Checking in, checking on

Hey Watch Party followers! Now before you start throwing your TV remotes at me, let me explain my absence. See, what had happened was I took a trip home to Arkansas to see my nieces graduate from high school. The two weeks I was away just happened to be the end of the Spring TV season. I watched every finale: "Glee", "Survivor" (Yay, Sandra!), "Grey's Anatomy" (Whoa, crazy Columbine shooter guy!) ... I saw them all. But there wasn't a long enough break in the action for me to write about anything I was watching.

That was May. Fast forward to the summer months when TV is nothing but reality, and my reality is nothing but fantasy. I usually use the summer to catch up on my reading ("Game Change," anyone?), but this summer I thought I'd give dating a whirl. And you know what I've discovered? It eats up a lot of my TV-watching time. It also takes a lot of patience to date a guy who doesn't have cable and his 152,000-inch TV comes with only 10 channels. *Placing remote to temple, pulling trigger* So what does a person with no cable do when they visit a person who has over 200 channels? They surf, of course. We barely get through 5 minutes of one show before he's moved on to the next. And who watches those video channels, anyway? My remote never goes higher than the Encore movie channel!

In any case, he'll be around for awhile which means I have to find a way to balance having a social life with continuing the Watch Party. Oh, no ... no. I don't have a solution right now! I'm working on it. But here are some thoughts on what I have been watching this summer:

"Big Brother" (CBS): The show comes on multiple times a week which means multiple times for ramped up drama. Aside from the lame "saboteur" twist, the show has produced plenty of humor and drama. Who knew the "Kosher King," meek little Andrew, would leave a wake of victims with his vengeful exit speech? Seeing Kristen and Hayden squirm over their reveal showmance was priceless. And producers, can you please tell Rachel to tone it down in the Diary Room? Her "excited voice" is as bad as that dye job. I'm rooting for Britney! The show airs on Sundays, Wednesdays and Thursdays.

"Top Chef: D.C." (Bravo, Wed., 9:00): Why do the judges keep rewarding Angelo for his Asian dishes? To me it shows that that's the only thing he knows how to cook. And shouldn't a top chef have more than soy sauce and sushi under his apron? I'm just sayin'!

"Project Runway" (Lifetime, Thurs., 9:00): Has anyone been paying attention to the commercials for this season? Let's just say they look more like advertisements for a Lifetime movie than a sewing show. The show promised a huge twist, but it failed to deliver. They made it seem as if multiple people would be cut in the first episode when all they did was dump the wrong person for a guy who basically made a Snuggie. The bigger twist is that the show is 90 minutes this season, meaning they won't be replaying it the same night like they usually do. Do us a favor, Lifetime! Save that extra 30 minutes and give us more shots of the actual garments. I don't care to see the designers' faces when their model takes the runway. Oh, and please loose the dark backdrop. You can barely see the clothes if the material is anything other than white. Or is it just me?

"So You Think You Can Dance" (FOX, Wed. & Thurs.): In an effort to revamp the show, the network has taken my favorite summer staple and made a mockery of it. When I first heard they were doing an all-star season, I was excited to see some of the best contestants compete again. But all they did was bring back 3 people I actually remember and a gang of dancers who were voted off their seasons early. I didn't watch the audition rounds so I have no attachment to any of the contestants. The one guy I was pulling for (ballet dancer Alex) was sidelined by an injury just one week after he performed a smokin' hot hip-hop number along side Season 4's tWitch Boss (yes, that's how he spells it). Watch the performance here.

I'll try to do a better job of checking in more often. But I'll leave you with this little nugget in the meantime. Be easy, TV Watch Party crew!

My Superman sucks!

See, what had happened was ... I volunteer at a local high school, helping them put out their school newspaper. For the last 5 days, I have been up to my elbows in writing, editing and designing their paper! I haven't watched TV in 4 days!!!! YES, 4 days!!!! I'm still behind by about 3 hours on shows I watch, but I had to skip the Watch Parties so I could get some sleep. *Shaking my fists at Cleveland High School Newspaper Club!!!* Here's a recap of Wednesday night:

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): I almost forgot that during the NCAA Tournament that the show airs a day early, and they didn't skimp on the drama as we were hit with a double elimination.
After returning from Tribal Council, James asks Colby if he wants a hug. Now that Tom is gone, he's the last one standing in his little alliance. Candice says she had no choice but to vote for Tom for fear of calling attention to herself, while Amanda is secretly plotting her demise. At the Villains' beach, both Russell and B-Rob can't sleep so Russ approaches him to have a little conversation. B-Rob warns him that if he does indeed have the hidden idol, he should tightly hang on to it. "He's not playing with the amateurs anymore. He's playing with the big boys now," Rob says. Pause it: I read somewhere that filming for "Heroes vs. Villains" began right after "Samoa" ended so none of the contestants had seen Russell play. Otherwise, B-Rob would've been more careful with his choice of words about that hidden immunity idol. He has no clue who he's dealing with.

The castaways get a surprise announcement at the challenge: They'll be competing as individuals against their own tribemates for immunity, and both tribes will vote someone out at Council. The last person standing wins a hot dog feast for their tribe and gets to listen in other the other group's Tribal Council. The game is a rope obstacle course that Coach, J.T. and Tyson have all run before. (Tyson won the challenge the first time around). James showed that his bum leg wasn't much of a hindrance as he held a lead for most of the course. But it came down to J.T. and Candice at the end with Candice taking the immunity necklace. Rewind: Did anybody notice that the Heroes lost the coin toss, too? They couldn't win a game if they were playing against headless torsos. For the Villains, B-Rob, Tyson and Russell are even for most of the race, but of course, Rob pulls away for the win. For the final leg, it's Candice vs. Rob in a tri-level rope course. Candy looks tough to beat at first, but ultimately Rob prevails, winning the hot dog feast for the Villains.

After the competition, Colby realizes that Candice was only thing keeping him from going home because the other Heroes can't trust her. But her winning immunity leaves him in a vulnerable spot. He tells the tribe not to waste any time scrambling and vote him out. That way the Villains won't get any information about the Heroes and they can spend the rest of the day relaxing. He then retreats to the ocean where he spends the day floating and sulking. Pause it: Colby is totally having a hard go of it this time around. I know it's been 10 years since he's played the game, but damn ... he's useless. Even James points out that he came in last at the challenge, getting beat by a fat man and a cripple. "It's like my Superman sucks!" James tells him.

Amanda warns James that he's still got a target on his back and he needs to prove to the tribe that his injury isn't as bad as it looks. Oh, and stop stealing the bananas. She tells James there is a "banana etiquette" and that he should ask everyone if they want want one instead of taking three or four for himself. James later challenges J.T. to a race on the beach to prove he can run on his bum knee. A "Hero Olympics" of sort. James loses the race, but the tribe can see how badly he wants to be there, while Colby is basically resigned to his fate.

Back at the Villains' beach, the majority wants to get widow-maker Parvati out. Rob threatens Russell telling him "It's better to play with me than against me." Russell hates being bossed around and immediately runs to Parv, offering to give her his hidden immunity idol. Meanwhile, Rob has devised a plan to flush out the idol and send Parvati or Russell packing. They will split the votes three-to-three, forcing a tie-breaker vote. Either way, one of them will have to play the idol. Little does Rob know, Russ ain't no fool. He knows they can split the vote so he tells Tyson that he's voting with the bloc to get Parvati out. All the while, Russell, Parvati and Danielle are voting for Tyson to go.

At Tribal Council, the Heroes are forced to sit and watch as the Villains devour hot dogs and soda while Jeff Probst grills them about keeping James. He continues to point out that Colby doesn't have the same drive and stamina he had the first time around, this time comparing him to "Superman in a fat suit". Based on the vote, the Heroes decide they can't risk keeping James around hoping his knee will heal enough to help the tribe. He's once again taken out down by an injury. Pause it: I hope he uses his "Survivor" earnings to get some medical insurance. Sounds like it's time for James to have a yearly physical.

