Checking in, checking on

Hey Watch Party followers! Now before you start throwing your TV remotes at me, let me explain my absence. See, what had happened was I took a trip home to Arkansas to see my nieces graduate from high school. The two weeks I was away just happened to be the end of the Spring TV season. I watched every finale: "Glee", "Survivor" (Yay, Sandra!), "Grey's Anatomy" (Whoa, crazy Columbine shooter guy!) ... I saw them all. But there wasn't a long enough break in the action for me to write about anything I was watching.

That was May. Fast forward to the summer months when TV is nothing but reality, and my reality is nothing but fantasy. I usually use the summer to catch up on my reading ("Game Change," anyone?), but this summer I thought I'd give dating a whirl. And you know what I've discovered? It eats up a lot of my TV-watching time. It also takes a lot of patience to date a guy who doesn't have cable and his 152,000-inch TV comes with only 10 channels. *Placing remote to temple, pulling trigger* So what does a person with no cable do when they visit a person who has over 200 channels? They surf, of course. We barely get through 5 minutes of one show before he's moved on to the next. And who watches those video channels, anyway? My remote never goes higher than the Encore movie channel!

In any case, he'll be around for awhile which means I have to find a way to balance having a social life with continuing the Watch Party. Oh, no ... no. I don't have a solution right now! I'm working on it. But here are some thoughts on what I have been watching this summer:

"Big Brother" (CBS): The show comes on multiple times a week which means multiple times for ramped up drama. Aside from the lame "saboteur" twist, the show has produced plenty of humor and drama. Who knew the "Kosher King," meek little Andrew, would leave a wake of victims with his vengeful exit speech? Seeing Kristen and Hayden squirm over their reveal showmance was priceless. And producers, can you please tell Rachel to tone it down in the Diary Room? Her "excited voice" is as bad as that dye job. I'm rooting for Britney! The show airs on Sundays, Wednesdays and Thursdays.

"Top Chef: D.C." (Bravo, Wed., 9:00): Why do the judges keep rewarding Angelo for his Asian dishes? To me it shows that that's the only thing he knows how to cook. And shouldn't a top chef have more than soy sauce and sushi under his apron? I'm just sayin'!

"Project Runway" (Lifetime, Thurs., 9:00): Has anyone been paying attention to the commercials for this season? Let's just say they look more like advertisements for a Lifetime movie than a sewing show. The show promised a huge twist, but it failed to deliver. They made it seem as if multiple people would be cut in the first episode when all they did was dump the wrong person for a guy who basically made a Snuggie. The bigger twist is that the show is 90 minutes this season, meaning they won't be replaying it the same night like they usually do. Do us a favor, Lifetime! Save that extra 30 minutes and give us more shots of the actual garments. I don't care to see the designers' faces when their model takes the runway. Oh, and please loose the dark backdrop. You can barely see the clothes if the material is anything other than white. Or is it just me?

"So You Think You Can Dance" (FOX, Wed. & Thurs.): In an effort to revamp the show, the network has taken my favorite summer staple and made a mockery of it. When I first heard they were doing an all-star season, I was excited to see some of the best contestants compete again. But all they did was bring back 3 people I actually remember and a gang of dancers who were voted off their seasons early. I didn't watch the audition rounds so I have no attachment to any of the contestants. The one guy I was pulling for (ballet dancer Alex) was sidelined by an injury just one week after he performed a smokin' hot hip-hop number along side Season 4's tWitch Boss (yes, that's how he spells it). Watch the performance here.

I'll try to do a better job of checking in more often. But I'll leave you with this little nugget in the meantime. Be easy, TV Watch Party crew!

Now we know he can dance

Hopefully everyone that is reading this blog knows by now that Russell Ferguson, the 20-year-old krumper from Boston, is the winner of "So You Think You Can Dance" Season 6. Russell dazzled the judges and viewers alike with his charming personality and his ability to adapt to every style of dance thrown his way.

I have been on Team Russell since Day 1, and finally, the viewers got it right for a change. The best dancer (by my standards) finally won! Second runner-up Jakob was tough competition and I still would've been happy if he'd won. He can bend his body in ways that no man should ever attempt. But Jakob was already a very polished dancer. Russell was untrained in any style of dance so it was cool to watch him progress each week, tackling new styles with ease. I was worried that the judges loved him a little too much. I usually makes the viewers vote for an underdog.

Poor Russell hurt his leg during the repeat performance from the three hip-hop dancers. He had to sit out for the rest of the show and we watched his top routines on playback from the original performances. BOO! He didn't seem all that banged up when they called his name for winner ... but lucky for him he's got $250,000 to cover those medical bills.

A few notes about this season:

• Adding Adam Shankman as a permanent judge was a bad idea. Awful. What was wrong with the rotating panel of choreographers? The only other person I would hated listening to more would've been Lil C. The way he phrases his comments drives me insane!
• The show did itself a disservice by airing back-to-back seasons within 6 weeks of each other. The ink was barely dry on Season 5 winner Jeanine's check before they were holding auditions for the next season. The plan obviously backfired because they didn't even have enough weeks to get to a final 4. We had to endure a Top 6 where there were no group dances or final solo performances.
• Not having Mia Michaels really brought down the level of dancing. There was some standout choreography from former contestant Travis Wall (give the guy an Emmy already) and Sonya Tayeh, but it's time to bring in some fresh hip hop dancers. Nothing against Tabitha and Napoleon, but their routines don't have as much sizzle as Shane Sparks' numbers had.
• Please stop with the lame guest performers. J-Lo? Adam Lambert? Really? All Lambert did was prove why he lost "American Idol". Whoever told him he could sing shout be carted out to pasture and shot. SHOT! And as much as I love me some Mary J. Blige, she did not belong on this show. Save it for "Dancing With the Stars", sister.

