After they were rescued, she passed him off as her own and raised him until they returned to the island. In the present, Claire was in Los Angeles to give her baby up for adoption but the couple backed out of the deal. She goes into labor and it's Kate who's by her side when she gives birth, just like she was on the island. Rewind: Did you catch that the man who delivered her baby, Dr. Goodspeed, was actually Ethan Rom? He's the man that kidnapped Claire on the island. Creepy!

I'm enjoying how the show is tying in how the characters would've still been connected even if Flight 815 hadn't crashed. It's also giving us a glimpse of how their lives would've been reshaped. In March, we'll get to see episodes centered around Ben (Mar. 9), Sawyer (Mar. 16) and Sun/Jin (Mar. 30). Executive producer Carlton Cuse urges viewer to forget about everything you've learned from previous seasons' flashbacks. "All that matters now are the flash-sideways stories," he says.

"The Biggest Loser" (NBC, 8:00): The teams head to the Olympic Training Center in Colorado to get inspiration from some of the country's top athletes. The teams move from pairs to individuals with two people getting eliminated this week. The person who falls below the red line goes home automatically and the two people below the yellow line are put to an elimination vote.

We already know that NBC is airing the Olympics. Do we really need to be subjected to an Olympic-themed episode of "Biggest Loser"? The only thing worth caring about was that hot potato figure skater. His name is not important. Just believe me when I say I'll be leading a one woman hotness parade for him during the pairs figure skating competition. He was smokin'!

At the weigh-in, the Red Team's Melissa gains a pound and is automatically sent home. Bye Bye. See ya! Don't let the door hit cha! I haven't disliked a contestant this much since Heba from a few seasons ago. Orange Team's Cheryl and Darrell from the Black Team fall below the yellow line and get a chance to fight to stay in an elimination challenge. They must keep their "Olympic torch" lit in a weird balancing act. Really? The results? To be continued.

Last chance rant: NBC, your pockets are showing! The network must be really hard up for money with all the freaking product placement ads on this show. If Bob tells me one more time to chew Extra Sugar-free gum I'm going to mash his face into my armpit and continue to eat my cake and ice cream. And how much do I hate Allison Sweeney as the host of this show? She's completely useless.

CHANNEL SURFING
Ellen's comic relief kept the mood light as the judges crushed the dreams of instant fame seekers on "American Idol" (FOX, 8:00). "You frightened me! Sexy and scary ... it's a fine line," she tells the obnoxious Skiiboski. I really wanted to see small town girl Vanessa Wolfe (of aeroplane fame) to make it through, but her nerves got the best of her. Best performance of the night was Janell Wheeler singing "American Boy" on acoustic guitar.

After these messages: Toyota is eating a big helping of humble pie, kind of like those Dominos Pizza commercials where they admit their crusts taste like cardboard, except Toyota's mistake might kill you ... I absolutely LOVE the Volkswagon "slugbug color" commersh. It was my favorite Super Bowl ad.

Second place is still losing

I'm at least 5 hours behind on my TV watching, so if you miss talking about your favorite shows, feel free to drop me a line. While everyone else is watch the Super Bowl, I'll be watching "24" and "Make It or Break It" online.

"The Biggest Loser" (NBC, 9:00): I can't believe "Loser" had the nerve to go head-to-head against "Lost". Thankfully I was taping "Lost", but that meant sitting through 2 hours of this overblown show. No fast forwarding tonight. Sad face.

The Blue and Yellow teams returned to the ranch to see which pair had lost the most weight after 30 days. The team who wins not only gets immunity, but also has the only vote at this week's elimination. Before the weigh-in, the Blue and Yellow are treated to a last chance workout. Bob calls it a "rite of passage," but it looked like aerobic torture to me. I work out with a trainer and let me tell you - people who do that must have some sort of "mean gene". (Sorry, Dan!) The Blue team loses a combined total of 63 lbs., but the Yellow team smashes them by losing 76 with O'neal losing 51 lbs. of it.

Pause it: This show is so freakin' long and repetitive. I ran to Metropolitan Market to get my free pineapple. When I got back I learned that Jillian had clearly gotten her therapist license since she was going around digging into everyone's psyche. Michael, the lone member of the White team had won immunity and the Pink team had earned a two-pound disadvantage. The saddest part was Metropolitan Market was out of free pineapples.

At the final weigh-in, Michael is on par to break the record for losing 100 lbs. the fastest. He's got 17 more to go to best Rudy from last season. Pink overcame their two-pound deficit by pulling a good number. The Red team was slowly sliding towards that dreaded yellow line and for a second I thought they were going to reap what they had sowed for throwing the first two weigh-ins. But it was John, the last member of the Brown team twins, who got sent home. I really wanted him to make it to makeover week just so I could see what his neck looked like without that beard on it. Thank goodness he had shaved it in the "where-are-they-now" clip.

Last chance rant: Miggy said she had an appendectomy, but it seemed like she went in for a hang nail. Who works out the day after surgery?

CHANNEL SURFING
Some tidbits I learned from the "Teen Mom Reunion" (MTV, 10:00): In the words of Carrie Bradshaw from "Sex and the City," Maci and Ryan are "so over they need a new word for over." Ryan said he sees his son Bentley as an obligation and if Maci wasn't the mother of his child he would never speak to her again. RUDE! ... Amber and Gary got back together and he moved into her apartment. Amber said there's a chance she may be pregnant again and I have to say, she was looking a little preggers in the face ... Catelynn and Tyler are putting off marriage until after college. Baby Carly's adoptive parents sent a letter and pictures and we are able to see her first Christmas and christening. Very touching. ... Farrah is still Farrah and defiant until the end. I was feeling a little sympathy for her at first, but once her mother took the stage with her, she reverted back to her old b!&chy self. No word on the outcome of her mother getting arrested for allegedly choking her.

