I flip, you flop

I've been struggling for the last few weeks. I'm about to go on vacation for 2 weeks and I feel like I'm trying to cram a month's worth of work into 7 days. I'll do my best to get back on a more regular blog schedule, but as of late I'm barely averaging 4 hours of sleep a night ... and that's a good night! But I won't leave you hanging on Thursdays. Let's talk about the debauchery that's going on in Samoa. But a quick shout-out to my buddy Michael! Get well soon!

"Survivor" (CBS, Thurs., 8:00): Good lawd, there's a lot of confusion going on! My head was spinning after watching all the flipping and flopping. It was like watching two wealthy parents battling for custody of a kid neither of them really want. They just don't want to pay the child support. The "kids" in question are Sandra and Candice, the swing votes. By the time it was over, one castaway had abandoned her tribe and the one who made "Survivor" history was sent packing. Here's what went down:

After returning from Tribal Council, Russell is furious at Parvati about keeping her idol a secret. "It pisses me off that you didn't tell me," he rants. Parv, on the other hand, is secretly pleased, saying she wants Russell to be scared. Pause it: And after the move she made last week, he should be. Someone finally pushed Rupert's "on" button - he finally realizes that getting Sandra to flip is the Heroes' only chance to stay in the game. If only he had turned that switch on a week earlier. Russell, being the all-knowing soothsayer that he wishes he were, tells Candice she needs to get on board with the Villains. He predicts that Candy will follow his orders saying it doesn't matter what Sandra wants to do now that Candice is flipping.

At the reward challenge, it's "Survivor" shuffleboard. The players are divided into three teams of three. The team whose puck lands closest to the X wins a trip away from camp to see a screening of the movie "Treasure Island." Pause it: Wouldn't if have been more fitting for them to watch "Lord of the Flies?" Believing there's going to be a clue to another hidden idol, Parvati thinks it's pivotal for a Villain to win. For awhile it looks as if she's going to get her wish when Russell's puck is the only one to land near the X. It's down to Colby's last shot and he nails it, allowing himself, Amanda and Danielle to share in the reward. Pause it: I find it hilarious that the once strong and dominant Colby wins at a game of shuffleboard. Hey Colbster, your age is showing!

The three arrive at the reward house and Amanda has her eyes peeled for the idol. No, seriously. It was like her eyelids were pinned back and she couldn't blink because she was looking so hard. She doesn't find the clue, but as the trio are lying in bed watching the movie, Danielle spots the rolled-up paper in the bowl of popcorn and quickly tosses it underneath the bed. But Amanda notices that she dropped something and moves over to Dani's side of the bed hoping to find out what it is. She sees the clue on the floor, grabs it and stuffs it down her pants. Danielle freaks out and demands that Amanda give it back. A mini girl fight ensues with Danielle crying to Colby like a little beeyotch and Amanda pleading with her puppy dog eyes for him to back her up.

This is the first time in this game where Amanda was being aggressive. She was holding on to that clue like it was the last piece of chicken. Cirie would've been proud ... for about 10 seconds. Danielle is still crying to Colby that Amanda took her clue and to make her give it back. "I didn't even see what happened. I was watching 'Treasure Island,'" the doofus says. Colby tells Amanda she should return the clue to Danielle, WHICH SHE DOES, thereby proving two things: 1. Amanda cannot think for herself and 2. why Colby is losing at this game. He's such an idiot.

When they get back to camp, Russ and Parv start grilling Danielle about finding the idol. She tells them she did, but also adds some special effects saying she wrestled Amanda to the ground and ripped the clue from her hands. Pause it: That's pretty close to what happened if you leave out the part about Colby telling Amanda to give it back and Amanda handing it to her like Colby was her daddy. Russell volunteers to help Dani find the idol, unbeknownst to her that Russell is "the king of hidden immunity idols." He finds it within minutes of reading the clue and stashes it in his pocket. He later shares the news with Candice who agrees to hop on the Villains' train. Meanwhile, Sandra tells Colby she's ready to jump ship and join the Heroes, but only if they agree to vote out Russell. Colby is convinced Danielle has the idol, so getting rid of Russ shouldn't be a problem. They just have to keep him from winning immunity.

It's the build-a-10-foot-tall-house-of-cards-for-immunity challenge. Russell is off to a great start after building a base that could withstand a suicide bomber. Jerri is his only competition, putting together an flimsy, but steady tower. They're neck and neck at nine and a half feet until Russ can't get his last two tiles to hold. Jerri wins her very first immunity challenge by mere seconds.

Back at camp, the castaways start throwing names around. Russell wants Amanda gone. The Heroes want to show Russell or Parvati the door. The Heroes have a solid plan to write Russell's name down until Candice runs back and tells him their entire plan and pushes Sandra in front of the proverbial bus. Russ tries to threaten Sandra about jumping ship, and Colby says if their plan doesn't work then they'll know Candice spilled the beans.

At Tribal Council, Sandra tells Probst that she knows she's on the outside of the Villains and that she's frustrated with her alliance. Russell starts listing everybody's role within the alliance and leaves Sandra's name out. When Probst calls him out on it, he admits "she's just there." The Heroes set there plan in motion by announcing they think Danielle has the idol knowing full well she doesn't. Pause it: The last three Councils have had my heart beating out of my chest. I felt like I needed an IV drip as the votes were being read.

Right before Probst reads the votes, Russell plays his idol but it's all for naught. Amanda is voted out, ending her run as the person who's spent the most days playing the game of "Survivor" and opening the door for Parvati to break her record. It's the first time she's ever had her torch snuffed. As Amanda is making her exit, Danielle and Parv start ragging Russell telling him he wasted an idol and was nervous for nothing.

Sandra is like Cirie, but much more outspoken. She's playing the best mental game out of everyone, thinking 2 steps ahead of the others. Her downfall? She doesn't have Parvati charm. I predict she'll be sitting between Parv and Russell in the end. They have to bring Russ along cause everyone hates him. He thinks he's playing a great strategic game, but he's met his match in Parvati and Sandra.

Based on the previews it looks like the King and Queen might be headed to divorce court since Russell's leadership skills don't mesh with Parv's need to cut people off at the knees. And let me just say that Courtney is the funniest castaway ever to sit on the jury.

I'm embarrassed for you

It seems as if my this has turned into a "Survivor" blog with a little filler here and there. I still love TV, it's just that nothing gets me more excited than this show. I really thought "Glee" was going to get my mojo pumping, but I find myself disappointed with the new direction it's going. But more about that later. Let's get down to the business of ...

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): Lord, Lord, Lord. This was one for the history books. I do believe that this will go down as the Tribal Council in all of "Survivor". There was drama, humor, intrigue and heartbreak. But mostly, one player emerged as one of the smartest players of all time.

Now that the Villains have gotten rid of stick figure Courtney, the numbers are even between both tribes. The Heroes find a locked chest with a note attached saying company will be arriving soon, while the Villains have the key to open it. They are super excited - especially one-woman alliance Sandra - about the merge and pack up their camp to move to the Heroes' beach. Russell thinks he's the only one in the game with a hidden immunity idol and has no idea that Parvati has one of her own. She says the idols put her and Russell in the King and Queen position, but the Queen doesn't have to tell the King about her plans of a coup. Poor J.T. still thinks that after the Villains' Tribal Council, Parvati is gone and there are no more idols left in the game.

