Don't let the hat fool you

I have a new love interest. Ever since me and my laptop started having problems, I've been hanging out with this new guy named Firefox. He's really fast and I like the way he lets me cut and paste whenever I want to. Ahhh! The joys of young love. Here's what went on Sunday night:

"The Amazing Race" (CBS, Sun., 8:00): Is it just me or was this one of the fastest legs ever run on the race? After last week's disappointing dismissal of Granny Shannies, I was damn near praying that the Sexy Lezzies, left, would clock out. That prayer would've been too easy. Team 8 Seconds continued to show they are a force to be reckoned with, remaining calm and working well together. Meanwhile, other teams slowly creep toward that inevitable point of implosion.

The racers leave Chile and prepare for a six-hour bus ride through the Andes mountains. When the Lezzies arrive at the station, they immediately begin grilling 8 Seconds on how they managed to catch an earlier bus on the last leg. "I like someone to care about me and I didn't get that warm, fuzzy feeling," says Cord. Jet finishes with "A ‘Hey, how ya doing’ would’ve been nice.” Fred and Velma are off to a rocky start, as Caite is sick with food poisoning. Instead of leaving at their allotted time, they head to a local hospital. They arrive at the bus station three hours later and luckily for them, all the other teams are still waiting.

In Bariloche, Argentina, teams must play a game of five-card stud against the Travelocity roaming gnome. Pause it: That gnome is probably the one thing I hate about this show. It's so freaking scary! And not like 'there's-a-bug-on-you' scary. I'm talking 'Stephen-King-clowns-from-'It' scary! I'll admit I was one of those people who thought 8 Seconds was just a couple of country bumpkins, with their southern drawl and big belt buckles, but they continually surprise me. They are smart enough to seek out help from the locals and had directions in hand when they arrived. But how cute was it when they were in awe of the snow-capped mountains. You're a long way from Oklahoma, fellas. Driving through the mountains, most teams decided to follow behind the cowboys but they were crafty enough to pull over and let the other teams pass, so as not to tip their hand. Still at the back of the pack, Don't Ask, Won't Tell cant drive a stick, while Fred and Velma struggled with directions. Pause it: I'm sure it's because most Americans don't have maps, tee hee.

The racers breeze through five-card stud, but at the Road Block, teams were hog tied in a steer-roping challenge. That is, everyone except 8 Seconds, who lasso the hay bale on the second try. They head to the next challenge leaving the other teams whining in tangled masses of rope. Ambulance Chasers, lawyer/moms Monique and Shawne, struggle most of the afternoon and spend a majority of the leg trying to rope that steer.

8 Seconds opens their clue revealing the Detour: Horse Sense or Horse Power. Teams must choose between counting steps using an old-time compass to find stolen bags of money or attempting to score a goal in a polo match using nine swings or less. Of course they opt for riding the horse in a polo match. Too bad it's wooden. The Lezzies go for the money bags but end up bickering when they lack testosterone to counter all that estrogen. “That’s a nice temper tantrum,” Brandy yells to Carol. “We’re not communicating very well at all.” Pause it: It's no wonder they're not communicating well. They've only been dating for five months. I'll give them another two before their next Pit Stop - Splitsville. The Ambulance Chasers continue their downward spiral as they attempt the polo match but end up switching to the compass challenge when they can't score a goal.

At the Pit Stop, 8 Seconds rides into first place for the second time, winning a 10-day trip to Patagonia. Father/daughter Team No Name (Steve and Allie) grab second and the Lezzies drag in at third. The Ambulance Chasers finally complete the task but not fast enough. They finish in last place and the sun sets on their amazing race. I'm serious, it literally set. They didn't finish the challenge until the sun went down. Next up: Germany, where teams trace the early steps of the legendary Beatles.

Geography lesson: The Pit Stop for this leg of the race is Estancia Fortin Chacabuco, a sweeping ranch at the foot of the Andes mountains.

Fun funnies:

• After getting beat multiple times by the gnome at five-card stud, Cord jokes, “That gnome has a poker face that's out of this world ... He should go to Vegas.”
• When the Sexy Lezzies complain that the roping challenge gave the cowboys an unfair advantage, they retort, "We didn't throw a fit because they speak spanish."
• Steve to his daughter Allie after she asks him what hurts: "I'm 57 years old! What isn't hurting?"
  

