The networks must have gotten together and decided to do public service announcement episodes on the dos and don'ts of drinking.
Glee (Fox, 9:00): I haven't had a show get me this excited about Wednesdays since the first season of "Lost". "Glee" is "High School Musical" on a steroids/Viagra cocktail. What I love is it's the perfect blend of sex, satire, biting humor and popular music, and the FCC isn't complaining about it, at least not yet. Kristin Chenoweth guest starred as April Rhodes, a former high school classmate of Mr. Schuester's who still has the talent but is clearly missing her sobriety. He persuades her back into the glee club with the promise of helping her clean up her act and graduate from high school.
Mr. Schue tells April she needs to try and fit in with the rest of the glee club after her drunken outbursts leave them cold. The scenes where she was teaching the kids to drink, steal and shower (you naughty girl, you) had my jaw on the floor. Rachel is still nursing her musical wounds from quitting glee. I'll be glad when she stops dry humping the glee club and just gets it on. All this "I'm in/I'm out" teasing is turning me off. Pause it: How many girls out there felt the sting when Rachel found out Finn is about to be a baby daddy? I know it wasn't just me. Did you think the show was a little heavy handed on the drinking drama?
Tonight's episode was light on the humor, but there were a few lines that made me chuckle:
Puck: "Are you all that stupid? Seriously! I bet you thought Bert and Ernie were just roommates."
April, teaching the girls how to steal: "If you can master this, you can sneak anything out of a store between your knees. ... I once got a cake out of a kid's birthday party with the candle still lit."
Germaphobe Emma to a drunken Kurt: "I'm a girl who knows my solvents, and your breath smells like rubbing alcohol."
Featured songs:
Maybe This Time from "Cabaret"
Alone by Heart
Last Name by Carrie Underwood
Somebody to Love by Queen
Real World/Road Rules Challenge - The Ruins (MTV, 10:00): Don't ask me why I still watch this show when I haven't seen an episode of "The Real World" since 2006 (The Real World: Irrelevant!). Walla Walla resident Tonya (RW: Chicago) is easily one of the most unhinged characters in reality TV history. She was already falling down drunk and had at least 4 altercations before we hit the first commercial break. If "Intervention" were still on, I would be ushering her to the nearest detox tank. (Right this way, Ms. McDrunky.) Wes is setting himself up to be the resident hot head and as much as I want to see him get his comeuppance, it's guys like him who last the whole season. Rewind and pause it: Let me get this straight. Cohutta once dated KellyAnne who's now dating Wes who was engaged to Johanna who hooked up with Kenny on the last challenge. I need an STD test just typing that. When was the last time you caught an episode of "The Real World"? (And don't pretend you haven't sat through those marathons.)
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Watch this, tape that
Here's what I'm watching tonight. You should too!
8:00 p.m.
Watch this - America's Next Top Model (CW)
Tape that - So You Think You Can Dance (Fox). It's still in the audition phase.
I'm also hearing good things about "The National Parks" special (PBS), but I haven't seen it.
9:00 p.m.
Watch this - Criminal Minds (CBS) or Law & Order: SVU (NBC). Neither show is available online, so catch it now or wait until the season goes into repeats.
Tape that - Glee (Fox). It's much better on playback so you can rewind it as many times as you like. And trust me, you will like.
See it online - Modern Family (ABC). It's funny, but you can watch it later.
10:00 p.m.
Watch this - CSI: NY (CBS). Top Chef is a repeat tonight, otherwise I'd see it online.
Tape that - Real World/Road Rule Challenge (MTV). It's juvenile and outdated, but I still love it.
8:00 p.m.
Watch this - America's Next Top Model (CW)
Tape that - So You Think You Can Dance (Fox). It's still in the audition phase.
I'm also hearing good things about "The National Parks" special (PBS), but I haven't seen it.
9:00 p.m.
Watch this - Criminal Minds (CBS) or Law & Order: SVU (NBC). Neither show is available online, so catch it now or wait until the season goes into repeats.
Tape that - Glee (Fox). It's much better on playback so you can rewind it as many times as you like. And trust me, you will like.
See it online - Modern Family (ABC). It's funny, but you can watch it later.
10:00 p.m.
Watch this - CSI: NY (CBS). Top Chef is a repeat tonight, otherwise I'd see it online.
Tape that - Real World/Road Rule Challenge (MTV). It's juvenile and outdated, but I still love it.
Hooah, and stuff
"Army Wives" (Lifetime, Sun., 10:00): The power was out on lower Queen Anne for most of Sunday night so I'm just now getting the chance to watch one of my favorite Sunday night shows.