... in all the wrong places

Sorry for not posting on Monday night. I was at a holiday party and didn't get a chance to watch everything. But when I finally did, I was really disappointed. Delko's special return to "CSI: Miami" was nothing more than him doing the same job, just working for the opposite side. Diddy didn't fire anyone. Even "Hoarders" didn't tug at gag reflex like it normally does. Tuesday was a little better. Here's the rundown:

"Teen Mom" (MTV, 10:00): The action picks up with Maci's baby daddy, Ryan, returning home after working a 6-week job away from home. He immediately heads out to hang with his boys, leaving Maci to take care of baby boy Bentley. She later moves out of their apartment and back in with her parents. Maci seems sincere about moving out, but we'll see how long she lasts before she caves to Ryan's magnetic charm. Pause it: Let's give Ryan time to go out and buy some magnetic charm. We're back in 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2

Farrah (at left with daughter Sophia) is still in the running for being world's bitchiest teen mom. She determined not to be a single mom so she's trying to date her way through the male population in her hometown. This week loser is Shaq, a black kid she met at work. And stereotypes be damned, his favorite food is ... wait for it ... chicken, which she promises to cook for him. Rewind: I hope she does a better job with that chicken than she did with that microwave pizza last week.

Farrah needs a serious reality check and her sister is determined to give it to her. When sis calls her out for focusing on dating instead of spending time with Sophia, Farrah storms out and whines to her granny that she's a good mom. Cut to her driving off with Sophia on the hood of her car. OK, she didn't do that, but you see where I'm going with this.

Amber desperately wants to be a high school graduate and set out to get a diploma. Too bad her career counselor says her only option is a Good Enough Diploma. At least she's trying to do something with her life. She scores well on her GED pretest and she finally gets a ray of hope.

Catelynn and Tyler did a commendable deed when they gave their daughter Carly up for adoption, but now it's time to let go of the strings. They talk about their baby like she's on loan to her new parents. They have an open-adoption agreement but that doesn't entitle them to the stuff they are asking for. I think it's generous of the parents to send them pictures and emails about Carly, but I don't blame them for wanting to keep a little bit of distance. Catelynn believes it's her right as a mother to know Carly's last name, but I've got news for you hon: You're a mother, but you're not the mother. Sorry for the harsh reality, but just because you've given birth doesn't make you mature.

CHANNEL SURFING

• If Russell doesn't win "So You Think You Can Dance" (FOX, 8:00), you have the judges to thank for that. They've been hanging out in his butt all season, singing his praise. But America tends to hate that and always votes for the person least likely to win. *Looking at Kathryn significantly* I'm sure she'll win because the best dancer has never won the competition. Sorry Russell. Enjoy that second place trophy, but if you win, you owe me money for my phone bill. I voted multiple times ;-)
• I was all geared up to write about "The Good Wife" (CBS, 10:00), but the storyline was as old as Cain and Abel. A detention center gets kickbacks for every kid sent to juvie. Did I not beg for this story to be different? It's already been done on multiple shows this season. Originality people. That's what wins awards.
• "How the Earth Was Made" (History, 9:00): Finding out how the Sahara desert was made was about as dry as the desert itself. I'm so sorry for recommending it. Please see the cashier for your refund.
• "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" returns January 4 on ABC Family. Now that Amy has had the baby the action is really lame. I hope they come back with better stories.
• "The Colbert Report" (Comedy Central): Stephen Colbert is freakin' hilarious. Thanks for calling out Washington state for it's "holiday tree" and taking "Christ" out of Christmas. A wag of the finger to Gov. Gregoire. And his rap performance of "Empire State of Mind" alongside Alicia Keys earned him a heap of street cred! Mad props, yo! (or whatever it is they say in New York).
• "The Real World: DC" (MTV) premiers next Wednesday. Is this show still relevant to anyone born after 1990?

Debbie Downer

I was really excited for tonight, but it ended up being kind of a downer. Yes, the guy got the girl on "Glee", but it was a dark and painful drive getting there. The holidays are supposed to be a time of joyous TV. Tonight I got a big ol' hump of coal.

"Glee" (FOX, 9:00): I know I'll probably get a lot of comments on the contrary, but I didn't really enjoy this episode. While there were some real laugh-out-loud moments, I found the action to be really depressing.

Everyone in New Directions knows Puck is Quinn's real baby daddy except Rachel. Once she finds out the truth she promptly spills the beans to Finn, who believed he'd gotten Quinn pregnant by dry humping in the hot tub. Finn punches Puck then quits the Glee Club, leaving them one singer short for sectionals.

Mr. Schue is still on punishment over the whole mattress debacle, so he can't go to the competition with the group. Emma volunteers to take his place, even though she's supposed to be getting married the same day. "We just pushed it back a few hours so now it doesn't have to happen in broad daylight," she explained.