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• On "Undercover Boss" (CBS, 9:00), Dave Rife, one of the owners of the White Castle hamburger chain, says he hopes he's not recognized by his employees when he goes undercover. Does it not clearly state at the start of the show that CEOs are out of touch with their businesses? Why do these bosses think they would be easily recognizable? Unless you're Ronald McDonald, nobody knows you, dude!
• "Desperate Housewives" (ABC, 9:00): Anyone who watches soap operas know that they don't air during breakfast. Are the ABC set directors on vacation? First it was thunder in Seattle. Now it's bad time elements. You'd think a network that airs three soaps between the hours of noon and 4 p.m. would know that nothing is on that early except cartoons and talk shows. Get it together, people!
  
• I hope the team put in for overtime on "Cold Case" (CBS, 10:00). Not only did they solve a two-year-old case involve the death of a cold-footed groom, they did it during a wedding reception, no less. That should at least get them time and a half.

The letdown

I get my laptop back. I'm excited to sit down and start blogging again then nothing. NOTHING. ABC gives me nothing to work with.

I wanted to like "Desperate Housewives" (Sun., 9:00), I really did. But the show needs to get rid of Angie Bolen already and move on with the story. The writers have obviously ran out of storylines for Susan and Mike. They have an ex-stripper living with them now. The only couple of interest is Bree and Orson, and even their scenes left me feeling guilty for chuckling at their banter about suicide.

"I forbid this! Do you hear me? You will not be killing yourself!" Bree exclaims. "... If I have to, I will be with you 24 hours a day!" Orson replies, "Well, being bored to death was not how I was planning to go, but we can try it your way." Morbid, I know.

I can usually count on a few laughs from the Scavos, but I'm tired of Tom and Lynette's my-wife-is-a-b#$&h schtick. The whole therapist thing was just time filler.

And do we even need to discuss "Brothers & Sisters" (Sun., 10:00)? This show is so predictable now. Phone conversation leads to dinner at the Walkers where a fight breaks out, thus setting up the plot for the episode. I thought I was watching "Brothers & Sisters", not "24". The best thing from this episode was watching Holly whore herself to get the upper hand on Ojai. Let's get it together writers!

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The Plavix commercial where the hospital gurney is following the unsuspecting man around is just downright creepy. But sadly, it was the most intriguing thing I saw tonight.

We've got a situation

Sorry about the delay. I had some technical difficulties with the recorder (ie, I forgot to set it). I have now seen the first four hours of Day 8 on "24" (FOX, Sun., 9:00), and I can now conclude that this is not a show I'll be able to blog about. I may be able to discuss a few plot points here and there, but there are so many moving parts to this show that it's just too hard to take notes and enjoy it at the same time. Here's what I can tell you:

• Day 8 takes place in New York and picks up a short time after the events of last season.
• Jack Bauer is a grandpa! He and daughter Kim have finally patched up the rift between them and he is moving back to Los Angeles with her family.
• President Taylor is now divorced and she sent her daughter to prison for murder.
• Chloe is no longer the expert at CTU. She returned to work after her husband lost his job, but instead of being the star, she's the new tech-in-training.
• Jack is pulled back into CTU to stop an assassination attempt on Omar Hassan, president of the fictional Islamic Republic of Kamistan who's in New York to sign a peace treaty with the U.S.

What I have never liked about "24" is the ridiculous sub-plots. And why does the threat always have to come from inside CTU? They haven't revealed a mole just yet, but it's only a matter of time before we find out that some low level agent is working with the enemy.

Are you excited about the return of Jack Bauer or is it feeling like more of the same?

TURN THAT UP!

Some funny lines overheard on "Desperate Housewives" (ABC, Sun. 8:00):

• "Wow! A model and a poet. So while you're doing porn, he can make the dialogue rhyme." - Angie Bolen to her son and Gabby's niece, after their career plans.
• Bree to Orson: "You know the magic word - it has 6 letters." Orson: I know a word that has 3. If you don't give me my food, I'm going to shove that fork up it!"

