Watch this, tape that - Wednesday

Hump Day doesn't offer much. Here's what's on:

8:00
Watch this: "America's Next Top Model" (CW). The models pose as vampires in a bloody bathtub.
Also on: "It's the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown" (ABC).

9:00
Watch this: "Modern Family" (ABC). This show is freaking hilarious! Phil pines for a new gadget.
Also on: "American Idol" (FOX). Results show. I say read about it tomorrow.

10:00
Watch this: "Ugly Betty" (ABC). Betty's transformation is almost complete and tonight she goes to London for the city's Fashion Week, where she reconnects with Christina and Gio.
Tape that: "Law & Order: SVU" (NBC). I thought it would be easier to catch this at 10:00, but so far I'm behind by about 4 episodes. Shruggsies.
Also on: "South Park" (Comedy Central).

Taking responsibility

I have spent the last 2 days doing absolutely nothing. NOTHING! It was my first real "weekend" in months. No volunteering at the school. No errands to run during the day. Just me sitting in bed until 1 p.m., going to the gym, then getting back in bed and sleeping until primetime TV starts. Here's a quick recap of Tuesday night ... and a few leftovers from Sunday and Monday.

"16 & Pregnant" (MTV, 10:00): Wow! The parents on this episode were as much to blame as the kids for this pregnancy and the focus is more about the baby daddy than the mother-to-be. Sixteen-year-old Nicole and her high-school dropout boyfriend Tyler are expecting a baby girl. He has a rocky relationship with his mom so he splits his time living at his grandma's and Nicole's house. Tyler was expelled from school when he was 13 and he's the type of guy who thinks he can make a career out of anything. Pause it: Really Tyler? A skateboarder? A mixed-martial artist? That's probably all he can be since he dropped out of school at 13. Dude, can you even read? Tyler promises he'll get his GED once the baby is born.

Nicole's friends have a hard time understanding why her mom is so supportive of her pregnancy. She reveals that she had another daughter die immediately after being born. Then her husband dies a year later when Nicole was only 2 years old. Pause it: Sounds like mom has some issues she needs to work out on the short couch. It's one thing to be supportive. It's another to try to use your pregnant teenager's baby to replace the one you lost.

At 7 months, Nicole starts having pains in her stomach - the night before her baby shower. She's rushed to the hospital and they give her drugs to stop her from going into early labor. They are released from the hospital just in time for the shower, where Tyler's estranged mom decides to show her face. She grumbles about the struggles she had after having Tyler at 17. She wanted him to be more responsible than she was. Pause it: Maybe if she wouldn't have kicked him out at 13, she could've taught him some of that responsibility she's talking about.

As Nicole's due date approaches, she tries to jump start her labor by using crazy home remedies: drinking castor oil, eating weird foods, and my personal fave - recklessly driving over speed bumps. She eventually goes into labor after Tyler suggests a game of pool would get the baby moving. Almost fourteen hours later, Nicole gives birth to 9 lb., 6 oz. Brooklyn Marie. The couple spends the first few months shuttling the baby between houses. Everytime they would wear out their welcome at one house they would move on to the next. Tyler's mom finally puts her foot down and tells them it's not good for baby Brooklyn to not have a permanent place to call home. In the end, Tyler's mom helps him get a job and he does go back to get his GED.

Tune in next week as preggers teen Leah prepares to give birth to twins!

CHANNEL SURFING

• "Dancing With the Stars" (ABC, Tues., 8:00): In a shocking turn of events, Shannen Doherty is the first contestant voted off. I say shocking because hobbling, emotionless stick figure Kate Gosselin lives to dance another week and Old Man River astronaut guy is still in it, breathing machine and all. OK, so he's not on a breathing machine, but he's as old as John McCain, and that guy is like, 106. ABC knows where their bread is buttered: They gave the last 30 minutes of Monday's show to Pamela Anderson and Gosselin - guaranteed ratings boosters.
  
• "Lost" (ABC, Tues., 9:00): According to a reliable source, Sayid is a lost cause who is as soulless as my old gym sneakers. Now that the Locke Monster has stolen his innards, Sayid is out of the running to be an island protector. I suspect he'll be one of the major casualties that will start happening in the last few episodes.
• "The Amazing Race" (CBS, Sun., 8:00): Now that Team Showmance is out of the race, I'm pulling for 8 Seconds. Those cowboys gave me a scare this week as they came in last after running around Seychelles. Luckily it was a non-elimination leg and they are still in it. Unfortunately, so are the Sexy Lezzies. Team No Name snag their first win, but they lose their backpacks when they leave them at the Road Block. At least they have their passports and money.
  

Watch this, tape that - Tuesday

Ahh, Tuesday. For some reason I have a tendency to fall asleep from 9-11 p.m. then get back up in time to watch "Sex and the City" repeats. Here are some choices:

8:00
Watch this: "The Biggest Loser" (NBC). The teams are dissolved once again as eliminated contestants compete for spots back on the ranch. One player is chosen through a vote while the other wins a spot during a challenge. 2 hours.
Tape that: "American Idol" (FOX). I don't know why I'm telling you to tape this. It's the worst batch of contestants since ... well, ever. And don't even get me started on the fact that it's 2 hours.
Read about the results: "Dancing With the Stars" (ABC). No need to sit through yet another overblown results show.

9:00
Watch this: "Lost" (ABC). While Sun and Jin continue to search for one another, the Locke monster faces his enemy.

10:00
Watch this: "Parenthood" (NBC). The show got off to a slow start, but it's quite touching and very entertaining. Drew helps Adam bond with Max, and Sarah befriends Amber's teacher.
Tape that: "16 & Pregnant" (MTV). Record it and watch it with your kids. Even the adult ones.
See it online: "V" (ABC). Val's pregnancy concerns Ryan and Erica gets attacked in her home. A "home invasion" ... get it?
Also on: "Millionaire Matchmaker" (Bravo). Patti tries to set up a trust-fund millionaire.

Watch this, tape that - Monday

I had to take a few days off last week to regroup and get my blog thoughts together. But now I'm back and feeling refreshed. Here's what's on tonight:

8:00
Watch this: "Dancing With the Stars" (ABC). I tuned in long enough last week to watch Kate Gosselin being compared to a shopping cart. She's defs not my favorite reality show contestant, but I always root for the underdog. 2 hour show.
Also on: "The Queen" (AMC); and a watered-down version of "Boyz in the Hood" (BET).

9:00
Watch this: "Gossip Girl" (CW). Chuck squares off with Jack once again.
Tape that: "Trauma" (NBC). A sniper terrorizes San Francisco and places Nancy and Glenn in danger.
See it online: "24" (FOX). The action has picked up a little bit, but I was actually relieved to hear that the network was finally pulling the plug. Hopefully the show can go out on top.

10:00
Watch this: "True Life: I Have a Parent in Prison" (MTV). Not a lot of choices in this hour unless you want to watch repeats of "CSI: Miami" (CBS) or "Hoarders" (A&E).

News Break - Clock stops on "24"

After 8 seasons, FOX is taking the batteries out of the ticking clock on "24" (Mon., 9:00). The network announced Friday that the action-packed real-time show starring Kiefer Sutherland as anti-terrorism agent Jack Bauer will come to an end on May 14, the show's season finale. Sutherland said in a statement that he was looking forward to creating a film version of "24". (Here's hoping they can come up with a fresher plot than this season). The show won an Emmy for outstanding drama series and for Sutherland as lead drama actor in 2006.

