Check in

Just quickly checking in to say that yes, I did watch the finale of "Survivor" and yes, I have plenty of thoughts about it. But they'll have to wait until I am no longer surrounded by 12 brothers and sisters and a gazillion nieces and nephews who are all demanding a piece of my attention. Until then, make sure you're watching "Friday Night Lights" (NBC, Fri., 8:00). It's hands down THE BEST SHOW ON TELEVISION!

Bait and switch

My sisters think it's crazy for me to blog while I'm on vacation, especially given all the other things I could be doing besides watching TV. (They have never quite understood my love for all things television). I have only watched about 3 hours of TV in the past 5 days, which for me would be the equivalent of trying to quit smoking cold turkey. But I couldn't let Thursday go by without giving some quick thoughts on "Survivor" (CBS, Thurs., 8:00).

First of all, the episode was nothing more than a glorified Sprint commercial. I guess I was supposed to be looking at how cool the phone was but all I kept thinking was how dirty their hands were while they were handling that shiny phone.

Secondly, I've had just about all I can stand out of Russell. When he called the girls "unappreciative little bitches" after Jerri didn't invite him along on the reward win, I wanted to punch him in the face. I wonder if he talks about his wife and daughters like that when he doesn't get his way. I'm pretty sure it will be him, Sandra and Parvati in the final 3. I'm pulling for Sandra, but I know Parvati has got the game in the bag.

Lastly, that immunity challenge reminded me of the game they played many seasons ago there the castaways had to stand in some weird Chinese contraption holding coins between their fingers. It looked really painful and I don't know that I could've held that position for 17 minutes. Pause it: But I'm certain I could've lasted longer than Colby's 15 seconds. Give that guy a V-8 and send him home.

Parvati wins immunity, foiling Russell's plan to backdoor her out of the game. He immediately sets his sights on Rupert, after giving Colby and Rupert his word that he was with them until the finals. Rupert and Colby vote to get rid of Sandra, who calmly plays the hidden idol. Rupert is shut down and gives the others the stink eye on his way out.

Tune in Sunday at 8 for the finale and reunion show. I can't wait to see Russell lose again. Although, I fear he may shoot himself if he doesn't get the title this time around.

Time out

I'm going to be leaving on a jet plane this week, heading to Arkansas for graduations and such. I'll be checking in periodically (i.e., "Survivor" night), but I'll do my best to have you come over if I see something worth watching.

Sour grapes

I was convicted this week after a coworker (and TV Watch Party attendee) told me that they miss my "Amazing Race" updates because that was their way to keep up with the show. I've taken notes on every episode, but for some reason, I haven't felt compelled to write about it ... until now. It's finale night!

"The Amazing Race" (CBS, 8:00): After last week's elimination of the detectives, I told my Watch Party cohort Mary that I would be OK with Don't Ask, Won't Tell (Dan and Jordan) winning the race if 8 Seconds (cowboys Jet and Cord) didn't come in first. Cut to me a week later completely pissed that the cowboys didn't win. Pause it: I could've dragged out the suspense until the end by giving you a play-by-play of what went down, but at this point it doesn't even matter. The real story is whether or not Dan and Jordan cheated their way into first and if the Sexy Lezzies' finish-line tirade ruined the show. *Checking 'yes' box on the survey*

At the start of the leg, the teams are told to hop a 6,000 mile flight to San Francisco. The teams are all even because the ticket counter doesn't open until 10:45 the next morning. Rewind: That really sucked because Don't Ask, Won't Tell were about 4 hours behind the cowboys. Now this is where it gets dicey: While Jet and Cord slept in line at the ticket counter, Dan and Jordan cut in front of them. The normally calm cowboys were rightly ticked off. "If they wanna drop the gloves, they can drop the gloves," Jet says. Once on the plane, Dan talks a flight attendant into letting them move to empty seats in first class.

There is a lot of buzz about whether moving to first class is cheating, but the rules of the race say you must BUY tickets in coach, but if you are moved or given seats in first or business class, that's OK. As for the cutting in line, that was just effed up. It's one thing to jockey for first place by trying to get tickets on a tight flight, but what Dan and Jordan did was just poor sportsmanship. Yes, they are competing for a million dollars, but what's great about "The Amazing Race" is that teams (for the most part) keep it clean (sort of). Maybe I'm just salty because the cowboys were so nice to the other teams. Good Karma should've been their cab driver on this leg.