After the Heroes are done, the Villains take the Council stage. Sandra immediately calls Russell out on having the idol. He pretends to be surprised and continues to suggest that he doesn't have it. After the vote, he makes a grand production of playing the idol, but wait for it ... he presents it to Parvati instead. She plays the idol, making any votes against her null and void. For a minute there is a faint look of smug on B-Rob's face, but once Tyson's name is thrown into the mix, things don't look so good for his alliance. The vote is tied 2-2 and you can almost see Rob getting ready to give Russell a shove out the door, but the last vote has Tyson's name written on it. He fell for Russell's story about voting out Parv and switched his vote, setting up his own demise. It's a blindside for the "Survivor" history books.

B-Rob continues to impress me with his "back-to-the-basics" style of game play, but he's met his match in the equally duplicitous Russell, who will stop at nothing to be crowned sole survivor. Russell totally outwitted Rob, so it might be worth his wild to get over the whole "we-didn't-have-immunity-idols-when-I-played" crap and realize that this show has become a much more cutthroat competition. This ain't your daddy's "Survivor," buddy!

The tribe has spoken: WHY, WHY WHY does Amanda always look like she needs a Prozac IV drip full at Tribal Council? Has she not learned that those sad puppy-dog eyes do not work on this show? It's so freaking annoying!

CHANNEL SURFING

• If you are a hardcore "America's Next Top Model" fan, you would have recognized Cycle 11's Joslyn as one of the dates on "Millionaire Matchmaker" (Bravo, Wed., 10:00). And let me tell you, she was a lot more refined on this show than she ever was on "Top Model".
• Speaking of "Top Model" (CW, Wed., 8:00), Ren was dismissed after she admitted she was only there because her mom loved the show and as the family disappointment, she was getting more attention from her mother. She should've worked that out in therapy instead of national television.
• Some funnly lines overheard on "Ugly Betty" (ABC, Wed., 10:00): It's picture day at the Mode magazine office and Betty tells Marc, "I picked out a nice outfit," to which he tartly responds, "Aww, why didn't you wear it?" Later, Marc decides to "help" Betty's photo through some crafty work in Photoshop. "Marc, this looks nothing like me!" Betty exclaims. Marc: "You're welcome!" And finally, Betty gets her braces removed to which Wilhelmina barks, "Yes, yes, congratulations, Betty. Your smile will no longer induce seizures in children." I'm going to really miss the comedic timing on this show. They really know how to dish out the one-liners.
  

Life, liberty and the pursuit of instant fame

It was a crazy day and an even crazier night, so I had a hard time cramming it all in. But the Watch Party goes on with or without me so I figured I'd better suck it up. Here's what I saw between naps:

"American Idol" (FOX, 8:00): For the last few seasons, I have barely watched "Idol" past the audition rounds. I have soured on this show now that people have shucked the actual talent factor and show up for auditions with the I-want-to-be-on-TV-so-I'm-going-to-be-obnoxious routine. It's not like that doesn't happen on all reality-competition shows (remember "Sex" from "So You Think You Can Dance"?), but there is something about "American Idol" that brings out some of the most delusional people I have ever seen. There's also this sense of self-entitlement where everyone feels like they deserve to be famous. Pause it: How about finding a cure for ingrown toenails or figuring out what those numbers mean on "Lost"? That is something that will make you famous.

Season 9 auditions kick off in Boston where a crowd of 9,000 waited in the pouring rain for a chance to shine in front of Randy, nu-Paula and Simon. Pause it: FOX can deny, deny, deny but I'm most certain that bringing in Kara DioGuardi as a so-called "fourth judge" was the nail in Paula's coffin. Victoria Beckham of Spice Girl fame was brought in to fill the final chair. Pretty much everyone who makes it in front of the panel is seeking some sort of validation from Simon, the most biting judge in the history of reality TV. Pause it: Forget New York! If you can make it in front of Simon, you can make it anywhere. The fact that people show up begging for his approval should prove that "Idol" numbers will likely tumble after his exit.

Only 31 people made it through to Hollywood, so the talent was slim for the picking. There were a few standouts like 16-year old Katie Stevens (the girl with the ailing granny) and Ashley Rodriguez, who wowed the judges with an Alicia Keys song. But Boston wasn't without its weirdos either. Janet McNamera honed her skills by playing the "American Idol" video game. Sorry, honey! A mock "Idol" stage does not a star make. And I can't leave off Mere Doyle, the girl who harbors an obsession for anime and wanted to audition for "American Idol" to become famous in ... Japan?

I'll tell you, I've had coworkers say to me I have a nice voice, but you won't catch me trying to sing in front of an audience. I know what I sound like and they are just being polite. The people who try out for this show should realize that mommy and daddy don't make the most impartial judges.

Note to self: Get one of those "Idol" video games. I wouldn't mind hearing a digital Simon Cowell tell me I'm bloody awful. His best quip of the night - "Is this window open?" - after hearing Janet sing. I also laughed when Randy told Britney-Spears-song-murdering Pat Ford to "stop singing forever." Auditions continue Wednesday in Hotlanta.

CHANNEL SURFING
I was so tired I could barely pay attention during "Teen Mom" (MTV, 10:00). Of course it would be the episode when Farrah finally decided to step up to the plate of motherhood and show some interest in caring for her daughter. "I can't believe I'm actually getting my work done with Sophia," she says. Well, Farrah, seeing as how this is the first time you've actually tried, we wouldn't have expected you to know that. And let's give it up for Amber, who in the midst of trying to get her G.E.D., fought putting her baby in daycare. Too bad she had to go against her wishes for the greater good of her family's future.

On the season finale of "Tabatha's Salon Takeover" (Bravo, 10:00), she helped a salon where all the stylists had one year of experience. FAIL! Those stylist weren't fit to cut a dog's hair, let alone a humans!

Did you watch "The Good Wife" (CBS, 10:00)? How funny is it that Alicia's ringtone for her mother-in-law is the theme song to "The Twilight Zone"?

After these messages: Why is Emmy-award winning actress Megan Mullally shoveling butter? Really? Butter? Those "Turn the Tub Around" commercials are not only annoying, they also make me want to "turn the volume down". In the words of Karen Walker: "What's this? What's going on here?"

Eat. Cry. Moan.

I did a whole lot of channel surfing during the 10:00 hour. Here are some observations:

I only watched the first hour of the "Kennedy Center Honors" (CBS, 9:00), but the parts I did see were really funny. It was cool watching Robert De Niro get props for his work, but even cooler to see the humble expression on his face as friends and colleagues talked about his contributions to cinema. Oh, and that band was really great. Can anybody tell me the name of that jazz song they played?

"Teen Mom" (MTV): I missed the first 15 minutes of the episode and when I tuned in, Catelynn's mom had announced they were moving to Richmond. I'm really annoyed with her mom because she seems like one of those women who always picks a loser boyfriend then goes along with everything he says. The fact that he's Tyler's (Catelynn's boyfriend) dad raises the ick factor. Catelynn is allowed to temporarily move in with Tyler and his mom and she lays down only one rule: no sleeping in the same room. Pause it: How about adding "no sex under my roof" as a rule? I'm just saying ... might as well make it plain. Catelynn says she just wants her mom to put the adoption behind her so they can move on, but how can mom do that when Cate and Ty have big ol' baby tattoos on their shoulder and stomach? Mom will move on when you do, guys.