Premiering in November 2001, at the height of American fears of more terrorist attacks, “24” used an innovative real-time, split-screen format to tell interwoven storylines. Each episode covers one hour of the season’s 24-hour story arc. By the end of this season, “24” will have presented 194 episodes, making it one of television’s longest-running action shows.

My Superman sucks!

See, what had happened was ... I volunteer at a local high school, helping them put out their school newspaper. For the last 5 days, I have been up to my elbows in writing, editing and designing their paper! I haven't watched TV in 4 days!!!! YES, 4 days!!!! I'm still behind by about 3 hours on shows I watch, but I had to skip the Watch Parties so I could get some sleep. *Shaking my fists at Cleveland High School Newspaper Club!!!* Here's a recap of Wednesday night:

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): I almost forgot that during the NCAA Tournament that the show airs a day early, and they didn't skimp on the drama as we were hit with a double elimination.
After returning from Tribal Council, James asks Colby if he wants a hug. Now that Tom is gone, he's the last one standing in his little alliance. Candice says she had no choice but to vote for Tom for fear of calling attention to herself, while Amanda is secretly plotting her demise. At the Villains' beach, both Russell and B-Rob can't sleep so Russ approaches him to have a little conversation. B-Rob warns him that if he does indeed have the hidden idol, he should tightly hang on to it. "He's not playing with the amateurs anymore. He's playing with the big boys now," Rob says. Pause it: I read somewhere that filming for "Heroes vs. Villains" began right after "Samoa" ended so none of the contestants had seen Russell play. Otherwise, B-Rob would've been more careful with his choice of words about that hidden immunity idol. He has no clue who he's dealing with.

The castaways get a surprise announcement at the challenge: They'll be competing as individuals against their own tribemates for immunity, and both tribes will vote someone out at Council. The last person standing wins a hot dog feast for their tribe and gets to listen in other the other group's Tribal Council. The game is a rope obstacle course that Coach, J.T. and Tyson have all run before. (Tyson won the challenge the first time around). James showed that his bum leg wasn't much of a hindrance as he held a lead for most of the course. But it came down to J.T. and Candice at the end with Candice taking the immunity necklace. Rewind: Did anybody notice that the Heroes lost the coin toss, too? They couldn't win a game if they were playing against headless torsos. For the Villains, B-Rob, Tyson and Russell are even for most of the race, but of course, Rob pulls away for the win. For the final leg, it's Candice vs. Rob in a tri-level rope course. Candy looks tough to beat at first, but ultimately Rob prevails, winning the hot dog feast for the Villains.

After the competition, Colby realizes that Candice was only thing keeping him from going home because the other Heroes can't trust her. But her winning immunity leaves him in a vulnerable spot. He tells the tribe not to waste any time scrambling and vote him out. That way the Villains won't get any information about the Heroes and they can spend the rest of the day relaxing. He then retreats to the ocean where he spends the day floating and sulking. Pause it: Colby is totally having a hard go of it this time around. I know it's been 10 years since he's played the game, but damn ... he's useless. Even James points out that he came in last at the challenge, getting beat by a fat man and a cripple. "It's like my Superman sucks!" James tells him.

Amanda warns James that he's still got a target on his back and he needs to prove to the tribe that his injury isn't as bad as it looks. Oh, and stop stealing the bananas. She tells James there is a "banana etiquette" and that he should ask everyone if they want want one instead of taking three or four for himself. James later challenges J.T. to a race on the beach to prove he can run on his bum knee. A "Hero Olympics" of sort. James loses the race, but the tribe can see how badly he wants to be there, while Colby is basically resigned to his fate.

Back at the Villains' beach, the majority wants to get widow-maker Parvati out. Rob threatens Russell telling him "It's better to play with me than against me." Russell hates being bossed around and immediately runs to Parv, offering to give her his hidden immunity idol. Meanwhile, Rob has devised a plan to flush out the idol and send Parvati or Russell packing. They will split the votes three-to-three, forcing a tie-breaker vote. Either way, one of them will have to play the idol. Little does Rob know, Russ ain't no fool. He knows they can split the vote so he tells Tyson that he's voting with the bloc to get Parvati out. All the while, Russell, Parvati and Danielle are voting for Tyson to go.

At Tribal Council, the Heroes are forced to sit and watch as the Villains devour hot dogs and soda while Jeff Probst grills them about keeping James. He continues to point out that Colby doesn't have the same drive and stamina he had the first time around, this time comparing him to "Superman in a fat suit". Based on the vote, the Heroes decide they can't risk keeping James around hoping his knee will heal enough to help the tribe. He's once again taken out down by an injury. Pause it: I hope he uses his "Survivor" earnings to get some medical insurance. Sounds like it's time for James to have a yearly physical.

After the Heroes are done, the Villains take the Council stage. Sandra immediately calls Russell out on having the idol. He pretends to be surprised and continues to suggest that he doesn't have it. After the vote, he makes a grand production of playing the idol, but wait for it ... he presents it to Parvati instead. She plays the idol, making any votes against her null and void. For a minute there is a faint look of smug on B-Rob's face, but once Tyson's name is thrown into the mix, things don't look so good for his alliance. The vote is tied 2-2 and you can almost see Rob getting ready to give Russell a shove out the door, but the last vote has Tyson's name written on it. He fell for Russell's story about voting out Parv and switched his vote, setting up his own demise. It's a blindside for the "Survivor" history books.

B-Rob continues to impress me with his "back-to-the-basics" style of game play, but he's met his match in the equally duplicitous Russell, who will stop at nothing to be crowned sole survivor. Russell totally outwitted Rob, so it might be worth his wild to get over the whole "we-didn't-have-immunity-idols-when-I-played" crap and realize that this show has become a much more cutthroat competition. This ain't your daddy's "Survivor," buddy!

The tribe has spoken: WHY, WHY WHY does Amanda always look like she needs a Prozac IV drip full at Tribal Council? Has she not learned that those sad puppy-dog eyes do not work on this show? It's so freaking annoying!

CHANNEL SURFING

• If you are a hardcore "America's Next Top Model" fan, you would have recognized Cycle 11's Joslyn as one of the dates on "Millionaire Matchmaker" (Bravo, Wed., 10:00). And let me tell you, she was a lot more refined on this show than she ever was on "Top Model".
• Speaking of "Top Model" (CW, Wed., 8:00), Ren was dismissed after she admitted she was only there because her mom loved the show and as the family disappointment, she was getting more attention from her mother. She should've worked that out in therapy instead of national television.
• Some funnly lines overheard on "Ugly Betty" (ABC, Wed., 10:00): It's picture day at the Mode magazine office and Betty tells Marc, "I picked out a nice outfit," to which he tartly responds, "Aww, why didn't you wear it?" Later, Marc decides to "help" Betty's photo through some crafty work in Photoshop. "Marc, this looks nothing like me!" Betty exclaims. Marc: "You're welcome!" And finally, Betty gets her braces removed to which Wilhelmina barks, "Yes, yes, congratulations, Betty. Your smile will no longer induce seizures in children." I'm going to really miss the comedic timing on this show. They really know how to dish out the one-liners.
  

Watch this, tape that - Weekend

Unless you're into basketball and following the NCAA tournament, your options for TV this weekend are very limited. Here is a small sampling:

FRIDAY
8:00
Watch this: "Who Do You Think You Are?" (NBC). Lisa Kudrow traces her ancestry.

SATURDAY
8:00
Watch this: "Why Did I Get Married" (TNT). One of the rare Tyler Perry movies I saw in the theater. Vacationing couples struggle over marital issues. It's actually pretty funny and I've been wanting to see it again. Follow it up with "Dreamgirls" at 10:00.