"American Idol" (FOX, 8:00): The audition stage is almost over and Denver was the next to last stop. The talent turned out in droves and 26 people made it through to Hollywood.

After these messages: I'm loving the new Pemco commercials with the "you go, no you go" guy and the "goat renter" guy. They really hit the Seattle stereotypes right on the head.

We've got a situation

Sorry about the delay. I had some technical difficulties with the recorder (ie, I forgot to set it). I have now seen the first four hours of Day 8 on "24" (FOX, Sun., 9:00), and I can now conclude that this is not a show I'll be able to blog about. I may be able to discuss a few plot points here and there, but there are so many moving parts to this show that it's just too hard to take notes and enjoy it at the same time. Here's what I can tell you:

• Day 8 takes place in New York and picks up a short time after the events of last season.
• Jack Bauer is a grandpa! He and daughter Kim have finally patched up the rift between them and he is moving back to Los Angeles with her family.
• President Taylor is now divorced and she sent her daughter to prison for murder.
• Chloe is no longer the expert at CTU. She returned to work after her husband lost his job, but instead of being the star, she's the new tech-in-training.
• Jack is pulled back into CTU to stop an assassination attempt on Omar Hassan, president of the fictional Islamic Republic of Kamistan who's in New York to sign a peace treaty with the U.S.

What I have never liked about "24" is the ridiculous sub-plots. And why does the threat always have to come from inside CTU? They haven't revealed a mole just yet, but it's only a matter of time before we find out that some low level agent is working with the enemy.

Are you excited about the return of Jack Bauer or is it feeling like more of the same?

TURN THAT UP!

Some funny lines overheard on "Desperate Housewives" (ABC, Sun. 8:00):

• "Wow! A model and a poet. So while you're doing porn, he can make the dialogue rhyme." - Angie Bolen to her son and Gabby's niece, after their career plans.
• Bree to Orson: "You know the magic word - it has 6 letters." Orson: I know a word that has 3. If you don't give me my food, I'm going to shove that fork up it!"

Guys and dolls

Light night so I'm keeping it short and sweet.

"American Idol" (FOX, 8:00): At least 10,000 people turned out for the Atlanta auditions where Mary J. Blige joined the panel as guest judge. I'm not surprised that the Aye-Tee-El turned out a ton of talent. Seven of the 8 "Idol" winners are from southern states, although I wouldn't really consider Oklahoma as a southern state. (Sorry, Carrie Underwood). Jordin Sparks of Arizona is the lone outsider. I only watched 60 minutes of this extended show, but the part I did see made me proud to be a country girl.

Out of all the wacky people that trapsed in, only one audition really stood out to me. As I was listening to "country girl from the country" Vanessa Wolfe's sob story, all I could do was pray that she had some talent. It would've been a shame to sit through 2 minutes of her telling us how she wanted to break free from her small town only to have her be denied a ticket to Hollywood. And even though I didn't think her voice was that great , I still wanted her to make it through. "I'm gonna ride on a aeroplane!" she exclaimed.

I was shocked that annoying "Skii Bo Ski" could actually carry a tune, but oh so thankful that my recorder switched over to "Criminal Minds" before I could hear his spiel about how he's like a dollar store. Moving on ...

"Criminal Minds" (CBS, 9:00): I haven't watched this show in so long I've forgotten the names of the characters. I stopped watching this show for a period and after tonight, I remember why. Indeed, this had to be one of the creepiest episodes I have ever seen. I almost didn't finish watching it because the hairs on my arm were standing at attention.

Some crazy lunatic was kidnapping women, paralyzing them, then dressing them up like dolls. There was a lot of technical talk about physical immobility and mental awareness, but all I could focus on was how scary those girls looked. I don't know who those ladies were playing the parts, but if Emmys were handed for Best Actress With a Creepy Doll Face, those girls would definitely go home award winners. I will never look at a doll the same way again. Shudder!

Funny lines overheard on "Ugly Betty" (ABC, 10:00):

• "You're not paid for your voice, you're paid to imitate mine!" - Wilhemina to Betty after she pitches a story that goes against the one she was assigned.
• "The ingredients are chicken broth, evil and dirt." - Justin complaining about the taste of the soup Bobby brought over to cure his fever.

Best line from Simon Cowell: "It's like a cat barking." Where does his mind go to come up with this stuff?

Life, liberty and the pursuit of instant fame

It was a crazy day and an even crazier night, so I had a hard time cramming it all in. But the Watch Party goes on with or without me so I figured I'd better suck it up. Here's what I saw between naps:

"American Idol" (FOX, 8:00): For the last few seasons, I have barely watched "Idol" past the audition rounds. I have soured on this show now that people have shucked the actual talent factor and show up for auditions with the I-want-to-be-on-TV-so-I'm-going-to-be-obnoxious routine. It's not like that doesn't happen on all reality-competition shows (remember "Sex" from "So You Think You Can Dance"?), but there is something about "American Idol" that brings out some of the most delusional people I have ever seen. There's also this sense of self-entitlement where everyone feels like they deserve to be famous. Pause it: How about finding a cure for ingrown toenails or figuring out what those numbers mean on "Lost"? That is something that will make you famous.