Love lockdown

Sundays are becoming such a bore. Only one more week before "24" returns to shake things up a bit. Here's what happened:

"Cold Case" (CBS, 9:00): In 2005, an Army recruiter was found shot in an alley just two days before he was set to deploy for Iraq. In the initial investigation, Michael Donley was written off as a disgraced soldier who was shot after robbing a pawn shop. The roundup of suspects included a handful of recruits Donley was helping, along with their angry parents, a cheating spouse and a grieving father whose son died during deployment. Rush and Valens finally figure out he was murdered by one of his female recruits who felt he was deserting her to go off to war. Pause it: She really wanted the Army signing bonus.

It should certainly be clear by now how I feel about soldiers, although this wasn't one of those episodes that tug at the heartstrings. It focused more on the darker side of the Army - asking high school kids to sign up during a time of war. At least this recruiter had some sympathy about what he was doing. "My place is over there with those kids I send," he explained to his would-be killer. I also learned an interesting term from this episode. A "Jody" is a higher-ranking soldier who doesn't go to combat, but stays home and "takes care of" your wife for you. I wonder if they get workman's comp for that.

Rewind: When did Lily Rush get a ready-made family? They just brought the girl's daddy back last season. I don't remember them introducing a half-brother and a stepmom, but now she's sitting down to dinner with them like they have known each other for years. And were they having full-on meal at 2:00 am? I thought so.

"Desperate Housewives" (ABC, 9:00): I knew it was just a matter of time before the writers found a way to work in Teri Hatcher's love of pole dancing as exercise. At the reading of ex-husband Karl's will (he was the character who died last week), Susan was surprised to learn that the man who had cheated on her their entire marriage, left her part ownership of a strip club. Pause it: The Double Ds Gentlemen's Club ... certainly makes me think about exercise. Susan learns from one of the strippers that Mike is a regular at the club and later tries to forbid him from going back. Mike protests that the club is a client of his plumbing business and he won't be told what to do. Cut to Teri Hat ...er, Susan stripping to prove her point.

I know TV shows like to give it's actors a chance to show off some of their other skills but c'mon now! Pole dancing? We've seen her do it on Letterman. We've seen her do it on Oprah. What I would really like to see her doing is putting her head inside an oven with the gas on. I'm just saying.

Elsewhere on Wisteria Lane: Tom volunteers to fill in for Lynette while she's recovering from losing the baby, but all she can worry about is not having a job after she gives birth. You know how she likes to wear the pants in the Scavo house ... Bree's minister guilts her into bringing Orson home and taking care of him to atone for her affair with Karl. Orson's initial angry soon turned into contempt and he's planning on running Bree ragged as his personal home-health aide. And in the funniest plot of the episode, Gabby's daughter Juanita learns she's not what she thought she was. "We're Mexican? I thought we were American!" Gabby asks, "How could you not know you were Mexican? We eat Mexican food all the time!" Juanita replies, "We eat Chinese food, too. Does that mean I'm Chinese?" Checkmate.

It's about time this show recognized that the Solis family are the only brown people on Wisteria Lane. Yes, there was that black family a few seasons ago, ironically called the Applewhites, but we all know how that ended! Umm hmm! I wonder what would happen if some Abdullahs moved next door. Now that would be a block party worth going to.

"Brothers & Sisters" (ABC, 10:00): A Watch Party viewer pointed out how this show is becoming more and more like a soap opera each week and after this episode, I have to agree. I can't even remember one plot that was worth remembering other than Holly trying to take down the Walker family. Pause it: That's so "Dynasty" circa 1984. I can still enjoy the show for what it's worth, but there is still one thing that is driving me insane: Justin's facial expressions. Or should I say expression - he only has one and he's making it in this picture.

The best part of the show for me was seeing one of my favorite child actors in a small guest role. Khamani Griffin was the cutie pie son of Eddie Murphy in the movie "Daddy Day Care". He was also the little kid on "Grey's Anatomy" that had me sobbing for hours. He was really adorable as Bobby Jr. on the show "All of Us" so I'm hoping he's going to grow into those rabbit teeth he's developing. I guess it's not just seniors who get "long in the tooth."