I dated a soldier a few years back and shortly after we met he deployed to Iraq. All that writing back and forth really gave me an appreciation of how serious it is over there and how difficult it is to see a fellow soldier die in the field. Now every time I see a man in uniform, it makes me feel sad, but proud. That's how I felt watching this episode. Jeremy finally returned home from Iraq, just a few weeks after one of his buddies was killed by a sniper's bullet that could have easily taken him out moments before. You can see the guilt about to boil over. And how touching was it for him to visit the family of that fallen soldier and give the details of the last moments of his life.
So you have a young soldier returning home, and then there's Lt. Colonel Joan Burton deploying. Her baby is not even a year old and she's leaving for a war zone. When she asked Roland if they could say goodbye at home instead of at the airfield so she could remain strong in front of her soldiers, I lost it! But of course little Sarah Elizabeth gets sick soon after Joan leaves. Do you think it was right for Roland not to tell Joan the baby was ill? If you were in Joan's shoes would you want to know?
Pamela and Chase are headed down a slippery slope. Being married to a soldier who's in Special Ops and can't divulge anything about his missions would be enough to kill any relationship. Throw in the fact that he's hiding something. I think Pamela is right: Chase does care more about Delta than he does his family. But that's just my single-woman opinion.
I dated a soldier a few years back and shortly after we met he deployed to Iraq. All that writing back and forth really gave me an appreciation of how serious it is over there and how difficult it is to see a fellow soldier die in the field. Now every time I see a man in uniform, it makes me feel sad, but proud. That's how I felt watching this episode. Jeremy finally returned home from Iraq, just a few weeks after one of his buddies was killed by a sniper's bullet that could have easily taken him out moments before. You can see the guilt about to boil over. And how touching was it for him to visit the family of that fallen soldier and give the details of the last moments of his life.
So you have a young soldier returning home, and then there's Lt. Colonel Joan Burton deploying. Her baby is not even a year old and she's leaving for a war zone. When she asked Roland if they could say goodbye at home instead of at the airfield so she could remain strong in front of her soldiers, I lost it! But of course little Sarah Elizabeth gets sick soon after Joan leaves. Do you think it was right for Roland not to tell Joan the baby was ill? If you were in Joan's shoes would you want to know?
Pamela and Chase are headed down a slippery slope. Being married to a soldier who's in Special Ops and can't divulge anything about his missions would be enough to kill any relationship. Throw in the fact that he's hiding something. I think Pamela is right: Chase does care more about Delta than he does his family. But that's just my single-woman opinion.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
You lie!!
I'm a day behind, but what an interesting experiment to watch "Lie to Me" (Fox, Mon., 9:00), a show that exposes truth and lies by clues on the human face, right before watching the manufactured melodrama of "The Hills" (MTV, Tues., 10:00).
On "Lie to Me", Dr. Cal Lightman is the world's leading deception expert. In last night's episode, he was tasked with determining if a woman with multiple personalities was telling the truth about witnessing a murder. Erika Christensen did a phenomenal job in the role, going back and forth between a student, a prostitute and what I think was a dude, but I couldn't tell. Pause it: I would think Dr. Lightman would be every woman's dream. A man who can decipher your emotions just by the furrow of your brow or the shape of your smile? Cuts down on the talk time, no? I love how just before cutting to commercial they show famous people's faces and leave it to you to determine what emotion they may be giving off.
I would love to see Dr. Lightman take a stab at the cast of "The Hills". Oh, the fakery of it all. I'm no deception detective, but I could totally tell by their tones that the fight between Kristin, Audrina and Stephanie was staged ... along with everything else that followed. We're supposed to think Heidi and Spencer Pratt were returning from their honeymoon, but I'm 99.9% sure they were just getting back from the jungles of "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here".
Ladies, does the "girl code of dating" really apply when you were never friends with the girl who's dating your ex? Audrina claims she's done with Justin Bobby, so why make a beeline to Kristin when she sees them talking. And can someone tell me what the deal is with J.B. that makes him so irresistible? It must be the ... motorcycle.
The line of the night goes to Heidi, who says to Spencer while house hunting: "This looks like a porno pad." That would be REALLY funny if you hadn't just posed for Playboy you idiot.
On "Lie to Me", Dr. Cal Lightman is the world's leading deception expert. In last night's episode, he was tasked with determining if a woman with multiple personalities was telling the truth about witnessing a murder. Erika Christensen did a phenomenal job in the role, going back and forth between a student, a prostitute and what I think was a dude, but I couldn't tell. Pause it: I would think Dr. Lightman would be every woman's dream. A man who can decipher your emotions just by the furrow of your brow or the shape of your smile? Cuts down on the talk time, no? I love how just before cutting to commercial they show famous people's faces and leave it to you to determine what emotion they may be giving off.