Season 9 auditions kick off in Boston where a crowd of 9,000 waited in the pouring rain for a chance to shine in front of Randy, nu-Paula and Simon. Pause it: FOX can deny, deny, deny but I'm most certain that bringing in Kara DioGuardi as a so-called "fourth judge" was the nail in Paula's coffin. Victoria Beckham of Spice Girl fame was brought in to fill the final chair. Pretty much everyone who makes it in front of the panel is seeking some sort of validation from Simon, the most biting judge in the history of reality TV. Pause it: Forget New York! If you can make it in front of Simon, you can make it anywhere. The fact that people show up begging for his approval should prove that "Idol" numbers will likely tumble after his exit.

Only 31 people made it through to Hollywood, so the talent was slim for the picking. There were a few standouts like 16-year old Katie Stevens (the girl with the ailing granny) and Ashley Rodriguez, who wowed the judges with an Alicia Keys song. But Boston wasn't without its weirdos either. Janet McNamera honed her skills by playing the "American Idol" video game. Sorry, honey! A mock "Idol" stage does not a star make. And I can't leave off Mere Doyle, the girl who harbors an obsession for anime and wanted to audition for "American Idol" to become famous in ... Japan?

I'll tell you, I've had coworkers say to me I have a nice voice, but you won't catch me trying to sing in front of an audience. I know what I sound like and they are just being polite. The people who try out for this show should realize that mommy and daddy don't make the most impartial judges.

Note to self: Get one of those "Idol" video games. I wouldn't mind hearing a digital Simon Cowell tell me I'm bloody awful. His best quip of the night - "Is this window open?" - after hearing Janet sing. I also laughed when Randy told Britney-Spears-song-murdering Pat Ford to "stop singing forever." Auditions continue Wednesday in Hotlanta.

CHANNEL SURFING
I was so tired I could barely pay attention during "Teen Mom" (MTV, 10:00). Of course it would be the episode when Farrah finally decided to step up to the plate of motherhood and show some interest in caring for her daughter. "I can't believe I'm actually getting my work done with Sophia," she says. Well, Farrah, seeing as how this is the first time you've actually tried, we wouldn't have expected you to know that. And let's give it up for Amber, who in the midst of trying to get her G.E.D., fought putting her baby in daycare. Too bad she had to go against her wishes for the greater good of her family's future.

On the season finale of "Tabatha's Salon Takeover" (Bravo, 10:00), she helped a salon where all the stylists had one year of experience. FAIL! Those stylist weren't fit to cut a dog's hair, let alone a humans!

Did you watch "The Good Wife" (CBS, 10:00)? How funny is it that Alicia's ringtone for her mother-in-law is the theme song to "The Twilight Zone"?

After these messages: Why is Emmy-award winning actress Megan Mullally shoveling butter? Really? Butter? Those "Turn the Tub Around" commercials are not only annoying, they also make me want to "turn the volume down". In the words of Karen Walker: "What's this? What's going on here?"

Now we know he can dance

Hopefully everyone that is reading this blog knows by now that Russell Ferguson, the 20-year-old krumper from Boston, is the winner of "So You Think You Can Dance" Season 6. Russell dazzled the judges and viewers alike with his charming personality and his ability to adapt to every style of dance thrown his way.

I have been on Team Russell since Day 1, and finally, the viewers got it right for a change. The best dancer (by my standards) finally won! Second runner-up Jakob was tough competition and I still would've been happy if he'd won. He can bend his body in ways that no man should ever attempt. But Jakob was already a very polished dancer. Russell was untrained in any style of dance so it was cool to watch him progress each week, tackling new styles with ease. I was worried that the judges loved him a little too much. I usually makes the viewers vote for an underdog.

Poor Russell hurt his leg during the repeat performance from the three hip-hop dancers. He had to sit out for the rest of the show and we watched his top routines on playback from the original performances. BOO! He didn't seem all that banged up when they called his name for winner ... but lucky for him he's got $250,000 to cover those medical bills.

A few notes about this season:

• Adding Adam Shankman as a permanent judge was a bad idea. Awful. What was wrong with the rotating panel of choreographers? The only other person I would hated listening to more would've been Lil C. The way he phrases his comments drives me insane!
• The show did itself a disservice by airing back-to-back seasons within 6 weeks of each other. The ink was barely dry on Season 5 winner Jeanine's check before they were holding auditions for the next season. The plan obviously backfired because they didn't even have enough weeks to get to a final 4. We had to endure a Top 6 where there were no group dances or final solo performances.
• Not having Mia Michaels really brought down the level of dancing. There was some standout choreography from former contestant Travis Wall (give the guy an Emmy already) and Sonya Tayeh, but it's time to bring in some fresh hip hop dancers. Nothing against Tabitha and Napoleon, but their routines don't have as much sizzle as Shane Sparks' numbers had.
• Please stop with the lame guest performers. J-Lo? Adam Lambert? Really? All Lambert did was prove why he lost "American Idol". Whoever told him he could sing shout be carted out to pasture and shot. SHOT! And as much as I love me some Mary J. Blige, she did not belong on this show. Save it for "Dancing With the Stars", sister.

