You lie!!

I'm a day behind, but what an interesting experiment to watch "Lie to Me" (Fox, Mon., 9:00), a show that exposes truth and lies by clues on the human face, right before watching the manufactured melodrama of "The Hills" (MTV, Tues., 10:00).

On "Lie to Me", Dr. Cal Lightman is the world's leading deception expert. In last night's episode, he was tasked with determining if a woman with multiple personalities was telling the truth about witnessing a murder. Erika Christensen did a phenomenal job in the role, going back and forth between a student, a prostitute and what I think was a dude, but I couldn't tell. Pause it: I would think Dr. Lightman would be every woman's dream. A man who can decipher your emotions just by the furrow of your brow or the shape of your smile? Cuts down on the talk time, no? I love how just before cutting to commercial they show famous people's faces and leave it to you to determine what emotion they may be giving off.

I would love to see Dr. Lightman take a stab at the cast of "The Hills". Oh, the fakery of it all. I'm no deception detective, but I could totally tell by their tones that the fight between Kristin, Audrina and Stephanie was staged ... along with everything else that followed. We're supposed to think Heidi and Spencer Pratt were returning from their honeymoon, but I'm 99.9% sure they were just getting back from the jungles of "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here".

Ladies, does the "girl code of dating" really apply when you were never friends with the girl who's dating your ex? Audrina claims she's done with Justin Bobby, so why make a beeline to Kristin when she sees them talking. And can someone tell me what the deal is with J.B. that makes him so irresistible? It must be the ... motorcycle.

The line of the night goes to Heidi, who says to Spencer while house hunting: "This looks like a porno pad." That would be REALLY funny if you hadn't just posed for Playboy you idiot.