Cleaning house

Since it was my birthday, I just dabbled here and there. I did manage to watch all four shows that aired at 10:00 pm, a feat that wasn't as difficult as I thought. Here's what happened:

"Hoarders" (A&E, 10:00): I usually try to be sensitive when it comes to the subject matter of this mental illness, but when it comes to hoarding, it's just something I can't fully wrap my mind around. So instead of feeling sympathy towards these people, my emotions run between disgust and dismay.

Judi, a 66-year-old from Maryland, moved into her home in November, 1990. Most of her stuff is still in boxes under mountains of garbage and plastic bottles. Judi's house hasn't had running water for 2 years so she uses adult diapers instead of a toilet. Her bathroom is piled high with 3,000 lbs. of soiled diapers and fecal matter. Now you know I have to Pause it: Where are the hazmat suits? The cleanup men were wearing nothing more than rubber gloves and masks. To clean up 3,000 lbs. of dirty diapers? You best believe I'm going to be swaddled in plastic with an oxygen tank. After collapsing, Judi became wedged between the door and a pile of garbage, causing her to be placed in an assisted living facility.

Over in Oklahoma, 58-year-old Gail was dealing with the death of her parents. Her hoarding stemmed from an emotional attachment to their belongings and a fear of throwing their stuff away. Gail also had lived without running water for 2 years, but her neighbors were nice enough to let her use their hose. Goats (yes, goats) had eaten through the siding on her house, leaving gaping holes in some of the rooms and Gail fearing that she won't survive the winter's freezing temperatures.

This was an interesting episode because once the cleaning started, neither Gail nor Judi exhibited any of the attachment issues that led to their hoarding. For the most part, they were eager to part with their stuff. Of course, there was the occasional freak out when they perceived some trash to be a treasure, why does it take a therapist and the threat of home condemnation to light a fire under these women? Judi was depending on the money from the sale of the house to support her assisted-care living, but once the home was deemed too nasty to live in someone paid only $5,000 for the property. That's $4,999 more than what it was worth. Gail did manage to get her house clean and repaired. There was a nice home hidden underneath that critter cave.

Some random thoughts: How is it that a person winds up with an old school bus in their front yard? Is there a place where they just give away old buses? Can you buy them on e-Bay? I'm told that the production company for this show is based here in Seattle. That's why in the episodes have been heavy on Washington state connections.

CHANNEL SURFING

• "Men of a Certain Age" (TNT, 10:00): I'll be sticking with this show. It's considered a dramedy, but the humor is subtle, not over the top like "Desperate Housewives". Ray Romano plays Joe, a man who once had dreams of being a professional golfer. Now he owns a party store and nurses a gambling problem that caused the breakdown of his marriage. His friends, Owen and Terry, are going through their own mid-life crises, both trying to pursue careers that have long eluded them. I'm not having a mid-life crisis, but I can relate to these guys. I have a 'bucket list' of things that I haven't accomplished yet, too. The one negative I have about this show: too much cussing. I know it airs at 10:00, but this is basic cable, not Showtime.
• "I Want to Work for Diddy" (VH1, 10:00): Mr. Combs sends the candidates on an honesty retreat then cans air-headed Jennifer for not being able to think on her feet. That broad was two doughnut shy of a dozen.
• "Gossip Girl" (CW, 9:00): Is Serena one of those girls who is destined to keep picking the guy who will leave her hanging in a time of need? Tripp seems really pervy. He's supposed to be in his 30s and he's falling for a 19-year-old. That like Jon Gosselin dating Miley Cyrus ... just wrong. Jenny has turned to gambling to finance her high school kingdom. I see rehab in her future.

Monday: On the 9

Here's a rundown of shows airing during the 9:00 hour. What's your favorite Monday night show?

"Gossip Girl" (CW): When "Gossip Girl" first premiered, the idea of watching these self-absorbed high-school kids who were drowning in fame and decadence had massive appeal. It was "Dynasty" meets the Disney channel. But now that these Upper East Siders have graduated high school and entered the real world, it makes their wealth and sense of entitlement almost too hard to watch.

Blair is still reeling from no longer being the "Queen B". As a freshman at NYU she's just a freshman at NYU ... with a glam wardrobe, of course. She's missing her throne and adoring court so much that she slums it with the high school girls to defend her broken legacy. Serena deferred Brown University to find herself. I'm sure if she dug deeper into the $10,000 handbag she'd find a knock-off version of herself at the bottom. Tonight, she gave working a try, but there are only so many jobs available for a someone whose resume is nothing more than a high school diploma attached to a tabloid magazine. Chuck is still Chuck, except now that he's not a high schooler that smooth, deep voice sounds more creepy pedophile than sexy heartthrob. Pause it while I text Gossip Girl: Im 8-T-6ing u 4 nu show. XOXO, Resa

"Trauma" (NBC): Now here's a show that knows how to shake things up. I was skeptical going into the second episode that it wouldn't live up to the first, but it didn't disappoint. What this show has that "ER" didn't is nonstop medical action. They don't waste too much time on getting to know the characters. They just give you bits and pieces and let you draw your own conclusions.