Once they arrive at sectionals, New Direction draws the last slot to perform and have to sit through two other show choirs sing songs from their set list. Coach Sue had passed it along to the competition to insure the Glee Club's (and Mr. Schuester's) demise. After a pep talk from Mr. Schue, Finn rides in on his white horse to save the day. New Directions wins sectionals and Mr. Schue turns Coach Sue in to Principal Figgins for giving away their set list. In the end, Mr. Schue gets the Glee Club back, Sue is suspended from coaching the Cheerios, and Emma is left at the alter but gets swept off her feet by Mr. Schue after confessing her love.

Funniest line heard all night - Sue to Mr. Schue: "I am reasonably confident that you will be adding 'revenge' to the long list of things you're no good at, right next to being married, running a high school glee club and finding a hairstyle that doesn't make you look like a lesbian." She then kisses her fingers, puts them to Schue's lips and says, "Love ya like a sista." Classic!

Featured songs
"And I Am Telling You ..." - "Dreamgirls"
"Don't Rain On My Parade" - "Funny Girls"
"You Can't Always Get What You Want" - The Rolling Stones
"My Life Would Suck Without You" - Kelly Clarkson
Rewind: Did you notice that the choreography was a mash-up of steps from all the numbers they'd performed?

"Barbara Walters Special - 10 Most Fascinating People of 2009" (ABC, 10:00): Here are my thoughts on why Barb thinks these people are fascinating:

1. Michelle Obama - She wears sleeveless dresses year-round
2. The Jackson children - They're famous father died and now they can take their masks off.
3. Sarah Palin - She went rogue, but owes her success to Tina Fey.
4. Brett Favre - He's old and still plays football.
5. Adam Lambert - He's gay and kissed another guy on TV. Call me country, but isn't that how gay works? Fascinating would be him kissing a goat or something.
6. Glenn Beck - For creating an insurgence of the use of the word 'fascist'.
7. Kate Gosselin - She had 8 kids then pimped them out on TV for swag and free trips. Then she divorced the man who destroyed her uterus.
8. Tyler Perry - He has a lot of hyphens in his title (actor-director-producer-studio owner-black).
9. Jenny Sanford - She didn't stand by her cheating husband. That's not fascinating either. That's thinking smart before taking him to the cleaners.
10. Lady Gaga - Because she bleeds during her performances.

REALITY CHECK
"So You Think You Can Dance" (FOX, 8:00): The stage is set for next week's finale and over 8 million votes were cast to narrow the field down to our Top 6. I don't remember their ever being six dancers in the finale, but I'm rolling with it. After a great opening number choreographed by Sonia Tayeh, Cat sends Ryan and Legacy, Ellenore and Mollee to the bottom 4. I was glad to see Mollee in the bottom. Her cutesy schtick was getting on my nerves. For the guys, it's hard to see any of them go. There's a lot of male talent this season and I'm not sure their female counterparts are dancing up to their skill. Fast forward through useless performances from The Wonder Girls and "Idol" winner Kris Allen to see Mollee and Legacy get the ax. I really hated to see him go. Nigel is always saying how "SYTYCD" is about dancers growing and progressing and for me that dancer was Legacy. Yes, his crying was annoying, but you could tell this B-Boy was really growing in different styles of dance.

So we have Ellenore, Ryan, Ashleigh, Kathryn, Jakob and my personal favorite, Russell competing for the title. Along with Legacy, he's the dancer I think has grown the most. And he's sort of cute. Sort of.

"Top Chef" (Bravo, 10:00): So it was the Voltaggio brothers vs. southern cook Kevin in one of the closest finales ever on "Top Chef". The 3 finalists won a combined total of 12 out of the 13 elimination challenges, so obviously they know how to make good food. Eliminated contestants were made sous chefs by a random knife draw, with Kevin getting the worst picks with Preeti and Ash. For the final challenge, the cooks had to create a 3-course meal. The first course was a box full of secret ingredients and they had to use everything in the box to create the dish. The second course was a free-for-all and the third course had to be a dessert. The judges later added a fourth course inspired by favorite childhood memories.

As it usually goes on "Top Chef", the better cook crashed and burned (Kevin) and it was down to the dreaded brothers - refined Bryan or risky Michael. The judges told Bryan to pack his knives, giving the title to his cocky brother. Talk about leaving a bad taste.

"Real World/Road Rules Challenge" (MTV, 10:00): It was almost an upset as KellyAnne and Sarah took on four Tarzans and a Jane, but alas, the Champions pulled away at the end to bank the $160,000 prize. I wasn't surprised that the girls did as well as they did, but I was surprised at how weak Susie really is as a competitor. She's undefeated in one-on-one face offs, but boy, she has no stamina for the long challenges. In the end, Johnny was right about her weighing the team down, but she came in handy at during the puzzle part of the challenge. Pause it: Was anybody else annoyed that Susie kept saying how exhausted she was when she hadn't done anything? *Punching Susie in face and handing her check to more deserving Sarah and KellyAnne.*

Getting bumped

Here's a rundown from Wednesday night:

"So You Think You Can Dance" (FOX, 8:00): It was America's vote last night and some hard decisions had to be made. Most of the performances were really well done. And those couples that didn't dance up to par made up for it on their second routines. But alas, Noelle, Kathryn, Ryan and Nathan landed in the bottom four.

Viewers are now voting for the best individual, not the best couple, so it came down to who had the best solos Tuesday night. Even though Mollee had some solid routines, I thought her solo was horrible and was sure she would've been in the bottom. Krumper Russell and B-boy Legacy had the best solos, and for a ballroom dancer, Ryan is a really good solo performer. Ballroomers usually are at a disadvantage when it comes to the solos, but Ryan dances with such bravado that he doesn't need a girl on stage with him.

