Say hello

Of course with the return of "Glee" I wanted to spend time really talking about the first fresh episode of the year, but with my new Wednesday work schedule, I'm racing the sun to get in bed. Here's a quick recap:

"Glee" (FOX, 9:28): The show sort of dropped the ball on the timeline aspect. Rachel and Finn are a couple now? And it's so serious, she made him a relationship calendar. Pause it: Rachel is totally one of my favorite characters, but that calendar idea was super scary. Seems like Finn didn't get the memo that they are dating and starts to question if he still has feelings for Quinn.

Mr. Schue warns the glee club about getting too complacent since winning sectionals. He challenges the group to reinvent themselves, starting with each one of them performing a song with "hello" in the title. Meanwhile, Coach Sue has blackmailed the school principal to get her job back as leader of the Cheerios and is still intent on taking down the glee club. Her first goal is to make Rachel so distraught over losing Finn that she quits the club. She enlists glee club Cheerios Brittany and Santana to seduce Finn away from Rachel.

Finn does end up dumping Rachel, but she doesn't take it lying down. She calls him out on his insecurities and ends up meeting (and falling for) Jessie St. James, the lead vocalist for a competing choir. The Finn, Kurt, Mercedes and Artie all try to warn Rachel that Jessie is probably playing her. They even threaten to kick her out of the club if she doesn't stop seeing him. She confronts Jessie about his motives, but they agree to continue seeing each other in secret.

I'm so happy "Glee" is back and there were numerous laugh-out-loud moments, but it's like FOX treated this as a throw-away episode in preparation for the big Madonna-themed show next week. I know getting access to her catalog is a big deal, but the promos are overkill. Now that "Glee" has become a phenomenon, I hope it doesn't lose it's edge.

Funny lines:

• Finn: "Sometimes I wish I could be more like Coach Tanaka. He pulled a Jessica Simpson - you know, lost his fiancé, gained 40 pounds, stopped showering, and everyone acts like that is totally normal."
• Coach Sue after chopping of a male student's long hair: "I'm going to donate this to the victims of Hurricane Katrina. They can use it to plug the holes in their trailers.
• Mr. Schue trying to inspire the group: "What do you guys say when you answer the phone?" Mercedes: "What up?" Artie: "Who this be?" Kurt: "No, she's dead. This is her son."
• Santana dissing Rachel's outfit to Brittany: "She looked like Pippy Longstocking, except Israeli."
  

Featured songs:
"Hello, I Love You" - The Doors
"Gives You Hell" - All American Rejects
"Hello" - Lionel Ritchie
"Highway to Hell" - AC/DC
"Hello Twelve, Hello Thirteen, Hello Love" - A Chorus Line
"Hello, Goodbye" - The Beatles

CHANNEL SURFING

• "Lost" (ABC, 9:00): Things we learned tonight: Michael is stuck on the island because he killed Libby and the whispering voices from the jungle are other spirits who can't move on. And that's about as much as my brain could follow.
• Suze Orman was on "The Biggest Loser" (NBC, 8:00) to guide the contestants to "financial health". She even predicted that Sunshine would win the season based on her FICO score. I'm sure that debt was supposed to be a metaphor for debt, but it felt more like a glorified promo for CNBC. Anyway, it was a night of big prizes as Michael wins $1,000 in a balancing competition, and Andrea and O'Neal both win cars. O'Neal promptly hands his key over to daughter Sunshine.At the weigh-in, Andrea and Sam (who didn't lose any weight at all) fall below the yellow line, but he manages to keep his spot on the ranch. Andrea is sent home in her new car. These people claim they aren't playing the game, but keeping around the guy who has lost all the weight he's going to lose is obviously game play.
  

After these messages: Has anyone out there tried "Hip Hop Abs?" My stomach does not look like that after I dance. It's more like a sweaty, dented keg. Shruggsies.