SUNDAY
8:00
Watch this: "The Amazing Race" (CBS). The teams continue to race through France.
Tape that: "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" (ABC). Haven't watched this show in a long time, but they are building a house for an Iraq War veteran and soldiers get me every time.

9:00
Watch this: "Desperate Housewives" (ABC). Angie's former boyfriend shows up after being tipped off by her mother's nosy neighbor.
Tape that: "Undercover Boss" (CBS). The show follows the CEO of Hershend Family Entertainment. Never heard of it.
Also on: "Celebrity Apprentice" (NBC).

10:00
Watch this: "Cold Case" (CBS). The team searches for Det. Vera when he goes missing.

Watch this, tape that - Thursday

It's the first round of the NCAA Tournament so most of my Thursday night faves are taking a break. Here's the best of the rest:

8:00
Watch this: "FlashForward" (ABC). I missed the last few episodes before the show went on hiatus. Hopefully I'll be able to catch up. 2 hours.

9:00
Watch this: "The Office" (NBC). The sales teams tries the Sabre's new "sales is king" policy and Michael steals all the well-regarded leads.

10:00
Watch this: "Project Runway" (Lifetime). The competition is getting down to the last stitch. I'm ready for Mila to get snipped.
Tape that: "Private Practice" (ABC). It's a repeat of the episode where Violet confronts the woman who almost killed her and stole her baby.

Timing is everything

It was a quick night, thank you Lord! I was three and out, just in time for reruns of "Will & Grace". I loves me some Karen Walker and Jack McFarland. But I digress. Let's discuss ...

"America's Next Top Model" (CW, Wed., 8:00): Tyra has definitely had some questionable model choices over the last 13 cycles, but she really outdid herself this season. There's something about these models that scream "low brow" and I'm not talking about the Groucho Marx eyebrows she let Raina keep after her makeover. The majority of them reek of poor taste while the others blend in with the wallpaper. I throw up my hands and jut out my hip.

It's the girls' first official photo shoot and they are thrown into the deep end right from the jump. They get to pick one item of clothing to model, but they must choose wisely because the rest of their body will be nude. Pause it: Those are accessories honey, not clothes. And ain't no bracelet big enough, no scarf long enough to cover up the hot messes that some of these models are.

My favorite girl so far, Gabrielle (right) opted for a pair of sequined leggings. She is uber cocky but I love her look. She looks like she could be in one of those posters I see when I walk past Abercrombie and Fitch or American Eagle. I like that she's so sure of herself, but in the world of reality competition shows, that's means she'll be on the chopping block.

The models were hoping that Angelea would choke, but she pulled off a fierce picture while modeling nothing put a pair of heels. My other favorite, country bumpkin Jessica, opted for a pair of shorts but was too worried about her granny seeing the pictures. Pause it: Get over it Jessie. You're on "Top Model" not "The 700 Club". My least favorite and most annoying girl, Alasia, was a train wreck, modeling a vest that she decided to wear backwards to cover her chest. Her pictures would've been much better had she just covered her face with it.

On the judging panel, Vogue editor-at-large Andre Leon Talley takes over for the flaming and flamboyant Miss J. Alexander, and Sally Hershberger, who did the girls' makeovers, is the guest judge. That Andre definitely adds something to the panel, although I'm not quite sure I like what he's serving up. He may be a little to sophisticated for the girls on this cycle with all of his French words and such. I had a hard time keeping up. And what was with all the blurring of the photos? On Ren's picture, all I could stare at was the big, pixelated blog on her thigh.I maybe mistaken, but I'm fairly certain that the va-jay-jay does not sit on the hip bone. What was up with that, Tyra?

My worst fears came true when Gabrielle and Alasia end up in the bottom two. I knew the judges were going to keep that annoying wench Alasia because Andre gave her lame photo a positive review while the other judges laughed at it. I hate the Gabrielle went so early. I think she definitely had potential to go all the way. *Shaking my fists at Mr. Talley*

In the second half of this overinflated episode, the girls practice their runway walks with "runway coach extraordinaire" Miss J. He tries to teach them that timing is everything by having them walk across a busy New York intersection while removing their coats.

For their first runway challenge, the girls get to model clothes for designer Rachel Roy. The model with the best walk gets to keep the garment she wears down the catwalk. The twist is that there will be two pendulums swinging at them from both directions. Good luck, ladies. Overconfident Alexandra, who by now has told us a million times that she's a perfectionist, falls not once, but twice on her turn down the runway. A few other girls are hit by the pendulum, but Alex is the only one who is actually thrown off the stage. Ginger-haired Brenda wins the challenge.

At the next photo shoot, the models pose for a beauty shot. Pause it: Well, as beautiful as you can be with water and wind being thrown in your face in 40 degree New York weather. This time it's Naduah's (above, left) turn to be cocky, saying that she's done so much modeling that she has this one in the bag. But at panel, it's Raina's photo that the judges fawn over while Naduah and Ren end up in the bottom two. Ren is saved even though she doesn't really want to be there, and Naduah is no longer in the running towards being America's Next Top Model. Good riddance to that boasting b*&#h.

"South Park" (Comedy Central, Wed. 10:00): With a subject matter like Tiger Woods and an episode titled "Sexual Healing", you have to expect some naughty innuendo. But leave it to Trey Parker and Matt Stone to find a way to make Tiger's infidelity society's fault because we "dangled the carrot". Pause it: I would beg to differ and say it was Tiger who was dangling the carrot, but this is a family blog.

In true "South Park" fashion, the writers treat sex addiction like it's an STD that the Center for Disease Control can handle. There's an "outbreak" of it among famous, wealthy men. They are the only ones who can catch it because "regular men just don't think of sex that often". Yeah right! And I'm sure they daydream about unicorns and rainbows!

The CDC decides to test the elementary school to see if any of the children are suffering from sex addiction. They flash an erotic photo in front of them then ask what color scarf the lady was holding. WOW! Poor Butters is mesmerized by the ... eh ehm, female nether region, making him test positive for sex addiction along with Kenny and Kyle. They enter "rehab" where they learn the cure for their disease is to avoid getting caught.

I laughed out loud for most of the show, but it's always the commentary that really cuts like a double-edged sword. On the one hand you've got Tiger Woods, who had no business doing what he did when he's got a wife at home. But on the other hand, what did people expect? He's still a man with a dangling carrot.

CHANNEL SURFING

• "Ugly Betty" (ABC, Wed., 10:00): As the show nears it's final episodes, the writers are going all out to tie up the loose ends. Hilda is engaged, Betty is undergoing a rapid transformation, and Justin ... well, Justin had his first kiss tonight - from a girl AND a boy! The writers are still being very ambiguous about his sexuality and I love that we know, but we really don't know. Know what I mean? And how much is the Watch Party going to miss the comedic duo that is Marc and Amanda? While on their way to the hospital to visit an ailing Willy, her doctor stops them on the street and warns the two about bringing her more work. "What are we supposed to do? Kill her?" Amanda asks. "Can't. She'll only grow stronger," Marc replies. Hi-larious!
  

After these messages: Surely I can't be the only one who has seen advertisements for schoolinpjs.com. Really? School in PJs? How does that look on a resume? Can you really get a job at Microsoft with that degree? "Yes, Mr. Gates, I'm qualified. I got my degree online through schoolinpjs.com." It makes the University of Phoenix look like Harvard Law School.

Watch this, tape that - Wednesday

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!! With the NCAA Tournament gearing up, shows are taking the week off. Get ready for 2 weeks of repeats. Here's what's on:

8:00
Watch this: "America's Next Top Model" (CW). The models pose nude for their first photo shoot and Vogue editor-at-large Andre Leon Talley joins the judging panel. Another 90-minute episode.