Upon arrival at their new camp, the castaways are told to drop their buffs and come up with a new tribe name. They eventually come up with "Yin Yang", throwing out "Hillains" and Jerri's suggestion of "All Villains". Pause it: I was thinking something more along the lines of "Puppets". It's obvious that the Heroes aren't happy to see Parv is still in the game. She whines to Danielle about feeling the cold shoulder. "I'm offended by how these Heroes are treating me. They don’t know it yet, but they’re about to be picked off one by one," Parvati threatens.

Meanwhile, Russell is spinning an intricate tall to Rupert and J.T. about why Parv is still in the game. He assures them that he's on their side, telling them "Just let this happen." Pause it: If only J.T. had a crystal ball ... and a brain. J.T. thinks Russ is a good ol' country boy. He has no inkling that Russ has turned him into a big doofus on national television. "Hook, line and sinker," Russ says, obviously pleased with himself. "This is going to be way easier than I thought."

Sandra later tries to warn Rupert that Russell and Parvati are trying to pull the buff over their eyes. "Russell’s the kingpin and Parvati’s the second in command," she says. It finally dawns on Rupert that the Heroes might be getting played in the worst possible way. “This is where the game gets crazy,” he marvels. But when Rupert goes to share Sandra's warning with the rest of the Heroes, they accuse him of being paranoid ... and sweating too much.

At the immunity challenge, it's every castaway for themselves in the first individual challenge: the pole hold - a last-man-standing endurance game. The contestants perch themselves on a pole with nothing but some tiny grooves to fit their feet into. J.T., Candice and Parvati have all played the game before with Candice lasting the longest. Both Colby and Sandra are the first ones to drop, followed by Rupert, Amanda and J.T. Parvati finds a new strategy by standing on the outside of her foot. She's in a zone and Candice realizes she's not going to outlast her. It's down to Parv and Danielle. Dani wants Parv to step off since she already has an idol. She does, and Danielle win the first individual immunity. Pause it: Did anyone notice how Dani's implant was looking a little melted. Gross!

It's scramble time back at the beach. Rupert wonders why Parvati stepped down if she thought she was going home. The Heroes devise a plan to flush out any possible idols by telling Russell that the Heroes are voting for Parvati, when in reality, they will be voting for either Sandra or Jerri to test Russell’s loyalty. Russell wants J.T. gone. He gives his idol to Parvati in hopes of saving her at Tribal Council. With both idols in her possession, Parvati is now the most powerful player in the game.

At Council, Yin Yang starts fighting about unripened bananas, reopening the debate about "banana etiquette". Rupert accuses the Villains - mainly Parvati and Danielle - of eating more than their share. Russell reminds them they are there to cut some fat and wants to get on with it. He says the vote will dictate the outcome of the game. Pause it: The jury (Coach and Courtney) read right through Russell's act. Too bad they couldn't do that when they were playing the game.

The Heroes cast their votes for Jerri, while the Villains all vote for J.T. Before the votes are read, Probst gives the usual spill about playing the hidden immunity idol and in a stunning twist, Parvati gives away BOTH idols to Sandra and Jerri. All votes cast for Jerri are void, leaving J.T. to go down in flames. Pause it: I was so embarrassed for him. *Forcing J.T. into an uncomfortable hug.* Russell is shell-shocked, whispering to Parvati, "You have some explaining to do."

J.T. took it like a man, but I would've loved to be sitting next to him at the Watch Party. I'm not a fan of Parvati, but she earned my respect tonight. And if she able to take Russell out of the game, I will cheer her on to the final three. At this point, I'm sure the Villains are going to want to keep Russell around cause it guarantees them five Hero votes from the jury. Parvati is going to be hard to beat, but if Sandra keeps playing her cards right, she'll be sitting next to her in the finals.

In case anyone was wondering, both Michael and Jackie are out of our "Survivor" pool. I still have Danielle on my team while Janet is going strong with Russell and Sandra. Here's the scorecard: (Members of the jury are the green failures)

CHANNEL SURFING

• Seattle's own Seth Aaron Henderson was crowned the winner of Season 7 of "Project Runway" (Lifetime, 10:00). Of course I know S.A. is really from Vancouver, Washington but only people who live there know you're not talking about Canada. Anyway, the judges thought S.A. knew how to "put on a show" and called his line "whimsical". It was a hard pill to swallow for Emilio Sosa, who won multiple challenges throughout the season. The judges loved his clothes but called a collection and not a complete fashion line. I hated Mila's collection, but then again, I've hated her aesthetic all season. All of the designers' clothes looked like something you'd find in Nordstrom. In past seasons, the finale runway show is full of drama and flowing gowns. I missed that. I mean, is it really runway couture if I'm not sitting on my couch wishing I had $10,000 for a pair of fitted slacks?
• Some passing thoughts about "Glee" (FOX, Tues., 9:00): I'm fairly sure I'm in the minority on this one, but that Madonna-themed episode? HATED IT. The cast performed seven songs. SEVEN! They barely had any dialogue. What I liked about the first half of the season was the backstories on all these complex characters. Now we get song after song and a revolving door of guest stars. A word to the writers: I know the show is an unstoppable pop-culture phenomenon, but stop trying to please the masses and get back to the basics.
  
• In parting, here's a funny line I heard on "The Office" (NBC, 9:00): "If it wasn't for secretaries, I wouldn't have a stepmom." - Andy, telling us the importance of celebrating Secretary's Day.
  

Watch this, tape that - Thursday

Tonight makes up for this dull week of TV. Here's what's on:
8:00
Watch this: "Survivor" (CBS). It's the merge! Will the new tribe be able to see through Russell's game or will he continue to rule the roost?
Tape that: "Bones" (FOX). Human remains found inside a shark may be those of an aquarium's guest lecturer.
Also on: "Flash Forward" (ABC).

9:00
Watch this: "CSI:" (CBS). A student is murdered at the school where Catherine's daughter attends.
Tape that: "The Office" (NBC). It's Secretary's Day!
Also on: "Grey's Anatomy" (ABC). It's a repeat.

10:00
Watch this: "Project Runway" (Lifetime). Part 2 of the two-part season finale. The winner is announced. Emilio, see you in the winner's circle!

Watch this, tape that - Wednesday

Wednesdays are turning into a boring night, now that my beloved "Ugly Betty" is no more. Take a look-see.

8:00
Watch this: "America's Next Top Model" (CW). Whitney Port serves as guest judge as the models take to the runway and pose with big hair for a photo shoot.
Tape that: "American Idol" (FOX): It's the "Idols Give Back" episode, which features performances by Alicia Keys, Carrie Underwood and the Black Eyed Peas to raise money for global charities. One contestant is supposed to be eliminated, but I doubt they will during this "feel good" show.

9:00
Also on: Everything is a repeat. Everything. Best bet: "Modern Family" (ABC).

10:00
Watch this: "Law & Order: SVU" (NBC). Benson goes undercover in the meatpacking industry.
Tape that: "South Park" (Comedy Central). The show continues its celebration of the 200th episode with this one titled "201" - a repeat spoof of trying to find out the identity of Cartman's father.
Catch it on second run: "Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat 2" (MTV).

Watch this, tape that - Tuesday

I was a little disappointed in last week's "Glee," but still excited about it's return. Here's what's on:

8:00
Watch this: "The Biggest Loser" (NBC). 2 hours. It's a weight-loss show, yet they continually temp the players to eat. Tonight, the person who consumes the most calories at a buffet gets the sole vote at elimination.
Also on: "American Idol" (FOX). "Dancing With the Stars" (ABC). Results show.