Taking responsibility

I have spent the last 2 days doing absolutely nothing. NOTHING! It was my first real "weekend" in months. No volunteering at the school. No errands to run during the day. Just me sitting in bed until 1 p.m., going to the gym, then getting back in bed and sleeping until primetime TV starts. Here's a quick recap of Tuesday night ... and a few leftovers from Sunday and Monday.

"16 & Pregnant" (MTV, 10:00): Wow! The parents on this episode were as much to blame as the kids for this pregnancy and the focus is more about the baby daddy than the mother-to-be. Sixteen-year-old Nicole and her high-school dropout boyfriend Tyler are expecting a baby girl. He has a rocky relationship with his mom so he splits his time living at his grandma's and Nicole's house. Tyler was expelled from school when he was 13 and he's the type of guy who thinks he can make a career out of anything. Pause it: Really Tyler? A skateboarder? A mixed-martial artist? That's probably all he can be since he dropped out of school at 13. Dude, can you even read? Tyler promises he'll get his GED once the baby is born.

Nicole's friends have a hard time understanding why her mom is so supportive of her pregnancy. She reveals that she had another daughter die immediately after being born. Then her husband dies a year later when Nicole was only 2 years old. Pause it: Sounds like mom has some issues she needs to work out on the short couch. It's one thing to be supportive. It's another to try to use your pregnant teenager's baby to replace the one you lost.

At 7 months, Nicole starts having pains in her stomach - the night before her baby shower. She's rushed to the hospital and they give her drugs to stop her from going into early labor. They are released from the hospital just in time for the shower, where Tyler's estranged mom decides to show her face. She grumbles about the struggles she had after having Tyler at 17. She wanted him to be more responsible than she was. Pause it: Maybe if she wouldn't have kicked him out at 13, she could've taught him some of that responsibility she's talking about.

As Nicole's due date approaches, she tries to jump start her labor by using crazy home remedies: drinking castor oil, eating weird foods, and my personal fave - recklessly driving over speed bumps. She eventually goes into labor after Tyler suggests a game of pool would get the baby moving. Almost fourteen hours later, Nicole gives birth to 9 lb., 6 oz. Brooklyn Marie. The couple spends the first few months shuttling the baby between houses. Everytime they would wear out their welcome at one house they would move on to the next. Tyler's mom finally puts her foot down and tells them it's not good for baby Brooklyn to not have a permanent place to call home. In the end, Tyler's mom helps him get a job and he does go back to get his GED.

Tune in next week as preggers teen Leah prepares to give birth to twins!

CHANNEL SURFING

• "Dancing With the Stars" (ABC, Tues., 8:00): In a shocking turn of events, Shannen Doherty is the first contestant voted off. I say shocking because hobbling, emotionless stick figure Kate Gosselin lives to dance another week and Old Man River astronaut guy is still in it, breathing machine and all. OK, so he's not on a breathing machine, but he's as old as John McCain, and that guy is like, 106. ABC knows where their bread is buttered: They gave the last 30 minutes of Monday's show to Pamela Anderson and Gosselin - guaranteed ratings boosters.
  
• "Lost" (ABC, Tues., 9:00): According to a reliable source, Sayid is a lost cause who is as soulless as my old gym sneakers. Now that the Locke Monster has stolen his innards, Sayid is out of the running to be an island protector. I suspect he'll be one of the major casualties that will start happening in the last few episodes.
• "The Amazing Race" (CBS, Sun., 8:00): Now that Team Showmance is out of the race, I'm pulling for 8 Seconds. Those cowboys gave me a scare this week as they came in last after running around Seychelles. Luckily it was a non-elimination leg and they are still in it. Unfortunately, so are the Sexy Lezzies. Team No Name snag their first win, but they lose their backpacks when they leave them at the Road Block. At least they have their passports and money.
  