Warning: This show is not for the weak at heart (or stomach). They leave nothing to the imagination when taking you inside the traumas. The accidents tonight included a gang shooting, a woman knocked unconcious after a blow to the head, and a man who suffered a stroke before driving through a street fair. I was watching through my fingers when they put the tourniquet on the vendor with a broken leg. He ended up dying while the driver lived, and Rabbit was left to wonder if his split-second decision to med-vac the stroke victim was the right call. I'll admit, I did tear up at the end when little cutie Rudy was reminding his comatose mom of all her favorite things, hoping it would spark some signs of life. I'm going to let "Gossip Girl" rest her thumbs while I go for a ride with "Trauma". What do you think of this new show? I would hop in rookie Glenn's ambulance any day! And I'm really liking Rabbit! Got any faves so far?

"Lie to Me" (FOX): The Lightman Group is tasked with determining if a 21-year-old, black college football player raped a 16-year-old white girl. Throw in the fact that Dr. Lightman's daughter, Emily, goes to school with the alleged victim and you've got yourselves one volatile case.

I don't think they needed to add in the race part. The idea of teen girls lying about their ages and sneaking into college parties was already strong. Playing the race card was just a distraction. In the end, Lightman was able to prove that his client was being set up by the girl and her friends. The athlete never knew her real age.

I'm sure this happens in real life all the time: a man is accused of rape because the underage girl doesn't want to get into trouble with her parents. In this case, the lying led to the death of the prosecutor at the hands of an angry father who thought justice wasn't being served. I'm not advocating that rape victims not be taken seriously, but we do have to acknowledge the fact that some girls are putting themselves in harms way when they try to act older than they really are. I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Was the football player at fault for assuming she was of age? Or does the blame fall on the girl for pretending to be older than 16?

Who was that? Famous faces showed in tonight's episode:
After talking about statutory rape - Mary Kay Letourneau and Roman Polanski
After Emily was caught lying about birth control - Condoleezza Rice and Heidi Fleiss

Though it fell during the 10:00 hour, funny line of the night goes to Jesse Cardoza on "CSI: Miami" (CBS). Said to "cougar" Mrs. Collins after she goes all "Basic Instinct" on him: "Mrs. Collins, you are opening your whole life up to me."
Oh, and did Delko really dump Calleigh via a police deposition? That's up there with de-friending your girl on Facebook then changing your status to "single".

Lightening round

"Lincoln Heights" (ABC Family, Mon., 8:00): The acting on this show is getting worse by the week. The way Cassie says the name "Charles" every 5 minutes is like nails on a chalkboard. And I have not seen a family in such peril on a weekly basis since the Kennedys. C'mon Suttons! You've survived an earthquake, 2 attacks on the kids, a near charge for murder and dad getting shot. All that's missing is a bout with swine flu and we've got ourselves a season. We're only 3 episodes in and I feel like I need a bullet-proof vest and a haz-mat suit while I'm watching. Keep it up or I'm trading you in for reruns on TNT.

"Gossip Girl" (CW, Mon., 9:00): Am I the only one grossed out by the fact that Dan and Serena now share a brother? I know they aren't related (there's a lot of baby mama/daddy drama in there), but it does make their past relationship seem somewhat incestuous. The kids (and I use that term loosely) on this show are supposedly one semester out of high school, so why does it feel like they all sit around drinking cognac and puffing on expensive cigars? Pause it: The dress Serena wore to the Sotheby auction isn't something you typically see without a street corner and a slow-moving car in the background. Blair and Chuck have the most dysfunctional relationship this side of Jon and Kate. For two people who exude such confidence, they really lack self-esteem.

Commercial break: Whoever told Zooey Deschanel she could sing must have been headless. She completely murders one of my favorite commercial jingles: the cotton theme song.

"CSI: Miami" (CBS, Mon., 10:00): Sharif Atkins, aka Dr. Gallant from "ER", turns up as deranged shooter Ted who takes the crime lab under siege. I had a really hard time believing Atkins in this role, as he was such a gentle guy on "ER". But it's nice to see him stretch his acting chops. Thank you, Heavenly Host, for sparing us one of Horatio's opening lines tonight. I never watched "NYPD Blue", but I can't imagine David Caruso being anything other than the dry line deliverer that he is on this show. We were barely 20 minutes in before Jessie Cardoza, played by hottie Eddie Cibrian, had his shirt off. We should keep a counter of how many times he goes shirtless this season. I'm always amazed at the things I learn on the "CSI:" franchises. It's a wonder we aren't all professional counterfeiters.

No "Jon & Kate Plus 8" tonight. I don't watch when it's Kate's week. Or Jon's for that matter. It's minus Resa on this one.