I must have missed a big chunk of Farrah's story too because when she came on she was talking about going to culinary school. Where did that come from? I saw a glimmer of hope when she went to the doctor to get birth control pills, but her idiocy reigned supreme when she hid them from her parents by putting them in the refrigerator. After her dad finds it, he questions why she would be putting herself in situations where she would need birth control. "We got a beautiful gift from a mistake," he says. But Farrah isn't hearing it and she later leaves Sophia with her mom while she goes out to party. Pause it: It's quite obvious Farrah's parents can't get the top off their can of "Whoop-Ass". *Sliding mom a bottle opener*

Last week, I was really proud of Maci for dumping Ryan, but tonight she took a step backward by getting back together with him. She says she misses having him around whenever baby Bentley gets fussy, but I can't seem to recall a time when Ryan was around for the baby being fussy, calm, sleeping, eating, etc. Pause it: Does anyone else think that Ryan looks like a thinner version of Levi Johnston? I have a feeling that Maci will be regretting her decision in the near future.

Amber and Gary are still going at it. Amber is struggling to keep up in her G.E.D. classes while he somehow manages to find time to get out of the house for "a little break." When Amber comes in complaining about how filthy their house is, Gary replies, "All you do is go to school for six hours a week and watch the baby." Pause it: Everybody take cover from the s*%t that's about to hit the fan. Amber tells Gary that she doesn't want to be with him anymore and decides to move into a hotel room for the week. After she's packed up the car and is ready to drive off, that's when he has a change of heart. That sound you hear is Amber's tires squealing as she drives off, leaving him crying like the big-ass baby that he is. Amber is over Gary and I am too.

"Tabatha's Salon Takeover" (Bravo): Fab Tab breezed into the Windy City to tackle Chicago Male, a three-year-old, gay salon that only services men. The owner, Scott, is a businessman, but has never owned or operated a hair salon and can't understand why the place is only running at 25%. Pause it: That's because the other 75% of your could-be clients have vaginas. The unprofessional staff stood around all day eating, texting and talking sexually to clients.

Scott wanted to create something that was just for men in one of the largest gay communities in the country, but his 30-minute business model was dragging down the quality of service. I can't even wash my hair in 30 minutes, let alone give someone a proper haircut. After Tabatha announces there would be changes at the salon, she says, "The staff all stared at me like gay deer in headlights."

The stylists are all taken to Paul Mitchell to get a crash course in women's hair, but I'll tell you this: I will not be getting a haircut by someone who basically got the G.E.D. of women's hairstyling. Of course all of Tab's suggestions are implemented and Chicago Male opens it's doors to the female kind. They could always change the name to Chicago She-Male and only take drag queens. At least they could've stayed true to Scott's all-male clientele rule. It's all in the details.

CHANNEL SURFING
MTV's new show "The Buried Life" is just "The Bucket List" for young people ... I sat through bits and pieces of "Mo'Nique" because the former cast of "The Game" was on it. I love that show, and I'm still cursing CW for getting rid of one of the funniest, most entertaining, black sitcoms ever to air. At least BET was nice enough to pick it up.

Debbie Downer

I was really excited for tonight, but it ended up being kind of a downer. Yes, the guy got the girl on "Glee", but it was a dark and painful drive getting there. The holidays are supposed to be a time of joyous TV. Tonight I got a big ol' hump of coal.

"Glee" (FOX, 9:00): I know I'll probably get a lot of comments on the contrary, but I didn't really enjoy this episode. While there were some real laugh-out-loud moments, I found the action to be really depressing.

Everyone in New Directions knows Puck is Quinn's real baby daddy except Rachel. Once she finds out the truth she promptly spills the beans to Finn, who believed he'd gotten Quinn pregnant by dry humping in the hot tub. Finn punches Puck then quits the Glee Club, leaving them one singer short for sectionals.

Mr. Schue is still on punishment over the whole mattress debacle, so he can't go to the competition with the group. Emma volunteers to take his place, even though she's supposed to be getting married the same day. "We just pushed it back a few hours so now it doesn't have to happen in broad daylight," she explained.

Once they arrive at sectionals, New Direction draws the last slot to perform and have to sit through two other show choirs sing songs from their set list. Coach Sue had passed it along to the competition to insure the Glee Club's (and Mr. Schuester's) demise. After a pep talk from Mr. Schue, Finn rides in on his white horse to save the day. New Directions wins sectionals and Mr. Schue turns Coach Sue in to Principal Figgins for giving away their set list. In the end, Mr. Schue gets the Glee Club back, Sue is suspended from coaching the Cheerios, and Emma is left at the alter but gets swept off her feet by Mr. Schue after confessing her love.

Funniest line heard all night - Sue to Mr. Schue: "I am reasonably confident that you will be adding 'revenge' to the long list of things you're no good at, right next to being married, running a high school glee club and finding a hairstyle that doesn't make you look like a lesbian." She then kisses her fingers, puts them to Schue's lips and says, "Love ya like a sista." Classic!

Featured songs
"And I Am Telling You ..." - "Dreamgirls"
"Don't Rain On My Parade" - "Funny Girls"
"You Can't Always Get What You Want" - The Rolling Stones
"My Life Would Suck Without You" - Kelly Clarkson
Rewind: Did you notice that the choreography was a mash-up of steps from all the numbers they'd performed?

"Barbara Walters Special - 10 Most Fascinating People of 2009" (ABC, 10:00): Here are my thoughts on why Barb thinks these people are fascinating:

1. Michelle Obama - She wears sleeveless dresses year-round
2. The Jackson children - They're famous father died and now they can take their masks off.
3. Sarah Palin - She went rogue, but owes her success to Tina Fey.
4. Brett Favre - He's old and still plays football.
5. Adam Lambert - He's gay and kissed another guy on TV. Call me country, but isn't that how gay works? Fascinating would be him kissing a goat or something.
6. Glenn Beck - For creating an insurgence of the use of the word 'fascist'.
7. Kate Gosselin - She had 8 kids then pimped them out on TV for swag and free trips. Then she divorced the man who destroyed her uterus.
8. Tyler Perry - He has a lot of hyphens in his title (actor-director-producer-studio owner-black).
9. Jenny Sanford - She didn't stand by her cheating husband. That's not fascinating either. That's thinking smart before taking him to the cleaners.
10. Lady Gaga - Because she bleeds during her performances.

REALITY CHECK
"So You Think You Can Dance" (FOX, 8:00): The stage is set for next week's finale and over 8 million votes were cast to narrow the field down to our Top 6. I don't remember their ever being six dancers in the finale, but I'm rolling with it. After a great opening number choreographed by Sonia Tayeh, Cat sends Ryan and Legacy, Ellenore and Mollee to the bottom 4. I was glad to see Mollee in the bottom. Her cutesy schtick was getting on my nerves. For the guys, it's hard to see any of them go. There's a lot of male talent this season and I'm not sure their female counterparts are dancing up to their skill. Fast forward through useless performances from The Wonder Girls and "Idol" winner Kris Allen to see Mollee and Legacy get the ax. I really hated to see him go. Nigel is always saying how "SYTYCD" is about dancers growing and progressing and for me that dancer was Legacy. Yes, his crying was annoying, but you could tell this B-Boy was really growing in different styles of dance.

So we have Ellenore, Ryan, Ashleigh, Kathryn, Jakob and my personal favorite, Russell competing for the title. Along with Legacy, he's the dancer I think has grown the most. And he's sort of cute. Sort of.

"Top Chef" (Bravo, 10:00): So it was the Voltaggio brothers vs. southern cook Kevin in one of the closest finales ever on "Top Chef". The 3 finalists won a combined total of 12 out of the 13 elimination challenges, so obviously they know how to make good food. Eliminated contestants were made sous chefs by a random knife draw, with Kevin getting the worst picks with Preeti and Ash. For the final challenge, the cooks had to create a 3-course meal. The first course was a box full of secret ingredients and they had to use everything in the box to create the dish. The second course was a free-for-all and the third course had to be a dessert. The judges later added a fourth course inspired by favorite childhood memories.