It hurts

Late posting again. We can start calling it my Hump Day Hangover. Too bad it's from lack of sleep and not libations. Here's what happened last night:

"The Biggest Loser" (NBC, Tues., 8:00): I know I've said this numerous times, but it annoys me to no end that this show is freakin' 2 hours long!!! It's one of the main reasons why I don't feel like blogging at the end of the night. Pause it: The other reasons range from talking on the phone to my bestie in Dallas to going into a diabetic coma from eating junk food during the show. This is supposed to be a show about weight loss and "Loser" could stand to shed about 60 minutes.

For the reward challenge, the teams go head-to-head in a game of trivia about food and nutrition. The winning team gets a spa day while the losers must clean the kitchen and the gym. Stephanie thinks the Black team has the win on lock since the Blue team is all brawn and no brains. Think again, Steph! The Blue team prevails, leaving the Black team sulking and demoralized. It was pretty ironic that the mostly male Blue team wins a trip to the spa and the women folk are made to clean house.

At the immunity challenge, it's another advantage for the Black team with a cooking competition. The teams must make an appetizer, an entree and a dessert using only 12 ingredients in 30 minutes. Celebrity chef Curtis Stone is the guest judge. Pause it: OK, last week the show stole a page out of the "Survivor" playbook. This week it's "Top Chef". Copycat much? The winning team gets a five-pound advantage at the next weigh-in. The Black team is off to a great start with a low-calorie shrimp ceviche, but their salmon with a side of wild rice entree is over 500 calories compared to the Blue's 290 overcooked pork tenderloin. The Black team wins and has some newfound confidence going into the last-chance workout.

At the weigh-in, the Black team loses a combined total of 30 pounds, but Stephanie and Sherry both put up small numbers. The Blue team drops nine after nine on the scale, and Mike - who left the ranch to tend to his ailing grandmother - loses 11 pounds while traveling. He's lost 126 pounds in his nine weeks on the ranch. It's another hit for the Black team as Blue smashes their hopes of a win. They send Sherry home, breaking up the last mother/kid team on campus.

Plug of the night: Milk - it does a body good and apparently, it's profitable for NBC. Go figure.

Last chance rant: Does anyone know where Jillian got her psychology degree? I mean, she's counseling these contestants like she's Dr. Phil or something. And we all know he's, like, a real doctor.

"16 & Pregnant" (MTV, Tues., 10:00): This episode should've been called "16 & Forced Into an Unwanted Choice". I felt so bad for Lori, an adopted teen whose parents want her to give her baby up for adoption. Pause it: I spent the first 15 minutes of the show laughing at the fact that Lori attends an all-girls Catholic school and winds up in the family way. I kept picturing a pregnant nun. But after watching Lori's mom hound her about giving her child away, I really just wanted to give her a hug. Mom wouldn't even let Lori's friends throw her a baby shower telling her, "I just don't see anything to celebrate." She goes on to say that bringing a baby into the house would be a mistake. Being an adopted child, Lori wants to keep her baby because she doesn't have any biological ties of her own.

Cory, Lori's ex-boyfriend and baby daddy, offers to let her move in with him and his (female) roommate. Unfortunately, Cory fails to ask his roommate if she was OK with having a newborn baby living in the next room. With no where else to turn, Lori decides that an open adoption is her only option.

I know that having a baby as a teen is not ideal, but having a mom forcing you into a decision like that is tough. I'm sure mom thought she was doing the right thing for both Lori and the baby, but a little support would've been nice. The episode wasn't as gut-wrenching as last season's emotional goodbye between Catelyn, Tyler and baby Carly, but it was still hard to watch.

CHANNEL SURFING

• "Lost" (ABC, Tues., 9:00): In Sawyer's flash sideways, he's a detective for the LAPD and Miles is his partner. Talk about a parallel universe ... going from a con man to a cop.
• On "The Good Wife" (CBS, Tues., 10:00), Peter uses a black clergy to reach out to the African American community after his poll numbers dip among the sistas. Later, Alicia finds him praying with a reverend in his bedroom. At least he was doing something holy in there for a change.