"The Jacksons: A Family Dynasty" (A&E, 10:00): The show picks up with Jermaine still throwing a tantrum over his failed tribute concert for Michael. Ever the comedian, Marlon quips, "The only thing I know about Vienna is the Vienna sausages we used to eat in Gary." The episode was a revolving door of funny lines so I barely noticed if it had a storyline or not. I don't even have to waste time ragging on Jermaine because his brothers did it for me.

The guys head to a fish market to buy meat for grilling, Jackie points to a bug-eyed fish and says that's what Jermaine's pink eye looked like. Later, Tito marinates the steaks with red wine, even though Muslim convert Jermaine doesn't drink. In his confessional time he say he hopes his brother doesn't see this episode and finishes it off with "As-Salamu Alaykum". Hi-larious! Other funny lines from the show:

• "Y'all are flatter than y'all woman's ass!" - Tito, politely telling his brothers they sound out of tune.
• "Jermaine is right ... when you're doing a 'Jermaine Jackson' record. Right now you're doing a record with the Jacksons." - Marlon, after Jermaine claims they should be trying to sound like him.

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I guess "Ghost Whisperer" (CBS, Fri., 8:00) must be running out of storylines for Melinda. They already have a professor who can hear ghosts, and now we have Delia's son Ned who is majoring in occult sciences so that he can "sense" them. And when can we get back to the sappy and sentimental "GW"? It's too dark and twisted now.

Casting couch: That was Kadeem Hardison, aka Dwayne Wayne, from 90s sitcom "A Different World" playing the radio DJ in the flashback sequence. It's a different world indeed.

After these messages: If you squint hard enough, the lady in the Crestor commercials looks like Madam Secretary Hillary Clinton ... The previews for ABC's new dramedy "The Deep End" look like "Grey's Anatomy" with lawyers.

On death's door

Happy New Year and welcome back to the TV Watch Party! I hope you brought your appetites because we're gearing up for the winter premieres. Disclaimer: TV Watch Party will not be held responsible for any addictions you may develop after watching new TV shows and will not hold your hand when you try to get rid of your habit. At TV Watch Party, we don't quit shows. They quit us.

It was a dreary way to kick off the new season. Every show I watched had someone knocking on death's door. Keep reading to see who got a reprieve and who's six feet under.

"Desperate Housewives" (ABC, 9:00): The season picks up with the aftermath of the overly-hyped plane crash. The promos kept saying someone important would die, but once they revealed who it was I was like 'shruggsies'. The episode was a little like "A Christmas Carol" where all the characters were given a chance to see what their lives would've been like if they had made different choices. Pause it: That ghost visits me every other Friday when I look at my pay stub.

All of Wisteria Lane is at the hospital waiting to see who survived. Bree is banged up but OK and Orson has a spinal injury that may leave him paralyzed, but it was manwhore Karl who got a one way ticket to Hades. When word begins to spread about his demise, Susan dreams what her life would've been like if she had never divorced Karl. Her vision came as Teri Hatcher in a very convincing fat suit. Susan has always been my least favorite character but I'll admit that I did chuckle when she yelled at Karl after he announced he would be doing the leaving. "I can't even get a 'Hey, Susan! Thanks for wasting the best years of your life while I went out and banged everything with a G.E.D. and a tramp stamp!'?" Bree, who happened to be one of Karl's belt notches, had thoughts of her future if Karl hadn't died. You don't have to be a psychic to know how that would've turned out. Once a cheat, always a cheat. Karl cheated on Susan and in Bree's dream she caught him in bed with her yoga instructor.

After Lynette starts experiencing labor pains, she's told that her twins are in trouble. Her tale seemed to be intertwined with Gaby's dream since saving Gaby's daughter's life was what landed her in the emergency room. The ladies have been fighting ever since they filed lawsuits against each other, but when Lynette loses one of the twins they reunite to share in her pain. Rewind: I thought this plane crash was going to be the writer's way of putting an end to this ridiculous pregnancy storyline, but they obviously ignored the changes I made on the script. Nobody wants to see babies die, but c'mon! Lynette has 4 kids already (5 if you count her husband)!! I think her uterus deserves a break.