As it usually goes on "Top Chef", the better cook crashed and burned (Kevin) and it was down to the dreaded brothers - refined Bryan or risky Michael. The judges told Bryan to pack his knives, giving the title to his cocky brother. Talk about leaving a bad taste.

"Real World/Road Rules Challenge" (MTV, 10:00): It was almost an upset as KellyAnne and Sarah took on four Tarzans and a Jane, but alas, the Champions pulled away at the end to bank the $160,000 prize. I wasn't surprised that the girls did as well as they did, but I was surprised at how weak Susie really is as a competitor. She's undefeated in one-on-one face offs, but boy, she has no stamina for the long challenges. In the end, Johnny was right about her weighing the team down, but she came in handy at during the puzzle part of the challenge. Pause it: Was anybody else annoyed that Susie kept saying how exhausted she was when she hadn't done anything? *Punching Susie in face and handing her check to more deserving Sarah and KellyAnne.*

I was rushing home tonight because I thought Barbara Walters would be revealing her Top 10. I guess I should've read my own notes.

"The Biggest Loser" (NBC, 8:00): It's finale night and I find it highly ironic that a weight loss show packs on so many extras to stretch drag this thing to two hours. First, second and last of all, Allison Sweeney is horrible at live-hosting. HORRIBLE! I find it painful to watch her at these finale shows. And let me just add my disclaimer now: If it sounds like I'm hating on these contestants, you are probably right. But don't pretend you weren't thinking the same thing. I say it so you don't have to.

So after 154 days and over 1,000 lbs. lost on the ranch, America votes Amanda into the final spot. Big mistake, America. I wasn't rooting for Liz, but you've already given Amanda her second chance. She was working on thirds. It is really inspiring to see how much weight these people drop, but sometimes when you transform your body, you also transform your face and that's not always a good thing. Abby, the woman who lost her husband and kids in a car accident, was barely recognizable. So was Danny. He looks like an older version of T.R. Knight (formerly Dr. George O'Malley from "Grey's Anatomy". Wild-Eyed Tracey is now Wild-Smile Tracey and favors a diabolical Molly Shannon. SCARY! But it was Rebecca, who remade her makeover into a bad Sandy Duncan. The whole season she whined that she was more than just a pretty face. Well now you're a pretty face with a bad haircut and color. Good thing Rebecca won that at-home prize money. She can spend her first $100 on a new hairstyle.

Shay would've looked better in a dress or skirt. Those pants didn't really do her weight loss any justice. Subway has pledged to follow her for the rest of her weight loss journey, and for every pound she loses between now and May 2010, they will pay her $1,000. Pause it: If I had somebody willing to pay me to lose weight then yes, I would probably get off my tail and run to the gym. But I don't so I will continue to eat my birthday cake until it's all gone.

Danny pulls off the upset, beating out Rudy and Amanda for the $250,000 prize. Here are the final standings by percentage of weight loss:

1. Danny: 55.58%
2. Rudy: 52.94%
3. Rebecca: 49.82%
4. Tracey: 47.2%
5. Julio: 44.23%
6. Antoine: 41.42%
7. Abby: 40.49%
8. Shay: 36.13%
9. Allen: 35.69%
10. Daniel: 35.58%
11. Sean: 34.91%
12. Amanda: 34.8% (I'm not absolutely sure since they didn't say it out loud.)
13. Liz: 34.28%
14. Dina: 31.23%
15. Alexandra: 29.45%
16. Coach Mo: 25.92%

New season of "Biggest Loser: Couples" begins Jan. 5. I like this show, but I liked it a lot more when it was coming on once a year. Commercial break: NBC is saying their new show "Sing-Off" is a cross between "American Idol" and "Glee", two shows that air on FOX. Whoever wrote that promo for NBC should be fired. This is the same network that disinvited the "Glee" cast from the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade because they felt it was giving them too much exposure.

CHANNEL SURFING

• "Tabatha's Salon Takeover" (Bravo, 10:00): Fab Tab finally met her match in Nikki, the owner of Brownes & Co. in Miami, Florida. European Nikki doesn't like how Americans need to be coddled and told how wonderful they are so she inflicts fear and negative feedback on them at every chance she gets. Her staff is so terrified of her, one stylist was afraid to admit she was a mother out of fear Nikki would turn on her. After Tabatha renovates the shop, Nikki rattles off a laundry list of things she doesn't like about the new salon: the paint, the waiting area, the floors. "Nikki is so insufferable that it makes me want to punch her," Tabatha says. Nobody would've blamed you, Tab. I don't typically use ugly words to describe people but I'll just say I'm glad I won't be seeing Nikki next Tuesday. (You know what I'm saying).
• "Teen Mom" (MTV, 10:00): I takes an awful lot of guts to come on TV and air your dirty laundry. (And I'm not talking about that fake stuff on "The Hills".) I'm talking about teen-aged girls who open themselves up to ridicule and judgement for getting pregnant in high school. MTV cranks out a lot of trash, but this is one show that parents should sit down and watch with their children. There's Amber, a girl who is so overwhelmed with anxiety that she's put on medication; Catelynn, who gave her daughter up for adoption but continues to have unprotected sex; young mom Maci who is supposedly engaged, but fails to set a wedding date; and then there's Farrah, Miss "I-Got-Pregnant-or-Whatever", wannabe model who seems to think life doesn't stop just because you're a teen mother. No Farrah, life doesn't stop, but yours should be coming up on a 'yield' sign at any minute now. Driving 2 hours to confront a boy about cheating on you (whom you've only been dating for 3 weeks) proves she has no clue about the importance of motherhood. Those are precious hours of her baby's life that she will never get back. This is one time I'll swallow that bitter pill and say, "Mother knows best." Put down the mirror, Farrah and pay attention.

Getting bumped

Here's a rundown from Wednesday night:

"So You Think You Can Dance" (FOX, 8:00): It was America's vote last night and some hard decisions had to be made. Most of the performances were really well done. And those couples that didn't dance up to par made up for it on their second routines. But alas, Noelle, Kathryn, Ryan and Nathan landed in the bottom four.

Viewers are now voting for the best individual, not the best couple, so it came down to who had the best solos Tuesday night. Even though Mollee had some solid routines, I thought her solo was horrible and was sure she would've been in the bottom. Krumper Russell and B-boy Legacy had the best solos, and for a ballroom dancer, Ryan is a really good solo performer. Ballroomers usually are at a disadvantage when it comes to the solos, but Ryan dances with such bravado that he doesn't need a girl on stage with him.

After an amazing routine by the Legion of Extraordinary Dancers, I sat through that atrocious song that Snoop Dogg sang, but only because he was surrounded by former SYTYCDancers (Go Dominic and Hok!) In the end it was Nathan and Noelle who danced their last dance. Noelle did better in her routines than Kathryn, but Kathryn had a better solo. It was a toss-up with Ryan and Nathan who both gave great solos but I think Nathan died a death at the hands of the judges snarky comments toward him from earlier in the season. Thanks Nigel.


"Glee" (FOX, 9:00): There's only one more episode left before the show takes a break to make room for "American Idol" (UGH), and the show pulled out all the punches to get ready for the fall finale.

Mr. Schue's day goes from bad to worse when Emma and Ken announce they are getting married on the same as Sectionals. Then Coach Sue tells him she intentionally had the Glee Club left out of Thunderclap, McKinley High's yearbook, because the photo gets vandalized every year. And to finish off his slow death, Mr. Schue finds wife Terri's fake baby bump, realizing she been lying about being pregnant the whole time.

Schue runs to Principal Friggins to complain and is told that a yearbook photo costs $1,000 for a full page. Mr. Schue opts for a quarter page for $325 but only 2 kids can fit into the frame. None of the Gleeks want to be in the photo so they elect Rachel to by their captain and appear in the picture, which she is more than happy to do. Pause it: How hilarious was it that Rachel joined as many clubs as she could, not to be a well-rounded student, but to practice for being in front of the paparazzi. Black Student Union? ... Who writes this stuff?

