Reality rundown

I am so proud of myself because I was literally watching three shows at one time tonight. THREE! And I still managed to keep up! It's the little things. Here are the highlights.

So You Think You Can Dance (FOX, 8:00): Adam Shankman talks too much! When FOX announced they were making him a permanent judge I was thinking this could be a nice mix. What I didn't realize is that by giving him a seat on the panel there would be no guest judges. I miss hearing the commentary from the other professional dancers. Shankman just rambles on and on and on ... and on and on and on. He's probably still talking now.

There weren't too many exciting routines. I hate any sort of 70s disco and tonight was the revival of the hustle. I don't know why the choreographers feel the need to throw in all these death lifts and death spins. I hope they throw in some death insurance (and maybe a helmet). I also hate it when they make them dance with props. If it's not a top hat or a stationary chair, they shouldn't be dancing with it. If that prop doesn't work the way it's supposed to, they blame it on the dancers, not the choreographers.

Best routine of the night was the African jazz routine by Noelle and Russell. I wish I had taped it so I could watch it on playback because it was amazing. And as much as I don't want to be a Legacy fan, he is growing in this competition. He totally out-danced his partner Kathryn in their Broadway number. I used to think contemporary dancers had the upper hand on this show, but I'm starting to think it's actually the hip hoppers. Their lack of training makes them much more adaptable. I see Russell and Legacy in the Top 6.


"The Biggest Loser" (NBC, 8:00): In a "Biggest Loser" first, two players are sent home this week. Ali announces that there will be both a yellow line and a red line. The player who falls below the red line will automatically be sent home, and the two players who fall below the yellow line will be put to a vote. Jillian makes it clear to Bob that she wants Shay to stay because Shay needs to stay. Bob wants to make sure Amanda is still around.

At the challenge, Rudy wins immunity and Shay is upset that Rudy didn't help her win. I'm starting to see a pattern with Shay. She wants people to help her win, but she never does anything to help herself. Pause it: Everybody needs to be there, Shay. They just stopped eating before they got as big as you. Don't hate on them for realizing their problem sooner than you. During the workout, Jillian calls Shay out on all her crying. Thank you, Jillian! I thought I was going to have to come out to the ranch and smack her across the face.

At the weigh-in, Shay loses 17 pounds and breaks the record for the woman to lose 100 pounds the fastest. Danny also loses 17 and breaks the 100 pound mark. Daniel's second chance comes to an end as he falls below the red line. It's Bob vs. Jillian for the elimination when both their pet projects, Shay and Amanda, fall below the yellow line. In a stunning vote, the players send Shay packing and she cries her way back to Newport Beach.

CHANNEL SURFING
The bossy Aussie heads to the beaches of Miami on "Tabatha's Salon Takeover" (Bravo, 10:00). Pablo, a 21-year-old salon owner, doesn't even do hair; he just likes the business aspect of owning a business, and he's not even good at that. He owes $19,000 in back rent, is $75,000 in debt and lives off $400 a month he gets from working at a bar.

The salon wasn't the problem in this episode, it was the staff. Color specialist and salon meanie Joy wants upscale clients but dresses like a hooker. The rest of the stylists treat Pablo like he's the shampoo boy, not their boss. Tabatha says Joy looks like "a leather washed up hooker troll doll." OUCH! After Tab whips the place into shape, Allure Salon has a lead stylist in Irina, Joy gets to keep her job and Pablo is able to pay off $6,000 of his debt. "He really filled his big boy pants ... with his balls," Tabatha quips.

Over on "The Hills" (MTV, 10:00), Kristin must really enjoy seconds because she's gone back twice for a helping of boyfriends (for thirds if you believe the tabloids). First she nibbled on Audrina's ex, Justin. Now she's eating of Jayde's plate with a bite of Brody. Pause it: The garbage truck runs on Tuesdays. I'm sure Brody will be sitting in it next week. Both Jayde and Audrina are gluttons for relationship punishment. I'm so over seeing them go "on a break" with their boyfriends only to go running back the next week. At least Kristin has enough self-respect to move on when Justin started acting up. Too bad she moved in the wrong direction.

Heidi and Spencer have only been married for two months and she's screaming about having a baby. Spence, being the loving hubby that he is, immediately goes to a urologist for a consult on a vasectomy. He thinks it's like a faucet that he can turn off and on when he's ready to make a baby. (Clearly, he missed health class that day). I was LOLing when the doctor explained the procedure using diagrams and pictures. Spencer was squirming like his testicles were in a vise-grip. It was like watching a cartoon the way he bolted out of that office. I'm still laughing 3 hours later.

They're all losers

Thank goodness that Tuesdays are so boring. I'm still 8 hours behind.

"The Biggest Loser" (NBC, 8:00): The Blue team unlocked the key to victory and sends the Black team home for a week. I'll admit I got a little teary eyed seeing the contestants reconnect with their families, but I was hoping the Blue team were the ones who would be struggling for the week. I'm still pissed that Wild-Eyed Tracey got a free pass last week.

After a glorified advertisement for Subway, the teams weighed in. Danny managed to lose 15 lbs. by cooking all of his meals at home. It was a smart move and I wondered why other Black team members didn't go that route. Pause it: I know that's not how real life will always be, but you're still in the game and not at home yet. Couldn't you give up eating out for a week? Daniel gained a pound while at home, but it was Dina who was sent packing. I was happy to see she got a makeover once she got home. Her hair was looking super greasy and probably added to her weight on the scale. Now if we can just get Shay to stop crying, I could actually enjoy some of this show.