9:00
Watch this: "Glee" (FOX). It's the episode FOX has been wanting us to wait for: The Madonna catalog. Mr. Schue uses Madonna's music to give the girls an ego boost and teach the boys a lesson in respect.
Tape that: "Lost" (ABC). We're down to the final few and this season has been so mind-numbing that I can barely follow. Jack is the focus tonight.

10:00
Watch this: "Parenthood" (NBC). Amber's ex-boyfriend's arrival throws the family into a tailspin.
Tape that: "16 & Pregnant" (MTV). Season finale. A pregnant teen deals with a deadbeat boyfriend, a deadbeat dad and a crappy mom. Stick around for the aftershow at 11:00.
See it online: "V" (ABC). Chad and Anna visit Switzerland, with Anna carrying a technological gift.
Also on: "The Good Wife" (CBS) is a repeat.

Watch this, tape that - Weekend

There really isn't anything worth watching live this weekend. Tape everything and go see a movie or something.

FRIDAY
Both "Ghost Whisperer" and "Medium" (CBS) are repeats.

10:00
Watch this: "Miami Medical" (CBS). A wedding-party tent collapses, sending a flood of guests to the ER.

SUNDAY
8:00
Watch this: "Life" (Discovery). 3 hour block. Narrated by Oprah, the show examines different forms of life.
Also on: "Academy of Country Music Awards" (CBS). Reba McEntire hosts.

9:00
Tape that: "Desperate Housewives" (ABC). Lynette discovers something about Irina.

10:00
Watch this: "Army Wives" (Lifetime). I totally dropped the ball on this one last week. My apologies. Roland worries about not being able to be with Joan as she recovers, and Trevor considers taking a second job.
Tape that: "Brothers & Sisters" (ABC). The Walker men confront York over the Ojai predicament.

Cirie wouldn't have let that happen

Wednesday night I was stricken with a headache from hell. It totally took me off my game. I left work early and slept from 7 p.m. until 12:30 Thursday afternoon. Yes, it hurt that bad. I woke up intermittently, catching snippets of "Criminal Minds" and "Ugly Betty," but the migraine got the best of me. Let's talk about ...

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): There have been many bonehead moves in the history of "Survivor": James getting voted out while holding 2 immunity idols; Ozzy getting voted out while holding an immunity idol (you see the pattern?). Well, J.T. topped them all when he gave the Heroes' hidden immunity idol to the man who least needed one. It was like he had a spare million dollars in his pocket decided to give it to Warren Buffett. And his tribemates just sat there and let it happen. Is that the bigger bonehead move ... that no one objected? I'm still shaking my head.

The Villains return from Tribal Council, and Jerri is worried that her alliance will turn on her after they sent Coach home without telling her. She asks Danielle if she's next on the chopping block, but both Dani and Russell reassure her that Courtney or Sandra will be the next to go.

The treemail instructs the tribes to rank their team members from strongest to weakest. This will determine who they go head-to-head with at the reward challenge, a game that was first played on "Survivor: Tocanins" and J.T. went on win. Pause it: It's the game that makes my feet cramp up just thinking about it, but what I remember most is how Coach got all drama queen at the end, collapsing like a Haitian house in an earthquake. The Villains decide to put all their women in the game because they're lighter and have smaller feet. The Heroes, on the other hand, have Rupert and his ego to contend with. He claims he's stronger than everyone in the game. Pause it: Um, yeah. I see how that's true, Rupert. That broken toe won't be a problem in a challenge where you're standing on a one-inch wide peg. The castaways must outlast their opponent and the first team to three points wins a feast courtesy of Outback Steakhouse. As the challenge gets underway, Jeff Probst announces that Amanda has spent 100 days playing "Survivor". The Villains' strategy pays off and they win reward.

At the feast, Parvati finds a clue to a hidden immunity idol in her napkin. She quickly stuffs it in her underwear (eww!) and later shows it to Danielle. Parv says she wants Danielle to feel tighter with her than she does with anyone else. “We’ll fill Russell in on a need-to-know basis, and right now Russell doesn’t need to know," Parv says. Jerri thinks it's "awesome" that the Heroes think they have an all-girl alliance going. "They have no idea what's going on over here."

Meanwhile, J.T. is at the Hero's beach filling in his tribe on his "brilliant" plan. Amanda thinks it's stupid because they don't know what's going on over there. (See Jerri's comment). He could be in with the girls for all we know,” Amanda reasons. Rewind: If Cirie were still in this game, she wouldn't have even allowed J.T. to get out the first sentence. AND, if Cirie were still in this game, Amanda wouldn't be whimpering in the jungle to Candice because Cirie would be telling her what to do. J.T. writes Russell a letter with instructions on how to use the idol (HA!) and who to vote off. He writes that the Villains should vote off Parvati then Russell can join in with the Heroes' alliance after the merge. "This is "Survivor" history," Colby concludes. Yes, dude, it is. And your whole tribe will be able to write their names on the Wall of Shame.

Parvati and Danielle get up early to go searching for the idol. After they find it, Parv says it gives her control of the game. She says Russell is "not the king of 'Survivor' ... I'm the queen."

The immunity challenge is another ropes obstacle course with a totem pole puzzle at the end. The Heroes get off to an early lead and Colby and Russell are running the last leg for their teams. This gives Colby the opportunity to tell Russell to get the idol from J.T. after the challenge is over. Pause it: No sooner than Colby makes that deal, the rain begins to fall. That's an omen if I ever saw one. The Heroes win immunity, setting the stage for J.T.'s stupidity to boomerang like bad karma. "I don't even have to find idols ... people are giving them to me. You don’t hand the enemy the idol, especially when his name is Russell Hantz,” Russell says.

The Heroes think they have done the impossible, but all they've done is give the Villains something to entertain themselves with. I hate Parvati, but even I got a kick out of her rendition of J.T.'s letter. It sounded like something you'd write in high school. "J.T. gave Russell his heart today, and Russell is just going to stab it a million times," Parv snickers. "I can't believe that kid won!"

Meanwhile, Courtney and Sandra have resigned themselves to their fate - one of them will be going home. Parvati wants to keep Courtney around because she thinks Court would be more loyal and she can keep her in check better than she can with Sandra. She sure Sandra will be the first one to flip after the merge.

At Tribal Council, Russell's alliance say they can't trust Sandra. Danielle makes the argument that Sandra can manipulate people, but all Dani does is make herself look like a complete idiot. She says Sandra was being controlled by B-Rob to which Sandra counters with Parvati is the boss of Dani. Then Parv pours alcohol on the wound by confirming yes, she is the boss of Danielle. Pause it: Are you kidding me, Danielle? You basically handed Parvati the lube and told her to take it.

Courtney lashes out at Jerri for joining forces with Russell just in time to save herself. "I didn't flip quick enough, I guess," Courtney snipes. "That's why me and Sandra are in trouble." It's too little, too late and Courtney becomes the second member of the jury.

Next week, the tribes merge and it looks like Parvati's instincts about Sandra will prove to be true. She'll be the first one to flip.

Where do you rank J.T.'s move among the dumbest moves in "Survivor" history? I'll give him a little leeway since they don't know Russell's history with hidden immunity idols, but it's still a dumb move to help your opponent by giving away something that could potentially get you to the Final 3.