After an amazing routine by the Legion of Extraordinary Dancers, I sat through that atrocious song that Snoop Dogg sang, but only because he was surrounded by former SYTYCDancers (Go Dominic and Hok!) In the end it was Nathan and Noelle who danced their last dance. Noelle did better in her routines than Kathryn, but Kathryn had a better solo. It was a toss-up with Ryan and Nathan who both gave great solos but I think Nathan died a death at the hands of the judges snarky comments toward him from earlier in the season. Thanks Nigel.


"Glee" (FOX, 9:00): There's only one more episode left before the show takes a break to make room for "American Idol" (UGH), and the show pulled out all the punches to get ready for the fall finale.

Mr. Schue's day goes from bad to worse when Emma and Ken announce they are getting married on the same as Sectionals. Then Coach Sue tells him she intentionally had the Glee Club left out of Thunderclap, McKinley High's yearbook, because the photo gets vandalized every year. And to finish off his slow death, Mr. Schue finds wife Terri's fake baby bump, realizing she been lying about being pregnant the whole time.

Schue runs to Principal Friggins to complain and is told that a yearbook photo costs $1,000 for a full page. Mr. Schue opts for a quarter page for $325 but only 2 kids can fit into the frame. None of the Gleeks want to be in the photo so they elect Rachel to by their captain and appear in the picture, which she is more than happy to do. Pause it: How hilarious was it that Rachel joined as many clubs as she could, not to be a well-rounded student, but to practice for being in front of the paparazzi. Black Student Union? ... Who writes this stuff?

Rachel lands the Gleeks a spot in a TV commercial for mattresses and the store thanks them with a shipment of them. Those mattresses came in handy after Mr. Schue storms out on Terri. One Watch Party viewer commented on how violent he became. I agree. I was glad the truth finally came out, but the way he demanded Terri lift her shirt and then snatched off the fake baby bump was kind of scary, which is surprising since the show has such dark humor. I wonder if this will slow down Emma's rush to the altar.

In the end, the Gleeks get in trouble for accepting payment (the mattresses) for their participation in the commercial, making them ineligible to participate in Sectionals. Mr. Schue falls on the sword and agrees not to accompany them since technically he was the one who slept on the one of the mattresses, making him accountable for accepting the payment. They do manage to get their yearbook photo after Quinn blackmails Coach Sue and demands she give one of the cheerleading squad's six pages to the Glee Club.

Rewind the tape: Was Quinn jumping and rolling around on one of the mattresses during the commercial? If she was she may want to rush to the nearest hospital and have that baby checked out.

Funny lines:

• Coach Sue explaining the work she had done on her face for her yearbook photo: "While they were in there I told them to go ahead and yank out those tear ducts. I wasn't using 'em."
• Emma about why she's marrying Ken: "I know he has a lot of flaws ... 74 flaws as of yesterday."
• Rachel to photographer after finding out he's casting for a commercial: "Aside from nudity and the exploitation or animals, I'll do pretty much anything to break into the business."

Featured songs:
"Jump" by Van Halen
"Smile" by Charlie Chaplin (The version song by Rachel and Finn was by Lily Allen)

REALITY CHECK
On "Top Chef" (Bravo, 10:00), the final four chef'testants head to Napa Valley to compete in the penultimate challenge to see who makes it to the last cook off. Padma is sporting a baby bump and a new set of bangs. Micheal wins a new Toyota Prius in the Quickfire Challenge which had the chefs creating a dish using Napa's cash crop: the grape.

For their final challenge, the chefs must cater a crush party for 150 people. Crush is the time of year when the people of Napa crush grapes for the wines. Other than salt and pepper, they can't use anything that's not locally produced, and they must make one vegetarian dish and one protein dish.

Jennifer looked like she had regained some of her confidence during their time away from the kitchen, but apparently the Voltaggio brothers didn't use the time to work on their relationship, as they are still bickering like two little schoolgirls. Pause it: Thank you, Bravo, for subjecting us to their childish banter all season. Thanks a lot!

Bryan, the nice brother, wins the challenge and skates through to the finals. Jennifer is told to pack her knives and go after turning in a dish that wasn't well-thought out. We have an all-male finale again with Bryan, Michael and Kevin competing for the title of Top Chef. I'm rooting for Kevin simply because he cooks food that doesn't look like a rabbit threw it up. TEAM KEVIN!!!

Riding the reality wave

I got my reality check when the electricity went out for almost an hour. Here's yours:

"America's Next Top Model" (CW, 8:00): The four remaining girls learn hula hip-hop and the winner gets a Maui vacation. For the life of me I can't figure out what this has to do with modeling (unless they are trying out for the part of "hoochie" in a Lil Wayne video). Before a Pele (goddess of volcanoes) photo shoot, the models learn that two girls will be going home. I totally called Laura a fresher version of Rachel Hunter before Ty Ty and the judges did. Nicole served up her usual hot plate of fierce and they'll be going head-to-head in an unknown designer's fashion show. Pause it: You'd think with all her clout, Tyra could at least get a big name designer. I think Nicole is going to take it, but I wouldn't mind if Laura wins. Everyone who was happy to see Erin go, raise your hand! Which model are you pulling for?

