Lightening round

"Lincoln Heights" (ABC Family, Mon., 8:00): The acting on this show is getting worse by the week. The way Cassie says the name "Charles" every 5 minutes is like nails on a chalkboard. And I have not seen a family in such peril on a weekly basis since the Kennedys. C'mon Suttons! You've survived an earthquake, 2 attacks on the kids, a near charge for murder and dad getting shot. All that's missing is a bout with swine flu and we've got ourselves a season. We're only 3 episodes in and I feel like I need a bullet-proof vest and a haz-mat suit while I'm watching. Keep it up or I'm trading you in for reruns on TNT.

"Gossip Girl" (CW, Mon., 9:00): Am I the only one grossed out by the fact that Dan and Serena now share a brother? I know they aren't related (there's a lot of baby mama/daddy drama in there), but it does make their past relationship seem somewhat incestuous. The kids (and I use that term loosely) on this show are supposedly one semester out of high school, so why does it feel like they all sit around drinking cognac and puffing on expensive cigars? Pause it: The dress Serena wore to the Sotheby auction isn't something you typically see without a street corner and a slow-moving car in the background. Blair and Chuck have the most dysfunctional relationship this side of Jon and Kate. For two people who exude such confidence, they really lack self-esteem.

Commercial break: Whoever told Zooey Deschanel she could sing must have been headless. She completely murders one of my favorite commercial jingles: the cotton theme song.

"CSI: Miami" (CBS, Mon., 10:00): Sharif Atkins, aka Dr. Gallant from "ER", turns up as deranged shooter Ted who takes the crime lab under siege. I had a really hard time believing Atkins in this role, as he was such a gentle guy on "ER". But it's nice to see him stretch his acting chops. Thank you, Heavenly Host, for sparing us one of Horatio's opening lines tonight. I never watched "NYPD Blue", but I can't imagine David Caruso being anything other than the dry line deliverer that he is on this show. We were barely 20 minutes in before Jessie Cardoza, played by hottie Eddie Cibrian, had his shirt off. We should keep a counter of how many times he goes shirtless this season. I'm always amazed at the things I learn on the "CSI:" franchises. It's a wonder we aren't all professional counterfeiters.

No "Jon & Kate Plus 8" tonight. I don't watch when it's Kate's week. Or Jon's for that matter. It's minus Resa on this one.