(Online) Channel Surfing

I watched a lot of television via the web tonight. Online TV has to be the greatest invention since real TV.

"Ugly Betty" (ABC, Fri., 9:00): I was beginning to think they had changed the name of this show to "Everybody Hates Betty" with the horrible way she's being treated. Last week she was being tortured by lover-scorned Matt. Now she has to deal with feelings of being replaced by Natalie, Daniel's new assistant slash grief counseling buddy. It sucks that she has to be everyone's go-to person but when she needs a shoulder to cry on, no one shows up for her. Thank God she has a supportive family.

Wilhelmena is being blackmailed to protect her daughter Nico, who supposedly killed her boyfriend. Turns out, she didn't kill anyone. She's using a fake murder plot to get her momma dearest to pay up. Talk about someone not being hugged enough as a child. Willy must have done some pretty awful things for Nico to come after her this way. Too bad her mom is broke. Pause it: This storyline wreaks of Wisteria Lane.

I'm starting to feel a little empathy for Amanda. She wants so badly to be taken seriously. If she would stop worrying so much about Betty's exterior, they could forge a really strong bond together. I know they're getting along much better now, but I don't like to see Betty being dumped on like that.

"DCC: Making the Team" (CMT, Sat., 9:00): I missed the makeovers, but I did catch the girls doing a 16-story free fall into a net. What that has to do with being a cheerleader, I have no idea. But my whole body was shaking as I was watching it. I even let out a scream at one point. One girl says, "Oh my god, it is so much scarier than it looks." Looked pretty darn scary to me, honey! After the Minshew sister mishap, Kaime is asked to join the training camp. She's only ... oh... a MONTH behind the other girls. Kelli says she would've made the cut the first time, but her look was off. Wow. Way to set women back about 50 years. Poor Cathleen gets the ax after being called into the office for the 3rd time.

"Medium" (CBS, Fri., 9:00): Allison is forced to rent a car after someone rams into her parked station wagon. She starts hearing conversations through the car's navigation system, which helps her solve a bank robbery case. See, she doesn't just talk to dead people. And that's why I won't own a car that has a GPS in it. Mapquest is fine by me.

Guess who's coming to dinner

I usually don't watch television on Friday and Saturday nights, but there I had nothing to entertain myself. (Sheepishly glancing at stack of books in my "to read" pile).

"V" (ABC, Tues., 8:00): I'm kicking myself for not taping the pilot when it first aired, and I'm karate kicking ABC in the stomach for waiting 5 days to post it online. That being said, "V" sucked me in as soon as that tall drink of mocha goodness, Morris Chestnut, entered the scene. Give me a minute while I enjoy this hot chocolate.

The show opens with what appears to be an earthquake but is really just 29 spaceships settling over New York and every other major city in the world. No big deal, right? Flashback: The scene looked like it was straight out of "Independence Day". A woman's face appears on the bottom of the ship proclaiming that they come in peace. Anna is the Obama of the visitors (or Vs) and wants to offer everything they know to us earthlings. Pause it: The Vs say they can cure 65 ailments. Do stretchmarks count as an ailment cause I need that remedy. I hope they take insurance. At the end of her speech, people were cheering and clapping. Really people? A SPACESHIP is hovering over your city. You stand there clapping. I'll in church repenting and making sure my insurance policies are up to date.

There were a lot of twists and creepy turns that come to a head at a secret meeting called by a man who says we shouldn't trust the Vs. A gunfight breaks out and I can't tell who's a V and who's a human. The only way to know is by the skull ... humans have one, Vs dont. So far I can see that Erica (Elizabeth Mitchell) and the priest are indeed human. But the rest of these people are a mystery.

This show sets up some very interesting conversation on religion, government and terrorism. Can we trust our government leaders at a time of crisis. How do you know if your next door neighbor isn't part of a sleeper terrorist cell (or an alien)? Does God accept those who only come to him in times of turmoil and for nothing else? I want to know the Vs are and I'm along for the ride on this spaceship!

Funny, funny: During her first broadcast interview, the Visitor High Commander Anna says that they want to offer medical care for everyone. The interviewer slowly replies, "You want universal health care?" (Good luck with that, lady!)

Let's finish it!

SPOILER ALERT!! I'm watching "Friday Night Lights" on Direct TV's 101 network so if you're waiting until NBC airs the episodes in 2010, read no further!

I would so hate to be on Tami Taylor's bad side, but I definitely want her to be my new BFF. She's smart, sassy and not easily intimidated. The way she put the smack down on Joe McCoy and the G.O.B. (Good Ol' Boosters) earned her a spot in my Sister Circle. Pause it: The Sister Circle is an elite club that includes Oprah, Michelle Obama, Karen Walker and Jack MacFarland ("Will & Grace"), Arianna Huffington, Julia Roberts and my BFF Jeff. It's very hard to get in.

Tami is the every-woman character that's hard to come by on TV these days. A working wife and mother of two who floats between both roles effortlessly. She's the kind of mother a daughter tells her secrets to and the woman every man wants by his side at a dinner party. Tami Taylor is who I hope to be when I grow up (but with a better paying job than high school principal).

