Sour grapes

I was convicted this week after a coworker (and TV Watch Party attendee) told me that they miss my "Amazing Race" updates because that was their way to keep up with the show. I've taken notes on every episode, but for some reason, I haven't felt compelled to write about it ... until now. It's finale night!

"The Amazing Race" (CBS, 8:00): After last week's elimination of the detectives, I told my Watch Party cohort Mary that I would be OK with Don't Ask, Won't Tell (Dan and Jordan) winning the race if 8 Seconds (cowboys Jet and Cord) didn't come in first. Cut to me a week later completely pissed that the cowboys didn't win. Pause it: I could've dragged out the suspense until the end by giving you a play-by-play of what went down, but at this point it doesn't even matter. The real story is whether or not Dan and Jordan cheated their way into first and if the Sexy Lezzies' finish-line tirade ruined the show. *Checking 'yes' box on the survey*

At the start of the leg, the teams are told to hop a 6,000 mile flight to San Francisco. The teams are all even because the ticket counter doesn't open until 10:45 the next morning. Rewind: That really sucked because Don't Ask, Won't Tell were about 4 hours behind the cowboys. Now this is where it gets dicey: While Jet and Cord slept in line at the ticket counter, Dan and Jordan cut in front of them. The normally calm cowboys were rightly ticked off. "If they wanna drop the gloves, they can drop the gloves," Jet says. Once on the plane, Dan talks a flight attendant into letting them move to empty seats in first class.

There is a lot of buzz about whether moving to first class is cheating, but the rules of the race say you must BUY tickets in coach, but if you are moved or given seats in first or business class, that's OK. As for the cutting in line, that was just effed up. It's one thing to jockey for first place by trying to get tickets on a tight flight, but what Dan and Jordan did was just poor sportsmanship. Yes, they are competing for a million dollars, but what's great about "The Amazing Race" is that teams (for the most part) keep it clean (sort of). Maybe I'm just salty because the cowboys were so nice to the other teams. Good Karma should've been their cab driver on this leg.

For a last leg, the challenges weren't that hard: a 120-foot vertical climb, navigating a virtual world and solving a memory puzzle about eliminations. The virtual world was the most entertaining, only because of the way Cord was yelling out fake instructions while Dan was giving Jordan directions. "Do a back flip!" "Sashay!" "Ballet move!" I had to watch it twice because we were laughing so hard.

Where are Fred and Velma, you ask? They got stuck with an Asian cab driver who didn't understand them yelling at him and each other. "I want to punch you in the face," Caite lovingly yells at Brent. They never could catch up and ended up coming in third behind the cowboys.

At the finish line, the Lezzies are the only team that doesn't clap when Brent and Caite arrive at the check in. Pause it: Shame on usually-super-nice Phil for instigating Carol and Brandy, who are obviously still smarting about being U-Turned. "I don't want to hear 'sorry' from you. You purposely whacked us," Brandy screams. Talk about Debbie Downer! Not only did they have horrible attitudes on the race, but they proved what bitches they are by ruining what should've been a congratulatory moment for those who actually finished the race. Good for Caite for defusing the situation by not letting Brandy have the last word. "I'm the one standing here and not you." Touche.

Even though the cowboys didn't win, at least they left with some class and their integrity in tact, unlike Dan and Jordan, who successfully lived out his life-long dream of running the race, but will now carry the name "Team I Wanted the Cowboys To Win."

Some parting thoughts: If I ever hear the words "C'mon, bro!" again, I will fly to Rhode Island to beat Dan and Jordan with an ugly stick; I find it very ironic that the teams left Shanghai for California and everyone ended up Asian cab drivers.

CHANNEL SURFING
If you get some free time, check out last week's episode of "Medium" (cbs.com). It was quite the mix of time travel and ghost whispering. A fascinating show, indeed.