(Online) Channel Surfing

I watched a lot of television via the web tonight. Online TV has to be the greatest invention since real TV.

"Ugly Betty" (ABC, Fri., 9:00): I was beginning to think they had changed the name of this show to "Everybody Hates Betty" with the horrible way she's being treated. Last week she was being tortured by lover-scorned Matt. Now she has to deal with feelings of being replaced by Natalie, Daniel's new assistant slash grief counseling buddy. It sucks that she has to be everyone's go-to person but when she needs a shoulder to cry on, no one shows up for her. Thank God she has a supportive family.

Wilhelmena is being blackmailed to protect her daughter Nico, who supposedly killed her boyfriend. Turns out, she didn't kill anyone. She's using a fake murder plot to get her momma dearest to pay up. Talk about someone not being hugged enough as a child. Willy must have done some pretty awful things for Nico to come after her this way. Too bad her mom is broke. Pause it: This storyline wreaks of Wisteria Lane.

I'm starting to feel a little empathy for Amanda. She wants so badly to be taken seriously. If she would stop worrying so much about Betty's exterior, they could forge a really strong bond together. I know they're getting along much better now, but I don't like to see Betty being dumped on like that.

"DCC: Making the Team" (CMT, Sat., 9:00): I missed the makeovers, but I did catch the girls doing a 16-story free fall into a net. What that has to do with being a cheerleader, I have no idea. But my whole body was shaking as I was watching it. I even let out a scream at one point. One girl says, "Oh my god, it is so much scarier than it looks." Looked pretty darn scary to me, honey! After the Minshew sister mishap, Kaime is asked to join the training camp. She's only ... oh... a MONTH behind the other girls. Kelli says she would've made the cut the first time, but her look was off. Wow. Way to set women back about 50 years. Poor Cathleen gets the ax after being called into the office for the 3rd time.

"Medium" (CBS, Fri., 9:00): Allison is forced to rent a car after someone rams into her parked station wagon. She starts hearing conversations through the car's navigation system, which helps her solve a bank robbery case. See, she doesn't just talk to dead people. And that's why I won't own a car that has a GPS in it. Mapquest is fine by me.

Weekend Wrap-up

Let's talk about the weekend. Friday night was full of fear while Sunday was all about being hot - physically and literally. Here's a rundown.

Friday
"Medium" (CBS, 9:00): When Allison hears a baby crying in her dreams, she realizes it's a cry for help from an infant who has been kidnapped. Joe is rightly concerned when Allison is stricken with a bout of baby fever and steals the baby herself once he's found. When she calls Joe to tell him where she's hiding he bluntly says "You already have children, and they don't want to only see you on visitor's day." Pause it: The police stormed in on Alli like she was hiding Elian Gonzalez. Were all the big guns really necessary for a woman who works for the district attorney's office?

It's obvious Joe loves his wife, but I'm amazed he doesn't sleep in a separate bedroom. If my spouse woke me up every night the way Allison does we'd be headed for divorce court. And who calls in the middle of the night and says "I hope I didn't wake you"? Seriously.

Poor Bridgette is suffering with "Jan Brady syndrome". She's horrible at learning to play the clarinet, but baby sister Marie plays perfectly without one lesson. She whines to dad that she's known as "everybody's sister" and I know exactly how she feels. All through high school I was "Kevin's sister". It's always Kevin, Kevin, Kevin! Turns out Marie was just being haunted by a ghost who passed away before finishing a song he was writing.

I'm still angry that CBS canceled so many of my favorite shows, but I like that they are recycling actors from now defunct shows. The baby's mom was played by Abby Brammell from "The Unit".

Saturday
"Law & Order: SVU" (NBC, Wed., 9:00): I missed the show earlier in the week (shaking my fist at TiVo) but I was able to catch it on repeat. I was worried we were going to go down another soap box road but surprisingly, they stuck to the script.

The law: Benson and Stabler are called to the home of a mom who catches her son wrestling naked with a friend. The boy was being molested and as soon as the stepfather entered the scene, I knew he was the culprit. Pause it: How careless of Benson and Stabler to constantly point fingers at people without any foundation. Yeah, the stepdad was creepy but they had no proof of his guilt.

The order: Dad wants to cut a deal upon his arrest and offers to help the cops bust a bigger ring of pedophiles. Enter Our Special Love, a group of child molesters who find nothing wrong with loving prepubescent kids. Rewind: "South Park" did an episode about a group like this called NAMBLA (North American Man/Boy Love Association). At first I thought it was a joke but after a quick Internet search, I found it is, indeed, a real group. VOMITING!!! Thankfully, the leader of Our Special Love is sentenced to 3,000 years in jail. Somehow that doesn't seem long enough.