... in all the wrong places

Sorry for not posting on Monday night. I was at a holiday party and didn't get a chance to watch everything. But when I finally did, I was really disappointed. Delko's special return to "CSI: Miami" was nothing more than him doing the same job, just working for the opposite side. Diddy didn't fire anyone. Even "Hoarders" didn't tug at gag reflex like it normally does. Tuesday was a little better. Here's the rundown:

"Teen Mom" (MTV, 10:00): The action picks up with Maci's baby daddy, Ryan, returning home after working a 6-week job away from home. He immediately heads out to hang with his boys, leaving Maci to take care of baby boy Bentley. She later moves out of their apartment and back in with her parents. Maci seems sincere about moving out, but we'll see how long she lasts before she caves to Ryan's magnetic charm. Pause it: Let's give Ryan time to go out and buy some magnetic charm. We're back in 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2

Farrah (at left with daughter Sophia) is still in the running for being world's bitchiest teen mom. She determined not to be a single mom so she's trying to date her way through the male population in her hometown. This week loser is Shaq, a black kid she met at work. And stereotypes be damned, his favorite food is ... wait for it ... chicken, which she promises to cook for him. Rewind: I hope she does a better job with that chicken than she did with that microwave pizza last week.

Farrah needs a serious reality check and her sister is determined to give it to her. When sis calls her out for focusing on dating instead of spending time with Sophia, Farrah storms out and whines to her granny that she's a good mom. Cut to her driving off with Sophia on the hood of her car. OK, she didn't do that, but you see where I'm going with this.

Amber desperately wants to be a high school graduate and set out to get a diploma. Too bad her career counselor says her only option is a Good Enough Diploma. At least she's trying to do something with her life. She scores well on her GED pretest and she finally gets a ray of hope.

Catelynn and Tyler did a commendable deed when they gave their daughter Carly up for adoption, but now it's time to let go of the strings. They talk about their baby like she's on loan to her new parents. They have an open-adoption agreement but that doesn't entitle them to the stuff they are asking for. I think it's generous of the parents to send them pictures and emails about Carly, but I don't blame them for wanting to keep a little bit of distance. Catelynn believes it's her right as a mother to know Carly's last name, but I've got news for you hon: You're a mother, but you're not the mother. Sorry for the harsh reality, but just because you've given birth doesn't make you mature.

CHANNEL SURFING

• If Russell doesn't win "So You Think You Can Dance" (FOX, 8:00), you have the judges to thank for that. They've been hanging out in his butt all season, singing his praise. But America tends to hate that and always votes for the person least likely to win. *Looking at Kathryn significantly* I'm sure she'll win because the best dancer has never won the competition. Sorry Russell. Enjoy that second place trophy, but if you win, you owe me money for my phone bill. I voted multiple times ;-)
• I was all geared up to write about "The Good Wife" (CBS, 10:00), but the storyline was as old as Cain and Abel. A detention center gets kickbacks for every kid sent to juvie. Did I not beg for this story to be different? It's already been done on multiple shows this season. Originality people. That's what wins awards.
• "How the Earth Was Made" (History, 9:00): Finding out how the Sahara desert was made was about as dry as the desert itself. I'm so sorry for recommending it. Please see the cashier for your refund.
• "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" returns January 4 on ABC Family. Now that Amy has had the baby the action is really lame. I hope they come back with better stories.
• "The Colbert Report" (Comedy Central): Stephen Colbert is freakin' hilarious. Thanks for calling out Washington state for it's "holiday tree" and taking "Christ" out of Christmas. A wag of the finger to Gov. Gregoire. And his rap performance of "Empire State of Mind" alongside Alicia Keys earned him a heap of street cred! Mad props, yo! (or whatever it is they say in New York).
• "The Real World: DC" (MTV) premiers next Wednesday. Is this show still relevant to anyone born after 1990?

Debbie Downer

I was really excited for tonight, but it ended up being kind of a downer. Yes, the guy got the girl on "Glee", but it was a dark and painful drive getting there. The holidays are supposed to be a time of joyous TV. Tonight I got a big ol' hump of coal.

"Glee" (FOX, 9:00): I know I'll probably get a lot of comments on the contrary, but I didn't really enjoy this episode. While there were some real laugh-out-loud moments, I found the action to be really depressing.

Everyone in New Directions knows Puck is Quinn's real baby daddy except Rachel. Once she finds out the truth she promptly spills the beans to Finn, who believed he'd gotten Quinn pregnant by dry humping in the hot tub. Finn punches Puck then quits the Glee Club, leaving them one singer short for sectionals.

Mr. Schue is still on punishment over the whole mattress debacle, so he can't go to the competition with the group. Emma volunteers to take his place, even though she's supposed to be getting married the same day. "We just pushed it back a few hours so now it doesn't have to happen in broad daylight," she explained.

Once they arrive at sectionals, New Direction draws the last slot to perform and have to sit through two other show choirs sing songs from their set list. Coach Sue had passed it along to the competition to insure the Glee Club's (and Mr. Schuester's) demise. After a pep talk from Mr. Schue, Finn rides in on his white horse to save the day. New Directions wins sectionals and Mr. Schue turns Coach Sue in to Principal Figgins for giving away their set list. In the end, Mr. Schue gets the Glee Club back, Sue is suspended from coaching the Cheerios, and Emma is left at the alter but gets swept off her feet by Mr. Schue after confessing her love.

Funniest line heard all night - Sue to Mr. Schue: "I am reasonably confident that you will be adding 'revenge' to the long list of things you're no good at, right next to being married, running a high school glee club and finding a hairstyle that doesn't make you look like a lesbian." She then kisses her fingers, puts them to Schue's lips and says, "Love ya like a sista." Classic!