9:00
Watch this: "American Idol" (FOX). One of the Top 12 finalists is given the honor of being voted off first.

10:00
Watch this: "Ugly Betty" (ABC). Justin falls for a classmate at acting school and Wilhelmina has a medical emergency.
Tape that: "Law & Order: SVU" (NBC). Benson and Stabler question the validity of a rape accusation.
See it online: "South Park" (Comedy Central). The 14th season premieres with a spoof on Tiger Woods.

It hurts

Late posting again. We can start calling it my Hump Day Hangover. Too bad it's from lack of sleep and not libations. Here's what happened last night:

"The Biggest Loser" (NBC, Tues., 8:00): I know I've said this numerous times, but it annoys me to no end that this show is freakin' 2 hours long!!! It's one of the main reasons why I don't feel like blogging at the end of the night. Pause it: The other reasons range from talking on the phone to my bestie in Dallas to going into a diabetic coma from eating junk food during the show. This is supposed to be a show about weight loss and "Loser" could stand to shed about 60 minutes.

For the reward challenge, the teams go head-to-head in a game of trivia about food and nutrition. The winning team gets a spa day while the losers must clean the kitchen and the gym. Stephanie thinks the Black team has the win on lock since the Blue team is all brawn and no brains. Think again, Steph! The Blue team prevails, leaving the Black team sulking and demoralized. It was pretty ironic that the mostly male Blue team wins a trip to the spa and the women folk are made to clean house.

At the immunity challenge, it's another advantage for the Black team with a cooking competition. The teams must make an appetizer, an entree and a dessert using only 12 ingredients in 30 minutes. Celebrity chef Curtis Stone is the guest judge. Pause it: OK, last week the show stole a page out of the "Survivor" playbook. This week it's "Top Chef". Copycat much? The winning team gets a five-pound advantage at the next weigh-in. The Black team is off to a great start with a low-calorie shrimp ceviche, but their salmon with a side of wild rice entree is over 500 calories compared to the Blue's 290 overcooked pork tenderloin. The Black team wins and has some newfound confidence going into the last-chance workout.

At the weigh-in, the Black team loses a combined total of 30 pounds, but Stephanie and Sherry both put up small numbers. The Blue team drops nine after nine on the scale, and Mike - who left the ranch to tend to his ailing grandmother - loses 11 pounds while traveling. He's lost 126 pounds in his nine weeks on the ranch. It's another hit for the Black team as Blue smashes their hopes of a win. They send Sherry home, breaking up the last mother/kid team on campus.

Plug of the night: Milk - it does a body good and apparently, it's profitable for NBC. Go figure.

Last chance rant: Does anyone know where Jillian got her psychology degree? I mean, she's counseling these contestants like she's Dr. Phil or something. And we all know he's, like, a real doctor.

"16 & Pregnant" (MTV, Tues., 10:00): This episode should've been called "16 & Forced Into an Unwanted Choice". I felt so bad for Lori, an adopted teen whose parents want her to give her baby up for adoption. Pause it: I spent the first 15 minutes of the show laughing at the fact that Lori attends an all-girls Catholic school and winds up in the family way. I kept picturing a pregnant nun. But after watching Lori's mom hound her about giving her child away, I really just wanted to give her a hug. Mom wouldn't even let Lori's friends throw her a baby shower telling her, "I just don't see anything to celebrate." She goes on to say that bringing a baby into the house would be a mistake. Being an adopted child, Lori wants to keep her baby because she doesn't have any biological ties of her own.

Cory, Lori's ex-boyfriend and baby daddy, offers to let her move in with him and his (female) roommate. Unfortunately, Cory fails to ask his roommate if she was OK with having a newborn baby living in the next room. With no where else to turn, Lori decides that an open adoption is her only option.

I know that having a baby as a teen is not ideal, but having a mom forcing you into a decision like that is tough. I'm sure mom thought she was doing the right thing for both Lori and the baby, but a little support would've been nice. The episode wasn't as gut-wrenching as last season's emotional goodbye between Catelyn, Tyler and baby Carly, but it was still hard to watch.

CHANNEL SURFING

• "Lost" (ABC, Tues., 9:00): In Sawyer's flash sideways, he's a detective for the LAPD and Miles is his partner. Talk about a parallel universe ... going from a con man to a cop.
• On "The Good Wife" (CBS, Tues., 10:00), Peter uses a black clergy to reach out to the African American community after his poll numbers dip among the sistas. Later, Alicia finds him praying with a reverend in his bedroom. At least he was doing something holy in there for a change.

Watch this, tape that - Tuesday

Here's what's on:

8:00
Watch this: "American Idol" (FOX). The real competition beginsas the Top 12 take the stage singing songs from The Rolling Stones. 2 hours.
Tape that: "The Biggest Loser" (NBC). The players compete in a cook-off where they must make a three course meal with only 12 ingredients.

9:00
Watch this: "Lost" (ABC). The Locke Monster sends Sawyer on a mission.

10:00
Watch this: "The Good Wife" (CBS). Alicia fights for an unborn baby while her husband turns to religion.
Tape that: "16 & Pregnant" (MTV). A girl considers adoption for her unborn baby.
See it On Demand: "Parenthood" (NBC). I'm liking this show enough to keep watching. The storyline about the kid with autism is interesting.
Also on: "FlashForward: What Did You See?" (ABC). Catch up on the first 10 episodes of the season. You can also tune in to "Millionaire Matchmaker" (Bravo).

The war is over

Sorry (again) for the late posting. Daylight savings time isn't saving me anything. Here's a recap of ...

"The Amazing Race" (CBS, Sun., 8:00): I'm pretty sure it's somewhere in the Bible about pride coming before destruction. Obviously Asian Persuasion (Joe and Heidi, left) didn't read that chapter.

After a mandatory resting period in Hamburg, Germany, teams were loaded onto a bus and driven to an unknown location. Joe, with his bum knee, sat in the back row icing his injury. During his interview, he confidently says, “These teams around here, they’re not going to hinder me at all. I’ve been running with one leg. Imagine when this improves.” Overhearing his boasting, one of the Defective Detectives remarks, “Joe sees himself bigger than he is. He’s a confident guy. I like the confident guys to go."

The teams arrive in France and instructed to find a bakery and buy a baguette to receive their next clue. The Defective Detectives were smart enough to ask a postal worker for directions while 8 Seconds (Jet and Cord) aren't quite sure what a "bag-u-ette" is. Fred and Velma (Brent and Caite) are still directionally challenged. Pause it: It always comes back to maps with them. Even with a compass on Brent's watch, they still find themselves needing to pull over for directions ... and still getting lost after they get them.

At the Detour, the racers must choose between "In the Trenches" or "Under Fire". For the trenches, teams must use a manual to translate a Morse code message. In under fire, they have to dress as American Doughboys (huh?) and crawl 100 yards to get a message from a soldier. They then have to crawl back and attach it to a pigeon. Pause it: I don't know who thought it was fun to dress up and reenact past wars. But I guess it's better than being in one that's going on now. *Shaking fists at the former President.

Defective Detectives are the first to arrive and for a policeman, Louie is quite out of shape. They make it through the task fairly quickly and are determined to use the Blind U-Turn that's ahead. A U-Turn forces a team to go back and complete the other side of the Detour. Joe and Louie decide to target Asian Persuasion to teach them a lesson in humility. Joe, who had stupidly crawled on his bad knee is stunned and angry to learn they must now complete the other task. "I can't wait to give the detectives some difficulties," he snaps. Gotta get in front of the pack first, buddy.