"So You Think You Can Dance" (FOX, 8:00): For the first time this season the vote is in the hands of the viewers and you guys almost got it right. Almost. The bottom three vote-getters were Ellenore & Ryan, Pauline & Peter and Kevin & Karen. What happened to Mollee and Nathan? They totally should've been in Ellenore & Ryan's spot. We're reminded that America votes for their favorite dancer, not necessarily the best one. Pause it: The best dancer never wins on this show. (I'm winking at you, Will, from Season 4 and Brandon from Season 5). The curse of the quickstep strikes again as Pauline and Peter are sent home. Thank goodness all of the tappers are gone. Good on them for making it onto the show, but seriously ... a tap dancer would never win this competition.

A few thoughts: I wish Nigel would stop comparing this season's dancers to Season 5. We've moved on; you need to as well. ... Was anyone else creeped out by the tall man in the midst of all those young, screaming girls after the commercial break. He looked out of place and kind of perverted.

"Real World/Road Rules Challenge" (MTV, 10:00): Unfortunately for the Challengers, lazy Casey is still around. She is the most useless piece of skin I have ever seen on these challenges. These people came to win money and she's acting like she's at MTV Beach House. The Champions win again and Johanna chooses to battle Sarah in The Ruins saying she could never live it down if she lost to Casey. And even though Cohutta has knocked out two power players, Darrell picks him because he has banked the most money so far. Johanna has been on four of these challenges and this is her first time being in a one-on-one showdown. Pause it: She must've been getting by on her looks because she proved tonight she's not as strong as people have made her out to be. Time to get a real job, Joey. Darrell beats Cohutta and now has the biggest cashpot with $31,000. What's that I see on Darrell's back? Looks like a target.

Reality rundown

I am so proud of myself because I was literally watching three shows at one time tonight. THREE! And I still managed to keep up! It's the little things. Here are the highlights.

So You Think You Can Dance (FOX, 8:00): Adam Shankman talks too much! When FOX announced they were making him a permanent judge I was thinking this could be a nice mix. What I didn't realize is that by giving him a seat on the panel there would be no guest judges. I miss hearing the commentary from the other professional dancers. Shankman just rambles on and on and on ... and on and on and on. He's probably still talking now.

There weren't too many exciting routines. I hate any sort of 70s disco and tonight was the revival of the hustle. I don't know why the choreographers feel the need to throw in all these death lifts and death spins. I hope they throw in some death insurance (and maybe a helmet). I also hate it when they make them dance with props. If it's not a top hat or a stationary chair, they shouldn't be dancing with it. If that prop doesn't work the way it's supposed to, they blame it on the dancers, not the choreographers.

Best routine of the night was the African jazz routine by Noelle and Russell. I wish I had taped it so I could watch it on playback because it was amazing. And as much as I don't want to be a Legacy fan, he is growing in this competition. He totally out-danced his partner Kathryn in their Broadway number. I used to think contemporary dancers had the upper hand on this show, but I'm starting to think it's actually the hip hoppers. Their lack of training makes them much more adaptable. I see Russell and Legacy in the Top 6.


"The Biggest Loser" (NBC, 8:00): In a "Biggest Loser" first, two players are sent home this week. Ali announces that there will be both a yellow line and a red line. The player who falls below the red line will automatically be sent home, and the two players who fall below the yellow line will be put to a vote. Jillian makes it clear to Bob that she wants Shay to stay because Shay needs to stay. Bob wants to make sure Amanda is still around.

At the challenge, Rudy wins immunity and Shay is upset that Rudy didn't help her win. I'm starting to see a pattern with Shay. She wants people to help her win, but she never does anything to help herself. Pause it: Everybody needs to be there, Shay. They just stopped eating before they got as big as you. Don't hate on them for realizing their problem sooner than you. During the workout, Jillian calls Shay out on all her crying. Thank you, Jillian! I thought I was going to have to come out to the ranch and smack her across the face.

At the weigh-in, Shay loses 17 pounds and breaks the record for the woman to lose 100 pounds the fastest. Danny also loses 17 and breaks the 100 pound mark. Daniel's second chance comes to an end as he falls below the red line. It's Bob vs. Jillian for the elimination when both their pet projects, Shay and Amanda, fall below the yellow line. In a stunning vote, the players send Shay packing and she cries her way back to Newport Beach.

CHANNEL SURFING
The bossy Aussie heads to the beaches of Miami on "Tabatha's Salon Takeover" (Bravo, 10:00). Pablo, a 21-year-old salon owner, doesn't even do hair; he just likes the business aspect of owning a business, and he's not even good at that. He owes $19,000 in back rent, is $75,000 in debt and lives off $400 a month he gets from working at a bar.

The salon wasn't the problem in this episode, it was the staff. Color specialist and salon meanie Joy wants upscale clients but dresses like a hooker. The rest of the stylists treat Pablo like he's the shampoo boy, not their boss. Tabatha says Joy looks like "a leather washed up hooker troll doll." OUCH! After Tab whips the place into shape, Allure Salon has a lead stylist in Irina, Joy gets to keep her job and Pablo is able to pay off $6,000 of his debt. "He really filled his big boy pants ... with his balls," Tabatha quips.

