The war is over

Sorry (again) for the late posting. Daylight savings time isn't saving me anything. Here's a recap of ...

"The Amazing Race" (CBS, Sun., 8:00): I'm pretty sure it's somewhere in the Bible about pride coming before destruction. Obviously Asian Persuasion (Joe and Heidi, left) didn't read that chapter.

After a mandatory resting period in Hamburg, Germany, teams were loaded onto a bus and driven to an unknown location. Joe, with his bum knee, sat in the back row icing his injury. During his interview, he confidently says, “These teams around here, they’re not going to hinder me at all. I’ve been running with one leg. Imagine when this improves.” Overhearing his boasting, one of the Defective Detectives remarks, “Joe sees himself bigger than he is. He’s a confident guy. I like the confident guys to go."

The teams arrive in France and instructed to find a bakery and buy a baguette to receive their next clue. The Defective Detectives were smart enough to ask a postal worker for directions while 8 Seconds (Jet and Cord) aren't quite sure what a "bag-u-ette" is. Fred and Velma (Brent and Caite) are still directionally challenged. Pause it: It always comes back to maps with them. Even with a compass on Brent's watch, they still find themselves needing to pull over for directions ... and still getting lost after they get them.

At the Detour, the racers must choose between "In the Trenches" or "Under Fire". For the trenches, teams must use a manual to translate a Morse code message. In under fire, they have to dress as American Doughboys (huh?) and crawl 100 yards to get a message from a soldier. They then have to crawl back and attach it to a pigeon. Pause it: I don't know who thought it was fun to dress up and reenact past wars. But I guess it's better than being in one that's going on now. *Shaking fists at the former President.

Defective Detectives are the first to arrive and for a policeman, Louie is quite out of shape. They make it through the task fairly quickly and are determined to use the Blind U-Turn that's ahead. A U-Turn forces a team to go back and complete the other side of the Detour. Joe and Louie decide to target Asian Persuasion to teach them a lesson in humility. Joe, who had stupidly crawled on his bad knee is stunned and angry to learn they must now complete the other task. "I can't wait to give the detectives some difficulties," he snaps. Gotta get in front of the pack first, buddy.

There was a lot of hilarity that ensued on the battlefield, mostly from Don't Ask, Won't Tell (Dan and Jordan) with their comical lines. "Should we pretend like the enemy is chasing us and walk a little bit faster?" The Sexy Lezzies (Carol and Brandy) were a little less entertaining with their constant complaining about being too prissy for crawling in the dirt. Brandy’s attitude continued to sink. “I’m so pissed off about this right now. Smart people do Morse code. Dumb people do this.” *Holding up mirror so she can see her dumb reflection.*

The next clue tells the teams to dress in turn of the century riding gear (including moustaches) and ride four miles to the Pit Stop. The Detectives are once again team number one, winning 55" HD TVs. Team No Name (Steve and Allie) come in second while 8 Seconds trots into third.

Back on the course, Team Showmance (Jeff and Jordan) are not only bringing up the rear, but they have a nasty Speed Bump to contend with for coming in last on a non-elimination leg. They must perform another task that no other team had to complete: reinforce a trench with branches. I was so consumed with them gaining on the other teams that I totally forgot about that Speed Bump. Showmance breezed through the trench, but got held up crawling through it when Jordan complained about her hat and clothes being too big. The camera quickly pans to Jeff who pretends to shoot himself in the mouth with his reenactment gun. They finally get into a groove and are excited to see that Asian Persuasion is still working on the task, having a difficult time trying to figure out the Morse-code message. Showmance finally completes the Detour and Jeff asks the clue giver, "Is the war over because of this message or because it took us so long to get here?"

Fred and Velma arrive at the check in only to learn that they had missed one of the clues. The rules state that you must check in at the Pit Stop with all clues in your possession. They must ride the bicycles back to the war course to find the missing clue. Meanwhile, Asian Persuasion has had enough and decide to hunker down in one the trenches, ultimately handing Team Showmance the final spot.

I'm glad Joe and Heidi were eliminated. Joe's attitude was a wee bit smug for me. Thank you, Detectives, for teaching them the meaning of humility ... both literally and figuratively.