Rachel lands the Gleeks a spot in a TV commercial for mattresses and the store thanks them with a shipment of them. Those mattresses came in handy after Mr. Schue storms out on Terri. One Watch Party viewer commented on how violent he became. I agree. I was glad the truth finally came out, but the way he demanded Terri lift her shirt and then snatched off the fake baby bump was kind of scary, which is surprising since the show has such dark humor. I wonder if this will slow down Emma's rush to the altar.

In the end, the Gleeks get in trouble for accepting payment (the mattresses) for their participation in the commercial, making them ineligible to participate in Sectionals. Mr. Schue falls on the sword and agrees not to accompany them since technically he was the one who slept on the one of the mattresses, making him accountable for accepting the payment. They do manage to get their yearbook photo after Quinn blackmails Coach Sue and demands she give one of the cheerleading squad's six pages to the Glee Club.

Rewind the tape: Was Quinn jumping and rolling around on one of the mattresses during the commercial? If she was she may want to rush to the nearest hospital and have that baby checked out.

Funny lines:

• Coach Sue explaining the work she had done on her face for her yearbook photo: "While they were in there I told them to go ahead and yank out those tear ducts. I wasn't using 'em."
• Emma about why she's marrying Ken: "I know he has a lot of flaws ... 74 flaws as of yesterday."
• Rachel to photographer after finding out he's casting for a commercial: "Aside from nudity and the exploitation or animals, I'll do pretty much anything to break into the business."

Featured songs:
"Jump" by Van Halen
"Smile" by Charlie Chaplin (The version song by Rachel and Finn was by Lily Allen)

REALITY CHECK
On "Top Chef" (Bravo, 10:00), the final four chef'testants head to Napa Valley to compete in the penultimate challenge to see who makes it to the last cook off. Padma is sporting a baby bump and a new set of bangs. Micheal wins a new Toyota Prius in the Quickfire Challenge which had the chefs creating a dish using Napa's cash crop: the grape.

For their final challenge, the chefs must cater a crush party for 150 people. Crush is the time of year when the people of Napa crush grapes for the wines. Other than salt and pepper, they can't use anything that's not locally produced, and they must make one vegetarian dish and one protein dish.

Jennifer looked like she had regained some of her confidence during their time away from the kitchen, but apparently the Voltaggio brothers didn't use the time to work on their relationship, as they are still bickering like two little schoolgirls. Pause it: Thank you, Bravo, for subjecting us to their childish banter all season. Thanks a lot!

Bryan, the nice brother, wins the challenge and skates through to the finals. Jennifer is told to pack her knives and go after turning in a dish that wasn't well-thought out. We have an all-male finale again with Bryan, Michael and Kevin competing for the title of Top Chef. I'm rooting for Kevin simply because he cooks food that doesn't look like a rabbit threw it up. TEAM KEVIN!!!

Reality rundown

I am so proud of myself because I was literally watching three shows at one time tonight. THREE! And I still managed to keep up! It's the little things. Here are the highlights.

So You Think You Can Dance (FOX, 8:00): Adam Shankman talks too much! When FOX announced they were making him a permanent judge I was thinking this could be a nice mix. What I didn't realize is that by giving him a seat on the panel there would be no guest judges. I miss hearing the commentary from the other professional dancers. Shankman just rambles on and on and on ... and on and on and on. He's probably still talking now.

There weren't too many exciting routines. I hate any sort of 70s disco and tonight was the revival of the hustle. I don't know why the choreographers feel the need to throw in all these death lifts and death spins. I hope they throw in some death insurance (and maybe a helmet). I also hate it when they make them dance with props. If it's not a top hat or a stationary chair, they shouldn't be dancing with it. If that prop doesn't work the way it's supposed to, they blame it on the dancers, not the choreographers.

Best routine of the night was the African jazz routine by Noelle and Russell. I wish I had taped it so I could watch it on playback because it was amazing. And as much as I don't want to be a Legacy fan, he is growing in this competition. He totally out-danced his partner Kathryn in their Broadway number. I used to think contemporary dancers had the upper hand on this show, but I'm starting to think it's actually the hip hoppers. Their lack of training makes them much more adaptable. I see Russell and Legacy in the Top 6.


"The Biggest Loser" (NBC, 8:00): In a "Biggest Loser" first, two players are sent home this week. Ali announces that there will be both a yellow line and a red line. The player who falls below the red line will automatically be sent home, and the two players who fall below the yellow line will be put to a vote. Jillian makes it clear to Bob that she wants Shay to stay because Shay needs to stay. Bob wants to make sure Amanda is still around.

At the challenge, Rudy wins immunity and Shay is upset that Rudy didn't help her win. I'm starting to see a pattern with Shay. She wants people to help her win, but she never does anything to help herself. Pause it: Everybody needs to be there, Shay. They just stopped eating before they got as big as you. Don't hate on them for realizing their problem sooner than you. During the workout, Jillian calls Shay out on all her crying. Thank you, Jillian! I thought I was going to have to come out to the ranch and smack her across the face.

At the weigh-in, Shay loses 17 pounds and breaks the record for the woman to lose 100 pounds the fastest. Danny also loses 17 and breaks the 100 pound mark. Daniel's second chance comes to an end as he falls below the red line. It's Bob vs. Jillian for the elimination when both their pet projects, Shay and Amanda, fall below the yellow line. In a stunning vote, the players send Shay packing and she cries her way back to Newport Beach.

CHANNEL SURFING
The bossy Aussie heads to the beaches of Miami on "Tabatha's Salon Takeover" (Bravo, 10:00). Pablo, a 21-year-old salon owner, doesn't even do hair; he just likes the business aspect of owning a business, and he's not even good at that. He owes $19,000 in back rent, is $75,000 in debt and lives off $400 a month he gets from working at a bar.

The salon wasn't the problem in this episode, it was the staff. Color specialist and salon meanie Joy wants upscale clients but dresses like a hooker. The rest of the stylists treat Pablo like he's the shampoo boy, not their boss. Tabatha says Joy looks like "a leather washed up hooker troll doll." OUCH! After Tab whips the place into shape, Allure Salon has a lead stylist in Irina, Joy gets to keep her job and Pablo is able to pay off $6,000 of his debt. "He really filled his big boy pants ... with his balls," Tabatha quips.

Over on "The Hills" (MTV, 10:00), Kristin must really enjoy seconds because she's gone back twice for a helping of boyfriends (for thirds if you believe the tabloids). First she nibbled on Audrina's ex, Justin. Now she's eating of Jayde's plate with a bite of Brody. Pause it: The garbage truck runs on Tuesdays. I'm sure Brody will be sitting in it next week. Both Jayde and Audrina are gluttons for relationship punishment. I'm so over seeing them go "on a break" with their boyfriends only to go running back the next week. At least Kristin has enough self-respect to move on when Justin started acting up. Too bad she moved in the wrong direction.

Heidi and Spencer have only been married for two months and she's screaming about having a baby. Spence, being the loving hubby that he is, immediately goes to a urologist for a consult on a vasectomy. He thinks it's like a faucet that he can turn off and on when he's ready to make a baby. (Clearly, he missed health class that day). I was LOLing when the doctor explained the procedure using diagrams and pictures. Spencer was squirming like his testicles were in a vise-grip. It was like watching a cartoon the way he bolted out of that office. I'm still laughing 3 hours later.

Good grief

They say laughter is the best medicine. I think crying is too.

"Grey's Anatomy" (ABC, 9:00): This show is at it's best when it brings out raw emotion the way this episode did. Maybe it was because it centered around children, but I was a big, sobbing mass of sob. Ms. McCrybaby. Susie Sob-a-lot. You catch my drift.