Over on "The Hills" (MTV, 10:00), Kristin must really enjoy seconds because she's gone back twice for a helping of boyfriends (for thirds if you believe the tabloids). First she nibbled on Audrina's ex, Justin. Now she's eating of Jayde's plate with a bite of Brody. Pause it: The garbage truck runs on Tuesdays. I'm sure Brody will be sitting in it next week. Both Jayde and Audrina are gluttons for relationship punishment. I'm so over seeing them go "on a break" with their boyfriends only to go running back the next week. At least Kristin has enough self-respect to move on when Justin started acting up. Too bad she moved in the wrong direction.

Heidi and Spencer have only been married for two months and she's screaming about having a baby. Spence, being the loving hubby that he is, immediately goes to a urologist for a consult on a vasectomy. He thinks it's like a faucet that he can turn off and on when he's ready to make a baby. (Clearly, he missed health class that day). I was LOLing when the doctor explained the procedure using diagrams and pictures. Spencer was squirming like his testicles were in a vise-grip. It was like watching a cartoon the way he bolted out of that office. I'm still laughing 3 hours later.

The takeover

Tuesday night became one of my worst TV nightmares when three good shows were airing in the 8:00 time slot. At one point, I was watching 2 shows on TV and one online. Craziness! Here's a rundown of what I was watching.

"So You Think You Can Dance" (FOX, 8:00): Once again the World Series throws off the schedule and the judges get to decide who gets cut. Noelle is back in the competition after sitting out last week with a bum knee, and Nigel says that network big wigs have cleared the way for ailing Billy Bell and his replacement Brandon to both return next year.

Season 5 dancers didn't live up to the judges hype, and Season 6 is leaving me feeling a little let down so far. Not by the dancers, but the choreography. Sometimes they go so far out into la la land with these concepts that they make it hard to showcase the dancing. Wade Robson's piece based on Van Gogh's Starry Night painting was over the top and complex. The hip hop routine put together by newbie Jamal Sims had too many props and the Bollywood number was more about the lighting than the dancing. Tyce Diorio actually put together a great Broadway number from "The Color Purple", but it was wasted on Bianca and Victor who brought no excitement to it.

The best performances of the night came from Legacy and Kathryn in a contemporary piece by Stacey Tookey, and Ryan and Ellenore in a sexy Argentine tango. Bianca, Victor, Phillip and Noelle are placed in the bottom four, and in the click of a shoe, 2 of the 3 tappers (Bianca and Phillip) are sent home. I wasn't fond of either of them but tappers are really at a disadvantage in this competition. You can barely hear the tapping and they aren't trained to move their bodies the way other dancers are. Last tapper standing Peter had better bring it once viewers get to vote. I suspect they feel the same way I do.

"Tabatha's Salon Takeover" (Bravo, 10:00): Does anyone even know who Tabatha Coffey is? I can tell you she was the resident bitch contestant on Jaclyn Smith's short-lived reality show "Shear Genius"; she's only famous for having a sharp tongue. That being said, I LOVE this woman! She's brash, sassy and tells it like it is. She's like my twin! (In a Village of the Damned kind of way.) In the Season 2 opener, she travel to Orbit Salon in Chicago where the owner is $750,000 in debt. 20 years ago, Orbit was the premier salon in Chicago, but now it's a giant hairball and owner Eddie has become a hoarder of hair products. His basement is stacked with $100,000 worth of retail items and personal junk.

Last season, people cried when upon Tabatha's arrived. The Orbit's staff cheered, but that excitement soon turns to embarrassment then anger after she lays into them about their technique and lack of pride in the salon. The place was a filthy mess with hair all over the floor, bathrooms that greet you with a smell and products caked with dust. Tabatha gives them a chance to prove their worth by bringing in patrons for the stylists to work on. Lindsay was not a fan of being told how to do hair so she storms out and tells Tabatha to "F*&# off". Pause it: Her tombstone will read "Here lies Lindsay. Tabatha f*&#ed her up." The staff has good hairdressing skills, they're just lazy. In the end, Tabatha shames ... er, motivates Eddie into becoming a better manager, and she brings Orbit back into our solar system by making the salon more chic and modern. Lindsay is shown the door for not being a team player. With that attitude I'm sure she's still unemployed.

This show may not be for everyone's taste, but you should watch it if only to learn what goes on behind the doors of your hair salon. Is the place you get your hair done in need of a takeover? If so then why are you still going there for service?

CHANNEL SURFING
On "The Biggest Loser" (NBC, 8:00), teams travel to Washington, D.C. to bring awareness to obesity and promote healthy living. Was it just me or was the usually void of emotion Alli a little more amped than usual? The contestants sit down with senators to discuss adding more physical education courses to school curriculum's, and later they make a salad from the White House garden. Pause it: WHAT? No appearance from the first lady? No glimpse of Sasha? Malia? Not even Bo? At the weigh in, Rebecca has immunity and Shay is still crying. Still. Crying. She breaks 400 lbs. by losing 9 and I'm proud of her for staying in the game. But it is weird to see someone happy about being 393 lbs. I'm just saying. Liz and Wild-Eyed Tracey fall below the yellow line and karma bites back hard when Tracey is sent home. A moment of silence for her maniacal gaze. May the wild eyes rest in peace.

"The Hills" (MTV, 10:00): To quench her pregnancy thirst, Spencer gets Heidi a pair of puppies for her birthday. Brody is on a break from Jayde so he calls up ex-girlfriend Kristin to be his date to Heidi's party. Audrina is still the dumbest girl on the planet when it comes to relationships. She's still carrying a torch for grease monkey Justin, even though he's using Kristin as his new doormat. My brain tells me to stop watching this show. My heart is in agreement.