For a last leg, the challenges weren't that hard: a 120-foot vertical climb, navigating a virtual world and solving a memory puzzle about eliminations. The virtual world was the most entertaining, only because of the way Cord was yelling out fake instructions while Dan was giving Jordan directions. "Do a back flip!" "Sashay!" "Ballet move!" I had to watch it twice because we were laughing so hard.

Where are Fred and Velma, you ask? They got stuck with an Asian cab driver who didn't understand them yelling at him and each other. "I want to punch you in the face," Caite lovingly yells at Brent. They never could catch up and ended up coming in third behind the cowboys.

At the finish line, the Lezzies are the only team that doesn't clap when Brent and Caite arrive at the check in. Pause it: Shame on usually-super-nice Phil for instigating Carol and Brandy, who are obviously still smarting about being U-Turned. "I don't want to hear 'sorry' from you. You purposely whacked us," Brandy screams. Talk about Debbie Downer! Not only did they have horrible attitudes on the race, but they proved what bitches they are by ruining what should've been a congratulatory moment for those who actually finished the race. Good for Caite for defusing the situation by not letting Brandy have the last word. "I'm the one standing here and not you." Touche.

Even though the cowboys didn't win, at least they left with some class and their integrity in tact, unlike Dan and Jordan, who successfully lived out his life-long dream of running the race, but will now carry the name "Team I Wanted the Cowboys To Win."

Some parting thoughts: If I ever hear the words "C'mon, bro!" again, I will fly to Rhode Island to beat Dan and Jordan with an ugly stick; I find it very ironic that the teams left Shanghai for California and everyone ended up Asian cab drivers.

CHANNEL SURFING
If you get some free time, check out last week's episode of "Medium" (cbs.com). It was quite the mix of time travel and ghost whispering. A fascinating show, indeed.

There's no crying in "Survivor"

What are the chances that as I prepare to go on vacation, I start coming down with something? I think my body senses that rest is right around the corner and is ready to start the vacation before it's actually time. Add that to the guilt I'm feeling for not blogging about "The Amazing Race" and you've got yourself a sickly scribe. For those of you who follow the show, it's 8 Seconds, Don't Ask, Won't Tell and Fred and Velma in the finals. The last leg wraps up in San Francisco on Sunday. Here's a quick recap of ...

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): Last season, I had a love/hate relationship with Russell. In the beginning I hated him, but by the end of the game I loved the way he was able to manipulate people into doing whatever he wanted. This season? Not so much. It's strictly hate/hate. I hate the way he tries to control women. I hate the way he insults anyone with a face. I hate the way he cockily thinks he's running the show when, in reality, it's Parvati who is outwitting circles around him.

After Candice foolishly voted with the Villains at last the Tribal Council, Rupert and Colby return to camp with a plethora of adjectives to describe her. "Colby and I are on a sinking ship," Rupert says. "There are no other Heroes." His nice-cup finally runneth over and he calls Russell out for being a liar and swearing on his kids' life. "Rupert, I'm a Villain ... I'm here to make your life hell," Russell yells.

When the castaways show up for the challenge, Jeff Probst informs them that it's an immunity challenge. Pause it: It looked like some sort of torture device. Our defense department should take note. The players must stand on an uncomfortable perch, holding up one arm which is attached to a bucket full of colored water. Both Rupert and Parv played the game once before, with Parv winning after lasting for six hours. Probst warns them that he'll be tempting them with food items throughout the challenge. After one minute in, he comes out with a covered tray. Both Sandra and Russell immediately agree to step down before he even reveals the item. Luckily for them it was milk and cookies and not some sort of Samoan delicacy or fish eyes or goat's feet. Another 20 minutes goes by and Colby steps down for doughnuts and coffee. One by one they all step down, leaving Rupert and Parvati to battle for immunity. Rupert and his broken toe (and what looks like the same bandage he's been wearing since day one) can't get comfortable on the perch and falls off after an 70 minutes. Parvati wins immunity.