I would love to see Dr. Lightman take a stab at the cast of "The Hills". Oh, the fakery of it all. I'm no deception detective, but I could totally tell by their tones that the fight between Kristin, Audrina and Stephanie was staged ... along with everything else that followed. We're supposed to think Heidi and Spencer Pratt were returning from their honeymoon, but I'm 99.9% sure they were just getting back from the jungles of "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here".
Ladies, does the "girl code of dating" really apply when you were never friends with the girl who's dating your ex? Audrina claims she's done with Justin Bobby, so why make a beeline to Kristin when she sees them talking. And can someone tell me what the deal is with J.B. that makes him so irresistible? It must be the ... motorcycle.
The line of the night goes to Heidi, who says to Spencer while house hunting: "This looks like a porno pad." That would be REALLY funny if you hadn't just posed for Playboy you idiot.
Minus Jon
People magazine is reporting that Jon Gosselin has been dropped from "Jon & Kate Plus 8" (TLC, Mon., 9:00) and they are renaming the show "Kate Plus 8". Is anyone really surprised since Jon's recent decision to add 2 women to the equation? The new format begins Nov. 2.
Lightening round
"Lincoln Heights" (ABC Family, Mon., 8:00): The acting on this show is getting worse by the week. The way Cassie says the name "Charles" every 5 minutes is like nails on a chalkboard. And I have not seen a family in such peril on a weekly basis since the Kennedys. C'mon Suttons! You've survived an earthquake, 2 attacks on the kids, a near charge for murder and dad getting shot. All that's missing is a bout with swine flu and we've got ourselves a season. We're only 3 episodes in and I feel like I need a bullet-proof vest and a haz-mat suit while I'm watching. Keep it up or I'm trading you in for reruns on TNT.
"Gossip Girl" (CW, Mon., 9:00): Am I the only one grossed out by the fact that Dan and Serena now share a brother? I know they aren't related (there's a lot of baby mama/daddy drama in there), but it does make their past relationship seem somewhat incestuous. The kids (and I use that term loosely) on this show are supposedly one semester out of high school, so why does it feel like they all sit around drinking cognac and puffing on expensive cigars? Pause it: The dress Serena wore to the Sotheby auction isn't something you typically see without a street corner and a slow-moving car in the background. Blair and Chuck have the most dysfunctional relationship this side of Jon and Kate. For two people who exude such confidence, they really lack self-esteem.
Commercial break: Whoever told Zooey Deschanel she could sing must have been headless. She completely murders one of my favorite commercial jingles: the cotton theme song.
"CSI: Miami" (CBS, Mon., 10:00): Sharif Atkins, aka Dr. Gallant from "ER", turns up as deranged shooter Ted who takes the crime lab under siege. I had a really hard time believing Atkins in this role, as he was such a gentle guy on "ER". But it's nice to see him stretch his acting chops. Thank you, Heavenly Host, for sparing us one of Horatio's opening lines tonight. I never watched "NYPD Blue", but I can't imagine David Caruso being anything other than the dry line deliverer that he is on this show. We were barely 20 minutes in before Jessie Cardoza, played by hottie Eddie Cibrian, had his shirt off. We should keep a counter of how many times he goes shirtless this season. I'm always amazed at the things I learn on the "CSI:" franchises. It's a wonder we aren't all professional counterfeiters.
No "Jon & Kate Plus 8" tonight. I don't watch when it's Kate's week. Or Jon's for that matter. It's minus Resa on this one.
"Gossip Girl" (CW, Mon., 9:00): Am I the only one grossed out by the fact that Dan and Serena now share a brother? I know they aren't related (there's a lot of baby mama/daddy drama in there), but it does make their past relationship seem somewhat incestuous. The kids (and I use that term loosely) on this show are supposedly one semester out of high school, so why does it feel like they all sit around drinking cognac and puffing on expensive cigars? Pause it: The dress Serena wore to the Sotheby auction isn't something you typically see without a street corner and a slow-moving car in the background. Blair and Chuck have the most dysfunctional relationship this side of Jon and Kate. For two people who exude such confidence, they really lack self-esteem.
Commercial break: Whoever told Zooey Deschanel she could sing must have been headless. She completely murders one of my favorite commercial jingles: the cotton theme song.