There was a lot of hilarity that ensued on the battlefield, mostly from Don't Ask, Won't Tell (Dan and Jordan) with their comical lines. "Should we pretend like the enemy is chasing us and walk a little bit faster?" The Sexy Lezzies (Carol and Brandy) were a little less entertaining with their constant complaining about being too prissy for crawling in the dirt. Brandy’s attitude continued to sink. “I’m so pissed off about this right now. Smart people do Morse code. Dumb people do this.” *Holding up mirror so she can see her dumb reflection.*

The next clue tells the teams to dress in turn of the century riding gear (including moustaches) and ride four miles to the Pit Stop. The Detectives are once again team number one, winning 55" HD TVs. Team No Name (Steve and Allie) come in second while 8 Seconds trots into third.

Back on the course, Team Showmance (Jeff and Jordan) are not only bringing up the rear, but they have a nasty Speed Bump to contend with for coming in last on a non-elimination leg. They must perform another task that no other team had to complete: reinforce a trench with branches. I was so consumed with them gaining on the other teams that I totally forgot about that Speed Bump. Showmance breezed through the trench, but got held up crawling through it when Jordan complained about her hat and clothes being too big. The camera quickly pans to Jeff who pretends to shoot himself in the mouth with his reenactment gun. They finally get into a groove and are excited to see that Asian Persuasion is still working on the task, having a difficult time trying to figure out the Morse-code message. Showmance finally completes the Detour and Jeff asks the clue giver, "Is the war over because of this message or because it took us so long to get here?"

Fred and Velma arrive at the check in only to learn that they had missed one of the clues. The rules state that you must check in at the Pit Stop with all clues in your possession. They must ride the bicycles back to the war course to find the missing clue. Meanwhile, Asian Persuasion has had enough and decide to hunker down in one the trenches, ultimately handing Team Showmance the final spot.

I'm glad Joe and Heidi were eliminated. Joe's attitude was a wee bit smug for me. Thank you, Detectives, for teaching them the meaning of humility ... both literally and figuratively.

Watch this, tape that - Monday

Let's make it quick and dirty. Here's what's on:

8:00
Watch this: "20/20" (ABC). The show goes behind the scenes of "The Bachelor" 2 hours. It's the show that keeps on giving with a "where-are-they-now" perspective.
Tape that: "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" (ABC Family). Ricky seeks legal help.

9:00
Watch this: "Trauma" (NBC). Glenn loses a patient during a routine procedure and Rabbit starts mandatory therapy just as things heat up with Nancy.
Tape that: "Gossip Girl" (CW). Jenny's relationship with Damien causes concern with Rufus and Lily.
See it online: "24" (FOX). CTU faces a hostage situation ... again. That's so 2006.
Also on: "True Life: I Need A Transplant" (MTV). Cameras follow a college student who needs a new kidney and a newlywed with leukemia who needs a bone-marrow transplant.

10:00
Watch this: "Damages" (FX). Carol Tobin goes missing and our beloved Arthur Frobisher (Ted Danson) returns.
Tape that: "The Pacific" (HBo). I'm kicking myself for not having premium cable. This is the first time I've been interested in a war story that didn't happen during my lifetime.
Also on: "CSI: Miami" (CBS. It's a repeat of the episode where we meet new CSI Jesse Mendoza.

Watch this, tape that - Weekend

It's a good weekend to watch TV. Stay in and get comfortable. Here's a rundown:

FRIDAY
8:00
Watch this: "Who Do You Think You Are?" (NBC). Emmett Smith investigates his family tree.
Tape that: "Ghost Whisperer" (CBS). Melinda rescues a child ghost who has been trapped in a house for years with violent spirits.

9:00
Watch this: "Medium" (CBS). Allison recalls her wedding day and how she faced up to her special power.

SATURDAY
9:00
Watch this: "Who is Clark Rockefeller?" (Lifetime). Based on the true story of a life-long con man (Eric McCormack) who pretends to be a Rockefeller and marries a millionaire (Sherry Stringfield).

SUNDAY
8:00
Watch this: "The Amazing Race" (CBS). The teams travel from Germany to France.

9:00
Watch this: "Desperate Housewives" (ABC). Gaby runs into Heidi Klum and Paulina Porizkova while on a trip to New York.
Tape that: "Undercover Boss" (CBS). This show is completely staged but it still tugs at my heartstrings.
Also on: "Celebrity Apprentice" (NBC). Season Premiere. Celebs manage a diner in this Season 9 opener. Has it been 9 seasons already? Where has the time gone?

10:00
Watch this: "Cold Case" (CBS). The team looks into the 1986 death of a dock worker who moonlighted as a wrestler.
Tape that: "Brothers & Sisters" (ABC). Kitty's campaign attracts more media attention.
Also on: "Hoarding" (TLC). If you like A&E's "Hoarders", you'll love this copycat.

Keep your heroes close

How excited am I to learn that On Demand now features shows from NBC. The network used to charge to watch their shows, but now you can see "The Office", "Trauma" and "The Marriage Ref" within hours after they air. I guess that makes up for the whole Leno/Conan debacle. Now, check out what happened on ...

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): Wow! The Heroes really are turning out to be some of the most conniving players to ever walk the beaches of Samoa! Gone is that good-guy act that led scores of "Survivor" fans to vote these castaways back on the islands. It's been replaced with double-talk and backstabbing, with J.T. leading the pack.

After voting off Cirie at Tribal Council, Colby calls J.T. his hero for voting with him and Tom. J.T. apologizes for his tricky move, but says his vote was cast for the good of the team, not for personal reasons. He swears to Amanda that he would never turn on her, but she claims she can see right through him. "If he wants to play this game, game on. Bring it on," she challenges. Over on the Villains' beach, Coach is leading his tribe in a session of "Dragon Slayer Chi" - a mixture of chanting, inflated ego and made up yoga movements. Everyone except Russell is participating. He's out looking for the hidden immunity idol, which he finds after two days of digging.

Things get more than a little heated at the Reward Challenge. It's a game of foot-dodge-basketball and the prize is a chocolate feast. Pause it: After not having any real food except fish and chicken for 10 days, eating pounds of chocolate doesn't sound appealing at all. (Unless I get to lick it off of James's abs). Jeff Probst offers the tribes a sample of the candy to whet their appetites, but the Heroes sternly refuse. Colby dismisses the plate and tells Probst he's ready to get to the competition. "I got the message, brother. We'll go when I'm ready!" he snaps at Colby. Rupert explains that they want to send the message that they are focused. They should've just eaten the chocolate. At the start of the challenge, James injures his knee and the medics get called in to assist him. He's pulled out of the game after he's unable to walk around on it. The battle continues to get rough as B-Rob and J.T. duke it out then later turns into a full-out brawl after J.T. body slams Coach and Rupert accidentally lobs Jerri into a pole. It looked like a scene out of WWE. The score is now tied and Jerri scores the final point, giving the Villains yet another win. James is given a splint for his knee and the Villains head off to enjoy their feast. Pause it: Can you really say they enjoyed it when most of them ended up with sugar headaches?

While his other teammates are swimming, Russell confides in Parvati that he's found the hidden idol. "Grab on to these coattails!" he tells her. "I don't ride coattails, baby," she replies. Russell brings Coach into his inner circle and being the gullible idiot that he is, bows down to "King Russell" and allows him to "knight" him. Coach says that he'd love to stay loyal to B-Rob, but appreciates Russell's trust in him.