Before the tribe departs, Probst reads a clue to another hidden immunity idol for everyone to hear. Rewind: I wonder if he did that because of the Danielle/Amanda scuffle last week where the rules were blurry about who owns the clue once it's found. When they get back to camp, everyone scatters to find the "burning bush" the clue spoke of. Pause it: How funny was it that Sandra was actually looking for a bush that was consumed by fire. This is Samoa sweetie, not Israel. Sandra does end up finding the idol and smartly stashes it under a rock to go back and read later. Rupert, knowing his time is almost up, decides to pretend he found the idol. He stuffs a rock in his pants pocket and returns to camp.

When Russell sees the bulge in Rupert's pocket (tee hee) he assumes that Rup has found the idol. "I know what a hidden idol looks like," he says. (Apparently it looks like a rock in your pocket). Russell tells his Villains that they must flush out the idol by splitting the votes between Rupert and Colby. They both opt for writing down Candice's name, which is funny because unbeknownst to Russell, Parv and the Pips want to get rid of Candice, too.

At Tribal Council, Probst probes Candice about her decision to flip to the Villains' side. She reasons that Amanda was next to go no matter how she voted. Colby tells her he's not buying her excuses and wants her to woman up about the real reason she jumped ship. She admits that she did it to advance herself in the game. After the votes are cast, Probst asks if anyone is going to play an idol. Rupert touches his pocket as if he's happy to see it, but alas, he has no idol. After a tight vote, Candice is voted out. Pause it: The Villains rode her hard and hung her up wet. In her parting words, she says, "Karma is a bitch sometimes." No truer words, girl. No truer words.

The castaways return to camp and Russell is furious again. His plan to split the votes was overruled by Parv and now he sees that he's not in control of the game anymore.

The second immunity challenge, is a puzzle race course. The first people to finish each round advances to the next one. The first round is a table maze and Rupert quickly finishes. Useless Colby brings up the rear while Sandra, Russell, Parv and Danielle join Rupert in the next round - a climbing wall. The players are given four pegs to use to get up the wall, but Russ practically runs up the almost-vertical spread. He moves ahead with Rupert and Parvati. The final round is a sliding puzzle. It looks like Rupert is about to escape the chopping block, but Russ comes from behind for the win. Dejected, Rupert says, "The lie of a rock in my pocket is not gonna save me tonight."

When the Villains discuss who they want gone, Parvati stresses that Rupert has to go next. She says that they are still five strong and they have plenty of time to worry about turning on each other. Russell, on the other hand, is worried about the weird bisexual current that's flowing between Parv and Danielle. He says it's supposed to be him and Parvati as a team, not her and Danielle. He wants to break up the happy couple and devises a plan to have them turn on each other. He tells each girl that the other wants to take her out of the game. What he didn't anticipate was Parvati challenging his information. She insists on talking to Danielle to get to the bottom of things. "If you do that, you're out of this game," Russ threatens. Parv counters with, "Don't tell me I can't have a conversation with anyone."

Once the girls talk, they realize that Russ's paranoia is getting the better of him. And now that the ladies know he lied, he's determined to eliminate Danielle. Getting rid of her will insure that Parvati will "stick to him like glue." Parv and Dani need Jerri's vote to make sure their plan to vote off Rupert goes down. She promises that she's sticking to the plan. Pause it: I'm at a loss as to why they didn't see this was a sign to blindside Russell.

This time at Tribal, Probst asks Rupert who's running the show. He says it's Parvati and Russell

who are in control of the game. It seems as if that answer stung Danielle a bit and she counters with the Villains make decisions together. Probst continues to needle Danielle about how things are going around camp. She tries to maintain the "one-big-happy-family" facade, but it crumbles when Jerri admits that camp was a little rowdy. Dani suggests it was just a misunderstanding and that everything is fine. Pause it: Did anyone notice how Danielle looked like Parvati's shadow, saying everything that Parv said 2 seconds after she said it. It was like Tribal Council was in Surround Sound. Danielle gets emotionally over Russell's distrust and starts sobbing. "We've been an alliance since the beginning," she cries. She says she's exhausted and the game is taking everything out of her. She then continues to seal her own fate when she reveals that she's closer to Parvati than Russell is. Cut to Parvati shaking her head and Dani's bonehead move. She basically turned her cards over for everyone to see. While Danielle is digging her grave, Russell is preparing her coffin - he whispers to Jerri to write down Dani's name. She complies and just like that, Danielle is done.

