Last word

Since nothing is on TV besides Christmas movies and holiday specials, this will be my last blog for the week. I may drop in from time to time in the next few days, but only to remind you of a good repeat or some New Year specials. Merry Christmas! Your present is a big ol' helping of ...

"Teen Mom" (MTV, Tues., 10:00): I wanted to spend this posting talking about Maci (with son, Bentley) and how responsible she's trying to be, but I feel and Farrah rant coming on.

These two girls are like night and day. Maci is still trying to make a life for herself. She dropped her loser boyfriend Ryan when he showed no interest in being a dad. She signed up for online classes because she didn't want to leave Bentley with a sitter. And she realizes how much she's given up to be a mom. Farrah on the other hand hasn't given up anything, farming out her parenting duties to her mom while she chases down loser after loser boy toys. When Pick of the Week Shaq ditches her to hang out with his friends, she pulls the same stunt she pulled with Cole, only this time she didn't have to drive two hours to confront him. He politely tells her he's only 18 and not in the business of being a baby daddy to a baby that ain't his. Farrah is angry that he "wasted her time," but I'm pissed that she wasted mine. Pause it: You can tell how much time Farrah spends with baby Sophia. She was trying to feed that poor little thing a big honkin' piece of bread, and not the soft little bread slices ... I'm talking a whole chunk of baguette! That baby is 8 months, not 8 years. Jesus couldn't even break that bread! While Maci is striving to be like her college-bound friends, Farrah's only aspiration is to work at an upscale restaurant. Way to dream big, Cupcake!

It's been four months since Catelynn and Tyler gave their daughter Carly up for adoption, but Tyler's dad keeps ripping off the Band-Aid every chance he gets. Rewind: Honestly, I think Catelynn and Tyler are ripping off their own bandages by trying to keep up with the baby's new life. If that were me, I would need more time to get used to the baby being gone before I would want to see pictures of her living a life with someone else. But that's just me. Daddy Butch, fresh off a prison stint, has the nerve to question their decision to give up their daughter even though he's missed a huge part of his son's life by being locked up. Butch says he'd live in a truck with the baby if he had to. LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH YOU DOUGHNUT HOLE! Babies are expensive! Like I said before, I admire Catelynn and Tyler for making a mature and selfless decision, however, it is time for them to realize that they are not parents. Giving birth may make them a mom and dad, but looking at pictures and reading e-mails does not make them parents. The parents are the people who took the time to document Carly's growth then e-mailed to tell them about it. That's a parent ... and apparent.

Amber has been racing to a breakdown for weeks now and she almost made it to the finish line tonight. Her car breaks down, forcing her to miss her GED classes and 'fiance' Gary won't let her borrow his car. After the car stalls when she's out with the baby, Gary won't answer his phone and her friend has to drop her off at her dad's apartment. Gary shows up 4 hours later asking, "Why didn't you call me?" then follows up with he was resting in bed and taking a shower. Amber's dad steps in and all hell breaks loose. Gary insults dad and Amber, with all of her built-up, post-pregnancy anger, takes Gary's face and gives it a good shove into the door! Pause it: Waiting for the standing ovation to subside. Gary has to be the most useless piece of man to grace MTV, and that's saying a lot for a network that gave us Spencer Pratt. The two later make up and Amber says she doesn't want to be with someone who isn't going to be there for her. I don't blame you, honey! Next time Gary feels the need to 'take a nap', he'd better sleep with one eye open.

Some funny observations:

• After Farrah confronts Shaq, she thanks him for 'the talk' they had. That's what you call a talk? If a guy ditches me then I find out he's kickin' it at a friend's house, you best believe there will be some finger waggin', lip smackin' and neck rollin'. That's not how we roll at the Watch Party!
• Amber, Amber, Amber. Please stop wearing those short little dresses where I can see your uterus hanging out. And for that baby's sake, lose the "Jersey Shore" fingernails and get a regular manicure. It's a wonder little Leah has any eyeballs.
• Ryan tells Maci they should forget everything and just start over. YOU WISH, BUDDY! He's the one who was out all night partying and leaving Maci to do all the parenting. I'd want her to forget that little detail too.
• One last jab at Farrah: She was upset about being dumped because she had a baby. Honey, you were dumped because a baby is a big ol' c*#!blocker. Gotta call 'em like I see 'em.