The action picks up with the fallout of Coach Taylor forfeiting last week's game. The whole team has quit and he's left with nothing. When Landry lays into him about the way he deserted the team, it's one of the rare times we get to see Coach in an unflattering light. Enter Buddy Garrity who squeals that Dillon High's star running back, Luke Cafferty, has a fake address and belongs at East Dillon. When Joe McCoy learns that Luke must transfer, he corners Tami with the threat of the Panthers being stripped of all their state titles won under the leadership of her husband. Tami never waivers and calls him in front of the G.O.B., asking if the men around the table knew their rings were at risk because of Joe's threats.

Coach Taylor calls a special practice for Saturday night and asks Vince to help him put the team back together. In a show of solidarity, they burn their old uniforms and the tapes from the forfeited game. Luke, who is very desperate to play football, even tosses in his Dillon Panthers t-shirt. They decide they're going to "finish it" together. If Vince keeps stepping up the way he did in this episode, I see him becoming a team captain. I thought he was going to be another Smash, but he's going down the path of becoming the next Matt Saracen - the kid with the hard-knock life, but the heart of a champion.

Random thoughts: If Tim Riggins joins East Dillon's coaching staff, do you think he'll change his ways? ... I chuckle every time he encounters someone and they ask, "Aren't you Tim Riggins?" ... Landry Clarke is still one of the most endearing characters on this show. The day he graduates will be the day I hunt down the writers of ths show and beg them to make him a schoolteacher at East Dillon.

Watch this, tape that - Weekend Edition

It's the weekend, baby!

FRIDAY
8:00
Watch this: "Ghost Whisperer" (CBS). Melinda worries about Aiden when he mentions "the shadows"; Jim is suspicious of a colleague.

9:00
Watch this: "Ugly Betty" (ABC). Daniel gets another new assistant and Claire Meade's history with Cal is revealed.
Tape that: "Medium" (CBS). Allison rents an SUV with a radio that allows her to hear real conversations. On Star, this is not.
Also on: "Say Yes to the Dress" (TLC).

10:00
Watch this: "20/20" (ABC). Rihanna speaks out for the first time about her relationship with Chris Brown. The conclusion of her "Good Morning, America" interview.

SATURDAY
9:00
Watch this: "DCC: Making the Team" (CMT). More dancing. More cutting. More crying.

SUNDAY
8:00
Watch this: "Amazing Race" (CBS). The teams travel to Stockholm, Sweden.

9:00
Watch this: "Desperate Housewives" (ABC). Susan suspects Katherine of attacking Julie.
Tape that: "Three Rivers" (CBS). A little boy is crushed by a ride at the fair.

10:00
Watch this: "Brothers & Sisters" (ABC). Kitty wants to try alternative medicine to treat her cancer.
Tape that: "Cold Case" (CBS). I hope they let us in on what's happening to Valens's mom.

Good grief

They say laughter is the best medicine. I think crying is too.

"Grey's Anatomy" (ABC, 9:00): This show is at it's best when it brings out raw emotion the way this episode did. Maybe it was because it centered around children, but I was a big, sobbing mass of sob. Ms. McCrybaby. Susie Sob-a-lot. You catch my drift.

Chief Webber forces Arizona to perform surgery on a kid who should have died 2 years ago. His filthy rich parents were donating $25 million to Seattle Grace Mercy West (say that five times fast) to find a cure for their son's disease. Wallace, beautifully played by Khamani Griffin, had been hospitalized for 7 months and on the verge of celebrating his 11th birthday. The surgery is successful but sepsis sets in and Wallace dies. On his birthday. Pause it: You're free to let your tears start flowing now.

I could never be a doctor, let alone a pediatric surgeon. One, I'm not tall enough. Two, how can you treat a kid for an extended period of time and not get attached? Arizona saw a patient when all Chief Webber could see was dollar signs. I completely lost it when she asked the parents if they wanted to see their son, and the mom did her bedtime ritual with him. When she became too overwhelmed with grief, Arizona finished it for her. "You have to do it three times or it won't work" is what Wallace would say. By this time, I had already soaked one sleeve and went to grab the tissues. With all the new cast members and chaos at Seattle Grace, it was nice to get a quiet episode for a change.

What did you think about Webber's tactics? Would you have performed the surgery if you were Arizona? Let's get some laughter in here!! I'm going to ...

"The Office" (NBC, 9:00): Jim and Pam get roped into a double date with Michael and Helene, Pam's mother. When he realizes how old she is, he dumps her over the birthday cake, prompting Pam to avenge her mom's heartbreak. She bullies Michael in to letting her punch him to make her feel better, but when Michael apologizes, she just smacks him instead. Who writes this stuff?

Dwight and Andy try to one up each other in a game of "return the favor". Dwight can be annoying sometimes, but I swear he comes up with some of the most outlandish explanations. When Michael suggest fishsticks are an aphrodisiac, Dwight responds, "You're thinking about deer penis." Again, who writes this stuff?

"Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion: Part 2" (Bravo, 9:00): The peaches were definitely a lot less combative this go 'round. They must have brought out the alcohol. Outside of hearing Kim butcher her own song the most revealing (and a little too much information) moment was Kim announcing that Dwight has a penile implant. I could've gone my whole adult life without ever knowing that. Excuse me while I gouge my eyes out.

As the tables turn

There were lots of unexpected turns. Blindsides, hook-ups, plot twists ... try and keep up.

"Survivor" (CBS, 8:00): Foa Foa is outnumbered 8 to 4 but lucky for them it's merge day! (Pulling out party hats, wine and cheese). The tribes are rewarded with a feast for making it thus far and move onto camp on Galu's beach. Pause it: Why do these people go for wine and beer after being hungry and thirsty for 19 days? Why not drinks some juice or water that doesn't have to be boiled? They renamed themselves "Aiga", which in Samoan means "extended family that lies to you." For all of Foa Squared's losses, they certainly had a plan going into the merge: divide and conquer. Galu revealed the crack between Laura and Shambo, giving Russell the opportunity to campaign for Laura to go.

The immunity challenge is a game of T-ball, and two people get to win immunity: one girl and one guy. Pause it: You mean to tell me you'll let these people wrestle together, but they can't play T-ball? Please!!! It looks like Russell is about the take the win, but it's John who get the W. And of course, Laura wins for the girls because the person that people scheme to vote off is always the one who's a clutch player.

Camp is like a swarm of angry bees as players strategize about who to vote off. Both Russell and Erik have immunity idols and both think they're calling the shots. At Tribal Council, Erik comes down with a horrible case of condescending antagonist, and manages to insult every member of Foa Squared. Jaison calls him out on his arrogance and ultimately has the last word. Erik gets blindsided and is sent packing after (stupidly) not playing his idol. The tribe did manage to flush out Russell's though, leveling the playing field since both idols are out of the game. I wonder how big was Erik's slice of humble pie. Had to be pretty big to satisfy the appetite of his inflated ego.

Rewind the tape: I haven't seen a blindside this good since the girls of "Survivor All-Stars" tricked Ozzy into not playing the idol. Russell is definitely playing the 'outwit' portion of the game but not very well. He tipped his hand to three too many people. Looks like that cocky attitude just may earn him a bed next to Erik at the ponderosa.

"CSI:" (CBS, 9:00): Talk about tables turning. There were so many plot twists in this episode I could barely keep up. Two seemingly unrelated crimes turn out to be connected by a weird revenge plot. A teen-aged boy is brutally beaten, but he refuses help from the CSIs because he doesn't want to admit he was sexually assaulted. Across town, a man is found shot to death in a burned-out electronics store. It was a long, confusing road but the dots connect with the boy being raped by the man found in the store. It was kind of one of those sister's-boyfriend's-brother type stories that lost me when a stripper was thrown in the mix. I still learned something, though: most dust particles contain trace amounts of fecal matter. That's poop.

Despite the loss of some major characters (single tear falling for Grissom and Warrick), the show has managed to stay fresh and hasn't missed a stepped when introducing new players. Instead of forcing us to believe a doctor could become a CSI overnight, they remind us that newbie Langston is still learning. The conversation about him taking multiple classes was a great attention to detail for plot continuity. And how much do I heart Greg and Nick? They are the sexiest nerds on television.

CHANNEL SURFING

• It's Irina, Carol Hannah and Althea heading to fashion week on "Project Runway" (Lifetime, 10:00). Too bad this show is a year old and their fashions are probably already outdated.
• The online commercial during "CSI:" was about a cheesemaker who lets us in on a little secret: cheese is a moldy bacteria with controlled decay. Which proves my point for not liking it.
• Do you think the agent killing himself on "Flash Forward" (ABC, 8:00) will actually alter someone else's outcome?

Watch this, tape that - Thursday

Now back to our regularly scheduled program ...

8:00
Watch this: "Bones" (FOX). The remains of an heir to a controversial chicken farm are found. PETA, you're up.
Tape that: "Flash Forward" (ABC). The agents investigate a Blue Hand club and it's possible link to some suicides.
See it online: "Survivor" (CBS). It's all the fun minus the 2 minute commercial breaks.

9:00
Watch this: "Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion" (Bravo). Part 2 of 2. Kim performs her song ... live. You can't miss this!
Tape that: "CSI:" (CBS). Two crimes that seem unrelated are discovered to be linked by a bizarre revenge plot.
See it online: "Grey's Anatomy" (ABC.com); "The Office" (NBC.com).

10:00
Watch this: "Private Practice" (ABC). The clinic hires a genetics specialist, and Naomi questions the idea of designer babies.
Tape that: "Project Runway" (Lifetime). I keep watching this show even though the outcome is so irrelevant given it was taped a year ago.
Also on: "Real Housewives of Orange County" (Bravo). Season 5 opens with a wilting economy. Welcome to the real world, ladies.