Featured songs
"And I Am Telling You ..." - "Dreamgirls"
"Don't Rain On My Parade" - "Funny Girls"
"You Can't Always Get What You Want" - The Rolling Stones
"My Life Would Suck Without You" - Kelly Clarkson
Rewind: Did you notice that the choreography was a mash-up of steps from all the numbers they'd performed?

"Barbara Walters Special - 10 Most Fascinating People of 2009" (ABC, 10:00): Here are my thoughts on why Barb thinks these people are fascinating:

1. Michelle Obama - She wears sleeveless dresses year-round
2. The Jackson children - They're famous father died and now they can take their masks off.
3. Sarah Palin - She went rogue, but owes her success to Tina Fey.
4. Brett Favre - He's old and still plays football.
5. Adam Lambert - He's gay and kissed another guy on TV. Call me country, but isn't that how gay works? Fascinating would be him kissing a goat or something.
6. Glenn Beck - For creating an insurgence of the use of the word 'fascist'.
7. Kate Gosselin - She had 8 kids then pimped them out on TV for swag and free trips. Then she divorced the man who destroyed her uterus.
8. Tyler Perry - He has a lot of hyphens in his title (actor-director-producer-studio owner-black).
9. Jenny Sanford - She didn't stand by her cheating husband. That's not fascinating either. That's thinking smart before taking him to the cleaners.
10. Lady Gaga - Because she bleeds during her performances.

REALITY CHECK
"So You Think You Can Dance" (FOX, 8:00): The stage is set for next week's finale and over 8 million votes were cast to narrow the field down to our Top 6. I don't remember their ever being six dancers in the finale, but I'm rolling with it. After a great opening number choreographed by Sonia Tayeh, Cat sends Ryan and Legacy, Ellenore and Mollee to the bottom 4. I was glad to see Mollee in the bottom. Her cutesy schtick was getting on my nerves. For the guys, it's hard to see any of them go. There's a lot of male talent this season and I'm not sure their female counterparts are dancing up to their skill. Fast forward through useless performances from The Wonder Girls and "Idol" winner Kris Allen to see Mollee and Legacy get the ax. I really hated to see him go. Nigel is always saying how "SYTYCD" is about dancers growing and progressing and for me that dancer was Legacy. Yes, his crying was annoying, but you could tell this B-Boy was really growing in different styles of dance.

So we have Ellenore, Ryan, Ashleigh, Kathryn, Jakob and my personal favorite, Russell competing for the title. Along with Legacy, he's the dancer I think has grown the most. And he's sort of cute. Sort of.

"Top Chef" (Bravo, 10:00): So it was the Voltaggio brothers vs. southern cook Kevin in one of the closest finales ever on "Top Chef". The 3 finalists won a combined total of 12 out of the 13 elimination challenges, so obviously they know how to make good food. Eliminated contestants were made sous chefs by a random knife draw, with Kevin getting the worst picks with Preeti and Ash. For the final challenge, the cooks had to create a 3-course meal. The first course was a box full of secret ingredients and they had to use everything in the box to create the dish. The second course was a free-for-all and the third course had to be a dessert. The judges later added a fourth course inspired by favorite childhood memories.

As it usually goes on "Top Chef", the better cook crashed and burned (Kevin) and it was down to the dreaded brothers - refined Bryan or risky Michael. The judges told Bryan to pack his knives, giving the title to his cocky brother. Talk about leaving a bad taste.

"Real World/Road Rules Challenge" (MTV, 10:00): It was almost an upset as KellyAnne and Sarah took on four Tarzans and a Jane, but alas, the Champions pulled away at the end to bank the $160,000 prize. I wasn't surprised that the girls did as well as they did, but I was surprised at how weak Susie really is as a competitor. She's undefeated in one-on-one face offs, but boy, she has no stamina for the long challenges. In the end, Johnny was right about her weighing the team down, but she came in handy at during the puzzle part of the challenge. Pause it: Was anybody else annoyed that Susie kept saying how exhausted she was when she hadn't done anything? *Punching Susie in face and handing her check to more deserving Sarah and KellyAnne.*

Big gambles

Thursday was a night full of risk-taking and some of these people didn't know when to fold. Here's what happened:

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): I told my best friend Jeff that this was the best season of "Survivor" ever to which he replied, "You said the same thing about last season. You say that every season." That just goes to show that even in it's 19th season, "Survivor" manages to bring something new and exciting every year. This season, that excitement comes in the form of a man named Russell.

I know I say it every week, but it bears repeating: I can't believe I'm pulling for a guy I absolutely detested in week one. He has stolen the crown for 'outwit' and will probably skate through to the end. No one else in Samoa is playing the game as hard as he is, and I'm actually impressed at the things he's managed to pull off. Who got the brunt of his conniving ways tonight? I'll tell you that later. First, lets talk about "Survivor Auction"!

Along with the dreaded eat-gross-stuff challenge, the auction is one of the highlights of each season - $500 and no sharing money or food! I think I have figured out the best strategy for playing this game: Bid half your money on the first item, which is usually some sort of food. There's no guarantee that you'll get something better in a later round or that they will reveal what's under the cover. Even better, save your money for that one item that pertains to the game. You never know what kind of advantage you can get from those clues. Jai'son was smart to spend his money on that immunity advantage. It ultimately helped him win safety at Tribal Council. And even though John bid on a clue to the hidden immunity idol that Russell had already found, it still helped him confirm that someone had it. Pause it: Call me crazy, but I wouldn't bid on food items when I'm already starving. Getting a taste of food then going back to bugs and fish would turn my stomach inside out.