Chief Webber forces Arizona to perform surgery on a kid who should have died 2 years ago. His filthy rich parents were donating $25 million to Seattle Grace Mercy West (say that five times fast) to find a cure for their son's disease. Wallace, beautifully played by Khamani Griffin, had been hospitalized for 7 months and on the verge of celebrating his 11th birthday. The surgery is successful but sepsis sets in and Wallace dies. On his birthday. Pause it: You're free to let your tears start flowing now.

I could never be a doctor, let alone a pediatric surgeon. One, I'm not tall enough. Two, how can you treat a kid for an extended period of time and not get attached? Arizona saw a patient when all Chief Webber could see was dollar signs. I completely lost it when she asked the parents if they wanted to see their son, and the mom did her bedtime ritual with him. When she became too overwhelmed with grief, Arizona finished it for her. "You have to do it three times or it won't work" is what Wallace would say. By this time, I had already soaked one sleeve and went to grab the tissues. With all the new cast members and chaos at Seattle Grace, it was nice to get a quiet episode for a change.

What did you think about Webber's tactics? Would you have performed the surgery if you were Arizona? Let's get some laughter in here!! I'm going to ...

"The Office" (NBC, 9:00): Jim and Pam get roped into a double date with Michael and Helene, Pam's mother. When he realizes how old she is, he dumps her over the birthday cake, prompting Pam to avenge her mom's heartbreak. She bullies Michael in to letting her punch him to make her feel better, but when Michael apologizes, she just smacks him instead. Who writes this stuff?

Dwight and Andy try to one up each other in a game of "return the favor". Dwight can be annoying sometimes, but I swear he comes up with some of the most outlandish explanations. When Michael suggest fishsticks are an aphrodisiac, Dwight responds, "You're thinking about deer penis." Again, who writes this stuff?

"Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion: Part 2" (Bravo, 9:00): The peaches were definitely a lot less combative this go 'round. They must have brought out the alcohol. Outside of hearing Kim butcher her own song the most revealing (and a little too much information) moment was Kim announcing that Dwight has a penile implant. I could've gone my whole adult life without ever knowing that. Excuse me while I gouge my eyes out.

The takeover

Tuesday night became one of my worst TV nightmares when three good shows were airing in the 8:00 time slot. At one point, I was watching 2 shows on TV and one online. Craziness! Here's a rundown of what I was watching.

"So You Think You Can Dance" (FOX, 8:00): Once again the World Series throws off the schedule and the judges get to decide who gets cut. Noelle is back in the competition after sitting out last week with a bum knee, and Nigel says that network big wigs have cleared the way for ailing Billy Bell and his replacement Brandon to both return next year.

Season 5 dancers didn't live up to the judges hype, and Season 6 is leaving me feeling a little let down so far. Not by the dancers, but the choreography. Sometimes they go so far out into la la land with these concepts that they make it hard to showcase the dancing. Wade Robson's piece based on Van Gogh's Starry Night painting was over the top and complex. The hip hop routine put together by newbie Jamal Sims had too many props and the Bollywood number was more about the lighting than the dancing. Tyce Diorio actually put together a great Broadway number from "The Color Purple", but it was wasted on Bianca and Victor who brought no excitement to it.

The best performances of the night came from Legacy and Kathryn in a contemporary piece by Stacey Tookey, and Ryan and Ellenore in a sexy Argentine tango. Bianca, Victor, Phillip and Noelle are placed in the bottom four, and in the click of a shoe, 2 of the 3 tappers (Bianca and Phillip) are sent home. I wasn't fond of either of them but tappers are really at a disadvantage in this competition. You can barely hear the tapping and they aren't trained to move their bodies the way other dancers are. Last tapper standing Peter had better bring it once viewers get to vote. I suspect they feel the same way I do.

"Tabatha's Salon Takeover" (Bravo, 10:00): Does anyone even know who Tabatha Coffey is? I can tell you she was the resident bitch contestant on Jaclyn Smith's short-lived reality show "Shear Genius"; she's only famous for having a sharp tongue. That being said, I LOVE this woman! She's brash, sassy and tells it like it is. She's like my twin! (In a Village of the Damned kind of way.) In the Season 2 opener, she travel to Orbit Salon in Chicago where the owner is $750,000 in debt. 20 years ago, Orbit was the premier salon in Chicago, but now it's a giant hairball and owner Eddie has become a hoarder of hair products. His basement is stacked with $100,000 worth of retail items and personal junk.

Last season, people cried when upon Tabatha's arrived. The Orbit's staff cheered, but that excitement soon turns to embarrassment then anger after she lays into them about their technique and lack of pride in the salon. The place was a filthy mess with hair all over the floor, bathrooms that greet you with a smell and products caked with dust. Tabatha gives them a chance to prove their worth by bringing in patrons for the stylists to work on. Lindsay was not a fan of being told how to do hair so she storms out and tells Tabatha to "F*&# off". Pause it: Her tombstone will read "Here lies Lindsay. Tabatha f*&#ed her up." The staff has good hairdressing skills, they're just lazy. In the end, Tabatha shames ... er, motivates Eddie into becoming a better manager, and she brings Orbit back into our solar system by making the salon more chic and modern. Lindsay is shown the door for not being a team player. With that attitude I'm sure she's still unemployed.

This show may not be for everyone's taste, but you should watch it if only to learn what goes on behind the doors of your hair salon. Is the place you get your hair done in need of a takeover? If so then why are you still going there for service?

CHANNEL SURFING
On "The Biggest Loser" (NBC, 8:00), teams travel to Washington, D.C. to bring awareness to obesity and promote healthy living. Was it just me or was the usually void of emotion Alli a little more amped than usual? The contestants sit down with senators to discuss adding more physical education courses to school curriculum's, and later they make a salad from the White House garden. Pause it: WHAT? No appearance from the first lady? No glimpse of Sasha? Malia? Not even Bo? At the weigh in, Rebecca has immunity and Shay is still crying. Still. Crying. She breaks 400 lbs. by losing 9 and I'm proud of her for staying in the game. But it is weird to see someone happy about being 393 lbs. I'm just saying. Liz and Wild-Eyed Tracey fall below the yellow line and karma bites back hard when Tracey is sent home. A moment of silence for her maniacal gaze. May the wild eyes rest in peace.

"The Hills" (MTV, 10:00): To quench her pregnancy thirst, Spencer gets Heidi a pair of puppies for her birthday. Brody is on a break from Jayde so he calls up ex-girlfriend Kristin to be his date to Heidi's party. Audrina is still the dumbest girl on the planet when it comes to relationships. She's still carrying a torch for grease monkey Justin, even though he's using Kristin as his new doormat. My brain tells me to stop watching this show. My heart is in agreement.

Bored by reality

It was a surprisingly mundane night, but I did learn something from a "real housewife": Everybody has a "Pooky 'n 'nem" saved in their cell phones ... just in case something pops off and you need backup. I gotta get me a "Pooky"!

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): With their chief Russell out of the game, Galu elects Shambo to be their next leader. At the reward challenge, it was wants vs. needs as the survivors played a game of memory for items to help out at camp. Galu redeemed themselves by picking a tarp and a fire-starting kit, foregoing a point for each item they kept. It didn't much matter as they still beat Foa Foa. A great deal of hypocrisy erupts among the women when Shambo chooses to exclude Laura from the reward and send her over to Foa Foa. Ashley whines that Laura is a strong girl and didn't deserve it to be left out. Pause it: They were playing a memory game, but the ladies of Galu must have short ones. Didn't they do the same thing to Shambo ... twice? How about you just be thankful she didn't send you, Twiggy.