Twists and turns

Tuesday finally has something to offer with the return of one of my favorites. Now if I could just convince NBC to move "Law & Order: SVU" back to the 10:00 slot, I could call it a night.

"So You Think You Can Dance" (FOX, 8:00): I'm apprehensive about FOX's decision to air this show two months after picking a winner. "SYTYCD" usually airs in the summer, so the network is risking viewer fatigue by putting on a new season so quickly. The dancers are already feeling the stress as they are hit with the same injury curse that has stricken the contestants on "Dancing With the Stars". Billy Bell was removed from the cast after coming down with an illness (I hear it's mono), and Noelle is sitting out this week with a knee injury. To top it off, baseball is interrupting the Wednesday schedule, so the judges, not the viewers, decide who goes home tonight.

The Season 4 cast with Twitch, Katee, winner Joshua and Will has always been my favorite, so I also look for dancers who have personality to match their talent. Here are a few standouts:

• Russell has been my favorite since day one. He's partnered with Noelle, but since she's sidelined with an injury, he's forced to dance the foxtrot with choreographer Melanie LaPatin. I was impressed that he was able to lift that big woman! While the judges said the technique wasn't there, Russell still has that "it" factor.
• Contemporary dancer Kathryn really surprised me in her hip hop routine. Dave Scott constructed the one of the two best routines of the night. Season 2 contestant-turned-choreographer Travis Wall put together a number that had me on the edge of my chair.
• 19-year-old Jakob Karr came out of nowhere. He tackled a Tyce DiOrio Broadway number and was quite impressive.

The judges had the nerve to put Russell and Billy's replacement Brandon in the bottom four. Why pick on the guy who had no partner and the one who was given a day and a half to learn the routine? Ultimately, Brandon never has a chance to unpack and is sent home. For the girls the judges unanimously voted to off Ariana. But I'm under the impression that if Noelle can't return next week, the voted off girl is brought back. See you next week, Ariana.

"The Biggest Loser" (NBC, 8:00): It's head-to-head week and the losers have to weigh in against a member of the opposing team. Blue team wins the challenge and gets to pick the contenders. Bob leads the Black team through a grueling pool workout while Jillian pushes Amanda past her breaking point in the gym. "Why are these contestants so freakin' difficult this season?" Jillian mutters. Black team gets a two pound advantage in their first challenge win, but ends up losing the weigh-in. Blue team's Rudy breaks the campus record for losing 100 pounds in the fastest time (7 weeks). Black sends Abby home when clearly it's Daniel that's weighing their team down - literally. Fast forward: If I was forced to hear how Abby lost her family in a car accident one more time, I was going to rip my eyelashes out one by one. It's not that I didn't feel her pain. I was just tired of feeling it. And I think Shay's plan is to cry the weight off. GEEZ! That heifer cries a lot!

"Monica: Still Standing" (BET, 10:00): Monica Arnold is definitely not the same soft, shy girl I listened to in the early 90s. She's battling her way back from the trauma of seeing her boyfriend commit suicide in front of her and struggling to find the right songs for her new album. I don't think this show will be as good as Keyshia Cole's. Her show was full of raw emotion and family turmoil that there was no denying it's authenticity. "Still Standing" has a chance to be an emotional journey, but right now all the focus is on saving her career. Unless there's an episode that makes me cry, I'll be watching this one when it's on repeat. And just FYI, there is no pole vault event in a triathlon, Rocko.

News Break - Mia's Last Dance

Us Magazine is reporting that Emmy winner Mia Michaels has quit "So You Think You Can Dance" (FOX). Mia has been with the show since it's beginning and has choreographed some of the show's most memorable routines.

I wasn't a fan of contemporary dance until Mia Michaels came along. She really knows how to bring out the best in a dancer and it sucks for "SYTYCD" to lose her. Do you think Mia is pulling a Paula Abdul? Why do you think she's leaving?

What a Wednesday

I'm in a zone with my impending vacation, so I'm going to keep it short and sweet.

"So You Think You Can Dance" (FOX, 8:00): The field started with 77 dancers and by the end only 38 were left standing. Next week we find out who makes the Top 20, but here's a recap of how they get there.

The choreographers led the dancers through a series of stylized routines: Laurie Ann Gibson taught a jazz routine, Mia Michaels for contemporary and Broadway for Tyce Diorio. Both Laurie Ann and Mia Michaels have earned reputations for being hard on the dancers, but I've seen Laurie Ann on "Making the Band" (MTV) and her bite is not as big as her bark. Pause it: You've come up Laurie Ann so don't ruin it by trying to be all Billy Badass. Mia took a gentler approach and that's when the dancers were able to shine.

One of the standouts tonight was crumper Russell. He danced through all the styles as if he's been classically trained. If he doesn't make the Top 20 it will be an injustice and I probably wouldn't watch the season. (NOT) This show is about taking someone who's already a talented dancer and making them extraordinary. Russell could be this season's Twitch. None of the girls are standing out right now, but I'm predicting married couple Ryan and Ashley will be split up with Ryan making it over his wife. I'm excited to see who makes the cut so let's get this show on the road.

"Glee" (FOX, 9:00): The episode was titled "Throwdown" but a more fitting name would've been "Coach Sue's Minority Report". WOW! She found a way to riff on every minority group you could think of. I'm sure a lot of people out there won't appreciate the humor in this episode, but I found it extremely funny.