"Desperate Housewives" has lost it's steam from last season when they skipped ahead 5 years. It was a much-needed shot in the arm, but now I fear it's slipping back into a coma. And I'm hoping ABC has signed a D.N.R. (do not resusciate). Pull the plug and give this show a proper burial.

"Brothers & Sisters" (ABC, 10:00): While the women of Fairview were drowning in death, Kitty was pulled away from the bright light and escorted back to her hospital bed. In the fall-season ender, Kitty collapsed during Justin and Rebecca's wedding ceremony. Turns out she had a blood clot in her lung and the doctors say the chemo treatments aren't working. Her only option is a bone-marrow transplant, so the scramble is on to find her a matching donor.

Of course, none of the Walker siblings are a match. Of course. Nora is forced to beg half-brother Ryan, the product of her late husband's affair, to get tested and of course, he is a match. Of course. Pause it: Nora has 5 kids and you mean to tell me not one of them could've been a match? It may have been cliche, but a lot more poignant if Kitty had been saved by a stranger, or better yet, hateful Holly. How convenient to have a forgotten-about half sibling roaming around town. "I never thought I'd say this, but I'm so glad your father cheated on me," Nora says. It's all jealousy and anger until somebody needs a transfusion!

Kitty and Robert renew their vows then he drops his bid for governor. They spent all that time on Kitty's story when the real action was Holly confronting Ryan about tampering with the Ojai wine stock. It's about time someone wised up to what he's been doing. Too bad he wasn't smart enough to use that bone marrow to leverage his way out of the mess he's made.

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I will pay someone $5.00 if they can get me the name of the gooey gump that Jermaine styles his hair with. Seriously! I want to know what it takes to slick one's hair down like that but still manage to make it look like it's hollow inside! I'll bet if you thump it, it makes a sound.

On "The Jacksons: An American Dynasty" (A&E, 10:00), the brothers are preparing to see the premiere of "This is It". Tito agrees to walk the red carpet, but at the last minute he decides not to go in. So far he's the only brother to show any real emotion about Michael's death. His tears seem downright genuine compared to famewhore Jermaine who's still peeved that his Vienna tribute concert was cancelled. Dude, get over it! Nobody thinks you're interesting. And your skin looks like plastic.

Roll out

Here's your Sunday sampler.

"The Amazing Race" (CBS, 8:00): The competition is the closest it's ever been. The remaining teams have all run good races up to this point and it's really anybody's game. I knew my Globetrotters would still be here, along with Team Chip & Dale (Sam & Dan). I'm a little surprised by some of the others. Most boy/girl pairings would've imploded by now, and Team Dad Doesn't Know Me (father/son Gary and Matt) has the oldest player left in the game at the ripe old age of 47. I guess it's a testament to these couples strong relationships to be able to make it this far without ripping each other's lips off.

Teams make their way to Stockholm, Sweden. When Flight Time announced that it was his birthday I knew it could go either way for the Globetrotters. Either they would get eliminated in dramatic fashion or come in first. At the Detour, teams make their way through a theme park to find the Fritt Fall, a ride that plunges 24 stories in three seconds. Flashback: I rode something similar to this at Disney World in Florida called the Tower of Terror. A part of my stomach is still on that ride. Flight Time didn't even allow himself to scream. That's some self control you got there, partner. Team then must play ring toss for a travel gnome before heading to the Road Block. Pause it: How cute was it that the Globetrotters gave theirs a name?!

After a second Detour that involved explosives, the racers made their way to the Road Block Switchback, a task from a previous season that only one person could perform. When I heard they would be repeating the infamous "needle in a haystack" challenge from season 6, I knew these teams were in trouble. It was one of the most daunting tasks in "Race" history. Teams search a sprawling field of hay bales looking for one of only seven clues. The first time around, one team spent 10 hours searching. Women give birth faster than that!