Turn that up: Did we already know Dr. Wong was gay or did he subtly come out just now? It was kind of startling, just like when D.A. Serena Southerlyn asked if she was fired because she was a lesbian. Totally came from left field. And is there ever a time when a 30-year-old man should be sleeping with an 11-year-old girl? I didn't think so. (Passing you the vomit bucket)

Sunday
"The Amazing Race" (CBS, 8:00): The teams are still running around Dubai. CBS must've really liked this location to do two episodes there. I'm just thankful that no teams have fallen into the pattern of making uneducated comments when traveling through foreign countries. The race continued with a row-a-dingy roadblock, a detour of counting gold or building hookahs and a plunge down a six-story waterslide known as the "Leap of Faith".

My favorite team, the Globetrotters, started out at the front of the pack, but quickly fell behind when Big Easy couldn't figure out the combination to his briefcase with the next clue inside. So imagine my surprise when they sped through the detour of measuring out $500,000 worth of gold. I guess there's a difference between being good with numbers and being good at math, no? I love this team because they manage to stay both calm and positive under all that pressure. They didn't even yell at the cab driver when he took them to the wrong location.

It wasn't a good night for Team Saving Ourselves for Marriage, Mika and Canaan. Mika was overcome by her fear of water AND heights so the waterslide was a definite no-go for her. After she refused to complete the task, they were eliminated. Would Mika still be your girlfriend if she possibly cost you a million dollars? Were the Globetrotters wrong for taunting Mika about the slide or is all fair in love and racing? Next stop: The Netherlands!

Geography lesson: The waterslide as located at Atlantis: The Palm resort in Dubai. What a beautiful oasis. The pit stop was on one of the vast beaches surrounding the hotel, Dolphin Bay Beach. I gotta get to Dubai!

"Brothers & Sisters" (ABC, 10:00): Sarah's parisian lover has flown 6,000 miles to see her and she has to stash him away at mom's house when her kids return home a day early. Gilles Marini ("Dancing With the Stars", full-frontal nudity guy in "Sex and the City") plays Luke Laurent and everyone except Nora is taken in by his charm. Of course ABC found a way to work in Marini's dance skills by having him teach Rebecca and Justin a wedding dance. Who knew Rebecca could tango?

Holly finds out she's broke after investing all her money in a Ponzi scheme. All she has left are her stocks in Ojai and her house, which she had better doublecheck to make sure she didn't finance through WaMu. Holly is feeling the pinch after promising Rebecca a dream wedding and she doesn't have enough money to pay for it. See people! You spend the money after the wedding, no on it! Oh, and Kevin and Scotty found a surrogate to carry their baby. She's a pursemaker. I'm going to just roll with that.

Random thoughts: ABC's blatant product placement of the Kindle digital book ... could you be any more obvious? The way everyone was fawning, including Uncle Saul, over Luke getting out of the pool was some of the funniest Walker family dialogue in a long time. Paige went through a growth spurt, but whoever cut her hair should be shot. The Geisha look is not flattering on tweens. Speaking of hair, Kevin is in need of a haircut. No white man should ever try to rock an afro. Lastly, it's great to see some plot follow-through. Did anyone notice recovering drug addict Justin drinking water at dinner while everyone else was sipping wine?

El Dia de los Muertos

Both shows that I tape on Friday nights center around women who see dead people. One uses her powers to help spirits cross over into the light. The other has visions that help solve crimes. Can't wait until there's a crossover episode between the 2. Let's talk about the day of the dead.

"Ghost Whisperer" (CBS, 8:00): Melinda tries to stop an angry spirit who's seeking to hurt people through a cursed chain e-mail. The girl's mom ended up in a coma after the car they were riding in crashed, leaving the girl to blame herself because she broke the e-mail chain. I would die 10 deaths a day if I were harmed every time I deleted a chain letter. Pause it: I could also please her all night long if I ordered every e-mail prescription that landed in my Spam box, but we'll save that kind of talk for another show.

After some investigating, Melinda is able to convince the spirit that her mom had suffered a seizure while driving and the crash wasn't her fault. If I weren't typing right now I'd be bawling my eyes out. I have to give it J.Love. She really knows how to turn on the tears, and still manages to look cute when she cries.

"Medium" (CBS, 9:00): What a chilling opening! Hearing Allison's voice as she spoke about children coming into this world as blank canvases, only to grow up and become murderers made the hairs on my arm stand up. When they showed pictures of Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Daihmer and Aileen Wuornos as cute little babies, it made me wonder what kind of people my nieces and nephews will grow up to be.

Sofia Vassilieva is turning out to be quite the breakout star. She was sublime in "My Sister's Keeper", and her performance tonight as Ariel possessed by a slain revenge-seeking stripper was great! I can see her nominated for an Emmy for this episode, but of course Emmy voters will never get that right. What did you think of Sofia's performance?

If you were a spirit/dead person/crime victim, would you go to Allison or Melinda for help? I think I'd take my chances on Allison. Melinda is dragging around people from "the dark side" and I don't need that kind of energy.