At the immunity challenge, Foa Foa leader Mick believes his tribe chief necklace has a hex on it and leaves it back at camp. Too bad he was wrong - Galu gives them another spanking, handing Foa Foa its 8th loss out of 10 challenges. Jaison throws himself under the bus at Tribal Council by saying he gave up during the immunity competition (no $@!&, Sherlock), but the tribe blindsides Liz and just like that, they're down to four. With the merge around the corner, Foa Foa has their work cut out for them. Maybe they should try some Galu's yoga exercises. It couldn't hurt.

"Project Runway" (Lifetime, 10:00): You knew it was going to be a long night for local boy Logan when the designers are told to create a companion piece for their winning looks and he doesn't have a winning look to create a companion piece to. He's allowed to use the gown he made from the first challenge and I knew right then he had cut his last pattern. Not only did he churn out an outfit for Judy Jetson, but he stole part of the look from another designer's previous dress. Pause it: You can't get by on looks alone, buddy. You've got to have some creativity in the greasy-haired head of yours. In his parting words, Logan says he's not a designer for 90% of the population. That means he's designing for the 10% of Americans who have a fear of wearing nice clothes.

Althea snags another win with her jiggly breasted model, and Irina's anger could not be hidden. She accused Althea (in front of the judges) of stealing her over-sized sweater design. I was glad to see someone else besides "Mean Irina" get a victory.

CHANNEL SURFING
On the "Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion" (Bravo, 10:00), the conversation was as dull as Sheree's weave ponytail. The women were extremely defensive and it was very awkward to watch. The fact that Kandi had to explain why she and A.J. weren't together at the time of his death was enough to make me change the channel. Bravo milked that situation for everything it was worth by having her show up just weeks after A.J.'s funeral. Pause it: What was up with Kim bogarting in on Kandi's grief? She was speaking over Kandi like she was the one who'd lost him. The only significant (and I use that word loosely) thing revealed tonight was that NeNe and Kim made up after the alleged choking incident. I'll be tuning in for Part II next week, when Kim "performs" her single "live". That's a party I will not be tardy for.

I learned something very interesting on "CSI:" (CBS, 9:00) tonight. The part of the brain that controls thought and reason sits on top of the part that controls learned habits and repetitive behavior. That is why a person can still brush their teeth and make breakfast with a gaping, near-fatal head wound. See, zombies do exist.

Know your limits

Thursday night television brought a lot of excess: wealth, exhaustion, lesbian kissing. Sometimes people just don't know when to quit, but hospitalization and foreclosure may be a good place to start.

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): Fifteen days have passed since the contestants landed at Samoa and it's been pouring rain for at least eight. Galu chief Russell works through the downpour while everyone else is trying to keep warm. At the challenge, the tribes learn that win or lose, both teams will be going to tribal counsel and voting someone off. Galu's Russell passes out on top of the puzzle, and at first it looks as though he's just winded. In what Jeff Probst calls "his scariest moment in 19 seasons of 'Survivor'", Russell's heart rate and blood pressure plummets and he faints with his eyes wide open. For the first time in the show's history, a challenge is called, no one wins the reward, and no one gets sent home.

I have a lot of thoughts about what went down tonight. First off, when you know someone is working too hard, even if he is the leader, wouldn't you be a little more forceful in making them sit down and take a break? Even the president takes a vacation. And what was up with offering pizza as the reward. These people have been living in a torrential downpour for a week! Why not offer that tarp that Galu passed on? Lastly, Russell cried like a beeyotch when told the game was over for him. I know people try out for this show multiple times before they finally make it, but I'm 99.9% sure Russell's family would've rather he come home without the million than in a "Survivor" body bag. It's just a game people!

"Project Runway" (Lifetime, 10:00): There are only seven designers left and we're down to the last threads. Tonight's challenge was to create a design based on a location that inspires them. Pause it: Actually, the locations are places that inspire Michael Kors, but you get the point. Local boy Logan is last picked and gets stuck with Hollywood as his locale. He decides to make a pair of skinny jeans and a tank top with suspenders. Give me a minute while I take a nap because Logan is boring me to sleep. That outfit says Fremont, not Hollywood. Irina takes another win with her furry Aspen fantasy and Nicolas is out with a look that was not Greek to me.

"Real Housewives of Atlanta" (Bravo, 10:00): The season two finale served as a wrap up to the first season as we see how the ladies have progressed over the past year (not too far, I must say). Here's where the housewives leave off:

• Lisa and Ed are forced to "restructure" now that Ed's no longer playing in the NFL for $3 million a year. They decide the best thing for them financially is to move into Ed's nine-acre bachelor pad that he's been using as storage. Lisa calls it downsizing. I call it foreclosed property within the next 6 months.
• Sheree finally launches her clothing line She by Sheree. It seemed as if Dwight saved the show, but by fashion-industry standards it would still be considered a hot mess. The clothes lacked cohesion and most of those looks had been done before. If this were "Project Runway" she would be out.
• Kim is still bragging that she's engaged to Big Poppa, but can you be engaged when your fiance is still married? Her song may be number three on the iTunes dance chart, but Kim is still a zero in my book. Who drinks wine at 11 a.m.? I don't even eat eggs that early.
• Newest castmember Kandi was finally able to see some resolution between her mom and fiance A.J., so that makes it even more sad to know he was killed a few weeks ago. Shame on Bravo for not editing out A.J.'s scenes. I like Kandi because was the most relatable woman on the show this season. I hope she can move beyond her tragedy and come back for another season.
• My girl NeNe really disappointed me this season. Instead of being the tell-it-like-it-is diva that I came to love, she came off as an egotistical bitch. I'm glad she was able to get peace in her paternity issue, but her attitude offset my joy for her. Sorry NeNe, it's you that needs to be checked, boo.

CHANNEL SURFING
Maybe I'm not paying enough attention when it's on, but "Flash Forward" (ABC, 8:00) is losing it's luster for me. Tonight's big reveal was that the agent whose flash forward brought about the whole mosaic thing may have been drunk at the time. The only thing I found interesting was the reporter asking the president what he saw in his flash forward. It certainly would've been helpful if this had happened in real life, before we went searching for those weapons of mass destruction. Just keeping it real.

On "Grey's Anatomy" (ABC, 9:00), a burn victim dies in the ER for no apparent reason and the story unfolds from the multiple points of view of the doctors who treated her. Even though the plot was a recycled episode of "ER", this was one of the best episodes they've had in a while. The patient died after one of the doctors missed a simple step in her initial exam, and it made me wonder how many people lose their lives because the doctor didn't check their throats or press on their bellies or look at their pupils. But, the thing that most disturbed me was that Lexie is supposed to have a photographic memory. Why didn't the panel just ask her to recap the whole scene and fill in the blanks using testimony from the other doctors? Just an observation.

Healthy competition

The running theme tonight was competition, and I know if I were on any of these shows I would have to pack my knives and be out of the running for New Directions. Let's get to it!

"Glee" (FOX, 9:00): It's more mash-ups as Emma and Ken solicit the glee club to come up with a wedding song. She wants something elegant and traditional while he wants the Thong Song. Mr. Schue struggled to get the tunes to work together and that seemed to be the undercurrent of the show: things not mashing up. You've got football vs. glee, Puck and Rachel, Emma and Ken. A lot of matches made in high school hell. After growing tired of "slushy facials", Finn chooses football over glee club, but returns after a pep talk from Mr. Schue.

I find it very heartwarming the way the "gleeks" stand up for one another. Even though they aren't part of the popular circles, they've carved out quite a niche for themselves. And who knew that Mr. Schue was such a dancer. He has a very Justin Timberlake quality about him ... surprisingly talented but kind of a dork. What do you think of a Rachel/Puck pairing? Could they be the Bobby and Whitney of "Glee"?