I was really disappointed in Cheyne (Team Unmarried Married Couple) for making Meghan do the task. Yes, boys and girls are created equal, but he totally punked out on this one. Even Brian paused to think about making Ericka do it, but at least he stepped up. Matt made his dad do the searching, saying dad had been around hay all his life. (Matt is one lazy kid). Chip & Dale were coming apart at the seams. Is it bad that I enjoyed watching them yell at each other? Flight Time got his birthday wish as the Globetrotters came in first. These guys definitely have the best luck, being able to find the clue in less than two hours. Dad manages to find a clue after almost 3 hours and luckily for them, it was a non-elimination leg. Normally I hate those, but Gary totally deserved a second chance after baling all that hay. (Giving Matt the stink eye).

"Brothers & Sisters" (ABC, 10:00): Kitty wants to try alternative medicine and positive thinking instead of chemotherapy. She wants to eliminate all the stress from her life and focus her energy on bringing in good vibes. I know some people won't agree with me, but it was nice, if not heartbreaking, to see someone being vulnerable with cancer. Most of the time we see people get a diagnosis then become all empowered and vow to fight a good fight. I think Kitty's reaction mirrors what most women feel. This questioning of why this happened to her and the uncertainty of her future. When she realized her hair was falling out, she didn't pretend to be strong. She hid in the bathroom and sobbed. Call me pessimistic, but I liked the realism. Kitty does eventually shave her head, but the scene is very muted and not over-the-top dramatic.

As for the rest of the Walker clan, Scotty finds out his parents are separated because his dad cheated; Sarah is worried that her Parisian boy toy is a little too young and Rebecca finds out she's pregnant. When would be a good time to discuss Kevin's hair? Dude is in need of a trim. Seriously!

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On "Desperate Housewives" (ABC, 9:00), Julie confides in Lynette about her affair with Dominic. Being the good, feisty neighbor/friend that she is, she confronts Dominic and threatens to reveal his secret if he doesn't stay away from Julie. I was pleasantly surprised to see the Scavos sit Julie down like she was their own daughter and school her on her stupidity. It proved how much they value their relationship with Susan.
Rewind the tape: Does Bree really know how to cook or does she just go around borrowing recipes from everybody on Wisteria Lane? Tonight she wanted to use Angie's Italian recipes. Didn't she try to steal a pie recipe from Katherine two seasons ago? It's not really cooking if you have to use a recipe. I'm just saying.

Sunday soup

Here's a mix of what happened Sunday night.

"The Amazing Race" (CBS, 8:00): Since we're down to only six teams I can start using the super cool names I've given them. These are the labels I gave them when there were too many individual names to sort out, and I readily admit they aren't politically correct. Shruggsies ... It's my watch party. Tonight, our tour around the world takes us to Amsterdam.

I was worried my Globetrotters (they brought their own nicknames!) were going to spend the episode making up for coming in last on the previous leg, but all the teams ended up on the same flight. Team Chip and Dale (Dan & Sam) decide to gay pride it out and the revelation is met with a variety of comments, the funniest being "That explains the matching swimsuits!"

At the Roadblock, teams must count bells while walking up a long flight of stairs. Team Zebra (Ericka & Brian) had to do it three times before getting the correct number. Pause it: I wanted to call them Team Jungle Fever, but since they anointed themselves Team Zebra early on, I'm rolling with it). Ericka's miscalculations put them 2 hours behind going into the Detour, and their bad luck continued when they didn't follow the instructions on the clue correctly. Chip & Dale breeze through and take first place, but Team Poker Face (Maria & Tiffany) couldn't complete either side of the Detour, opening the door for Team Zebra, who despite having to take a 30-minute penalty for the clue mishap, managed to come in 5th place. Team Poker Face calls it quits and it's one of the rare times where Phil shows up at the challenge to tell a team they've been eliminated.

I was just starting to warm up to the poker players. I didn't like their ways in the beginning, but they were a smart team and I thought this may have been the year an all-girl team could win. And I know that I say this every week, but seriously, could I love the Globetrotters any more than I already do? They are funny, kind and not to hard on the eyes. Flight Time can detour to my neighborhood whenever he's ready!!!

Geography lesson: Seaside retreat Zoutkamp Harbor was the pit stop for this leg of the race. It's located in the Groningen Province of the Netherlands.

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Did Tracie Thoms really leave "Cold Case" (CBS, 10:00) or is she "on a break"? ... Whenever I watch this show I'm reminded that there was once a time when files were hand-written, telephones had cords and women had to fight to be seen as equals. But the one theme that always rings true: murder is as old as Cain and Abel.