At Tribal Council, Shambo was determined the get Dave voted off after he confronted her about her chicken-cooking skills. She's becoming quite the loose cannon and former Foa Squared members would be wise to cut her loose before she does them in. Russell persuades his group to go against her and get rid of John since John now knows he has the hidden idol. Score one more for Russell as John goes down in the 4th blindside. The look on his face was priceless! Well, maybe it was worth the money he spent on that clue! Have fun at jury duty, idiot!

"The Office" (NBC, 9:00): I love me some "Office," Lord knows I do. But tonight's episode crossed the line with a joke that was far worse than anything they have ever done on this show. Ten years ago, Michael promised a bunch of third graders that if they graduated from high school, he would pay their college tuition. Cut to 10 years later and "Scott's Tots" are all ready to matriculate, but Michael Scott isn't quite the millionaire he thought he would be by age 30 ... or 40. "I've made some empty promises in my life, but hands down, this was my most generous," says Michael.

So instead of receiving the college tuition they had worked so hard for, Michael gives them batteries for a laptop (lithium, of course). How cruel is that? As someone who volunteers at a school full of minority students, it was hard watching these kids heap praise on Michael then have him dash their hopes of being college students. Yes, they countered it at the end with the stat that "Scott's Tots" had a higher retention level than other kids, but still ... it was a bad storyline.

CHANNEL SURFING
There is no way anyone can eat and watch "Bones" (FOX, 8:00) at the same time. In their defense, they did warn me there was graphic content, but I had to put my spoon down when the flesh started falling off that body. But I don't know what was worse: the fleshless body or the glorified promo for the movie "Avatar". I know it's from 20th Century Fox, but c'mon guys! Enough with the self-promotion! This is "Bones", not "American Idol"!!! FYI: The lab tech guy is in the movie, so I'm sure they are just proud of their co-star.

Getting bumped

Here's a rundown from Wednesday night:

"So You Think You Can Dance" (FOX, 8:00): It was America's vote last night and some hard decisions had to be made. Most of the performances were really well done. And those couples that didn't dance up to par made up for it on their second routines. But alas, Noelle, Kathryn, Ryan and Nathan landed in the bottom four.

Viewers are now voting for the best individual, not the best couple, so it came down to who had the best solos Tuesday night. Even though Mollee had some solid routines, I thought her solo was horrible and was sure she would've been in the bottom. Krumper Russell and B-boy Legacy had the best solos, and for a ballroom dancer, Ryan is a really good solo performer. Ballroomers usually are at a disadvantage when it comes to the solos, but Ryan dances with such bravado that he doesn't need a girl on stage with him.

After an amazing routine by the Legion of Extraordinary Dancers, I sat through that atrocious song that Snoop Dogg sang, but only because he was surrounded by former SYTYCDancers (Go Dominic and Hok!) In the end it was Nathan and Noelle who danced their last dance. Noelle did better in her routines than Kathryn, but Kathryn had a better solo. It was a toss-up with Ryan and Nathan who both gave great solos but I think Nathan died a death at the hands of the judges snarky comments toward him from earlier in the season. Thanks Nigel.


"Glee" (FOX, 9:00): There's only one more episode left before the show takes a break to make room for "American Idol" (UGH), and the show pulled out all the punches to get ready for the fall finale.

Mr. Schue's day goes from bad to worse when Emma and Ken announce they are getting married on the same as Sectionals. Then Coach Sue tells him she intentionally had the Glee Club left out of Thunderclap, McKinley High's yearbook, because the photo gets vandalized every year. And to finish off his slow death, Mr. Schue finds wife Terri's fake baby bump, realizing she been lying about being pregnant the whole time.

Schue runs to Principal Friggins to complain and is told that a yearbook photo costs $1,000 for a full page. Mr. Schue opts for a quarter page for $325 but only 2 kids can fit into the frame. None of the Gleeks want to be in the photo so they elect Rachel to by their captain and appear in the picture, which she is more than happy to do. Pause it: How hilarious was it that Rachel joined as many clubs as she could, not to be a well-rounded student, but to practice for being in front of the paparazzi. Black Student Union? ... Who writes this stuff?

Rachel lands the Gleeks a spot in a TV commercial for mattresses and the store thanks them with a shipment of them. Those mattresses came in handy after Mr. Schue storms out on Terri. One Watch Party viewer commented on how violent he became. I agree. I was glad the truth finally came out, but the way he demanded Terri lift her shirt and then snatched off the fake baby bump was kind of scary, which is surprising since the show has such dark humor. I wonder if this will slow down Emma's rush to the altar.

In the end, the Gleeks get in trouble for accepting payment (the mattresses) for their participation in the commercial, making them ineligible to participate in Sectionals. Mr. Schue falls on the sword and agrees not to accompany them since technically he was the one who slept on the one of the mattresses, making him accountable for accepting the payment. They do manage to get their yearbook photo after Quinn blackmails Coach Sue and demands she give one of the cheerleading squad's six pages to the Glee Club.

Rewind the tape: Was Quinn jumping and rolling around on one of the mattresses during the commercial? If she was she may want to rush to the nearest hospital and have that baby checked out.

Funny lines:

• Coach Sue explaining the work she had done on her face for her yearbook photo: "While they were in there I told them to go ahead and yank out those tear ducts. I wasn't using 'em."
• Emma about why she's marrying Ken: "I know he has a lot of flaws ... 74 flaws as of yesterday."
• Rachel to photographer after finding out he's casting for a commercial: "Aside from nudity and the exploitation or animals, I'll do pretty much anything to break into the business."

