Stupid wins because stupid does

I just finished watching the second episode of "Miami Medical" (CBS, Fri., 10:00) and you can totally tell it's produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, the same man who cranks out the "CSI" franchise. It's a good show, but nothing to change your viewing schedule for. In true Bruckheimer form, it's high on shocking plot twists with not much focus on the acting. *Staring at "CSI: Miami's" David Caruso* Here's what happened Sunday night:

"The Amazing Race" (CBS, 8:00): How impressive was last week's "worst-to-first" performance by Team 8 Seconds? I thought the Cowboys were done when they had to endure the Speed Bump penalty for coming in last on a non-elimination leg, but they proved why they are still in the race. Now we're down to the last five teams and I desperately want to see them in the Top 3.

8 Seconds is the first team to leave and are instructed to travel 400 miles to Singapore via a bus and train. When the teams open their clues, they learn they will encounter a U-turn somewhere in the leg. Team Fred and Velma (Brent and Caite), along with the Infective Detectives (Louie and Michael) immediately jump at the chance to use the power on the Sexy Lezzies. Neither team likes Carol or Brandy, left, and they try to get Don't Ask, Won't Tell (Dan and Jordan) to take a swig of their Haterade. Caite announces that she would "100% U-turn Carol and Brandy" because the couple acted mean towards her, adding she wouldn't "mind being the only girl left." Pause it: Raise your hand if you think Caite doesn't know how to calculate 100%.

All teams end up on the same sleeper train to Singapore. When they arrive at the station, the Lezzies try to push their way past the other teams, to no avail. Michael says, “They want to push their way through, try and bully their way through. Wrong crew to bully. Adds Brent, "Ladies get their way. Bitches don't." Once off the train, the teams race to find Allan Wu, hosts of "The Amazing Race Asia," for their next clue. When they get their clues, they discover there's a Fast Forward. The winner of the Fast Forward gets to skip all tasks and go straight to the Pit Stop. Don't Ask, Won't Tell head for it, while the other teams head for the Detour: pound the drums or pound the pavement.

When Dan and Jordan arrive at the Fast Forward, they learn they have to scale the world's tallest observation wheel. Jordan tells Dan, "So maybe now’s a good time to tell you that I’ve just discovered I have an intense fear of heights.” They manage to make it through the challenge and are the first to arrive at the Pit Stop. They win a pair of motorbikes to which they respond, "There is not chance we would ever step on that thing. Our mother would kill us."

Back at the Detour, all teams opt for pounding the drums until most of them realize they have no rhythm. Fred and Velma master the beat and head off to find their next clue while the Detectives, the Lezzies and 8 Seconds all struggle. The Dectectives try to go for the Fast Forward only to get there and see that Dan and Jordan are already doing it. They rush back to pound the pavement - selling ice cream to the locals - while the cowboys and the lesbians are getting beat by the beat. Meanwhile, the Infective Detectives conquer the ice cream challenge and head to the Road Block.

Back at the drum challenge, both the lezzies and the cowboys are about to give up but both teams finally master the performance. Carol and Brandy excitedly hurry to the next clue only to find they've been U-turned by Fred and Velma. "She's an idiot and she's on YouTube to prove it," Carol angrily exclaims. Pause it: Damn, this couple is in serious need of anger management, for real!

After completing a Road Block of counting the links of an enormous anchor chain, it's a race to the finish between the cowboys, the lesbians and the detectives. 8 Seconds manages to come in third behind Fred and Velma. "The closest thing we play to a musical instrument is the radio," Jet tells Phil about their struggles with the drum.

The Lezzies and the Detectives are in a footrace to the Pit Stop and for a split second I saw myself dissolving into a heap of anger at the thought of the Sexy Lezzies being saved by a non-elimination. But alas, my prayers are answered and the Lezzie are taken down by "Brent and Caite Gump". Carol sums up the leg perfectly: "Dumb did us in." That may be true, Lezzies, but dumb is still in the race and you guys are left with nothing but each other. Good luck with that, ladies. You Negative Nellies deserve each other.

The show takes a break next week for the Country Music Awards, so don't fret when you can't find it.

CHANNEL SURFING
Former girl-group singer Rozonda "Chilli" Thomas (from TLC) is looking for love, and I caught a snippet of her new show, "What Chilli Wants" (VH1, 10;00). All I can say is her dating requirements list is almost as long as mine. As she was saying them out loud (must love God, must not eat pork, must have washboard abs, don't drink or smoke, eh em ... well endowed), I felt a lot better about my little "must have all his teeth" requirement. Chilli's friend Missy Elliott even pointed out she'd have to date Jesus find anyone who'd measure up. "I'm gonna send a Disciple your way," she jokes. One requirement that really disturbed me was the "no more than two baby mommas" rule. Really? Just two, huh? Way to keep it classy, Chilli. Is that the standard I have to work with now? Whatever happened to tall, dark and handsome? Now I have to put a numerical limit on baby mommas? I throw up my hands and jut out my hip.