Eat. Cry. Moan.

I did a whole lot of channel surfing during the 10:00 hour. Here are some observations:

I only watched the first hour of the "Kennedy Center Honors" (CBS, 9:00), but the parts I did see were really funny. It was cool watching Robert De Niro get props for his work, but even cooler to see the humble expression on his face as friends and colleagues talked about his contributions to cinema. Oh, and that band was really great. Can anybody tell me the name of that jazz song they played?

"Teen Mom" (MTV): I missed the first 15 minutes of the episode and when I tuned in, Catelynn's mom had announced they were moving to Richmond. I'm really annoyed with her mom because she seems like one of those women who always picks a loser boyfriend then goes along with everything he says. The fact that he's Tyler's (Catelynn's boyfriend) dad raises the ick factor. Catelynn is allowed to temporarily move in with Tyler and his mom and she lays down only one rule: no sleeping in the same room. Pause it: How about adding "no sex under my roof" as a rule? I'm just saying ... might as well make it plain. Catelynn says she just wants her mom to put the adoption behind her so they can move on, but how can mom do that when Cate and Ty have big ol' baby tattoos on their shoulder and stomach? Mom will move on when you do, guys.

I must have missed a big chunk of Farrah's story too because when she came on she was talking about going to culinary school. Where did that come from? I saw a glimmer of hope when she went to the doctor to get birth control pills, but her idiocy reigned supreme when she hid them from her parents by putting them in the refrigerator. After her dad finds it, he questions why she would be putting herself in situations where she would need birth control. "We got a beautiful gift from a mistake," he says. But Farrah isn't hearing it and she later leaves Sophia with her mom while she goes out to party. Pause it: It's quite obvious Farrah's parents can't get the top off their can of "Whoop-Ass". *Sliding mom a bottle opener*

Last week, I was really proud of Maci for dumping Ryan, but tonight she took a step backward by getting back together with him. She says she misses having him around whenever baby Bentley gets fussy, but I can't seem to recall a time when Ryan was around for the baby being fussy, calm, sleeping, eating, etc. Pause it: Does anyone else think that Ryan looks like a thinner version of Levi Johnston? I have a feeling that Maci will be regretting her decision in the near future.

Amber and Gary are still going at it. Amber is struggling to keep up in her G.E.D. classes while he somehow manages to find time to get out of the house for "a little break." When Amber comes in complaining about how filthy their house is, Gary replies, "All you do is go to school for six hours a week and watch the baby." Pause it: Everybody take cover from the s*%t that's about to hit the fan. Amber tells Gary that she doesn't want to be with him anymore and decides to move into a hotel room for the week. After she's packed up the car and is ready to drive off, that's when he has a change of heart. That sound you hear is Amber's tires squealing as she drives off, leaving him crying like the big-ass baby that he is. Amber is over Gary and I am too.

"Tabatha's Salon Takeover" (Bravo): Fab Tab breezed into the Windy City to tackle Chicago Male, a three-year-old, gay salon that only services men. The owner, Scott, is a businessman, but has never owned or operated a hair salon and can't understand why the place is only running at 25%. Pause it: That's because the other 75% of your could-be clients have vaginas. The unprofessional staff stood around all day eating, texting and talking sexually to clients.

Scott wanted to create something that was just for men in one of the largest gay communities in the country, but his 30-minute business model was dragging down the quality of service. I can't even wash my hair in 30 minutes, let alone give someone a proper haircut. After Tabatha announces there would be changes at the salon, she says, "The staff all stared at me like gay deer in headlights."

The stylists are all taken to Paul Mitchell to get a crash course in women's hair, but I'll tell you this: I will not be getting a haircut by someone who basically got the G.E.D. of women's hairstyling. Of course all of Tab's suggestions are implemented and Chicago Male opens it's doors to the female kind. They could always change the name to Chicago She-Male and only take drag queens. At least they could've stayed true to Scott's all-male clientele rule. It's all in the details.

CHANNEL SURFING
MTV's new show "The Buried Life" is just "The Bucket List" for young people ... I sat through bits and pieces of "Mo'Nique" because the former cast of "The Game" was on it. I love that show, and I'm still cursing CW for getting rid of one of the funniest, most entertaining, black sitcoms ever to air. At least BET was nice enough to pick it up.