"CSI: Miami" (CBS, Mon., 10:00): Sharif Atkins, aka Dr. Gallant from "ER", turns up as deranged shooter Ted who takes the crime lab under siege. I had a really hard time believing Atkins in this role, as he was such a gentle guy on "ER". But it's nice to see him stretch his acting chops. Thank you, Heavenly Host, for sparing us one of Horatio's opening lines tonight. I never watched "NYPD Blue", but I can't imagine David Caruso being anything other than the dry line deliverer that he is on this show. We were barely 20 minutes in before Jessie Cardoza, played by hottie Eddie Cibrian, had his shirt off. We should keep a counter of how many times he goes shirtless this season. I'm always amazed at the things I learn on the "CSI:" franchises. It's a wonder we aren't all professional counterfeiters.
No "Jon & Kate Plus 8" tonight. I don't watch when it's Kate's week. Or Jon's for that matter. It's minus Resa on this one.
Hoarders - Season Finale
Well, tonight there's good news and there's bad news. The good news: For once, we meet a hoarder who doesn't have a cluttered house. The bad news is his clutter sits on 2 acres of his front yard. Paul from Alabama has been cited for criminal littering after his neighbors reported his unsightly yard. He faces 90 days in jail and a $250 fine. After seeing his yard, I'd take the jail time.
Paul doesn't want to get rid of any junk because he thinks he can retire on the money made from the scrap metal. Pause it: If I truly believed collecting scrap metal would be enough to supplement my 401K, I'd be picking up every soda can, stripped car and copper stick from Lynnwood to Little Rock. But I can't see how a $3 bucket of cans is going to get me any closer to that retirement home in Cancun, especially at 1/2 cent a pound.
Paul was hoping to get $30,000-$40,000 for his treasured trash - 100 lawnmowers, 50 refrigerators, 60-70 cars and a school bus. In the end, all he got was 3 grand and a 5-month extension to avoid county jail. I know he wanted the money to pay for his grandkids' college education, but why not do it the old fashioned American way: put it on a credit card.
Rewind the tape: Who thinks those scrap companies were taking advantage of Paul's situation? I mean really! Less than a penny a pound? Maybe they are weighing it on the moon. And did you notice he couldn't even storm off in dramatic fashion for tripping over a tire? Paul used the words "fixin to"! FINALLY! Someone who speaks my language! (I'm waving at you Arkansas!)
All I can say for Alabama Paul is at least he hoards outdoors ... unlike Missy and Alex, two emotional hoarders from Atlanta.
I was really disappointed in their story because A&E had touted the season finale as this dramatic tale of a 7-year-old hoarder. Turns out, it was just a case of bad parenting as his mom's bad habit had rubbed off on him. While it was still compelling to watch, I kept waiting for some sort of build up that never came.
Pause it: You know how some people have a fear of clowns? Well I have a fear of stuffed animals, especially when there's enough of them to form a Ringling Brothers Stuffed Animal Circus. (I'm glaring at you, mother).
Poor Alex. Not only is he a hoarder, but he also suffers from dyslexia and ADD. At least Missy had enough sense to have them eat off paper plates. Did you see that pile of dog feces from a pet they no longer had? Rewind the tape: Shirley the cat hoarder can show you how to get rid of the stain.
It was a great, if not gross, season and I'm so glad I got attached to this show. But be assured: there won't be a pile of taped episodes preventing me from getting to my bedroom. I know when to de-clutter.
Paul doesn't want to get rid of any junk because he thinks he can retire on the money made from the scrap metal. Pause it: If I truly believed collecting scrap metal would be enough to supplement my 401K, I'd be picking up every soda can, stripped car and copper stick from Lynnwood to Little Rock. But I can't see how a $3 bucket of cans is going to get me any closer to that retirement home in Cancun, especially at 1/2 cent a pound.
Paul was hoping to get $30,000-$40,000 for his treasured trash - 100 lawnmowers, 50 refrigerators, 60-70 cars and a school bus. In the end, all he got was 3 grand and a 5-month extension to avoid county jail. I know he wanted the money to pay for his grandkids' college education, but why not do it the old fashioned American way: put it on a credit card.
Rewind the tape: Who thinks those scrap companies were taking advantage of Paul's situation? I mean really! Less than a penny a pound? Maybe they are weighing it on the moon. And did you notice he couldn't even storm off in dramatic fashion for tripping over a tire? Paul used the words "fixin to"! FINALLY! Someone who speaks my language! (I'm waving at you Arkansas!)
All I can say for Alabama Paul is at least he hoards outdoors ... unlike Missy and Alex, two emotional hoarders from Atlanta.
I was really disappointed in their story because A&E had touted the season finale as this dramatic tale of a 7-year-old hoarder. Turns out, it was just a case of bad parenting as his mom's bad habit had rubbed off on him. While it was still compelling to watch, I kept waiting for some sort of build up that never came.