"The Hills" (MTV, 10:00): It's intervention time for Heidi's sister Holly, who's moved to L.A. and taken the art of drinking to a whole new level. At a party thrown by Heidi's boss, Brent Bolthouse, Holly could be seen doing the robot and carrying on annoying conversations with some of their most important clients. During Holly's "intervention" (if you can call it that when you meet in a Spanish restaurant and the person orders a margarita before even sitting down), Spencer once again comes off as the voice of reason, explaining to Holly that to make it in L.A. she's got to rein it in. Pause it: Why does this keep happening? I really, really dislike Spencer Pratt, but we're four episodes in and he's looking like the only person with any common sense.

Audrina breaks the cardinal rule of dating when she brings up her ex, Justin Bobby, while out with his friend Derek (which is the second rule of dating: don't date the ex's BF). Why do girls keep falling for Justin Bobby? What's his draw? His charm? Audrina was fishing hard for the right answers from Justin and he reeled her right on in with his "No-one-will-ever-compare-to-Audrina" speech. She is such a tool. Can you guess which one? Does anyone think this show is relevant at all? Am I the only one watching since Lauren left?

Everyone's a loser

I wish "Law & Order: SVU" would move back to Tuesdays. At least there would be some real drama in the 10 pm time slot.

"The Biggest Loser" (NBC, 8:00): I don't even know where to begin in this travesty. The game goes back to Blue against Black format, and the losers are presented with a temptation where the prize is the ability to choose the new teams and the trainer. Of course, Wild-Eyed Tracey wins the power and shakes up the course of the game. She allows the Orange team to remain in tact for the Black team and keeps her own partner Mo for Blue. The rest are split up and most are paired with the trainer they didn't want.

Pause it: I know this is a game show as well as a weight loss challenge, but it pisses me off that some people come on here and start focusing on the game. Obviously if you didn't need to lose weight you wouldn't be on the show. So why, Wild-Eyed Tracey, do you constantly throw these unnecessary boulders in the other contestant's path to healthy living? If these people need the support of their partner to motivate them, why take that away?

Wild-Eyed Tracey chooses Bob as her trainer, saying she had a connection with him. Jillian's response: "Bob has no connection with Tracey. It's just Tracey's way of getting out of the ass whipping that I have been waiting to deliver her for the last 3 or 4 weeks." Nicely put, Jillian. Liz was livid that she was split from partner Danny and for 90 minutes I listened to her threaten to send Wild-Eyed Tracey home the first chance she got. Blue team loses the weigh in and what does Liz do with that first chance? She votes for Mo. So much for getting even, Liz?

Did the Blue team get it right by voting off Mo? Do you think Wild-Eyed Tracey will skate through to the end without even working out? Does that tick you off as much as it does me?

Worth a chuckle: Jillian to Dina when she starts to flake out on her workout: "Your life's not changing today but at least your butt will get smaller ... at least that's something."

"The Good Wife" (CBS, 10:00): Either the show was so good I couldn't take notes, or it was so boring that I couldn't find anything to write about. Whatever the case, it was an interesting take on jury tampering. Alicia had to determine if a juror was being bribed in a class action lawsuit against a drug company. I guess we were supposed to be intrigued by the who's-fooling-who aspect, but it didn't prove itself to be a riveting way to tell the story.

I'm still wishing they spent more time on Alicia's situation with her husband. The show is supposed to center around his arrest and philandering ways, but is always takes a backseat to Alicia's court cases. I object!

Rewind that: On the premier episode of "The Hills" (MTV, 10:00), Audrina said that the "girl code" states that you don't date your friend's ex. Doesn't the "boy code" say you don't date your ex-lover's best friend? I'm just saying.
And did anybody hear Spencer say he was getting his tubes tied? Tubes. Tied. The sad thing is he's just that stupid enough to think his body comes with those. Hint to Spencer: they're located where your manhood used to be.

You lie!!

I'm a day behind, but what an interesting experiment to watch "Lie to Me" (Fox, Mon., 9:00), a show that exposes truth and lies by clues on the human face, right before watching the manufactured melodrama of "The Hills" (MTV, Tues., 10:00).

On "Lie to Me", Dr. Cal Lightman is the world's leading deception expert. In last night's episode, he was tasked with determining if a woman with multiple personalities was telling the truth about witnessing a murder. Erika Christensen did a phenomenal job in the role, going back and forth between a student, a prostitute and what I think was a dude, but I couldn't tell. Pause it: I would think Dr. Lightman would be every woman's dream. A man who can decipher your emotions just by the furrow of your brow or the shape of your smile? Cuts down on the talk time, no? I love how just before cutting to commercial they show famous people's faces and leave it to you to determine what emotion they may be giving off.

I would love to see Dr. Lightman take a stab at the cast of "The Hills". Oh, the fakery of it all. I'm no deception detective, but I could totally tell by their tones that the fight between Kristin, Audrina and Stephanie was staged ... along with everything else that followed. We're supposed to think Heidi and Spencer Pratt were returning from their honeymoon, but I'm 99.9% sure they were just getting back from the jungles of "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here".

Ladies, does the "girl code of dating" really apply when you were never friends with the girl who's dating your ex? Audrina claims she's done with Justin Bobby, so why make a beeline to Kristin when she sees them talking. And can someone tell me what the deal is with J.B. that makes him so irresistible? It must be the ... motorcycle.

The line of the night goes to Heidi, who says to Spencer while house hunting: "This looks like a porno pad." That would be REALLY funny if you hadn't just posed for Playboy you idiot.