Amanda is sulking around the Heroes' beach, weighing her options if James is taken out of the game. She really wants James to stay because he looks out for her. Rewind: In Cirie's exit interview with TV Guide, she reveals her disappointment in Amanda's game, saying she can't think for herself. Without Cirie or Parvati calling the shots, Amanda is as lost as the prodigal son. Lucky for her, James comes limping back to camp with his knee wrapped in bandages. The medics can't explain what's wrong with him and he does his best to convince the tribe he's fine. He says he's going to "make some lemonade out of his lemon knee." Candice isn't buying it calling James "dead weight."

At the Immunity Challenge, the castaways play a blind puzzle game where everyone on the course is blindfolded while one player sits on a perch calling out directions. Colby, B-Rob, Rupert and Jerri have all played this game before. James is the caller for the Heroes, Jerri for the Villains. James does a great job yelling out directions. The Heroes grab their puzzle pieces quickly and open up a huge lead over the Villains. But once again, the Heroes fail at the putting the puzzle together and the Villains win their 4th Immunity Challenge. Let the Heroes' finger pointing begin.

Upon return to camp, J.T. points out that it's established that the Villains "can beat them at everything except Sumo wrestling." James claims that Tom isn't contributing to the team and moves to get him voted out. Candice adamantly objects and thinks voting off James is their best bet. Rewind: J.T.'s game play is way more sneaky than it was the first time around and I'm not sure if I like it. What I loved about him in his season was that he was a down-home country boy with a friendly smile and southern charm. Now he looks and sounds like a used-car salesman. J.T. is playing both sides and all the tribe members are looking for his vote even though his loyalty is in question. "He's clearly just playing the hand that suits him today," Colby says.

At Tribal Council, Probst needles James: "My niece could beat you in a race right now." "No, she can't," James deadpans. Eventually, fingers start to point in Tom's direction after Rupert and James say Tom doesn't like to follow. Tom bites back by saying James's voting strategy is to shut up and do what he's told. James then challenges the tribe to vote him out if they think they can win with Tom. "We'll still be cool," he promises. After the final vote, it's mass over class as Tom torch is snuffed, proving James is more valuable with a bum leg t

I noticed that Candice ended up voting for Tom. I assume she was smart enough to realize she'd be next if she voted with Colby and Tom.

THE SCORECARD

CHANNEL SURFING

• "The Office" (NBC, 9:00): Jim returns from paternity leave to find that Dwight has converted his workstation into a "megadesk" - a huge desk built out of Jim, Pam and his desk. Jim returns the favor by building "quad desk", three (yes, three) desks stacked like a pyramid. Michael tries to impress Jo, the new owner of Dunder Mifflin, but it's warehouse worker Darrell who catches her eye with a fresh idea and is given his own office next to Michael's. I wonder if that means we'll get to see more of Darrell. I love the way he interacts with Michael.
• "Project Runway" (Lifetime, 10:00): The designers get to create a look based on the elements - earth, water, air and fire - that also incorporated a hairstyle to match. Jonathan wins with his interpretation of air through laughter. I understood his concept, but I didn't think the look was all that. Ben and Amy, one of my favorites, end up in the bottom two - both for bad construction. Amy has made some really great clothes but the outfit she came up with tonight was so strange that even Lady Gaga would call it weird. Ultimately, the judges forgave her "cat in a baby sling" garment and sent Ben packing for his ill-constructed pantsuit.
• On "Grey's Anatomy" (ABC, 9:00), Callie thinks she's finally in a stable relationship then learns that her pediatrician girlfriend doesn't want to have children. A pediatrician who doesn't want kids? How much does she hate her job?
  

Watch this, tape that - Thursday

By far, my favorite night of the week! Here's what's on:

8:00
Watch this: "Survivor" (CBS). B-Rob and Russell are coming after each other. Could the Villains finally be coming apart?
Tape that: "American Idol" (FOX). The Top 12 finalists are revealed.

9:00
Watch this: "CSI:" (CBS). The CSIs investigate a boy's murder and learn it may be connected to another homicide.
Tape that: "Grey's Anatomy" (ABC). Richard and Owen vie to perform a difficult surgery and Derek must choose between them.
See it online: "The Office" (NBC).

10:00
Watch this: "Project Runway" (Lifetime).
Tape that: "Private Practice" (ABC). Addison and Sam's new girlfriend disagree about a comatose surrogate carrying triplets.

Ghetto fab

I was so not in the mood to blog Tuesday night, even though I sat through 4 hours of TV and took a fair amount of notes. Sometimes I miss watching TV for TV's sake - just curling up on the couch and mindlessly watching a show without worrying about missing a pivotal plot point. But the Watch Party must go on, even when the host just wants to take a break. Here's a quick recap for the last 2 days.

"America's Next Top Model" (CW, Wed., 8:00): I don't know if I have the words to describe the ghetto-fabulousness of the girls that will grace the catwalk of Cycle 14. Loud, annoying, brash and did I say annoying? Pause it: At least Cycle 12 reject Angelea was intelligent enough to describe herself as "classy ghetto". Miss J goes on to say that one of the girls' runway walk looks "like you gon' whoop somebody's ass!"

The 33 girls are whacked down to 20, but before announcing the lucky ladies who will compete for the title, Tyra informs them that they are only picking 12 and a 13th girl would be waiting for them in New York. You've got your standard doe-eyed girl from Arkansas (Jessica), two biracial girls (Angelea and Gabrielle) and two hot-tempered chocolate girls (Krista and Alasia) who reinforce the idea that black women are always angry. Oh, and let's not forget the girl who was born into a cult (Naduah) who, I'm sure, Tyra will find a way to exploit her sob story in at least three episodes. The other girls include a plus-size model (Alexandra), a black white girl (Simone) and a girl with eyebrows as thick as my carpet (Enslee). The girls get makeovers and their first official photo will be a nude one. To be continued ...

Ripping the runway: The most annoying thing about this show is all the screaming. Screaming when Tyra enters a room. Screaming when the models get a new task. Screaming when "Tyra Mail" arrives. It's like watching a horror movie that has no real horror.

"16 and Pregnant" (MTV, Tues., 10:00): Another week, another deadbeat baby daddy. This week we have Adam, a real winner who not only values his car more than fatherhood, but also calls the mother of his child a "stretch-marked bitch". Pause it: Taking trophy from Nikkole's boyfriend Josh and handing it to Adam.

Chelsea, a popular high-school senior, got pregnant at the end of her junior year and is starting the school year near full term. She so big she can't fit in her desk and has to sit on an exercise ball in class. Chelsea ends up going into labor five weeks early and gives birth to a girl named Aubree Skye. The doctors are worried that the baby has a premature immune system, but don't want to scare the young mom. Little Aubree does have respiratory problems along with a case of jaundice. Adam persuades Chelsea to give the baby his last name, but only sees the baby twice during her first eight days of life. Pause it: I don't know if you can even count that last one as a "visit". He leaves the baby to go work on his car.

Weeks go by and still no word from Adam. When he finally shows up, he's more concerned about going drag racing than worrying about his child's medical issues. Rewind: Is it just me or did anyone else feel like Chelsea just wanted Adam to notice how big her breasts were when she started feeding the baby in front of him? Adam's preoccupation with his car makes Chelsea wonder if she can raise the baby without him. Newsflash honey: You're already doing it without him!

After Adam sends Chelsea a text message telling her to "tell me when and where to sign over the papers for that mistake," she immediately heads to a lawyer where she has the baby's last name changed to her own. At 12 weeks old, deadbeat daddy is out of Aubree's life and Chelsea is heading back to school. At least she was smart enough change her daughter's last name. Now all she needs to do is slap that prick with child support payments and we can call it a day.