After being made to co-sponsor the glee club, Coach Sue goes out of her way to pit the kids against each other as a way to divide and conquer. She takes all the minority students (Santana, Wheels, Gay Kid, Asian, Other Asian, Aretha and some other kid I couldn't figure out) and forms "Sue's Kids". She allows them to sing R&B instead of show tunes and also throw in some "pop-n-lock" dance moves. Eventually the club stands up to Coach Sue and Mr. Schue after their incessant fighting hinders their progress. From Finn: "If we wanted to hear mom and dad fight, those of us who still have two parents would just stay home on payday." Sue relinquishes the club back into the hands of Mr. Schue, but not before she blackmails the school blogger into leaking Quinn's pregnancy. I've said it before and I'll say it again: If this show doesn't win multiple awards for writing and acting, I'll suck on my big toe like it's a baby's bottle.

There were so many good quotes from tonight, you'll have to watch the show to get them all. Here are a few that I had to hear twice:

• Coach Sue on her love for minorities: "I like minorities so much I'm thinkin' about moving to California to become one."
• Sue, while yelling at Mr. Schue for flunking all the Cheerios: "Should they learn spanish? Sure, if they want to become dishwashers and gardeners. But if they want to be bankers and lawyers and captains of industry the most important lesson they could possibly learn is how to do a roundoff."

Featured songs:
Hate on Me - Jill Scott
Ride Wit Me - Nelly
No Air - Jordin Sparks with Chris Brown
You Keep Me Hangin' On - The Supremes
Keep Holding On - Avril Lavigne

"Law & Order: SVU" (NBC, 9:00): A man wakes up with a head injury and a woman's he claims to have never met before is bludgeoned to death on the floor. Benson and Stabler aren't sure what to believe and set out to prove he knew the girl. It's later determined that the man is a recovering alcoholic who had blacked out after falling off the wagon. And in typical "L&O" fashion, the episode goes from being about solving a murder case to some far-fetched storyline from left field. Tonight's soap box of choice was the dangers of alcoholism.

I really hate how that kind of storytelling has become the way of the "L&O" franchise. The story was compelling all on its own, then they start beating you over the head with fact and myths about alcoholism. They finally drive it home by having the D.A. show up to court drunk. I'm citing this show for contempt. Bailiff!

Last bite: Robin is to "Top Chef" what Logan is to "Project Runway": a disappointment to Seattle and mediocre in her profession. She was in the bottom for the Quickfire Challenge and the for the Elimination round. Needless to say I won't be wearing his clothes or eating at her restaurant.

Winners and Losers

Tuesdays: short and sweet. Just like I like 'em.

"The Biggest Loser" (NBC, 8:00): Last week, Tracey screwed all the teams by having the power to decide whose weight would count in the weigh in. This week, karma bit her square in her 200+ pound ass when the doctor told her she's not allowed to work out, leaving the purple team's fate solely on Mo's shoulder. I wonder if he's regretting picking Tracey as a teammate, the girl who was hospitalized the first day. Pause it: Smooth choice, Mo. I know you were trying to be the nice guy by picking the gimp, but she's literally weighing you down. Literally.

I used to work out during the commercial breaks. Then I started eating ice cream. Now I work out with a trainer, but that doesn't stop me from feeling guilty about watching this show from my couch. It also makes me paranoid, and I constantly look down at my stomach to make sure it doesn't look like these contestants. The one thing I hate about "The Biggest Loser" is that they kick people off. If the point of the show is to help people lose weight, why not let them all stick around until the end?

Unfortunately, it was the black (Julio) and brown team (Liz/Danny) that fell below the yellow line. It would've been beneficial for them to get rid of two for the price of one, but I liked that the teams wanted to help two people lose weight instead of playing the game. Too bad we're stuck with maniacal-eyed Tracey for another week. I'll take that ice cream now.

"So You Think You Can Dance" (FOX, 9:00): The last round of auditions take place in Salt Lake City, Utah. Season 6 seems to be stacked on talent. I'm hoping they bring more personality than those dull dancers of Season 5. What I would like to see less of Nigel fawning over the female dancers like the perverted uncle at the family picnic. I really like him as a judge. He's firm and honest in his critiques, and he doesn't toy with the contestant's emotions the way the "American Idol" judges do. But the lewd comments have got to stop! After seeing burlesque dancer Ariana Rowley give an audition fit for a back alley strip club, he asked her to turn around so he could she the bow on her costume bottom. His response: "I'm glad to see it won first prize." EWWW!

152 dancers made it through to Vegas week. I love this part of the competition because they make the contestants do every style of dance and perform in a group number that they must choreograph themselves. From the previews it looks like Laurie Ann Gibson is one of the teachers. I've seen her on "Making the Band" and these dancers are in for a hell of a beat down. She'll separate the weak from the strong.

Was anyone else dry heaving when the girl lost her toenail? I couldn't even watch the critique. And I had to chuckle when Iveta from Lithuania said she wanted to come to America because here, money grows on trees. Sure it does Iveta. It comes from the trees growing in Bank Bailout National Park.

Resa's Rant: If Heidi and Spencer ("The Hills", MTV, 10:00) ever procreate together I will be forced to rip my eyebrows out one by one and eat them. My fingers are melting off as I type this but I'm siding with Spencer on this one. They aren't competent enough to raise a plant, let alone a child.