Ghetto fab

I was so not in the mood to blog Tuesday night, even though I sat through 4 hours of TV and took a fair amount of notes. Sometimes I miss watching TV for TV's sake - just curling up on the couch and mindlessly watching a show without worrying about missing a pivotal plot point. But the Watch Party must go on, even when the host just wants to take a break. Here's a quick recap for the last 2 days.

"America's Next Top Model" (CW, Wed., 8:00): I don't know if I have the words to describe the ghetto-fabulousness of the girls that will grace the catwalk of Cycle 14. Loud, annoying, brash and did I say annoying? Pause it: At least Cycle 12 reject Angelea was intelligent enough to describe herself as "classy ghetto". Miss J goes on to say that one of the girls' runway walk looks "like you gon' whoop somebody's ass!"

The 33 girls are whacked down to 20, but before announcing the lucky ladies who will compete for the title, Tyra informs them that they are only picking 12 and a 13th girl would be waiting for them in New York. You've got your standard doe-eyed girl from Arkansas (Jessica), two biracial girls (Angelea and Gabrielle) and two hot-tempered chocolate girls (Krista and Alasia) who reinforce the idea that black women are always angry. Oh, and let's not forget the girl who was born into a cult (Naduah) who, I'm sure, Tyra will find a way to exploit her sob story in at least three episodes. The other girls include a plus-size model (Alexandra), a black white girl (Simone) and a girl with eyebrows as thick as my carpet (Enslee). The girls get makeovers and their first official photo will be a nude one. To be continued ...

Ripping the runway: The most annoying thing about this show is all the screaming. Screaming when Tyra enters a room. Screaming when the models get a new task. Screaming when "Tyra Mail" arrives. It's like watching a horror movie that has no real horror.

"16 and Pregnant" (MTV, Tues., 10:00): Another week, another deadbeat baby daddy. This week we have Adam, a real winner who not only values his car more than fatherhood, but also calls the mother of his child a "stretch-marked bitch". Pause it: Taking trophy from Nikkole's boyfriend Josh and handing it to Adam.

Chelsea, a popular high-school senior, got pregnant at the end of her junior year and is starting the school year near full term. She so big she can't fit in her desk and has to sit on an exercise ball in class. Chelsea ends up going into labor five weeks early and gives birth to a girl named Aubree Skye. The doctors are worried that the baby has a premature immune system, but don't want to scare the young mom. Little Aubree does have respiratory problems along with a case of jaundice. Adam persuades Chelsea to give the baby his last name, but only sees the baby twice during her first eight days of life. Pause it: I don't know if you can even count that last one as a "visit". He leaves the baby to go work on his car.

Weeks go by and still no word from Adam. When he finally shows up, he's more concerned about going drag racing than worrying about his child's medical issues. Rewind: Is it just me or did anyone else feel like Chelsea just wanted Adam to notice how big her breasts were when she started feeding the baby in front of him? Adam's preoccupation with his car makes Chelsea wonder if she can raise the baby without him. Newsflash honey: You're already doing it without him!

After Adam sends Chelsea a text message telling her to "tell me when and where to sign over the papers for that mistake," she immediately heads to a lawyer where she has the baby's last name changed to her own. At 12 weeks old, deadbeat daddy is out of Aubree's life and Chelsea is heading back to school. At least she was smart enough change her daughter's last name. Now all she needs to do is slap that prick with child support payments and we can call it a day.

"Lost" (ABC, Tues., 9:00): In his flash sideways, Ben Linus is a high-school history teacher at the same school where John Locke is a substitute teacher. Alex is an adoring student instead of his daughter and Ben has aspirations of being the principal. On the island, when Ben was digging his own grave (literally), the camera cut to a book called "The Chosen". A quick Wikipedia search gave me this:

"The Chosen" tells the story of the friendship between two Jewish boys growing up in 1940's Brooklyn.One has a mind for mathematics and wants to become a rabbi while the other is a genius son of a Hasidiac Rabbi who expects him to eventually take over his position.

