Don't let the hat fool you

I have a new love interest. Ever since me and my laptop started having problems, I've been hanging out with this new guy named Firefox. He's really fast and I like the way he lets me cut and paste whenever I want to. Ahhh! The joys of young love. Here's what went on Sunday night:

"The Amazing Race" (CBS, Sun., 8:00): Is it just me or was this one of the fastest legs ever run on the race? After last week's disappointing dismissal of Granny Shannies, I was damn near praying that the Sexy Lezzies, left, would clock out. That prayer would've been too easy. Team 8 Seconds continued to show they are a force to be reckoned with, remaining calm and working well together. Meanwhile, other teams slowly creep toward that inevitable point of implosion.

The racers leave Chile and prepare for a six-hour bus ride through the Andes mountains. When the Lezzies arrive at the station, they immediately begin grilling 8 Seconds on how they managed to catch an earlier bus on the last leg. "I like someone to care about me and I didn't get that warm, fuzzy feeling," says Cord. Jet finishes with "A ‘Hey, how ya doing’ would’ve been nice.” Fred and Velma are off to a rocky start, as Caite is sick with food poisoning. Instead of leaving at their allotted time, they head to a local hospital. They arrive at the bus station three hours later and luckily for them, all the other teams are still waiting.

In Bariloche, Argentina, teams must play a game of five-card stud against the Travelocity roaming gnome. Pause it: That gnome is probably the one thing I hate about this show. It's so freaking scary! And not like 'there's-a-bug-on-you' scary. I'm talking 'Stephen-King-clowns-from-'It' scary! I'll admit I was one of those people who thought 8 Seconds was just a couple of country bumpkins, with their southern drawl and big belt buckles, but they continually surprise me. They are smart enough to seek out help from the locals and had directions in hand when they arrived. But how cute was it when they were in awe of the snow-capped mountains. You're a long way from Oklahoma, fellas. Driving through the mountains, most teams decided to follow behind the cowboys but they were crafty enough to pull over and let the other teams pass, so as not to tip their hand. Still at the back of the pack, Don't Ask, Won't Tell cant drive a stick, while Fred and Velma struggled with directions. Pause it: I'm sure it's because most Americans don't have maps, tee hee.

The racers breeze through five-card stud, but at the Road Block, teams were hog tied in a steer-roping challenge. That is, everyone except 8 Seconds, who lasso the hay bale on the second try. They head to the next challenge leaving the other teams whining in tangled masses of rope. Ambulance Chasers, lawyer/moms Monique and Shawne, struggle most of the afternoon and spend a majority of the leg trying to rope that steer.

8 Seconds opens their clue revealing the Detour: Horse Sense or Horse Power. Teams must choose between counting steps using an old-time compass to find stolen bags of money or attempting to score a goal in a polo match using nine swings or less. Of course they opt for riding the horse in a polo match. Too bad it's wooden. The Lezzies go for the money bags but end up bickering when they lack testosterone to counter all that estrogen. “That’s a nice temper tantrum,” Brandy yells to Carol. “We’re not communicating very well at all.” Pause it: It's no wonder they're not communicating well. They've only been dating for five months. I'll give them another two before their next Pit Stop - Splitsville. The Ambulance Chasers continue their downward spiral as they attempt the polo match but end up switching to the compass challenge when they can't score a goal.

At the Pit Stop, 8 Seconds rides into first place for the second time, winning a 10-day trip to Patagonia. Father/daughter Team No Name (Steve and Allie) grab second and the Lezzies drag in at third. The Ambulance Chasers finally complete the task but not fast enough. They finish in last place and the sun sets on their amazing race. I'm serious, it literally set. They didn't finish the challenge until the sun went down. Next up: Germany, where teams trace the early steps of the legendary Beatles.

Geography lesson: The Pit Stop for this leg of the race is Estancia Fortin Chacabuco, a sweeping ranch at the foot of the Andes mountains.

Fun funnies:

• After getting beat multiple times by the gnome at five-card stud, Cord jokes, “That gnome has a poker face that's out of this world ... He should go to Vegas.”
• When the Sexy Lezzies complain that the roping challenge gave the cowboys an unfair advantage, they retort, "We didn't throw a fit because they speak spanish."
• Steve to his daughter Allie after she asks him what hurts: "I'm 57 years old! What isn't hurting?"
  

CHANNEL SURFING

• On "Undercover Boss" (CBS, 9:00), Dave Rife, one of the owners of the White Castle hamburger chain, says he hopes he's not recognized by his employees when he goes undercover. Does it not clearly state at the start of the show that CEOs are out of touch with their businesses? Why do these bosses think they would be easily recognizable? Unless you're Ronald McDonald, nobody knows you, dude!
• "Desperate Housewives" (ABC, 9:00): Anyone who watches soap operas know that they don't air during breakfast. Are the ABC set directors on vacation? First it was thunder in Seattle. Now it's bad time elements. You'd think a network that airs three soaps between the hours of noon and 4 p.m. would know that nothing is on that early except cartoons and talk shows. Get it together, people!
  
• I hope the team put in for overtime on "Cold Case" (CBS, 10:00). Not only did they solve a two-year-old case involve the death of a cold-footed groom, they did it during a wedding reception, no less. That should at least get them time and a half.