Cirie wouldn't have let that happen

Wednesday night I was stricken with a headache from hell. It totally took me off my game. I left work early and slept from 7 p.m. until 12:30 Thursday afternoon. Yes, it hurt that bad. I woke up intermittently, catching snippets of "Criminal Minds" and "Ugly Betty," but the migraine got the best of me. Let's talk about ...

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): There have been many bonehead moves in the history of "Survivor": James getting voted out while holding 2 immunity idols; Ozzy getting voted out while holding an immunity idol (you see the pattern?). Well, J.T. topped them all when he gave the Heroes' hidden immunity idol to the man who least needed one. It was like he had a spare million dollars in his pocket decided to give it to Warren Buffett. And his tribemates just sat there and let it happen. Is that the bigger bonehead move ... that no one objected? I'm still shaking my head.

The Villains return from Tribal Council, and Jerri is worried that her alliance will turn on her after they sent Coach home without telling her. She asks Danielle if she's next on the chopping block, but both Dani and Russell reassure her that Courtney or Sandra will be the next to go.

The treemail instructs the tribes to rank their team members from strongest to weakest. This will determine who they go head-to-head with at the reward challenge, a game that was first played on "Survivor: Tocanins" and J.T. went on win. Pause it: It's the game that makes my feet cramp up just thinking about it, but what I remember most is how Coach got all drama queen at the end, collapsing like a Haitian house in an earthquake. The Villains decide to put all their women in the game because they're lighter and have smaller feet. The Heroes, on the other hand, have Rupert and his ego to contend with. He claims he's stronger than everyone in the game. Pause it: Um, yeah. I see how that's true, Rupert. That broken toe won't be a problem in a challenge where you're standing on a one-inch wide peg. The castaways must outlast their opponent and the first team to three points wins a feast courtesy of Outback Steakhouse. As the challenge gets underway, Jeff Probst announces that Amanda has spent 100 days playing "Survivor". The Villains' strategy pays off and they win reward.

At the feast, Parvati finds a clue to a hidden immunity idol in her napkin. She quickly stuffs it in her underwear (eww!) and later shows it to Danielle. Parv says she wants Danielle to feel tighter with her than she does with anyone else. “We’ll fill Russell in on a need-to-know basis, and right now Russell doesn’t need to know," Parv says. Jerri thinks it's "awesome" that the Heroes think they have an all-girl alliance going. "They have no idea what's going on over here."

Meanwhile, J.T. is at the Hero's beach filling in his tribe on his "brilliant" plan. Amanda thinks it's stupid because they don't know what's going on over there. (See Jerri's comment). He could be in with the girls for all we know,” Amanda reasons. Rewind: If Cirie were still in this game, she wouldn't have even allowed J.T. to get out the first sentence. AND, if Cirie were still in this game, Amanda wouldn't be whimpering in the jungle to Candice because Cirie would be telling her what to do. J.T. writes Russell a letter with instructions on how to use the idol (HA!) and who to vote off. He writes that the Villains should vote off Parvati then Russell can join in with the Heroes' alliance after the merge. "This is "Survivor" history," Colby concludes. Yes, dude, it is. And your whole tribe will be able to write their names on the Wall of Shame.

Parvati and Danielle get up early to go searching for the idol. After they find it, Parv says it gives her control of the game. She says Russell is "not the king of 'Survivor' ... I'm the queen."

The immunity challenge is another ropes obstacle course with a totem pole puzzle at the end. The Heroes get off to an early lead and Colby and Russell are running the last leg for their teams. This gives Colby the opportunity to tell Russell to get the idol from J.T. after the challenge is over. Pause it: No sooner than Colby makes that deal, the rain begins to fall. That's an omen if I ever saw one. The Heroes win immunity, setting the stage for J.T.'s stupidity to boomerang like bad karma. "I don't even have to find idols ... people are giving them to me. You don’t hand the enemy the idol, especially when his name is Russell Hantz,” Russell says.

The Heroes think they have done the impossible, but all they've done is give the Villains something to entertain themselves with. I hate Parvati, but even I got a kick out of her rendition of J.T.'s letter. It sounded like something you'd write in high school. "J.T. gave Russell his heart today, and Russell is just going to stab it a million times," Parv snickers. "I can't believe that kid won!"

Meanwhile, Courtney and Sandra have resigned themselves to their fate - one of them will be going home. Parvati wants to keep Courtney around because she thinks Court would be more loyal and she can keep her in check better than she can with Sandra. She sure Sandra will be the first one to flip after the merge.

At Tribal Council, Russell's alliance say they can't trust Sandra. Danielle makes the argument that Sandra can manipulate people, but all Dani does is make herself look like a complete idiot. She says Sandra was being controlled by B-Rob to which Sandra counters with Parvati is the boss of Dani. Then Parv pours alcohol on the wound by confirming yes, she is the boss of Danielle. Pause it: Are you kidding me, Danielle? You basically handed Parvati the lube and told her to take it.

Courtney lashes out at Jerri for joining forces with Russell just in time to save herself. "I didn't flip quick enough, I guess," Courtney snipes. "That's why me and Sandra are in trouble." It's too little, too late and Courtney becomes the second member of the jury.

Next week, the tribes merge and it looks like Parvati's instincts about Sandra will prove to be true. She'll be the first one to flip.

Where do you rank J.T.'s move among the dumbest moves in "Survivor" history? I'll give him a little leeway since they don't know Russell's history with hidden immunity idols, but it's still a dumb move to help your opponent by giving away something that could potentially get you to the Final 3.