I'm sure this somehow ties into the whole theory that someone is about to be chosen to lead the island. Does being good at math give Ben Linus the edge? Talk amongst yourselves.

Oh, there was a really funny line from the show. When Ben offered Miles millions of dollars to help him, Miles responds with "What are you gonna do? Write me a check on this banana leaf?"

Stand and deliver

Today was the first Tuesday in a long time that I had absolutely nothing to do. I was really lazy today and played couch potato for most of the afternoon watching repeats of "The Game" on BET and some movie on the Disney channel called "Jump In" about kids in a double-dutch jump rope competition. Mindless entertainment.

"16 and Pregnant" (MTV, 10:00): I almost feel guilty when I say that I'm glad this show is back because it's like I want to see girls stuck in a pregnant pickle. But the truth is this show is one of the most realistic portrayals of the consequences of unprotected sex. It's the best thing MTV has given us since "The Real World: Las Vegas". Season 2 kicks off with the story of Jenelle, a North Carolina teen whose alcoholic boyfriend is former model turned mooch.

Jenelle and Andrew have been in a long-distance relationship for three years. Mom Barbara hates the guy and lets him know he needs to step up. Andrew has no job, no driver's license and lives with his parents. Pause it: Yes, that is Andrew's picture in the dictionary next to the word 'deadbeat'. Jenelle thinks having a baby isn't going to be that hard. "It's going to be like dressing up a doll everyday." Pause it: And that's Jenelle's picture next to the word 'dunce'. Sure sweetie, your baby will look like a doll ... that pees and poops on cue.

After 12 hours of labor, Jenelle gives birth to a baby boy named Jace. Rewind: 'Jace' was on my short list of possible baby names, you know ... for when I have kids. Gotta find a husband but right now I'll settle for a man who has all his teeth. The two days she spent in the hospital were the first and last times Andrew saw his son. He spent the first week of Jace's life in jail on a DUI charge then decided his feelings for Jenelle had "dropped". She decides the best way to get over him is by hitting the party scene with her friends. Guess who's left cleaning up after baby Jace: that would be grandma Barbara, who is none too happy about being an at-the-ready babysitter.

Jenelle reminds me of Farrah during her "Teen Mom" days. She's woman enough to make a baby but not woman enough to take care of it. But unlike Farrah, Jenelle is more than happy to have her baby dropped off at daycare so she can focus on having a social life. What else is different from Jenelle? When her mom gets pissed, she make Jenelle take her baby out with her! Farrah's mom could've used some of Barbara's brass balls.

CHANNEL SURFING
"American Idol" (FOX, 8:00): Who knew there were so many ways to sing a Jason Mraz song? The judges gave seven wannabe stars a spot in the Top 24. Two of my early favorites, Michael Lynche and Todrick Hall made it through. You'll recall that Michael missed the birth of his first born on group day of Hollywood Week and Todrick performed with Fantasia in "The Color Purple". Unfortunately, Shelby Dressel, the girl with the facial deformity didn't make the cut. But it was Jessica Furney, also a Season 8 reject, who went damn near postal when the judges told her that Season 9 was a no-go as well. "Can you tell me what I did wrong?" she begged. "You didn't sing as well as the others," Simon retorts. Truth hurts.

"Lost" (ABC, 9:00) made my head hurt, but I have a theory about the numbers. Inside the cave, Fake Locke showed Sawyer a wall full of names with corresponding numbers in front - Hurley's unlucky lottery numbers (4-8-15-16-23-42). I think these numbers were the seat numbers for the Oceanic 6, the people who were rescued from the island (Jack, Kate, Sayid, Hurley, Sun and baby Aaron). Sawyer's name wasn't scratched out but he jumped from the helicopter before it crashed, giving Aaron a chance to be rescued. Locke's name wasn't scratched out and he wasn't a member of the Oceanic 6, so could his death be the sacrifice for Kate? Just a theory, but maybe Kate is the secret to the island, not Locke. Did anyone else catch that or am I starting to sound like Locke?