Watch this, tape that - Thursday

It's a light night. Take your pick.

8:00
Watch this: "Survivor" (CBS). Russell is playing this game like no castaway ever has. Will the Heroes make the biggest mistake in the show's history by giving Russell their immunity idol?
Tape that: "Bones" (FOX). A murder at Brennan's school may have something in common with another killing committed 15 years ago.
Also on: "Flash Forward" (ABC). "The Office" (NBC) one hour block is a repeat.

9:00
Watch this: "CSI:" (CBS). Hodges and Wendy lead a group of wannabe CSI high schoolers on a field trip to investigate a fire and discover a dead body.
Also on: "Grey's Anatomy" (ABC). It's a repeat.

10:00
Watch this: "Project Runway" (Lifetime). Part 1 of the two-part season finale.
Also on: "America's Best Dance Crew: Champions for Charity" (MTV). Winners from the first 5 seasons perform for charity.

Watch this, tape that - Wednesday

Not much on tonight, but we say goodbye to one of my favorites.

8:00
Watch this: "America's Next Top Model" (CW). The models pose for a photo shoot on the subway.

9:00
Watch this: "Modern Family" (ABC). Jay and Phil vie for a coaching position.
Tape that: "Criminal Minds" (CBS). The team travels to Texas to find a serial killer who targets illegal immigrants trying to cross the border.
Also on: "American Idol" (FOX). Results show.

10:00
Watch this: "Ugly Betty" (ABC). Series finale. I'm tearing up already at the thought of saying goodbye to the hijinks of Marc and Amanda. Betty is anxious about sharing her future plans with Daniel, and Justin and Bobby try to convince Hilda they should move to Manhattan.
Tape that: "South Park" (Comedy Central). The show celebrates it's 200th episode by having every celebrity ever insulted on the show seeking revenge through a class-action lawsuit.
See it online: "CSI: NY" (CBS). Hawkes is trapped in a prison during a riot whe he visits a Pennsylvania penitentiary.
Catch it on second run: "Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat 2" (MTV).
Also on: "Law & Order: SVU" (NBC) is a repeat.

Say hello

Of course with the return of "Glee" I wanted to spend time really talking about the first fresh episode of the year, but with my new Wednesday work schedule, I'm racing the sun to get in bed. Here's a quick recap:

"Glee" (FOX, 9:28): The show sort of dropped the ball on the timeline aspect. Rachel and Finn are a couple now? And it's so serious, she made him a relationship calendar. Pause it: Rachel is totally one of my favorite characters, but that calendar idea was super scary. Seems like Finn didn't get the memo that they are dating and starts to question if he still has feelings for Quinn.

Mr. Schue warns the glee club about getting too complacent since winning sectionals. He challenges the group to reinvent themselves, starting with each one of them performing a song with "hello" in the title. Meanwhile, Coach Sue has blackmailed the school principal to get her job back as leader of the Cheerios and is still intent on taking down the glee club. Her first goal is to make Rachel so distraught over losing Finn that she quits the club. She enlists glee club Cheerios Brittany and Santana to seduce Finn away from Rachel.

Finn does end up dumping Rachel, but she doesn't take it lying down. She calls him out on his insecurities and ends up meeting (and falling for) Jessie St. James, the lead vocalist for a competing choir. The Finn, Kurt, Mercedes and Artie all try to warn Rachel that Jessie is probably playing her. They even threaten to kick her out of the club if she doesn't stop seeing him. She confronts Jessie about his motives, but they agree to continue seeing each other in secret.

I'm so happy "Glee" is back and there were numerous laugh-out-loud moments, but it's like FOX treated this as a throw-away episode in preparation for the big Madonna-themed show next week. I know getting access to her catalog is a big deal, but the promos are overkill. Now that "Glee" has become a phenomenon, I hope it doesn't lose it's edge.

Funny lines:

• Finn: "Sometimes I wish I could be more like Coach Tanaka. He pulled a Jessica Simpson - you know, lost his fiancé, gained 40 pounds, stopped showering, and everyone acts like that is totally normal."
• Coach Sue after chopping of a male student's long hair: "I'm going to donate this to the victims of Hurricane Katrina. They can use it to plug the holes in their trailers.
• Mr. Schue trying to inspire the group: "What do you guys say when you answer the phone?" Mercedes: "What up?" Artie: "Who this be?" Kurt: "No, she's dead. This is her son."
• Santana dissing Rachel's outfit to Brittany: "She looked like Pippy Longstocking, except Israeli."
  

Featured songs:
"Hello, I Love You" - The Doors
"Gives You Hell" - All American Rejects
"Hello" - Lionel Ritchie
"Highway to Hell" - AC/DC
"Hello Twelve, Hello Thirteen, Hello Love" - A Chorus Line
"Hello, Goodbye" - The Beatles

CHANNEL SURFING

• "Lost" (ABC, 9:00): Things we learned tonight: Michael is stuck on the island because he killed Libby and the whispering voices from the jungle are other spirits who can't move on. And that's about as much as my brain could follow.
• Suze Orman was on "The Biggest Loser" (NBC, 8:00) to guide the contestants to "financial health". She even predicted that Sunshine would win the season based on her FICO score. I'm sure that debt was supposed to be a metaphor for debt, but it felt more like a glorified promo for CNBC. Anyway, it was a night of big prizes as Michael wins $1,000 in a balancing competition, and Andrea and O'Neal both win cars. O'Neal promptly hands his key over to daughter Sunshine.At the weigh-in, Andrea and Sam (who didn't lose any weight at all) fall below the yellow line, but he manages to keep his spot on the ranch. Andrea is sent home in her new car. These people claim they aren't playing the game, but keeping around the guy who has lost all the weight he's going to lose is obviously game play.
  

After these messages: Has anyone out there tried "Hip Hop Abs?" My stomach does not look like that after I dance. It's more like a sweaty, dented keg. Shruggsies.

Watch this, tape that - Tuesday

Oh my God! Oh my God! I'm practically hyperventilating at the return of "Glee"! Everything else tonight is just filler. Oh, and a Happy Birthday to my sister, Wonda! Here's what's on:

8:00
Watch this: "The Biggest Loser" (NBC). 2 hours. Don't get to comfortable watching. FOX has moved "Glee" to Tuesdays, so get ready to miss the end. Suze Orman assesses the players' financial health and predicts the winner for this season.
Tape that: "American Idol" (FOX). 88 minutes. The remaining eight finalists perform.
Also on: "Dancing With the Stars" (ABC). Results show.

9:00
Tape this: "Lost" (ABC). You have to tape it to make way for the goodness that is "Glee". We get the backstory on Ilana. Who is that you may ask? I don't know either.

9:28
Watch this: "Glee" (FOX). Just typing the name of this show makes me want to whip out my jazz hands. Tonight, Rachel becomes involved with a competitor.

10:00
Watch this: "Parenthood" (NBC). If you're not watching "Glee," tune in. Sarah considers coming clean with Amber about her English teacher.
Tape that: "V" (ABC). Tyler confronts his mother.
Catch it on second run: "16 & Pregnant" (MTV). Repeats immediately after first airing.
Also on: "Millionaire Matchmaker" (Bravo). "The Good Wife" (CBS) is a repeat.