Overheard

• Quinn, whining about no longer being popular: "Status is like currency - when your bank account is full you can get away with doing just about anything."
• Kurt, after taking a "slushy facial" for the team: "Someone get me to a day spa, stat!" Then the camera pans to him marching into the girls' bathroom.
• A heartbroken Coach Sue taking her anger out on Mr. Schue: "... And if it's one minute late, i will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark cold night, I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face."
• Kurt with more insight on slushies: "You know why they call them 'slushies' don't you? Because your butt looks like one if you have too many of them."

Featured songs
Bust a Move - Young MC
Thong Song - Sisqo
Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond
I Could Have Danced All Night - from "My Fair Lady"
What a Girl Wants - Christina Aguilera

"Top Chef: Las Vegas" (Bravo, 10:00): For the high-stakes quickfire challenge, the chefs are in a tag team cook-off. Seattle chef Rocky Robin is picked last and she says it's because she's a mom. I think it's because she's a bad cook. As usual, she's on the losing team.

Finally, it's Restaurant Wars! This is my favorite time on "Top Chef" because it really exposes who knows what they are doing and who shouldn't be allowed in a kitchen. The brothers end up on the same team and I haven't seen so much discord between family members since Cain and Abel. Pause it: I really wish the Voltaggio brothers would simmer down. Someone needs to turn the heat down on their fire. I'm tired of watching their rivalry.

Here's my scorecard:
Names: Revolt and The Mission. I don't know who in their right mind would eat at a restaurant called Revolt. That's not a visual I want with my food. Score one for The Mission.
Menu: Mission served practically all meat dishes with no dessert. For Revolt, Robin finally gets something right with her pear dish, as it was a favorite among the judges. At least we know she can make something. Point for Revolt.
Service: Both teams were lacking in front-house service, but Laurine was totally overwhelmed and even forgot to explain the dishes to the patrons. Over at Revolt, Eli came off as confident and chatty and the judges loved his enthusiasm. Match point goes to Revolt.

Laurine was told to pack her knives and I agreed with their decision. But how bad would it suck to lose a cooking show for being a bad hostess and not your cooking abilities. Do you think Laurine should've went home? Are you revolting the Voltaggio brothers?

CHANNEL SURFING
Every time I see the opening of "America's Next Top Model" (CW) I keep wishing Bianca was still in the competition. She had the most striking face and it would've been nice to see a girl with a shaved head win. The models tackle interviews and it's a good thing they are cute (most of them) because speaking is not their forte. Erin gets a big head after winning the challenge then falls apart during her commercial. Laura reveals she's dyslexic and even though the girl with the most face time usually goes home, she manages to stay another week and Rae was out of the running for becoming America's Next Top Model. I wanted Erin to go, but she does take killer photos with that alien makeoverTyra gave her. Who is your model favorite?

On MTV's "Real World/Road Rules Challenge", Walla Walla whack job Tonya gets sent home after smacking Veronica across the face with a backhand that I've only seen give on soap operas and by Rick James. Tonya had about five too many, but it was Veronica who refused to walk away from a volatile situation. I'm not saying she deserved to be hit ... maybe just shaken a little. Challenge veteran Katie was sent packing after losing to rookie Sarah in the Ruins, and Danny lost to Darrell. At least no bodily fluids were exchanged. It's the small things.

"South Park" (Comedy Central) manages to equate wrestling with acting in a Greek tragedy in an episode aptly titled "W.T.F" (Wrestling Takedown Federation). After the kids see a WWE wrestling match, they decide to join a team, but when the coach tries to show them proper techniques they think he's gay and into child porn. The boys start W.T.F. which eventually turns into elaborate theater complete with wine, intermission and playbills. "South Park" continues to be one of the smartest shows on TV, no matter how immature. To take something as silly as WWE wrestling and turn it into a theatrical production ... that's genius at work.

Reality Check

Ahhh, Thursdays! It's Christmas for TV lovers.

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): The Foa Foa tribe is sinking fast. Jaison and Ben went at it during Tribal Council over Ben calling visiting Galu member Yasmin "ghetto trash" last week. Jaison threatened to walk if Ben wasn't voted out, and the tribe showed where their loyalty to Jai by getting rid of Ben. I actually thought Ben would've made it a lot farther, but his brash attitude was a turnoff to his tribe. Even though I didn't agree with his comments I could appreciate Ben's candor and his tell-it-like-it-is way of communicating. Pause it: Jaison picked the wrong time to play his race card. It's just "Survivor" dude, not life. Every black person knows you play the race card when you're 1. being fired, 2. denied credit and 3. arrested. I'm just keeping it real.

Over at Galu, their winning streak has awarded them the opportunity to do yoga in the mornings. C'mon Galu! How far do you think that zen attitude is going to get you in this game? Save it until after the merge when you're really going to need those deep breaths to keep your cool. And for the love of all that's holy, why pick a set of pillows over a tarp and lantern when you're stranded on an island. This is "Survivor" people, not Pottery Barn!

"CSI:" (CBS, 9:00): The neighborhood watch guy did it. At least that's what I predicted 9 minutes and 56 seconds into the show. Turns out I was right. This show has taught me so much about forensics and crime solving, I'm collecting my badge and starting a new franchise - "CSI: Seattle".

"Project Runway" (Bravo, 10:00): Tonight's challenge was to create two looks centered around the color blue for the Macys I.N.C. brand. The designers were divided into teams of two and team leader Althea chooses Seattle boy Logan to work with her. Their outfits scored high enough to keep them safe, but the skirt on that business suit looked like it belonged on Aurora Avenue, not the runway. By the time the model had finished her walk, you could see her English muffin. I really can't say much about local boy Logan because he never gets called out for anything - good or bad- on the runway. Mediocre designs will not get you to Bryant Park, buddy. At least you've got all the designers (male and female) crushing on you.

It was about time Louise was told to clean out her workspace, especially after they dissed my boy Ra'mon to keep her. However, I would've picked her sleek ruffle-collared dress over Epperson's shiny pajama shirt any day. Irina did produce a beautiful dress, even if it wasn't designed for a woman with my body type. Pause it: And that body type would be size XN (extra normal). Would you buy Irina's dress? Do you think Christopher deserved to be in the bottom two?

Turn it up: funny lines from some of tonight's shows:
"Real Housewives of Atlanta" - NeNe about her frienemy Kim: "That is a low down dirty monkey with a wig on."
"The Office" - Pam, on wedding registries: "It's awkward asking people for money, but we could really use it. Why doesn't Crate and Barrel let you register for a toaster full of cash?"

Watch this, tape that - Thursday

Not enough hours in the day to watch all the goodness that is Thursday night primetime. Here's what I'll be watching:

8:00 pm
Watch this: "Bones" (FOX). The remains of an Amish piano prodigy are discovered. It's Rumspringa gone wild. Also check out "Parks and Recreation" (NBC, 8:30).
Tape that: "Flash Forward" (ABC). The story is much too complex to watch live. Watch for the kangaroo.
See it online: "Survivor" (CBS). God bless the Eye network for posting their shows immediately after airing.

9:00 pm
Watch this: "The Office" (NBC). It's only 30 minutes. Stick around and check out "Community".
Tape that: "Grey's Anatomy" (ABC). Too many commercials.
See it online: "CSI:" (CBS). Now that all the hotties are gone, no need to see it on the big screen.

10:00 pm
Watch this: "Project Runway" (Lifetime). Local guy Logan is still hangin' in there, but not for long if he keeps sending crap down the runway. Not into reality TV? Try "The Mentalist" (CBS).
Tape that: "Real Housewives of Atlanta" (Bravo). You'll need the playback just to figure out what they are saying. Don't be tardy for the party ... Kim is debuting her catchy song.
See it online: "Private Practice" (ABC). Last season ended with a lot of gore. Save it for the laptop.

If you miss Real Housewives or Project Runway, both repeat immediately after airing.