I heard some really funny banter on "Desperate Housewives" (ABC, 9:00). Gabby and Carlos were arguing about who taught their 7-year-old daughter the f-word. After a "blank"-filled tirade, Gabby finishes with "Fine, but I know someone who isn't getting blank tonight." Carlos says, "Fine with me. I blanked off earlier." ... Surely, Tom and Lynette are headed for divorce court. She's had his balls in a vice for so long I don't see how they managed to stay together this long. Must be for the kids.

Quick Hits

Since I was on vacation, I'm just now getting a chance to see some shows from last week. I can't believe I'm about 11 hours behind!!! These are my thoughts on some of last week's highlights.

Friday
"The Oprah Winfrey Show" (KING-TV, 4:00): Mike Tyson comes face to face with Evander Holyfield for the first time since the 1997 ear-biting incident. To see Iron Mike Tyson appear as soft and vulnerable as he did was truly touching. And for Holyfield to come out and heap mounds of praise on him, even after Tyson admitted his first apology was insincere, showed an amazing amount of plain old human decency. This really was all about learning to forgive, forget and let go. Do you believe Mike Tyson is a changed man? I do. Raw emotion like that can't be faked. (Take note Balloon Boy's dad.)

"Ghost Whisperer" (CBS, 8:00): A haunted morgue? Scary. Seeing ghosts? Kind of cool. A dead body coming at you with a scalpel? Now that's just freakin' creepy! It's not even the obligatory Halloween episode and I was thoroughly creeped out. I dozed off watching this show and I kid you not, I was awakened by someone/thing shaking my foot.

Sunday
"Desperate Housewives" (ABC, 9:00): Ana falls for Gabi's ex lover/gardener John and Gabi is forced to come clean about her dirty past with him. Carlos and company suspect Lynette of having a boob job when it's really pregnancy chest. Lynette and Carlos have some weird boss/worker relationship. I know she's friends with his wife, but to flat out ask her about her "implants" was borderline sexual harassment, no? And ABC must really be on a tight budget. Did anyone notice Gabi had on the same shirt in every scene? It was just a different color.

"Brothers & Sisters" (ABC, 10:00): Justin and Rebecca decide on a destination wedding in Hawaii. Kitty undergoes her first round of chemotherapy and makes sister Sarah her "chemo buddy". Sarah keeps Kitty's mind busy by telling her lustful stories of her time in France. I liked how the filming made it look like an old movie, and I loved how Sarah dropped everything to return to her ailing sister's side. (Single tear falling).

Sunday = Sad day

The night started with a disappointing loss, and the hits just kept coming. Here's your Sunday sampling.

"The Amazing Race" (CBS, 8:00): Our journey around the world continues through Phnom Penh, Cambodia. For a minute there it looked as though it was going to be a race for last place between Team Autism (Zev/Justin) and Team Annoying Idiots (Lance/Keri). But all teams managed to catch the first flight so everyone was on an even playing field. The challenges didn't strike me as all that difficult tonight, but people who were short on patience would definitely have problems.

How sad was it that the only person who recognized Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis in the photo was the oldest guy on the race. You've got to be kidding me. Her face is up there with Princess Diana and Michael Jackson's nose. Pause it: EVERYBODY knows that nose. And who knew monkeys were so revered in Cambodia?

Team Autism came in first, but Zev lost his passport along the way. Unless they could find it before the last team arrived, they were going to be eliminated. It seemed like they had already come to terms with their fate. They didn't put much effort into looking for that passport, but retracing their steps did appear to be a daunting task. Too bad because they were one of my two favorite teams. In the words of Zev: single tear falling.

Geography lesson: The Pit Stop was Wat Phnom or "Hill Temple", a Buddha shrine built over 600 years ago and is the tallest religious structure in the city. Next stop: Dubai, where the teams face extremes of all kinds.