Featured songs:
"Jump" by Van Halen
"Smile" by Charlie Chaplin (The version song by Rachel and Finn was by Lily Allen)

REALITY CHECK
On "Top Chef" (Bravo, 10:00), the final four chef'testants head to Napa Valley to compete in the penultimate challenge to see who makes it to the last cook off. Padma is sporting a baby bump and a new set of bangs. Micheal wins a new Toyota Prius in the Quickfire Challenge which had the chefs creating a dish using Napa's cash crop: the grape.

For their final challenge, the chefs must cater a crush party for 150 people. Crush is the time of year when the people of Napa crush grapes for the wines. Other than salt and pepper, they can't use anything that's not locally produced, and they must make one vegetarian dish and one protein dish.

Jennifer looked like she had regained some of her confidence during their time away from the kitchen, but apparently the Voltaggio brothers didn't use the time to work on their relationship, as they are still bickering like two little schoolgirls. Pause it: Thank you, Bravo, for subjecting us to their childish banter all season. Thanks a lot!

Bryan, the nice brother, wins the challenge and skates through to the finals. Jennifer is told to pack her knives and go after turning in a dish that wasn't well-thought out. We have an all-male finale again with Bryan, Michael and Kevin competing for the title of Top Chef. I'm rooting for Kevin simply because he cooks food that doesn't look like a rabbit threw it up. TEAM KEVIN!!!

Somebody to lean on

See how much I love you?! I'm sitting in Brooklyn, NY at 2:52 am (East Coast Time) writing this blog. There was no way I was going to miss "Glee", even if I am on vacation. But don't fret ... I am doing more than just sitting around watching TV. Later today it's the Brooklyn Museum of Art and a Manhattan comedy club. Here are my thoughts on tonight:

"Glee" (FOX, 9:00): When Mr. Schue made the announcement that the glee club would be doing ballads, I was totally ready to see some killer duets. What we got was crazy stalker crush story where several people were falling for their singing partners. Rachel fell for Mr. Schue after she was forced to pair up with him; Kurt admitted he was in love with Finn ever since the day they met; and even though they are already a couple, Finn professed his love to Quinn and their unborn baby. Too bad he decided to do it in front of Quinn's parents. Her dad kicked her out and she moved in with Finn. Pause it: I soooo wish I could do a cool mash-up with their names, but all I get Quinn ... or Finn. Not nearly as cute as Quick (Quinn/Puck) or Finchel (Finn/Rachel).

And let's just discuss this little love triangle that has quickly turned into a pentagon: Kurt loves Finn who thinks he should love Quinn who's really in love with Puck who was hooking up with Rachel who loves Finn. It'll be interesting to see how this clusterf*#@ plays out now that Puck has confessed to Mercedes that he's the baby daddy. And where was Coach Sue? I didn't chuckle out loud not once during this episode!

Featured songs:
"Endless Love" by Diana Ross and Lionel Richie
"I'll Stand By You" by the Pretenders
"Young Girl" by Gary Puckett (Union Gap)
"Don't Stand So Close to Me" by The Police
"Crush" by Jennifer Paige
"[You're] Having My Baby by Paul Anka
"Lean On Me" by Bill Withers

"America's Next Top Model" (CW, 8:00): Tyra crowns the show's first petite model: 5'7" Nicole Fox. It was a competition of quirky dork vs. girl-next-door, and not since Cycle 3 (Eva vs. Yaya) have I been so torn about who I wanted to win. Of course Laura's southern charm made her the perfect representative for Cover Girl, but Nicole had the best portfolio and you can't be a model if you can't book the job. I'm sure we haven't seen the last of Laura, but right now it's Nicole's time to rip the runway. Rewind: Did it really take Nicole 22 takes to get her commercial down? That's got to be a Top Model record! Are you happy Nicole won or were you a Laura fan?

"In the Spotlight With Robin Roberts: Janet Jackson" (ABC, 10:00): For anyone who has ever lost someone close to them, one of the most painful things in the world is getting that call telling you that some you love has passed away. I tragically lost a niece 2 years ago and I will never forget how hard it was to hear the news over the phone. So I can totally sympathize with Janet Jackson when she spoke about losing her brother and hearing about it first on CNN, then confirmed over the phone. Yes, Michael Jackson was an entertainer but he was also someone's father, someone's brother, someone's friend. To have a death be overshadowed with controversy and suspicion takes away from the grieving process. Janet says she copes by nervously smiling. How sweet is that?

I didn't expect Janet to be very candid and she didn't reveal much that we didn't already know about her. But it was nice to see a member of the Jackson family talk about Michael without trying to cash in on his death (I'm glaring at you Jermaine, LaToya, Joe). Plus, Janet has a really great smile.

I miss you, Roshundalyn.

After school special

As I mentioned before, a power outage prevented me from watching all of my shows last night. But being the dedicated blogger (and TV lover) that I am, I was up watching TV until 7:30 this morning. Here's what I watched before my eyes started crossing.

"Glee" (FOX, 9:00): The World Series kept us apart for so long I almost forgot it was back! I like the little recaps they give us before the show starts. It's a quick little reminder of all the plots they've got going.

I wasn't disappointed in this episode, but I didn't love it either. We all know that "Glee" is not just a show about great singing. It's about acceptance and not being afraid to be different. This episode touched on every sensitive subject you could possibly imagine: teen pregnancy, Down syndrome, people with disabilities and sexuality. Even with all these touchy topics, I expected them to hold their ground and come out swinging. Instead of tackling the subjects with the biting humor that I love, we got a funny, but watered down version of "South Park". Kind of like an after school special.