"Lost" (ABC, Tues., 9:00): In his flash sideways, Ben Linus is a high-school history teacher at the same school where John Locke is a substitute teacher. Alex is an adoring student instead of his daughter and Ben has aspirations of being the principal. On the island, when Ben was digging his own grave (literally), the camera cut to a book called "The Chosen". A quick Wikipedia search gave me this:

"The Chosen" tells the story of the friendship between two Jewish boys growing up in 1940's Brooklyn.One has a mind for mathematics and wants to become a rabbi while the other is a genius son of a Hasidiac Rabbi who expects him to eventually take over his position.

I'm sure this somehow ties into the whole theory that someone is about to be chosen to lead the island. Does being good at math give Ben Linus the edge? Talk amongst yourselves.

Oh, there was a really funny line from the show. When Ben offered Miles millions of dollars to help him, Miles responds with "What are you gonna do? Write me a check on this banana leaf?"

Watch this, tape that - Wednesday

Here's the rundown of Hump Day happenings:

8:00
Watch this: "America's Next Top Model" (CW). Season premiere. The 14th season opens with 33 girls vying for 13 spots and a chance to move into the loft apartment. It's 90 minutes so it may interfere with the 9:00 shows.

9:00
Watch this: "Modern Family" (ABC). It's only 30 minutes but it packs a humorous punch! Phil reaches out to an old flame.
Tape that: "Criminal Minds" (CBS). The team tracks a truck driver who abducts women. "90210" alum Andrea Zuckerman ... er, Gabrielle Carteris guest stars.
See it on YouTube: "American Idol" (FOX). That's where they will post the best performances anyway. The Top 8 guys perform.

10:00
Watch this: "Ugly Betty" (ABC). Betty reluctantly dates a firefighter to help the investigation into the fire that ruined the Suarez house.
Tape that: "Law & Order: SVU" (NBC). A suspect's lawyer's tactics are questioned by the D.A.
See it online: "CSI: NY" (CBS). The team probes the murders of two young journalists.
Also on: "Psych" (USA). A killer plots to kill Shawn in schemes modeled after classic Hitchcock films.

Watch this, tape that - Tuesday

Because Monday night was so stacked at the 9:00 hour, I'm now about 4 hours behind on my watching. Thankfully, Tuesday is a lighter load. Oh, and Happy Birthday to my niece, Keniesha! Here's what's on:

8:00
Watch this: "American Idol" (FOX). They're almost there as the competition hits the semifinals. The Top 8 girls perform.
Tape that: "The Biggest Loser" (NBC). It's weight loss meets "Survivor" as the contestants pull lead-filled trucks then finish off with a puzzle.

9:00
Watch this: "Lost" (ABC). We finally get to see the life of Benjamin Linus.
Also on: "Glee" (FOX). It's a repeat but who cares? Quinn's pregnancy secret is out.

10:00
Watch this: "The Good Wife" (CBS). Alicia and Will defend an attorney arrested for murder.
Tape that: "16 & Pregnant" (MTV). A popular high-school senior drinks the water and ends up in "the family way".
Also on: "Millionaire Matchmaker" (Bravo). Patty is tasked with finding a date for a female client who is open to dating women.

Watch this, tape that - Monday

They're baaaack! Monday night returns to it's usual standards with the return of some of my faves. Here's what's on:

8:00
Watch this: "The Bachelor: Jason and Molly's Wedding" (ABC). 2 hours. You may want tune in because the single dad is the first guy in "Bachelor" history to actually make it down the aisle.
Tape that: "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" (ABC Family). The kids try to squash all their squabbles.

9:00
Watch this: "Trauma" (NBC). Maybe the network will wise up and keep this underrated show. Tonight, a construction worker becomes trapped underground after stumbling down a manhole.
Tape that: "Gossip Girl" (CW). Nate and Serena consider moving beyond friendship ... again.
See it online: "24" (FOX). Even TV Guide recognizes that this season is a complete bore. Time to punch the clock, Jack.
Also on: "Make It or Break It" (ABC Family). Season finale. The girls feel too unprepared to compete. "True Life: I'm Ex Amish" (MTV).

10:00
Watch this: "Fashion Police" (E!). Who cares who won the Oscar? I want to know what people were wearing and who got it wrong.
Tape that: "Damages" (FX). Patty sends Tom to follow the Tobin money trail abroad.
See it online: "CSI: Miami" (CBS). The team investigates the murder of an unpopular receptionist who was killed on the job. Workman's Comp?
Also on: "Fantasia For Real" (VH1). If you're at home during the day, this show also airs at noon.

Sweet and sauerkraut

I took Sunday off and coincidentally, it fell on Oscar night. I want to make something perfectly clear: I do not give a flying monkey about the Academy Awards. Emmys? Yes! Oscars? NO! I rarely go see movies and the ones I do see are hardly ever nominated ("The Hangover" anyone?) I will admit that I did see "The Blind Side" three times - in the theater! And it was worth the $10 every time! Here's a quick recap of ...

"The Amazing Race" (CBS, 8:00): What started out as a slightly dull leg quickly turned into a hilarious night of hijinks as teams gobbled sauerkraut, guzzled beer and belched their way through Hamburg, Germany.

Teams say goodbye to Argentina and fly 8,000 miles to Frankfurt, Germany. They must then take a train to Hamburg for the next clue. After a rocky last leg, the Sexy Lezzies agree that the word for the day is "respectful". Team 8 Seconds and the Defective Detectives (Louie and Michael, left) are able to catch the first train while the Lezzies and Don't Ask, Won't Tell miss it by mere seconds. They end up on a later train with the rest of the teams.

At the Roadblock, the teams encounter an Intersection - two people from different teams must partner up to complete the task - a 150-foot tandum bungee jumping. 8 Seconds and Defective Detectives send Michael and Jet, who refuses to take his hat off during the plunge. "A real cowboy's hat never comes off," he reasons. Pause it: Well, Jet must be a Stetson man because that hat stayed glued like weave on a black woman. They breeze through the challenge and go their separate ways. Asian Persuasion pairs with Team No Name (father/daughter Steve and Allie), while the Lezzies get with the other gay. Jokes Dan, "She's (Carol) is like the lesbian aunt I never had. Showmance is forced to team up with Fred and Velma, as they are the last two teams to the clue box.

At the Detour, teams had a choice between soccer or sauerkraut - hit five targets from the penalty line or shovel down a plate of kraut before a band finishes playing the sauerkraut polka. Defective Detectives opt for the sauerkraut, but most of the teams head to the soccer field. Asian Persuasion's Joe has a bum knee which he tweaked during the bungee jump. They quickly give up and head for the sauerkraut. Team No Name killed at soccer and get out of there just as 8 Seconds shows up. Pause it: Who knew two cowboys would be so good at soccer? Not only are they llama whisperers, but they can now bend it like Beckham.

Team Showmance (Jeff and Jordan, left) pick the kraut challenge, but get stuck with a cab driver who leads them to the end of the earth after typing an incorrect address into his navigation system. Now in last place, Jordan say, “We should’ve just done the soccer thing.” Jeff's reply: “What do you mean, this guy would’ve typed it in his GPS; we would’ve ended up in Switzerland.” They finally get to the Detour, but aren't able to eat the pickled cabbage fast enough. Jeff says, "See you later, sauerkraut" and they head over to the soccer field.

