Life, liberty and the pursuit of instant fame

It was a crazy day and an even crazier night, so I had a hard time cramming it all in. But the Watch Party goes on with or without me so I figured I'd better suck it up. Here's what I saw between naps:

"American Idol" (FOX, 8:00): For the last few seasons, I have barely watched "Idol" past the audition rounds. I have soured on this show now that people have shucked the actual talent factor and show up for auditions with the I-want-to-be-on-TV-so-I'm-going-to-be-obnoxious routine. It's not like that doesn't happen on all reality-competition shows (remember "Sex" from "So You Think You Can Dance"?), but there is something about "American Idol" that brings out some of the most delusional people I have ever seen. There's also this sense of self-entitlement where everyone feels like they deserve to be famous. Pause it: How about finding a cure for ingrown toenails or figuring out what those numbers mean on "Lost"? That is something that will make you famous.

Season 9 auditions kick off in Boston where a crowd of 9,000 waited in the pouring rain for a chance to shine in front of Randy, nu-Paula and Simon. Pause it: FOX can deny, deny, deny but I'm most certain that bringing in Kara DioGuardi as a so-called "fourth judge" was the nail in Paula's coffin. Victoria Beckham of Spice Girl fame was brought in to fill the final chair. Pretty much everyone who makes it in front of the panel is seeking some sort of validation from Simon, the most biting judge in the history of reality TV. Pause it: Forget New York! If you can make it in front of Simon, you can make it anywhere. The fact that people show up begging for his approval should prove that "Idol" numbers will likely tumble after his exit.

Only 31 people made it through to Hollywood, so the talent was slim for the picking. There were a few standouts like 16-year old Katie Stevens (the girl with the ailing granny) and Ashley Rodriguez, who wowed the judges with an Alicia Keys song. But Boston wasn't without its weirdos either. Janet McNamera honed her skills by playing the "American Idol" video game. Sorry, honey! A mock "Idol" stage does not a star make. And I can't leave off Mere Doyle, the girl who harbors an obsession for anime and wanted to audition for "American Idol" to become famous in ... Japan?

I'll tell you, I've had coworkers say to me I have a nice voice, but you won't catch me trying to sing in front of an audience. I know what I sound like and they are just being polite. The people who try out for this show should realize that mommy and daddy don't make the most impartial judges.

Note to self: Get one of those "Idol" video games. I wouldn't mind hearing a digital Simon Cowell tell me I'm bloody awful. His best quip of the night - "Is this window open?" - after hearing Janet sing. I also laughed when Randy told Britney-Spears-song-murdering Pat Ford to "stop singing forever." Auditions continue Wednesday in Hotlanta.

CHANNEL SURFING
I was so tired I could barely pay attention during "Teen Mom" (MTV, 10:00). Of course it would be the episode when Farrah finally decided to step up to the plate of motherhood and show some interest in caring for her daughter. "I can't believe I'm actually getting my work done with Sophia," she says. Well, Farrah, seeing as how this is the first time you've actually tried, we wouldn't have expected you to know that. And let's give it up for Amber, who in the midst of trying to get her G.E.D., fought putting her baby in daycare. Too bad she had to go against her wishes for the greater good of her family's future.

On the season finale of "Tabatha's Salon Takeover" (Bravo, 10:00), she helped a salon where all the stylists had one year of experience. FAIL! Those stylist weren't fit to cut a dog's hair, let alone a humans!

Did you watch "The Good Wife" (CBS, 10:00)? How funny is it that Alicia's ringtone for her mother-in-law is the theme song to "The Twilight Zone"?

After these messages: Why is Emmy-award winning actress Megan Mullally shoveling butter? Really? Butter? Those "Turn the Tub Around" commercials are not only annoying, they also make me want to "turn the volume down". In the words of Karen Walker: "What's this? What's going on here?"