In this episode titled "Wheels", Mr. Schue wants the club to rally around wheelchair-bound Artie when the school won't pay for a handicap-accessible bus to transport him to regionals. While the group loves Artie, they aren't very sympathetic to his plight, so Mr. Schue makes them all spend three hours a day in a wheelchair and adds a wheelchair number to the program. He then challenges Coach Sue to hold open tryouts for the cheerleading squad and pressures her to choose someone who's not so beautiful on the exterior. Coach throws him for a loop when she picks Becky Johnson, a girl with Down syndrome, to join the Cheerios. He's sure she has an agenda, but the truth is Coach Sue has an older sister with Down syndrome whom she visits on a regular basis. She also writes a check for three new wheelchair ramps for the school.

Pause it: Wow! Sue Sylvester has a sensitive side. It was cool to see her as the good guy for once but I like her surly attitude so I hope she's not too soft for long.

The show has been getting a lot of flack from advocacy groups for people with disabilities. Kevin McHale, who plays Artie, doesn't use a wheelchair so some groups criticized FOX for not hiring disabled actors. Pause it: I'm going to take my chances on getting pelted with rotten tomatoes, but groups like PETA, NAACP, PFLAG and any other initials need to relax! Seriously! First of all, it's just television. Second of all, would you rather have no attention on your cause or can you just shut up and reap the benefits of having your minority group portrayed on TV. I understand why you exist and I applaud you. But for now I need you to sit down and put a sock in it so I can enjoy my shows without a press release on how unfairly you're treated. We all want reparations of some sort. I'll accept mine in the form of an Emmy for this show. Anyway ...

Elsewhere around Glee Club: Kurt and Rachel compete in a "Diva-Off" to see who gets the to sing their favorite song, "Defying Gravity". I didn't like the song (I'm more of a Mariah fan) so I didn't care who won. Quinn is feeling the financial pain of pregnancy and pressures Finn to get a job. With Rachel's help he lands one, but only because he faked being wheelchair-bound and threatened to call the ACLU if they didn't hire him. Good for Finn for stepping up but too bad he's such an idiot. Where's Maury Povich when you need him? Archie and Tina bond over their handicaps. They were making a pretty cute love connection until she reveals that she fakes her stutter. Have you ever faked a disability or illness? I have, but I can't say or else I'd be fired.

Funny lines

• After new Cheerio Becky complains about the tough routine, Coach Sue says, "You think this is hard? Try auditioning for "Baywatch" and being told that they're going in another direction. That was hard."
• Finn, explaining to Coach Schue why they don't have time for a bake sale: "Kids are busier than when you went here. We've got homework and football and teen pregnancy ... lunch."

Featured music
"Dancin' With Myself" - Billy Idol
"Defying Gravity" - Wicked (musical)
"Proud Mary" - Ike and Tina Turner

Riding the reality wave

I got my reality check when the electricity went out for almost an hour. Here's yours:

"America's Next Top Model" (CW, 8:00): The four remaining girls learn hula hip-hop and the winner gets a Maui vacation. For the life of me I can't figure out what this has to do with modeling (unless they are trying out for the part of "hoochie" in a Lil Wayne video). Before a Pele (goddess of volcanoes) photo shoot, the models learn that two girls will be going home. I totally called Laura a fresher version of Rachel Hunter before Ty Ty and the judges did. Nicole served up her usual hot plate of fierce and they'll be going head-to-head in an unknown designer's fashion show. Pause it: You'd think with all her clout, Tyra could at least get a big name designer. I think Nicole is going to take it, but I wouldn't mind if Laura wins. Everyone who was happy to see Erin go, raise your hand! Which model are you pulling for?

"So You Think You Can Dance" (FOX, 8:00): For the first time this season the vote is in the hands of the viewers and you guys almost got it right. Almost. The bottom three vote-getters were Ellenore & Ryan, Pauline & Peter and Kevin & Karen. What happened to Mollee and Nathan? They totally should've been in Ellenore & Ryan's spot. We're reminded that America votes for their favorite dancer, not necessarily the best one. Pause it: The best dancer never wins on this show. (I'm winking at you, Will, from Season 4 and Brandon from Season 5). The curse of the quickstep strikes again as Pauline and Peter are sent home. Thank goodness all of the tappers are gone. Good on them for making it onto the show, but seriously ... a tap dancer would never win this competition.

A few thoughts: I wish Nigel would stop comparing this season's dancers to Season 5. We've moved on; you need to as well. ... Was anyone else creeped out by the tall man in the midst of all those young, screaming girls after the commercial break. He looked out of place and kind of perverted.

"Real World/Road Rules Challenge" (MTV, 10:00): Unfortunately for the Challengers, lazy Casey is still around. She is the most useless piece of skin I have ever seen on these challenges. These people came to win money and she's acting like she's at MTV Beach House. The Champions win again and Johanna chooses to battle Sarah in The Ruins saying she could never live it down if she lost to Casey. And even though Cohutta has knocked out two power players, Darrell picks him because he has banked the most money so far. Johanna has been on four of these challenges and this is her first time being in a one-on-one showdown. Pause it: She must've been getting by on her looks because she proved tonight she's not as strong as people have made her out to be. Time to get a real job, Joey. Darrell beats Cohutta and now has the biggest cashpot with $31,000. What's that I see on Darrell's back? Looks like a target.