Pause it: You know how some people have a fear of clowns? Well I have a fear of stuffed animals, especially when there's enough of them to form a Ringling Brothers Stuffed Animal Circus. (I'm glaring at you, mother).
Poor Alex. Not only is he a hoarder, but he also suffers from dyslexia and ADD. At least Missy had enough sense to have them eat off paper plates. Did you see that pile of dog feces from a pet they no longer had? Rewind the tape: Shirley the cat hoarder can show you how to get rid of the stain.
It was a great, if not gross, season and I'm so glad I got attached to this show. But be assured: there won't be a pile of taped episodes preventing me from getting to my bedroom. I know when to de-clutter.
Weekend Update
"Ghost Whisperer" (CBS, Fri., 8:00) picks up with Melinda giving birth to a baby boy then he immediately undergoes what soap fans call R.S.O.A.S. (Rapid Soap Opera Aging Syndrome). You've seen it. Little Tommy goes into the bathroom as a toddler and returns in the next scene as T.J., the teen heartthrob. The show skips ahead 5 years with Jim looking like he'd aged at least 10 and Melinda carting around a kid who looks 12, not 5. And speaking of Melinda, it must be written in J.Love's contract not to age her character, because she looked like she was fresh out of the womb (or off the Botox table). Question: Why kill off Jim if you're only going to "ghost" him back as some other character, then turn him back into Jim again? Melinda may soon be seeing me in one of her visions because this show is killing me.
I love the relationship between Gus and Shawn on "Psych" (USA, Fri., 10:00). I was two weeks behind on the episodes so I ended up watching them through On Demand. How genius to tie in the show's theme song with the storyline. In "Bollywood Homicide" they did a cool version of the song in Hindi and the names were in some language I will never be able to decipher. And in the "High Top Fade Out" episode they did an acapella doo-wop version of the song by whom I can only assume was Boyz II Men. The look on Shawn's face when he found out Gus was in a singing group was nothing but pure hilarity. The Bollywood episode was funny, but they were trying a little to hard to get in every Indian stereotype you could imagine.
Some funny lines heard on "Desperate Housewives" (ABC, Sun., 9:00):
Carlos's niece Ana, complaining about not being able to wear a sexy shirt: "All the girls in my class dress like this."
Gabrielle: "That's why your school nurse is an obstetrician."
Tom: "Yum, what do I smell?"
Lynette: "Despair, mortality, paralyzing fear."
Tom: "Oh, I thought it was waffles."
Lynette, angry about being pregnant with twins ... again: "We will never be done if we birth two when one moves out. That's just math."
Gabrielle: "She's one dead dog away from a country song."
Orson: "You do realize while in prison I went three whole years without any sex."
Bree: "No, but thank you for clearing up a question I never quite knew how to ask."
I love the relationship between Gus and Shawn on "Psych" (USA, Fri., 10:00). I was two weeks behind on the episodes so I ended up watching them through On Demand. How genius to tie in the show's theme song with the storyline. In "Bollywood Homicide" they did a cool version of the song in Hindi and the names were in some language I will never be able to decipher. And in the "High Top Fade Out" episode they did an acapella doo-wop version of the song by whom I can only assume was Boyz II Men. The look on Shawn's face when he found out Gus was in a singing group was nothing but pure hilarity. The Bollywood episode was funny, but they were trying a little to hard to get in every Indian stereotype you could imagine.
Some funny lines heard on "Desperate Housewives" (ABC, Sun., 9:00):
Carlos's niece Ana, complaining about not being able to wear a sexy shirt: "All the girls in my class dress like this."
Gabrielle: "That's why your school nurse is an obstetrician."
Tom: "Yum, what do I smell?"
Lynette: "Despair, mortality, paralyzing fear."
Tom: "Oh, I thought it was waffles."
Lynette, angry about being pregnant with twins ... again: "We will never be done if we birth two when one moves out. That's just math."
Gabrielle: "She's one dead dog away from a country song."
Orson: "You do realize while in prison I went three whole years without any sex."
Bree: "No, but thank you for clearing up a question I never quite knew how to ask."
There's a party goin' on
I love television, and I watch a lot of it. It's like a second job to me. So I figure, why not have a Watch Party? We can watch TV and discuss the goings on of our beloved characters. Missed your favorite show? Meet me here and I'll give you the highlights. Can't find anyone to talk to about the latest episode? Swing by my place and we can break down the juicy details.
You bring the chips; I'll bring the remote!
You bring the chips; I'll bring the remote!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