Watch this, tape that - Monday

In my lack of caring, I totally dropped the ball on alerting you to a number of good shows last week. I'll do better this time. I promise. *Crossing heart with index finger* Here's what's on:

8:00
Watch this: "Dancing With the Stars" (ABC). 90 minutes. Kate Gosselin is still hanging in there. I try to look away, but I can't. I never watch the show, just the clips of her afterward. Consider yourselves warned.

9:00
Watch this: "Trauma" (NBC). Nancy and her dad butt heads over his new job as head of the trauma center.
Tape that: "Gossip Girl" (CW). Chuck hosts a wedding for Dorota.
See it online: "24" (FOX). Former president Logan is back? I thought he was dead. I still haven't seen last week's show so I'm at a loss on this one.

10:00
Watch this: "CSI: Miami" (CBS). It's spring break in Miami and the CSIs are called to investigate three murders.
Tape that: "Damages" (FX). Ellen is adopted? No wait, she was given away, but taken back? This plot is almost as confusing as who killed Tom Shayes.
Also on: "True Life: I Have NF" (MTV). The show chronicles young people struggling with neurofibromatosis. I don't know what it is either, but I'll be watching to find out.

Stupid wins because stupid does

I just finished watching the second episode of "Miami Medical" (CBS, Fri., 10:00) and you can totally tell it's produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, the same man who cranks out the "CSI" franchise. It's a good show, but nothing to change your viewing schedule for. In true Bruckheimer form, it's high on shocking plot twists with not much focus on the acting. *Staring at "CSI: Miami's" David Caruso* Here's what happened Sunday night:

"The Amazing Race" (CBS, 8:00): How impressive was last week's "worst-to-first" performance by Team 8 Seconds? I thought the Cowboys were done when they had to endure the Speed Bump penalty for coming in last on a non-elimination leg, but they proved why they are still in the race. Now we're down to the last five teams and I desperately want to see them in the Top 3.

8 Seconds is the first team to leave and are instructed to travel 400 miles to Singapore via a bus and train. When the teams open their clues, they learn they will encounter a U-turn somewhere in the leg. Team Fred and Velma (Brent and Caite), along with the Infective Detectives (Louie and Michael) immediately jump at the chance to use the power on the Sexy Lezzies. Neither team likes Carol or Brandy, left, and they try to get Don't Ask, Won't Tell (Dan and Jordan) to take a swig of their Haterade. Caite announces that she would "100% U-turn Carol and Brandy" because the couple acted mean towards her, adding she wouldn't "mind being the only girl left." Pause it: Raise your hand if you think Caite doesn't know how to calculate 100%.

All teams end up on the same sleeper train to Singapore. When they arrive at the station, the Lezzies try to push their way past the other teams, to no avail. Michael says, “They want to push their way through, try and bully their way through. Wrong crew to bully. Adds Brent, "Ladies get their way. Bitches don't." Once off the train, the teams race to find Allan Wu, hosts of "The Amazing Race Asia," for their next clue. When they get their clues, they discover there's a Fast Forward. The winner of the Fast Forward gets to skip all tasks and go straight to the Pit Stop. Don't Ask, Won't Tell head for it, while the other teams head for the Detour: pound the drums or pound the pavement.

When Dan and Jordan arrive at the Fast Forward, they learn they have to scale the world's tallest observation wheel. Jordan tells Dan, "So maybe now’s a good time to tell you that I’ve just discovered I have an intense fear of heights.” They manage to make it through the challenge and are the first to arrive at the Pit Stop. They win a pair of motorbikes to which they respond, "There is not chance we would ever step on that thing. Our mother would kill us."

Back at the Detour, all teams opt for pounding the drums until most of them realize they have no rhythm. Fred and Velma master the beat and head off to find their next clue while the Detectives, the Lezzies and 8 Seconds all struggle. The Dectectives try to go for the Fast Forward only to get there and see that Dan and Jordan are already doing it. They rush back to pound the pavement - selling ice cream to the locals - while the cowboys and the lesbians are getting beat by the beat. Meanwhile, the Infective Detectives conquer the ice cream challenge and head to the Road Block.

Back at the drum challenge, both the lezzies and the cowboys are about to give up but both teams finally master the performance. Carol and Brandy excitedly hurry to the next clue only to find they've been U-turned by Fred and Velma. "She's an idiot and she's on YouTube to prove it," Carol angrily exclaims. Pause it: Damn, this couple is in serious need of anger management, for real!

After completing a Road Block of counting the links of an enormous anchor chain, it's a race to the finish between the cowboys, the lesbians and the detectives. 8 Seconds manages to come in third behind Fred and Velma. "The closest thing we play to a musical instrument is the radio," Jet tells Phil about their struggles with the drum.

The Lezzies and the Detectives are in a footrace to the Pit Stop and for a split second I saw myself dissolving into a heap of anger at the thought of the Sexy Lezzies being saved by a non-elimination. But alas, my prayers are answered and the Lezzie are taken down by "Brent and Caite Gump". Carol sums up the leg perfectly: "Dumb did us in." That may be true, Lezzies, but dumb is still in the race and you guys are left with nothing but each other. Good luck with that, ladies. You Negative Nellies deserve each other.

The show takes a break next week for the Country Music Awards, so don't fret when you can't find it.

CHANNEL SURFING
Former girl-group singer Rozonda "Chilli" Thomas (from TLC) is looking for love, and I caught a snippet of her new show, "What Chilli Wants" (VH1, 10;00). All I can say is her dating requirements list is almost as long as mine. As she was saying them out loud (must love God, must not eat pork, must have washboard abs, don't drink or smoke, eh em ... well endowed), I felt a lot better about my little "must have all his teeth" requirement. Chilli's friend Missy Elliott even pointed out she'd have to date Jesus find anyone who'd measure up. "I'm gonna send a Disciple your way," she jokes. One requirement that really disturbed me was the "no more than two baby mommas" rule. Really? Just two, huh? Way to keep it classy, Chilli. Is that the standard I have to work with now? Whatever happened to tall, dark and handsome? Now I have to put a numerical limit on baby mommas? I throw up my hands and jut out my hip.

Watch this, tape that - Weekend

I don't really spend much time blogging about weekend shows, but "Medium" is still one of my personal faves. Let's just go ahead and make it official that Fridays will always be a CBS night, that is until "Friday Night Lights" returns to NBC.

FRIDAY
8:00
Watch this: "Ghost Whisperer" (CBS). A ghost dressed as a clown haunts Melinda, and she discovers he was a private investigator. Clowns? I smell a scary dream coming.

9:00
Watch this: "Medium" (CBS). Part 2 of 2. Allison befriends the mystery girl in her dreams, then sets out to protect her from a killer.

10:00
Watch this: "Miami Medical" (CBS). Several people are shot by a gunman at a hotel's outdoor restaurant.

SUNDAY
8:00
Watch this: "The Amazing Race" (CBS). The teams race from Malaysia to Singapore.

9:00
Watch this: "Brothers & Sisters" (ABC). 2 hours.The network is calling it a "movie" but it's simply a 2-hour episode. The Walkers flash back to 1986 to determine the legitimacy of Dennis York's claim. I imagine a lot of bad wigs and shoulder pads.
Tape that: "Masterpiece Classic" (PBS). 2 hours. Not my usual romp, but tonight highlights "The Diary of Anne Frank". Her story is one of the most riveting books I've ever read.