"Brothers & Sisters" (ABC, 10:00): Kitty finds out she's in stage 3 of lymphoma and a power struggle ensues between mom Nora and husband Robert over Kitty's course of treatment. They later come to a truce to support Kitty in whatever she decides. Pause it: Does a mother trump husband in a situation like this? When you're sick do you call your mom or your husband first? It's very endearing to see men cry so when Kevin, Saul and Justin all broke down over the news about Kitty, I broke down with them. But you had to wipe me up off the floor when Sarah showed up at the end. There's nothing like a sister.

William's sordid past is still haunting his family. Dennis, a man William testified against, wants revenge for the five years he spent in prison and is doing everything he can to undermine the company William started. I can see this storyline going really well if they don't turn it into a soap opera. Let's stay focused on the family.

"Cold Case" (CBS, 10:00): The title of this episode was "Jurisprudence". The dictionary defines it as "the science or philosophy of law", but in this case it was also a luxury ski cabin in Utah.

Alex Caceres was killed during a stint in Havenhurst Juvenile Detention Center. The case was reopened after another detainee came forward with information about his death. Det. Valens wanted to solve the case because he felt he'd let Alex down. The case winds through a list of guards and other locked-up teens, but it all comes back to the judge who sent Alex away in the first place. Here's the breakdown: The state pays for kids to go to Havenhurst. Havenhurst is owned by the judge's sister-in-law. The sister-in-law pays the judge for every kid he sends her way. The kids pay for the cabin, ergo, jurisprudence.

I was loving this episode until I realized they had recycled the plot from an episode of "Law & Order: SVU" called "Crush". Where's the jurisprudence in that?

A little pick-me-up from "Desperate Housewives" (ABC, 9:00):
In a bit of role reversal, one of the twins gives Lynette and Tom the speech on sexual irresponsibility: "You two are so irresponsible. You should have been using birth control. (At Tom) You're in college. Do you know what the odds are now that you'll graduate? Like zero. (At Lynette) You, you have a new job; one that you'll have to quit once the baby comes. So I hope you're both happy. You just destroyed your future for a few minutes of pleasure."
Bree, after learning her lover Karl has a lover: "So Candace, what do you do for a living?"
Candace: "I'm a dancer".
Bree: "Oh, what kind? Jazz? Ballet? Lap?"

Weekend Update

"Ghost Whisperer" (CBS, Fri., 8:00) picks up with Melinda giving birth to a baby boy then he immediately undergoes what soap fans call R.S.O.A.S. (Rapid Soap Opera Aging Syndrome). You've seen it. Little Tommy goes into the bathroom as a toddler and returns in the next scene as T.J., the teen heartthrob. The show skips ahead 5 years with Jim looking like he'd aged at least 10 and Melinda carting around a kid who looks 12, not 5. And speaking of Melinda, it must be written in J.Love's contract not to age her character, because she looked like she was fresh out of the womb (or off the Botox table). Question: Why kill off Jim if you're only going to "ghost" him back as some other character, then turn him back into Jim again? Melinda may soon be seeing me in one of her visions because this show is killing me.

I love the relationship between Gus and Shawn on "Psych" (USA, Fri., 10:00). I was two weeks behind on the episodes so I ended up watching them through On Demand. How genius to tie in the show's theme song with the storyline. In "Bollywood Homicide" they did a cool version of the song in Hindi and the names were in some language I will never be able to decipher. And in the "High Top Fade Out" episode they did an acapella doo-wop version of the song by whom I can only assume was Boyz II Men. The look on Shawn's face when he found out Gus was in a singing group was nothing but pure hilarity. The Bollywood episode was funny, but they were trying a little to hard to get in every Indian stereotype you could imagine.

Some funny lines heard on "Desperate Housewives" (ABC, Sun., 9:00):
Carlos's niece Ana, complaining about not being able to wear a sexy shirt: "All the girls in my class dress like this."
Gabrielle: "That's why your school nurse is an obstetrician."

Tom: "Yum, what do I smell?"
Lynette: "Despair, mortality, paralyzing fear."
Tom: "Oh, I thought it was waffles."

Lynette, angry about being pregnant with twins ... again: "We will never be done if we birth two when one moves out. That's just math."

Gabrielle: "She's one dead dog away from a country song."

Orson: "You do realize while in prison I went three whole years without any sex."
Bree: "No, but thank you for clearing up a question I never quite knew how to ask."