At the second half of the Detour, the teams are made to drink a glass boot full of beer at the Haifisch Bar. Most of the teams were excited to get a drink but once they took a swing they all realize that it wasn't their father's beer. Rewind: I'm still laughing at the sound Asian Persuasion's Joe made when he started gagging on the beer. He sounded like a mix between the exorcist and a squealing pig. I watched it at least four times! The Defective Detectives are the first the get through the task and head to the Pit Stop. Going from worst to first, they win a $5,000 Discover gift card. Asian Persuasion and Team No Name take second and third, respectively.

Showmance and Fred and Velma drag up the rear all day and it's a foot race between dumber and dumbest to the Pit Stop. "If we get eliminated, I'm going back to that bar," Jordan says. Fred and Velma ultimately find the Pit Stop first, making Jeff and Jordan the last team to arrive. But like many unworthy teams before them, they get a reprieve as it's a non-elimination leg. Their 15 minutes is extended for another week. Fast Forward: They'll have to overcome a Speed Bump in the next leg if they want to stay in the competition.

Geography lesson: The Pit Stop for this leg of the race was the Indra Club in Hamburg's Red Light District. It's the first place the Beatles played in Hamburg, Germany.

Watch this, tape that - Weekend

It's the weekend, baby! Here's your guide to get you through:

FRIDAY
8:00
Watch this: "Ghost Whisperer" (CBS). A ghost reveals a bomb cache to Melinda, and tells her that one of the bombs is missing. Sounds like a case for Jack Bauer.
Tape that: "Who Do You Think You Are" (NBC). Celebrities trace their family roots.

9:00
Watch this: "Medium" (CBS). Allison is mugged, prompting her to take self-defense classes.
Also on: "Famous Crime Scene" (VH1). The re-enactments are sort of lame, but it's an interesting show. John Lennon's crime scene is the topic tonight.

SATURDAY
She rests.

SUNDAY
5:30: "82nd Academy Awards" (ABC). I'm not a movie fan, but I have seen many of the 10 movies nominated for the top honor. Followed by the annual "Barbara Walters Oscar Special" at 8:30.
The rest of the night belongs to CBS. Tune in for "The Amazing Race" at 8:00. The teams fly to Germany and retrace the early days of The Beatles. Stick around for "Undercover Boss" at 9:00, followed by "Cold Case" at 10:00. It's a repeat, but still worth watching.

Idol hands

So, yeah, I got a new car today. I actually got it on Monday but it was delivered today. It's my dream car and I've been fawning over this car for five years!!! This really has nothing to do with this blog, but I really wanted to share it with the Watch Party.

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): Upon the Villains' return to camp after Randy's dismissal, Coach is feeling like an outsider and seething about Sandra calling him out over his work ethic. "I did noble things out here and I look ignoble," he whines to Tyson. "Why can't anyone ever say anything good about me?" Pause it: The reason is because you've already spent nine days complimenting yourself, Confucius. Tyson advises him to tone it down around camp and lay off the campfire tales if he wants to fit in. "Nobody believes your stories," he says. The next morning, B-Rob tells Coach that he's got to trust that he's not on the outside. But Rob makes it clear that he's not there to play mommy to Coach's whining ways. "Pick your head up and act like a man!"

Over at the Heroes' beach, the team looks as if it's finally bonding. The tree mail instructs them to pick a reward from a catalog. Pause it: Since they are not paying me, I won't repeat the name of the store that the supplies are from, but here's a hint: the same store also outfits the houses on "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. The Heroes opt for a tackle box and a kitchen set while the Villains hope to improve their shelter with a tool kit and a tarp. The game is a slip-and-slide meets basketball competition. The players lather up with oil and slide down a piece of plastic, grabbing a numbered ball along the way. They then have to sink that ball into a small basket. First ball in wins the point. For the love of all that's holy, please PAUSE IT! Did you see James's chest all buttered up and shiny and muscular? WHEW!!! He looked like a piece of dark meat and all I needed was a napkin and a bottle of hot sauce.

Coach gets the Villains on the scoreboard early and it looks like it's going to be another rout until Amanda scores one for the Heroes. Rupert downs another basket to even the game so it all comes down to Tyson and Colby to decide the winner. Poor Colby must be really tired of eating humble pie because he comes up short ... again. Villains win reward.

Back on the Villain beach, everyone is standing around raiding the loot when Russell pulls out the knife from the tool kit. As the blade comes out of the pocket, a clue to a hidden immunity idol comes out. When asked what they should do about the idol, Sandra suggests that once it's found, they should throw it in the ocean. "Whoever gets it will be marked," she threatens. Russell, who found three idols without a clue last season doesn't agree and sets out to find this one. The others agree he's an idiot and that he's sealing his own fate. The Heroes find their clue hidden in the coffee beans and Tom and Colby know they need to find that idol to stay in the game. The whole camp scatters like roaches when the lights come on, with Tom being the lucky one to find it. He tucks it away in his sock but Amanda spies him doing so. She quickly informs the rest of the Heroes that Tom has the idol.

At the immunity challenge, the castaways get to play the same game that took out black Russell last season: the blindfolded giant ball maze. It's the only game in Survivor history that was never completed - it was stopped for medical to come in and save Russ. Tom is calling the shots for the Heroes while B-Rob leads the Villains. Rob proves to be quite the leader as he guides his team through the maze. The Villains eek out another win, sending the Heroes to Tribal Council for the third time. Let the jockeying begin!

Cirie says it's either Colby or Tom's night to go, especially since Tom has the idol. J.T. wants to put Candace on the chopping block, reasoning that her scrambling makes her a liability. Amanda joins forces with J.T. who's in an alliance with Tom who offers to give the idol away to prove his loyalty. Throw in James for good measure and you've got a 5 on 2 alliance. Amanda stupidly reports to Cirie that Tom is gunning for Candace, and Cirie - being the clever player that she is - explains how it's a bad move to keep Tom in the game. J.T. overhears the conversation and reports to Tom that Cirie is the true mastermind. And just like that, Cirie is on the chopping block next to Tom and Colby.

J.T. is in one too many alliances. He wants to keep the "good guys" in the game (whoever that is) but doing so would eventually put him in the crosshairs. "I know how everyone is voting ... except me," he says.

At Tribal Council, Probst grills Rupert after he says his vote will allow him to remain true to his word, even if it's a bonehead move. James admits he doesn't care who goes as long as he wins. He says that the social aspect of a game is a distraction and people should forget about that part until it's time to merge. After the vote, Tom plays his idol and Cirie gets the ax in the first blindside of the season. I thought she would've made it farther than this, but Tom totally outplayed her at a strategy she invented in this game: listening.

THE SCORECARD

CHANNEL SURFING
Because of the timing of how the show is filmed, I know that 10 designers from "Project Runway" (Lifetime, 10:00) showed at Bryant Park. So the question is do the contestants really need to aspire to win, or should their focus be on staying long enough to get to the top five, six or seven? Who cares about the money if you still get to show your collection at one of the biggest fashion shows in the country? Whatever ... in this episode, the designers had to create a look with materials found in a hardware store. They didn't even let them shop at Mood to get any fabric. Jay makes a stunning "leather" outfit out of garbage bags and duct tape and gets his second win. Emilio, who normally makes beautiful garments was uninspired by the challenge and sends a half-naked model down the runway. It was obvious he should've been the one to go. Instead, the judges dump Jesse for his metal cloud attached to an armor breastplate. Auf wiedersehen!

On "The Office" (NBC, 9:00), after five long seasons Jim and Pam became the proud parents of a baby girl named Cecilia Marie Halpert, 7 lbs., 2 oz, 18 in. Mother and daughter are doing fine.