Again I have to ask: What is wrong with the castaways this season? I'm certain that Parvati has bathed in some magical potion that makes everyone fall for her charms. Why else would these people keep falling for her the way they do. The way Danielle was sobbing you would think she had some sort of girl crush on Parv. And Russell. Poor Russell. How devastated is he going to be when he loses this game for a second time? So much for that "Dumb ass girl alliance" comment. Like Candice said, karma is a bitch sometimes.

Watch this, tape that - Thursday

If you're loving this season of "Survivor," raise your hand! I thought so. Me too. Here's what's on:

8:00
Watch this: "Survivor" (CBS). Parvati is poised to take over this game now that she and Russell are on the outs.
Tape that: "Bones" (FOX). A quick tutorial is in order for Booth and Bones after two bodies are found in a cabin in the woods.
Also on: "Flash Forward" (ABC).

9:00
Watch this: "CSI:" (CBS). A mother is suspected in the disappearance of her family three years earlier.
Tape that: "Grey's Anatomy" (ABC). It's a repeat. A 700-pound patient arrives at Seattle Grace with numerous medical problems.
Also on: "The Office" (NBC).

10:00
Watch this: "Private Practice" (ABC). A frail Will returns and Naomi begs her other boyfriend to try his experimental ALS treatment on him.

Watch this, tape that - Wednesday

Happy Hump Day! Here are some shows to get you over the hurdle:

8:00
Watch this: "America's Next Top Model" (CW). The models visit the set of "The Lord of the Rings." I'm sure there will be some modeling, too.
Also on: "Lie to Me" (FOX). It's a repeat, but be prepared for fresh episodes to come soon.

9:00
Watch this: "Modern Family" (ABC). Gloria surprises Jay with a birthday trip to Hawaii, but somehow the rest of the family tags along.
Tape that: "Criminal Minds" (ABC). A killer commits suicide and leaves behind a clue identifying a person he kidnapped that could still be alive.

10:00
Watch this: "Law & Order: SVU" (NBC). A pregnant rape victim runs away from the hospital.
Tape that: "CSI: NY" (CBS). The team probes hardcore fighting after a slab of concrete starts bleeding.
Catch it on second run: "Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat 2" (MTV).

Watch this, tape that - Tuesday

I am officially disappointed in "Glee." The last two episodes have left me scratching my head and closing my ears. Here's what's on:

8:00
Watch this: "The Biggest Loser" (NBC). 2 hours. It's makeover night! The contestants get new looks and a $1,000 shopping spree.
Also on: "American Idol" (FOX). "Dancing With the Stars" (ABC). Results show.

9:00
Watch this: "Lost" (ABC). Jack starts to question Locke Monster's motives after he's asked to do a tough task.
Tape that: "Glee" (FOX). Will responds to rumors that are spreading around the school about the glee kids.

10:00
Watch this: "Parenthood" (NBC). I am LOVING this show! Now that Crosby and Jasmine have hooked up, they've got some 'splainin' to do to Jabbar.
Tape that: "The Good Wife" (CBS). Peter may go back to jail after his monitor goes off when he leaves the apartment to chase after Alicia.
See it online: "V" (ABC). "The Hills" (MTV).

Watch this, tape that - Monday

As my vacation approaches, I'm trying to determine what to do about the blog while I'm away. I'm going to try to do my best to check in every now and again, but I'll be with family and we all know how hit-or-miss that can be. Here's your Monday daily dose:

8:00
Watch this: "Dancing With the Stars" (ABC). Is anyone still watching now that Kate Gosselin is gone? I didn't really think so.

9:00
Watch this: "Gossip Girl" (CW). Serena's dad continues to cause trouble for Rufus and Lily.
Tape that: "American Experience" (PBS). The show examines the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. in "Roads to Memphis," which tracks James Earl Ray's cross-country odyssey.
See it online: "24" (FOX). Jack is still hell-bent on revenge for Renee's death.

10:00
Watch this: "CSI: Miami" (CBS). A jewelry heist results in murder and during the investigation, evidence is stolen from the lab.