10:00
Watch this: "Treme" (HBO). This is the one time I wish I had HBO! "Treme" takes its name from a district in New Orleans that serves as the birthplace for jazz music. The show offers a glimpse of life in NOLA three years after the devastation of Hurricane Katrina. The first episode focuses on the city's first jazz parade since the hurricane.
Tape that: "Cold Case" (CBS). The team investigates the 1969 murder of a soldier at Woodstock.

Great expectations

I had Thursday off so I actually got the chance to watch a lot of my favorite shows live. A rare treat for someone who watches 60% of my TV shows via the internet. Here's a recap:

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): The Villains have absolutely no clue who they are up against when dealing with Russell Hantz. It's unfortunate for that tribe that they didn't get to see his game play before they started filming this season. Otherwise, he would've been gone the first time the Villains were sent to Tribal Council. His desire to be the ultimate survivor has put his team in a hole they may not be able to dig themselves out of. He's controlling every move they make. And judging by the Heroes' assumption that B-Rob's demise was from an all-girl alliance, I'd say Russell is controlling that tribe as well.

The morning after Tribal Council, Danielle and Parvati are laughing about B-Rob's ouster. "I like blindsiding people," Danielle jokes. Jerri seems to be having a change of heart about her decision and Coach is still pissed that he's been forced into an alliance with Russell. "Are we going to the final five with him?" he asks Jerri. "Let's just see what happens," she says.

Over at the Heroes' camp, J.T. can't put off looking for the hidden immunity idol so he steals away to try to find it for himself. So much for keeping tribe unity and using it for the benefit of the group. He finds it and hastily tries to scamper out of the woods, but he ends up being spotted by Amanda and Candice. Pause it: Amanda is like a little kid who prevents you from hiding the Christmas presents in a good place. She's always around, always snooping, always listening in. "Good thing you walked up," Candice tells her.

The Villains are hoping for a merge when they get the clue to the next challenge, so they pack up their whole camp just in case Probst announces they are now one tribe. Pause it: When I say pack up the camp, I mean they PACK UP THE CAMP! They take down their shelter, grab the tackle box and the chickens and trot to the reward challenge looking like they just left Tent City. When the Heroes get their first look at the new Villains' tribe, Rupert (incorrectly) assumes that B-Rob's departure was at the hands of an all-female alliance. Russell gives J.T. a sad, puppy dog face and mouths the words "Help me", laying the groundwork for the Hero men to think he's running scared. The Villains think they'll be enjoying a pizza feast in celebration of a merge, Probst tells them to "drop their expectations" and get ready for the challenge: bowling, "Survivor" style.

Two Villains must sit out of the challenge and Coach yells for Sandra, right, and Courtney. "I want to eat," he reasons for sitting out what he deems as the two weakest players. Heroes jump out to an early lead after J.T. knocks down 6 pins. The Villains are on a (gutter ball) roll, but finally manage to get on the board. With the score at 2-1, Coach goes up against Amanda, whose roll gives the Heroes their third-straight win. And not only do the Villains lose, but they also have to return to a broken down camp with no food. OUCH!

As the Heroes much on pizza and beer, they label themselves the "Fantastic 5". J.T. (again, incorrectly) surmises that Coach and Russell are sitting ducks on the Villains' tribe. Little do they know that Russell is pulling strings all over Samoa. The Villains are angry at Coach for making Sandra and Courtney sit out. Jerri says they need their strongest players in the game for the immunity challenge, and sitting out the weakest for the chance to score some food will be their downfall. Sandra quickly points out that it was Coach's decision, and they should be pointing fingers at him for the loss, not Courtney and her.

When they get a chance to talk alone, Sandra devises a plan to eliminate Coach. She tells Courtney that they should plant a seed of doubt in Russell that Coach is gunning for him. Sandra says that everyone is playing Russell's version of "Survivor" instead of playing the actual game. Pause it: And she's right. Russell has manipulated this game so much that they should change the name to "Surviving Russell". I rooted for him last season, but his arrogance this time around is more bitch than bully and I can't wait to see him go down.

At the immunity challenge, the teams are belted into pairs and must run an obstacle course in the mud. Basically, it's another way for the girls to lose their swimsuits. Amanda and Candice pair up against Russell and Sandra, and the girls smoke Russell's co-ed team. They don't even finish the course after Sandra can't squeeze herself underneath one of the fences. Coach takes down Rupert in a foot race during the second round, and in the final go, skinny minis Courtney and Parvati prove to be no match for the brawn of Colby and J.T. Heroes win immunity and Courtney hurts her ankle.

Russell is sure his alliance is getting rid of Coach. It looks like Sandra's plan to throw him under Russell's bus may be working until Danielle suggests they keep him around for challenges and dump the weaker Courtney instead. Unhappy that one of his minions would go against him, Russell storms off after Danielle tries to persuade him to rethink his vote. He says he sends home who he wants to send home.

At Tribal Council, it seems as if Coach is unaware that he's on the chopping block, bragging that he encourages the tribe when they are down. Probst points out that Courtney has been made to sit out for a number of the challenges but she counters with "I'm a determined little bitch, and I'll put up with a lot of crap to get to the end."

Coach is voted out, and SURPRISE! He's the first member of the jury. Pause it: Now that's an interesting little twist! If they play it this way for the next few episodes - where the tribes remain separate but the jury fills up - it could make for some riveting Tribal Councils. Russell will definitely be sitting pretty once the Heroes see he's the only guy left. And judging from next week's preview, the Heroes are poised to make the most bone-headed decision in the history of "Survivor": giving Russell their immunity idol. If the girls could smarten up, now would be the time to put that all-female alliance into play and pick off the 4 remaining men one by one. I'm banking on Parvati or Sandra to steer that ship.

CHANNEL SURFING

• "16 & Pregnant" (MTV, Tues., 10:00): 17-year-old senior Leah, a popular high-school cheerleader, gets pregnant by Corey, her rebound guy after breaking up with her boyfriend of two and a half years. After Corey drives her home from a party, one thing leads to another which leads to them having sex in his truck, which ultimately leads to her getting pregnant with twin girls. That's TWO babies. At 17. Two. Leah and Corey try to give it a go, but in the end she ends up alone after constantly picking fights with Corey. She's left taking care of the babies and he moves back in with his parents. Talk about someone regretting their decision. In her closing video, Leah sums it up by saying her life is essentially not worth living because she made a stupid mistake. Hindsight is 20/20 ... and expensive.
  
• "Project Runway" (Lifetime, Thurs., 10:00): It's the final challenge that determines who will move on to Fashion Week and the designers must create a look inspired by the circus. Emilio, who's on a three-win high, has let his ego get the better of him and he's starting to look like a complete ass. Nevertheless, he earns a place in the final three along with Seth Aaron. Mila and Jay are forced into a tie-breaker and both designers will have to design a collection, but only one will show at Fashion Week. But we all know that's not true because 10 "Project Runway" designers got the chance to show at Bryant Park. But we won't go into that again.

Closing credits: Here's one last funny line from the twice-eliminated Anthony. After Tim Gunn questions his choice of color, Anthony says, "I thought all I needed to prepare for this show was my design books, but I'm gonna get me a dictionary just as soon as I get back to Georgia."
One last rant: Oprah, I appreciate your quest to make cars a "no phone zone," but putting people on the spot to sign your contract is like asking Whitney Houston to sing when she's fresh out of rehab: some people just aren't ready.