Let the games begin

The Olympics start Friday and NBC is not skimping on the Oly-themed shows. But we'll get to that later. I need a minute to finish gagging on all their "inspirational motivation". VOMITING!

"Lost" (ABC, 9:00): I finally figured out what they are doing this season. Aside from trying to give me a brain aneurysm, the writers are using a storytelling tactic called "flash-sideways". It's a season of "what ifs" vs. "what is" and the stories run parallel. Tonight's episode peel back the many layers of Kate and reveal how she and Claire would have crossed paths off the island.

After breaking free from the federal agent, Kate hijacks a cab with Claire in the backseat. Pause it: Obviously they are still in 2004 because there is no way a woman in handcuffs would get past airport security. *Montage of the shoe bomber, the underwear bomber and me sneaking my extra ounces of liquid onto the plane* On second thought ...

Ever since Claire disappeared on the island, Kate has been baby Aaron's second mom. After they were rescued, she passed him off as her own and raised him until they returned to the island. In the present, Claire was in Los Angeles to give her baby up for adoption but the couple backed out of the deal. She goes into labor and it's Kate who's by her side when she gives birth, just like she was on the island. Rewind: Did you catch that the man who delivered her baby, Dr. Goodspeed, was actually Ethan Rom? He's the man that kidnapped Claire on the island. Creepy!

I'm enjoying how the show is tying in how the characters would've still been connected even if Flight 815 hadn't crashed. It's also giving us a glimpse of how their lives would've been reshaped. In March, we'll get to see episodes centered around Ben (Mar. 9), Sawyer (Mar. 16) and Sun/Jin (Mar. 30). Executive producer Carlton Cuse urges viewer to forget about everything you've learned from previous seasons' flashbacks. "All that matters now are the flash-sideways stories," he says.

"The Biggest Loser" (NBC, 8:00): The teams head to the Olympic Training Center in Colorado to get inspiration from some of the country's top athletes. The teams move from pairs to individuals with two people getting eliminated this week. The person who falls below the red line goes home automatically and the two people below the yellow line are put to an elimination vote.

We already know that NBC is airing the Olympics. Do we really need to be subjected to an Olympic-themed episode of "Biggest Loser"? The only thing worth caring about was that hot potato figure skater. His name is not important. Just believe me when I say I'll be leading a one woman hotness parade for him during the pairs figure skating competition. He was smokin'!

At the weigh-in, the Red Team's Melissa gains a pound and is automatically sent home. Bye Bye. See ya! Don't let the door hit cha! I haven't disliked a contestant this much since Heba from a few seasons ago. Orange Team's Cheryl and Darrell from the Black Team fall below the yellow line and get a chance to fight to stay in an elimination challenge. They must keep their "Olympic torch" lit in a weird balancing act. Really? The results? To be continued.

Last chance rant: NBC, your pockets are showing! The network must be really hard up for money with all the freaking product placement ads on this show. If Bob tells me one more time to chew Extra Sugar-free gum I'm going to mash his face into my armpit and continue to eat my cake and ice cream. And how much do I hate Allison Sweeney as the host of this show? She's completely useless.

CHANNEL SURFING
Ellen's comic relief kept the mood light as the judges crushed the dreams of instant fame seekers on "American Idol" (FOX, 8:00). "You frightened me! Sexy and scary ... it's a fine line," she tells the obnoxious Skiiboski. I really wanted to see small town girl Vanessa Wolfe (of aeroplane fame) to make it through, but her nerves got the best of her. Best performance of the night was Janell Wheeler singing "American Boy" on acoustic guitar.

After these messages: Toyota is eating a big helping of humble pie, kind of like those Dominos Pizza commercials where they admit their crusts taste like cardboard, except Toyota's mistake might kill you ... I absolutely LOVE the Volkswagon "slugbug color" commersh. It was my favorite Super Bowl ad.