Guys and dolls

Light night so I'm keeping it short and sweet.

"American Idol" (FOX, 8:00): At least 10,000 people turned out for the Atlanta auditions where Mary J. Blige joined the panel as guest judge. I'm not surprised that the Aye-Tee-El turned out a ton of talent. Seven of the 8 "Idol" winners are from southern states, although I wouldn't really consider Oklahoma as a southern state. (Sorry, Carrie Underwood). Jordin Sparks of Arizona is the lone outsider. I only watched 60 minutes of this extended show, but the part I did see made me proud to be a country girl.

Out of all the wacky people that trapsed in, only one audition really stood out to me. As I was listening to "country girl from the country" Vanessa Wolfe's sob story, all I could do was pray that she had some talent. It would've been a shame to sit through 2 minutes of her telling us how she wanted to break free from her small town only to have her be denied a ticket to Hollywood. And even though I didn't think her voice was that great , I still wanted her to make it through. "I'm gonna ride on a aeroplane!" she exclaimed.

I was shocked that annoying "Skii Bo Ski" could actually carry a tune, but oh so thankful that my recorder switched over to "Criminal Minds" before I could hear his spiel about how he's like a dollar store. Moving on ...

"Criminal Minds" (CBS, 9:00): I haven't watched this show in so long I've forgotten the names of the characters. I stopped watching this show for a period and after tonight, I remember why. Indeed, this had to be one of the creepiest episodes I have ever seen. I almost didn't finish watching it because the hairs on my arm were standing at attention.

Some crazy lunatic was kidnapping women, paralyzing them, then dressing them up like dolls. There was a lot of technical talk about physical immobility and mental awareness, but all I could focus on was how scary those girls looked. I don't know who those ladies were playing the parts, but if Emmys were handed for Best Actress With a Creepy Doll Face, those girls would definitely go home award winners. I will never look at a doll the same way again. Shudder!

Funny lines overheard on "Ugly Betty" (ABC, 10:00):

• "You're not paid for your voice, you're paid to imitate mine!" - Wilhemina to Betty after she pitches a story that goes against the one she was assigned.
• "The ingredients are chicken broth, evil and dirt." - Justin complaining about the taste of the soup Bobby brought over to cure his fever.

Best line from Simon Cowell: "It's like a cat barking." Where does his mind go to come up with this stuff?

The eyes have it

Crazy night, these Wednesdays! Crazy!

"America's Next Top Model" (CW, 8:00): There's only 5 skinny minis left and Tyra is really scrapping the bottom of the model barrel this season. These girls have no personality and no height. You can be without one or the other but not both! Tonight the girls learn how to pose in swimsuits from a Victoria's Secret model, Marisa Miller. Nicole wins the challenge and gets a chocolate pearl necklace and extra frames. In a school-yard pick, three other models also get extras, but Erin is left out. "She's a brat and gets on people's nerves," Nicole explains. Hi-five on that one, Nicole. Erin's age is showing and she's 18 going on 3.

At the photo shoot, the models have to pose underwater with the Fabio of photography, Russell James. Pause it: Seriously, the guy looks like he hasn't had a haircut since the early 70s. Laura has a fear of drowning and starts hyperventilating as soon as she goes under. She still manages to get a fantabulous shot, as does Nicole. But it's Jennifer who earns best photo of the week, leaving Sundai and Erin sinking to the bottom two. One would think Erin this is Erin's week to go seeing how she's been in the bottom 3 weeks in a row now. But Sundai's cherry is knocked off and she's sent home.

Nicole has perked up since her robot twin Brittney is gone. It's like her circuit board shorted and she learned how to smile. And has anybody noticed that Nicole bares a resemblance to the other red-headed Nicole from Cycle 5? Sundai knew better than to let that weave get wet during the posing challenge, but water could only help that sad piece of hair at this point. Two girls are getting cut next week and one of them had better be Erin.

"Criminal Minds" (CBS, 9:00): I would like to meet the mind who comes up with the ideas for the serial killers on this show. Last week it was a man impregnating women then killing them after they give birth. This week it was a freak who takes people's eyes after he kills them ... then puts them in the fridge next to the mustard.

This show has a very "Dexter" quality about it. You definitely can't eat while watching this show. It's like sitting through a horror movie. Especially when the victims go looking for trouble instead of running to their cars at the first sign of danger. Pause it: Don't you ladies know that a staircase is one of the most dangerous places for a woman at night? That is why I proudly take the elevator ... day and night ... to the second floor.

The killer was a borderline schizo taxidermist (wow) who had been told he was bad at doing the eyes. So he goes out and starts snatching people's pupils? Couldn't he just go back to taxidermy school or something? C'mon, dude! It's a stuffed animal. He could've got a whole bag of eyeballs from Build-A-Bear.

"Real World/Road Rules Challenge" (MTV, 10:00): I understand why former cast members return to these shows - they're broke and have no real talent. What I can't understand is why they come on these challenges and act like they don't know that the person sitting next to them would sleep with their own mother to win the cash prize.

The Champions are coming apart at the seams and the alliance among the major players begins to fracture when Johnny realizes that the plan only works to Evan's benefit. The Johanna and Susie are using Veronica as a means to stay out of the Ruins, although Johanna has done nothing prove her worth. Regardless, the Champions win the challenge and Johnny throws Syrus under the bus by electing him to go in. He chooses to go up against Cohutta, who has the most money on the Challenger team. They called it the battle of David and Goliath but it was more like the tortoise and the hare since nimble Cohutta was too fast for almost-40-years-old Syrus. KellyAnne proved too much for Veronica, leaving Susie and Johanna shaking in their sandals at the thought of going in next week. The teams are even in numbers now and I were on the Challengers, I would just sit back and let the Champions implode. It won't take long with this bunch of howler monkeys.