Did that really just happen?

I learned the hard way how not to spoil "Survivor" finale night. It's a masterful dance of avoiding all social networking sites, no Internet surfing and definitely no TVs allowed on the CBS station at work. I even handed off my last page to another designer so as not to find out the winner. (Thanks, Mary!) And I made it. I managed to get through the whole night without any spoilers so that I could watch Evil Russell be crowned the winner of "Survivor: Samoa"! He's got this in the bag right? WRONG!!!

Wrong, wrong, wrong!!!! I sat through 2 hours to watch the jury hand the million dollar prize to ... Natalie? Huh? What? You've got to be freaking kidding me! Natalie White, the coat-tail rider from Van Buren, Arkansas, walked away with the title and Russell was left visibly pissed. Pause it: I wasn't a Natalie fan, but shout out to my home state of Arkansas! What up, E-Town! (That's England, to those of us in the know). Now that that's out of the way, let me go back and see where this show went off the rails.

After 37 days, Russell was still as focused as he was on Day 1. He came to Samoa with one goal and one goal only: to win the game of "Survivor". Galu had entered the merge at an 8-4 advantage and one-by-one, Foa Foa picked off each member. Natalie made her only power move of the game by getting Galu to vote off one of their own first. *Your seat's this way, Erik*. In blindside after blindside, he was followed by Kelly, Laura, John, Monica, Dave and Shambo. Brett, the last pesky little sucker from Galu, proved harder to kill, winning three immunity challenges in a row. Foa was finally forced to turn on one of their own and Jaison went down in flames. Pause it: No love lost on that one. He'd shut down on Day 3 anyway. At the last immunity challenge, it was Russell and Brett in a game of balance and concentration ... kinda like stacking plates on a stick, except it was a little statue. After finding three hidden immunity idols, Russell finally manages to win one, sending Brett to join the rest of his tribe on the jury. It's down to Mick, Natalie and Russell for the million.

When it came time to address the jury, Mick went the route of Amanda Kimmel ("Survivor: China/Micronesia), giving the jury his puppy-dog eyes and sob story about playing the game with morals. Bad move, buddy. The jury hates long faces. Natalie played the "I-may-have-rode-his-coattails-but ..." card. She went on and on about not wanting to be a "strong woman" player because they got voted off quickly. So basically you want to win the game for being weak? Russ came out with his gun locked and loaded and was not apologizing for it. He let everybody know why they were sitting on the jury and how he was the mastermind behind each and every vote. "Survivor" juries usually fall for the make-no-apologies statements, but the Samoa cast came to the feasting table with a bag of chips, most likely from their shoulders.

Going into the last 15 minutes, I really thought Russell had won the game. He played Survivor like it was a game of chess and even had the nerve to "coach" Mick and Natalie on how to answer the jury questions. Russell, you are crazy like a fox and I love it! This is the same guy that I absolutely LOATHED that the start of the season. Cut to me leading a one woman hotness parade through my apartment, cheering him on while he gave his speech.

The questions from the jury were all routine and I'm thinking, "Just hand Russ the check already!" Then here comes Erik. I think he is the sole reason why Natalie won, with his "perception is not reality" tirade. But for a quick second, he had me sold on his reasoning. Why reward the person who played the better game just because he was evil and entertaining. Why not give the prize to someone who played a dull game, but a nice game? Erik basically said that being on a game show doesn't excuse you from being a kind person. That's all fine and good, but this is "SURVIVOR"! I watch this show because people do and say things that they couldn't get away with in their real lives. There are a couple of coworkers and Facebook friends that I would love to vote off my island, but I live vicariously through Russell as he cuts people off at the knees then hides their canes so they can't walk. Sad, I know. But thoroughly entertaining.

When Jeff Probst called Natalie's name as the winner, poor Russell looked like his dog had died in Hurricane Katrina (karma?) I don't think there has ever been a contestant who wanted to win the game as badly as he did, going so far as to offer Natalie $10,000 for the "title" of "Survivor". At least he won the $100,000 prize for Player of the Season. Even though I was extremely disappointed with the outcome, I have to admit this was a very interesting piece of social commentary. Why do we reward people who gain success through lying, cheating and stealing (I'm looking at you, banking industry)? Did Russell really go too far or was the jury just full of bitter Bettys?

Season 20 premiers Feb. 11 and I think it may answer all of my questions. It's villans vs. heroes - the most vile, ruthless players vs. the 3 or 4 people who won the game by being nice. Instead of "Outwit, Outlast, Outplay" it's "Return, Revenge, Redemption". I have a feeling that Russell will be the last 'R' on that logo.

One last thing that's nagging at me: Laura is a GRANDMOTHER! At age 39! Wow! I mean, WOW! Is 39 the new 50? I'm just asking.

Watch Party at my place! See you on the 11th!