Resa's Rundown

I don't even know where to start. I really have no excuse for not blogging this week other than the fact that my work schedule has changed and I no longer have the time or energy to blog every night. I told myself that if I ever felt like this blog was keeping me from enjoying television then I wouldn't write. I'm not there yet, but sometimes I just want to enjoy mindless entertainment without the pressure of keeping notes. With that being said, I'll try to touch on some highlights from this week.

"Trauma" (NBC, Mon., 9:00): Once again, Nancy goes rogue and performs a risky procedure in the field. But this time it costs a young cheerleader her mobility when she's paralyzed from the neck down. Nancy's mentor and wannabe dad Joe suffers the consequences - he's fired as chief of surgery from the hospital after Nancy's real dad throws him under the bus.

"The Biggest Loser" (NBC, Tues., 8:00): I was so angry when Melissa, left, won her way back into the game last week, but I couldn't have been any more happy when she got her comeuppance for the third time! For the challenge, the first person to lose 2 percent of their body fat wins immunity. Melissa, the smallest player in the game, only needs to lose 4 lbs to win. But if they push the button to weigh in and miss their target, they are out of the competition. Bob warns Melissa not to lose sight of why she's on the ranch, but all she can focus on is game play. Sam ends up winning the challenge, dropping 10 lbs. in 4 days. After the rest of the contestants gang up on her during a swimming challenge, Melissa loses her second chance at immunity, and gets a one-pound disadvantage at the weigh in. She falls below the yellow line with Andrea and in her last ditch effort to stay in the game, tries to persuade them to keep her in the game because they can all beat her. It was a compelling argument but the losers didn't fall for it. They'd rather keep a harmonious house than have her negative, game-play energy infecting the house.

"The Good Wife" (CBS. Tues., 10:00): The show spins a different web as they tell the story from the perspective of the jury when a college student is accused of killing her roommate. I've been called for jury duty, but I've never served. This episode seemed like a very realistic portrayal of what might go down behind the closed doors of a deliberation room. Sadly, the accused girl copped a plea deal - 10 years for manslaughter - right before the jury came back to say she was found not guilty.

"Parenthood" (NBC, Tues., 10:00): The show got off to a slow start, but it's earned a spot on my do-not-miss list. Jason Katims, who serves as producer on one of my favorite shows ("Friday Night Lights") has definitely put his stamp on "Parenthood". It's poignant, it's raw and it's funny. "FNL" alum Minka Kelly guest stars as autistic Max's behavioral aide, Gaby. She's there to help the family cope with his asperger syndrome and mom Kristina feels the sting when Gaby is able to get Max to do things she's never been able to. Kristina's constant worry is also puts a strain on her marriage after she starts faking the big O during sex. Elsewhere, Crosby finally tells his parents that he's the father of a five-year-old boy and Sarah decides to go out with Amber's English teacher. I like this show because the family dynamic is so touching. It's nice to see a family on TV that actually loves and respects one another. If you haven't tuned in, do it soon before NBC pulls the plug on another great drama.

"South Park" (Comedy Central, Wed., 9:00): This had to be one of THE funniest (and true) episodes of all time! This spoof on the Facebook phenomenon has Kyle up in arms after his friends unfriend him because he friends a kid who has no friends. (Did you get that?) The whole thing just reinforces the idea that social networking is more about the networking part than it is about the social aspect. Here's a snippet from the show. The full episode can be viewed by clicking here.



"Ugly Betty" (ABC, Wed., 10:00): It's Hilda's wedding day and Betty finds herself with old flame Henry as her +1 after she drunk dials him during her trip to Paris. He shows up with his kid in tow and announces that he's moving back to New York just as Betty is offered a job running her own magazine in Paris. She accepts the position, setting up next week's series finale. Also, Justin comes out of the closet at the wedding reception, and Daniel realizes he has feelings for Betty. It's going to be a sad goodbye. *Single tear falling*

Watch this, tape that - Thursday

You've made it over the hump and it's a quick ride down from here. Your Thursday night mix:

8:00
Watch this: "Survivor" (CBS). Now that B-Rob is gone, is it the end of the Villains' dominance of the game?
Tape that: "Bones" (FOX). David Boreanaz directs the show's 100th episode. Brennan and Booth recall their first case together.
Also on: "Flash Forward" (ABC). Mark moves out of the house.

9:00
Watch this: "CSI:" (CBS). An entire family is murdered.
Also on: "Grey's Anatomy" (ABC). It's a repeat. Addison helps Mark's daughter.

10:00
Watch this: "Project Runway" (Lifetime). The designers must create a look inspired by the circus.

Watch this, tape that - Wednesday

New offerings from some old favorites. Here's a Hump Day sampling:

4:00
Watch this: "The Oprah Winfrey Show"(Syndicate, check local listings). The cast of "Glee" will warm your heart with their vocal stylings.

8:00
Watch this: "America's Next Top Model" (CW). Comedian Ross Mathews poses with the models. I can only imagine what Tyra has come up with for this photo shoot.

9:00
Watch this: "Criminal Minds" (CBS). The murders of homeless men in San Francisco sets up the premise for the new spinoff.
Also on: "Modern Family" (ABC). It's a Valentine's Day repeat, but still worth a second look. "American Idol" (FOX). Results show.

10:00
Watch this: "Ugly Betty" (ABC). Hilda's pending nuptials has her family all searching for plus ones.
Tape that: "Law & Order: SVU" (NBC). The detectives realize they misidentified a victim at a wedding.
See it online: "CSI: NY" (CBS). A woman linked to an unsolved murder is found dead and the evidence suggests she committed suicide.
Catch it on second run: "Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat 2" (MTV). It will replay at least 15 times by Saturday.
Also on: "South Park" (Comedy Central).

Watch this, tape that - Tuesday

Here's what's on tonight:

8:00
Watch this: "The Biggest Loser" (NBC). 2 hours. The players have a chance to to win immunity by becoming the first competitor to lose 2 percent of their body weight.
Tape that: "American Idol" (FOX). 2 hours. The remaining nine finalists perform.
Also on: "Dancing With the Stars" (ABC). Results show.

9:00
Watch this: "Lost" (ABC). Desmond is the focus of this episode, brotha.

10:00
Watch this: "The Good Wife" (CBS). A college student is accused to murdering her roommate while under the influence of a sleep aid.
Tape that: "V" (ABC). Valerie's pregnancy is becoming a thorn in Ryan's side.
Catch it on second run: "16 & Pregnant" (MTV). A pregnant teen gives birth to twins.
See it On Demand: "Parenthood" (NBC). I'm really loving this show. Kristina's worries over Max begin to weigh heavily on her and Sarah considers dating Amber's teacher.
Also on: "Millionaire Matchmaker" (Bravo).

Watch this, tape that - Monday

It's manic Monday as the networks try to stack Prime Time to compensate for the NCAA Championship. Here's what's on:

6:00
It's on: NCAA Championship (CBS). It's Butler vs. Duke for the title.

8:00
Watch this: "24" (FOX). 2 hours. I'm back on board with Jack Bauer after almost giving up on the show for the last 2 weeks. President Hassan makes a decision that shocks his family. Lemme guess: He surrenders for the sake of the American people. Recycled plot number 107? Check.
Tape that: "Dancing With the Stars" (ABC). 2 hours. It's the third week of performances and Kate Gosselin tackles the paso doble. She's the only reason I watch.

9:00
Watch this: "Trauma" (NBC). Nancy goes against procedure when treating a cheerleader and Joe pays the price.
Tape that: "Gossip Girl" (CW). Chuck and Blair star in a teen-age version of "Indecent Proposal".

10:00
Watch this: "Damages" (FX). Patty deals with the DA after her star witness is arrested.
Tape that: "Runaway Squad" (A&E). The network gives us a place holder for "Hoarders". A team searches for a Long Island teen.
Also on: "Christian Siriano: Having a Moment" (Bravo). The queen of fierce stars in his own reality series. "True Life: I'm Relocating for Love" (MTV). Pasco mayor Joyce Olson, is that you?

Watch this, tape that - Weekend

It's the weekend, baby!! And most of it will be spent watching shows on CBS.

FRIDAY
8:00
Watch this: "Ghost Whisperer" (CBS). At this point, everyone in Grandview can talk to ghosts. Tonight, one causes violence by controlling the pen of a graphic novelist to create scenarios that come true.

9:00
Watch this: "Medium" (CBS). Part 1 of 2. Allison dreams of an enigmatic girl and the same dreams haunt her daughters.

10:00
Watch this: "Miami Medical" (CBS). Series premiere. A pregnant woman is injured during a gas explosion.

SATURDAY
8:00
Watch this: "The Ten Commandments" (ABC). It's the annual Easter romp and don't forget it's like 3 days long.

SUNDAY
8:00
Watch this: "The Amazing Race" (CBS). The teams travel to Malaysia.
Tape that: "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" (ABC). A family of 15 have their hurricane-ravaged home rebuilt.

10:00
Watch this: "Cold Case" (CBS). The serial killer is identified.

Old School vs. New School

My lord, my lord! It was a battle for the ages tonight! Now, I don't really consider myself to be a competitive person, but I love to win. And someone in my "Survivor" betting pool went down tonight. Sorry, Jackie! I still have two picks left (Danielle and J.T.), along with Janet (Russell and Sandra). Michael is hanging all of his hopes on J.T. Here's hoping Danielle can stay under the radar long enough to make it to the merge. Here's what happened Thursday night:

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): It's Day 16 on Samoa and the castaways are not only restless, they are getting ruthless. After Tyson blindsided himself at the last Tribal Council, B-Rob can't figure out what went wrong. He's seething over the fact that Russell got the upper hand on him, but his brain is working overtime trying to figure out why Russ and his harem are so giddy. "It's 3 against 5," Rob rations. Tricky math, my friend. Tricky math.

Russell and Parvati are trying to reel Jerri into their alliance but she's noncommittal. Parv promises to take her to the final four, even after Jerri admits she's not fond of her. Parv thinks Jerri is jealous that Russell used his idol to save her, and Jerri has never had a man do that for her. Rewind: I got a mental flashback of Jerri chasing Colby around the Australian Outback like a needy puppy.

Over on the Heroes' beach, Rupert thinks it's time for Colby to step up, especially since they got rid of James on the hope that he'll deliver. "He's got something to prove today," Rupert says. Colby acknowledges that he's got to "put up or shut up" and I know he has to be pissing his pants with fear that he won't pull through.

It's a 3-on-3 water wrestling basketball game for reward. The winner gets a feast by a secluded waterfall. All eyes are on Colby to see if he can bring it and he most definitely does. He scores 2 of the 3 points needed to win and throws in an assist for Candace to score a point. "We dropped a hammer on the Villains," Colby says. Pause it: I don't know what was up with the Villains during this challenge. They spent so much time wrestling that they forgot they needed to score a basket. Colby says the win relieves some of the tension within the Heroes tribe and they can spend one day away from the game. No such luck because at the feast, Candace finds a clue to another hidden immunity idol. The group agrees to put the note aside and enjoy the day, but Amanda just can't wait. She reads the clue and the tribe agrees to look for the idol together then use it against the Villains after the merge. Colby says this solidifies them as a team because they are willing to work together for the good of the tribe.

Back at the Villains' camp, Russell is still trying to work his magic on Jerri and Coach. He promises to take them to the final 3 (I wonder how Parv and Danielle feel about that equation). Jerri says she's made her decision and she's joining their alliance, but she'll only go all in if Coach does too. Pause it: Wow, Jerri! You basically just told Coach to bend over and take it. He's none too happy about being pulled into an alliance without his permission and he lets Jerri know it. "I can't believe you just threw all your eggs into Russell's basket!" he says. Jerri reasons, "You can't be the good guy to everyone and win this game."

At the immunity challenge, it's an obstacle relay slash puzzle challenge. The Villains dominate the first few legs until ragdoll Courtney loses a ton of time because she's too scared to jump from the net. They lose their lead, opening the door for the Heroes to stage a comeback. Once again it comes down to the dreaded puzzle (which the Heroes are like, 0 and 36). It's B-Rob and Sandra for the Villains and J.T. and Amanda working to solve it for the Heroes. J.T. and Amanda stay calm and quiet, working together like a well oiled - and probably foul-smelling - machine. They win immunity for the first time in God knows when, prompting Russell to mumble, "We got whooped!"

It's scramble time for the Villains and Coach is the first to throw weakest link Courtney's name into the fire. Russell says it's time to weed off the weak: Courtney or Sandra - right in front of Courtney and Sandra. This is where the Old School vs. New School competition begins as B-Rob is astounded that someone would reveal their voting strategy in the presence of the people they are planning to vote for. That's not how it was done the first two times he played, but Russell has taken the game of Survivor to a whole new level; one on which most castaways can't compete. Rob still doesn't get that! Survivor is no longer about being the strongest, it's about who can control the most people. And while B-Rob proved he could outplay the Heroes, he forgot he needed to outwit his own team to get farther in the game.

It's obvious Rob and Russell are gunning for each other but Coach is the one who's caught in their crosshairs. Russell thinks he has the dragon slayer in his back pocket, while B-Rob says the best way to a man's vote is through his loyalty. His plan is to guilt Coach into voting his way by reminding him that his word is his bond. Rob plays him like a video game and Coach agrees to follow his lead. Russell has other plans for Coach's vote - he thinks it's time to blindside Rob. Coach tries to talk them into voting out Courtney, but folds under Russell's mind games. "I'm with you guys 100%." Pause it: That yellow-bellied coward isn't with anyone.

At Tribal Council, Coach says the Villains made a big mistake voting out Tyson, calling him the bridge that kept the three alliances in contact with each other. Rob chimes in by pointing out that people are more worried about keeping their alliances strong, the the greater good of the team. Coach practically begs for B-Rob and Russell to bury the hatchet, but Russell threatens with "If you're gunning for me, you're not going to get what you want."

Well, you don't always get what you want, Rob. In one of the fiercest rivalries in "Survivor" history, Boston Rob comes up on the losing end. He's voted out after Jerri sides with Russell and Coach casts his vote for Courtney. He goes to give Rob an exit hug, but Rob shoves him off calling him "a little man." At least he kept his word by not writing Rob's name down.

Do you think getting rid of Rob was good strategy, or will this be the move that causes the Villains to implode? Personally, I was kind of sad to see Rob go. It was cute watching him try to play the game like it was 2004, but we're in a day and age where Congressmen get rocks thrown through their windows for voting for a health-care bill. This ain't your daddy's "Survivor", it's Russell's.